Editor’s Note – Issue 9, Volume 5, November 2009

By: Tobin Bennison

Article Category: Editors Note

Happy Thanksgiving, America.

Or should I say, “Glorious Seasonal Feast, Comrades!”

That’s right, friends. You’d better set out some more plates and make room at the table, because some unexpected guests will be arriving this year. Hope you’ve got some chow mein in the pan. Chairman Mao is on his way. Got sauerkraut in the pot? Linguini on the boil? Sure hope you do. See, good old Hitler is bringing his friend Mussolini over, and they’re mighty hungry.

Now you’re probably saying, “What on earth is he talking about?” right? Well, let me tell you that I have every intention of laying out all the details of something that’s going to knock your imported woolen socks off. And that’s just the beginning. You’re not going to believe what these radicals have cooked up this time. And it only gets better.

But before we go into that, let’s review. Thanksgiving is one of the last great American holidays. I don’t need to tell you that. “But wait,” you say. “Hasn’t it been co-opted by the same people who’ve infected this country’s value system to the very core with their Ivy League communism and Marxist rhetoric?” Well, you’re right. You know what’s going on. They’re trying to tell you that you’re just a stupid, working Joe. We should be angry with ourselves for being stupid enough to let them get away with it. But we’re not stupid, are we? They’re the stupid ones. They’ve underestimated you. And I’ll tell you why in a moment.

That’s the key. Ever heard of a guy called Lenin? Well, you should have. Let me give you a history lesson. Lenin took down the czars — Gee, “czars.” Sound familiar? — with some very revolutionary ideas. People — just like you — believed his every word. It was revolution on an epic scale. The people took back the power that was stolen from them by the capitalists. The very Stalinist capitalists who are now trying to take away your bread and butter. And guess what? Trotsky wants your Aunt Myrtle’s yam casserole. They’ll take it right out from under your noses. And your children. Are you going to let them take your yams? You don’t need me to tell you what to do. That would be Bolshevism, pure and simple. Zionism. The founding fathers knew this — and so do you. And this is what they call “change.” I sure do hope I’m wrong about all of this…

So why turkey of all things, anyway? Am I the only one who thinks this is weird? “Um, gosh, why is he talking about turkey? What’s wrong with turkey?” Nothing wrong with turkey… unless you’re Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, beloved leader of one of the most virulently fascist Islamic nations on the face of the planet. Hmm. Geez. That’s odd. Is it all starting to make sense to you now? Armenia, anyone? Yep. Turkey! And they’re friends with who again? Pass the vodka and strike up the balalaika, Yuri! Here we go! Wow. That’s right. Socialism.

Let me backtrack for a minute. Remember McCarthyism? Or maybe a little thing they called the PLO? Is it just me? Gosh, I sure hope not. Is it really too much to ask for a little common decency from these people? Who are these people anyway? Is anybody even listening? Have we lost all sense of perspective out there? Does the word “propaganda” ring any bells? I think I’ve made myself clear.

Look, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m just a regular guy like you trying to figure out this ridiculous mess. And I love this country. But I do know one thing: I’m not going to stand for it. And neither are you. Because you believe in essential truths and principles. Values like common sense. You won’t take this sitting down. They think you will. But they’re wrong. Don’t listen to anyone but yourselves.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Guest Editor, Glenn Beck.