Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
“YOU THERE! WHAT DAY IS IT?” It happens every year. The morning after “Black Friday,” we always awaken to a story of someone, somewhere deep in the heart of this great nation, bludgeoning, pepper-spraying, decapitating, or disemboweling someone else for the sake of a bargain. Our reactions are just as rote. We go through the tiresome pantomime of acting “disgusted,” “shocked,” or “concerned” about how “commercial” Christmas has become. And those reactions, at least to my mind,... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
Mixed Use Redux Since last month’s message addressing the advantages of voting “Yes” to Mixed Use in Cocoa Beach, we’ve heard nary a word from the opposition. But that changed this past Halloween — two days before we went to press. I’ve said that many Mixed Use naysayers must have compelling reasons for being against the proposal, but it wasn’t until I ran into a friend while trick-or-treating with my children that I actually heard one. Sharon Wolfe-Cranston,... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
Mixed Use or, How to Delicately Indicate the Hermaphrodites’ Restroom By now, all Cocoa Beach residents should be familiar with the issue of mixed use. The official language that will appear on the special November 8 ballot has been disseminated widely, but it bears repeating: “Shall the City of Cocoa Beach adopt mixed use for downtown/Community Redevelopment Agency? The downtown/CRA vision plan developed over the last three years includes mixed use as a method to revive our local economic... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
A Harsh Mistress or, Hotter than Salma Hayek in a Jalapeño Corset Florida, you know I love you, but I have betrayed thee. I’ve dallied with others, that’s no secret. I flirted innocently with Massachusetts and New York in a fit of confusion, and almost got to second base with alluring Spain, but give me credit for returning to you on each occasion. My long affair with California is best forgotten; I enjoyed her company, but it’s nothing you’d call love, or else I wouldn’t... [Read more...]
Anon.
Article Category: Editors Note
Comeuppance from Down Under for Paedo “Uncle Rupe” London — Despite his best efforts to orchestrate partisan outrage over America’s protracted debt crisis, alleged paedophile Rupert Murdoch has been unable to deflect attention from accusations that he may have abducted and sexually abused a number of young boys, oversaw a vast network of child pornography websites, dallied with underage female prostitutes, hosted annual “Kitten Broils” at his private Adelaide compound (which is said... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
Remember the Gordian Knot of Greek mythology? It was said that whomever could untangle it would become master of all Asia. Many tried and failed until Alexander (the Great), having grown impatient with the complexity of the task, drew his sword and split it in two. Thwack! Problem solved. The event has gone down in history as the moment when a powerful general became an omnipotent legend, never mind the fact that he never really became master of all Asia or, that like thousands before him, he couldn’t... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
It’s common practice to ascribe a person’s irrational behavior to his simian ancestors. When someone gets out of hand or starts acting “primitive,” we always seem to attribute the anomaly to some vestige of our animalistic, monkeyed past. What’s rarer is to hear people blame antisocial acts on our saurian relatives. Curiously, even those who refute evolution’s fundamental tenets are guilty of referring to criminals, perceived inferiors, and ethnic minorities of... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
Last issue, to the displeausure of some readers — and, as it happens, to the approval of a great many others — I touched, ever so delicately, on the dreaded “C word.” This month, it’s another “C word” I’d like to address, one that’s arguably more loaded, if not similarly misunderstood. This “C word” is often invoked, usually with a dose of irony, and it’s widely agreed that, along with love and taste, no amount of money can buy... [Read more...]
Tobin Bennison
Article Category: Editors Note
I’ve always had a problem with the concept of the New Year’s Resolution. I’m all for positive change, don’t get me wrong, but I feel the Resolution is too open-ended and noncommittal to promote anything less than abject failure. Lent, on the other hand, is an idea I can get behind. With the simple act of contrition and the denial of one mere vice for a trial period, Lent inures one slowly to making small changes that have a better chance of becoming old habits by the time... [Read more...]
