Morning Time Travel | The Beachside Resident

By: Judy Forney

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Shhh! Don’t be alarmed, but I’m here to tell you that there is a secret society afoot in the Space Coast you should be aware of. Our members generally meet in the early mornings. Some arrive in spandex, sipping bottled water. Others, like me, sport baggy sweats and slug back nonfat mochas. All of us come in from the too-hot, or too-humid, or too-much-du jour that our weather can be around here and begin walking through the empty, echoing halls. Our reflections follow us, skipping silently from one storefront window to the next. What is our clandestine club? Of course you’ve guessed, and it’s really not all that hush-hush. We are all mall walkers!

But my fitness friend and I do have a secret the others don’t share. Again, don’t be alarmed, but H. G. Wells has nothing on us. We two are time travelers.

That’s right. The mall is our year-jumping journey machine. We meet in front of one of the department stores to begin our walk, and as we walk we talk. Husbands, kids, and jobs are the first topics of conversation. Both of us usually have a “current event” to discuss. Kids will do that to you. I don’t care if they’re 2 months or 25 years old. They’re always up to something that needs airing.

And then, whether we’re laughing or tearing out hair, telling on our kids often zips us backwards to our own school days. Oh the cliques! The angst! My own horrible report cards…

“Miss McElroy. You could do much better than this…”

“Yes, Mr. Jones.”

“…if you’d just attend class once in awhile.”

“Yes, Mr. Jones.” (While thinking: “Ha! Fat chance Mr. J!”)

Poor guy, Mr. Jones. You couldn’t pay me enough to be a high school counselor! Anyway, talking about being 16 again often has my friend and I reliving dating disasters, hair color catastrophes, and fashion fiascos. We find new stories every time we travel back, and in comparing our pasts to our kids present, we mostly agree that it’s true what they say: Apples don’t fall too far from the tree.

Then, suddenly we’re rocketing forward, chuckling or shuddering through the years. We share embarrassments, joys, and truths stranger than fiction. Slowing for marriage tales and birth day stories, we question why it is that kids break out in chicken pox on wedding anniversaries. Or catch the flu for Christmas. And why was one of my twin boys — at the age of two — scared to tears by his great grandmother, screaming bloody murder any time they shared a holiday table?

“No, no, no! Not that Gwam-maaaa!”

My buddy and I realize there are no answers. (Seriously, my mother–in-law used to have to move vases, candles, or even bowls heaped with mashed potatoes for heaven’s sake, just to camouflage the kid’s line of vision across the table. Thankfully, when he hit about five years of age, he and his “Gwamma” became the best of friends.) But as we travel along, we can laugh now at what we couldn’t then.

And as we hurtle into the future, we see ourselves as a couple of youthful, hip, swinging grandmothers. Yes! We know there will be payback for the all the things our children have put us through. There has to be, right? Just think (cue the evil laughter) of the stories we’ll be able to tell the next generation of little apples that fall. I can just imagine…

“Gramma Judy?”

“Yeah, hon.”

“Did my daddy ever…”

“Oh boy, you bet he did, and then some! Haven’t I ever told you the story of your father, the B.B. gun, and the neighbor’s unsuspecting sliding glass door?”

“No, but you did tell me about Uncle Steve, the ketchup, the mustard, the eggs, and the vice principal’s office.”

“Ah, yes. Another classic…”

I can hardly wait! And my friend and I agree that conversations like that are going to be such fun, that we almost always come back to the present laughing — and that’s a great way to start any day. So, if you’re up early one morning, and the weather is too much of something for you, come join us. Bring a friend to walk and talk with. Maybe chug a mug of chocolate-laced coffee and, by all means, hop on our time traveling mall machine.

You’ll enjoy the ride!