BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: AMANTHA MURPHY of TIME OUT SPORTS BAR
• By Paddy McDrinskey •

As I write this, the soccer world is in upheaval.

America is out, England got trounced by Germany 4-1, New Zealand is still in the running, and the French (surprise) went on strike, and barely made an impression before being knocked out by Mexico, of all teams.

It’s good to know that with everything going haywire I can still rely on Amantha Murphy. Our favorite bartender at Time Out Sports Bar in Cocoa Beach moonlights as an x-ray technician for an orthopaedic surgeon and is also a part-time nanny for a local toddler. Originally from Buffalo, NY, and a local here since 2001, Amantha is very enthusiastic about bartending (it’s where she met her fiancé, Thomas O’Toole, who serves aboard the Royal Navy’s HMS Victorious), but reserves special love for her 2-1/2-year-old English bulldog, Molson.

It’s clear Molson has taught her a lot about faithfulness; Amantha enjoys a loyal following thanks to her efficiency and consistently cheerful demeanor. Molson couldn’t ask for a more loving mother — or Mr. O’Toole a finer bride in Amantha. And we couldn’t ask for a better bartender.

How long have you been tending bar?

Four years.

What do you like best about tending bar?

I love meeting new people. I met my fiancé here and I’ve met many great friends who will forever stay in my life.

What do you hate the most about the job?

I don’t like rude people. I like to be happy here and have fun, and it’s a drag when someone comes in and acts like a jerk.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

One time this guy was dared to go streaking around the bar. That guy is now my fiancé. That was May of last year…

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

It’s not really a drink… Corona and grenadine. Two people now have asked for it, several weeks apart and totally unrelated to each other. Who drinks that? Very odd…

What’s your drink of choice?

I’m all over the place… Like I am with everything in my life, I guess. It really depends on my mood. But to make it easy, I’ll say Sapphire and tonic with two limes. I also drink a lot of red wine.

Do you have your own signature drink?

“The Feel Good Panty Shot”: vodka, Strawberry Pucker, Island Blue and sour, and a splash of cranberry juice.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich or pickle juice. Either work for me. My uncle convinced me to try the pickle juice one time when I was so hungover I thought I was going to die. I drank some and felt like a champ.

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?

Honestly, everything. You can find everything from Sade to 50 Cent on my iPod.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Paddy Cassidy’s or the Dog N’ Bone.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

Molson’s Pub. It would have a very relaxed and chilled atmosphere with good music and plenty of Molson Canadian on tap.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

It would have to be Melissa Etheridge. Her music has gotten me through some of the best and worst days of my life. I’d serve her a “Barney Bomb,” one of our signature shots. It’s grape vodka, blue Curaçao, grenadine, and Red Bull.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

I’d allow dogs to go anywhere with their owners.

Ideal travel destination?

I’d love to travel all over Europe. Hopefully, that will be happening soon.

What would you order for your last meal?

Filet of Brian from Carrabba’s.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

A dog.

Any parting words of wisdom?

What goes around comes around.

Visit Amantha at Time Out Sports Bar (1275 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach; 784-6433) every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday from 6 p.m. to close. Time Out is open Monday through Wednesday from 4 p.m. to close, Thursday through Saturday from noon to close, and Sundays from noon to midnight. Happy Hour is celebrated daily from 4 p.m. to 8p.m. with $1 off all wells, calls, and premiums. Fridays also features their popular $20 all-you-can-drink specials and a DJ on their outdoor balcony. The 5,000 sq. ft. full-liquor bar also features four pool tables, darts, ping pong, cornhole, Wii, and eight big screen HDTVs and 100″ HD projection. They show all college an NFL games, and offer smoking on their outdoor patio. Check out their Facebook page at: www.facebook.com/timeoutcocoabeach

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BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: TRACY SMITH of the Cocoa Beach VFW, Gunnery Sgt. Elia P. Fontecchio Memorial Post 10148
• Paddy McDrinksey •

If I had my druthers, I’d make Tracy Smith “Bartender of the Year.”

As it is, I’ve misplaced my druthers, and the good Lord knows where they are now. So she’ll have to settle for “Bartender of the Month,” then. But what better month to honor her?

On Saturday, June 5, the Cocoa Beach VFW where she works will be celebrating its 50th Anniversary of service to foreign war veterans and troops currently serving overseas. What’s more, they’ll be collecting donations for the second of their quarterly care packages to troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. The VFW’s main goal is focused on helping overseas soldiers and veterans who fought and died for our way of life. But as much as we honor them, we shouldn’t overlook the humble people behind the scenes, people like Tracy, who help keep the soul of this important organization alive.

An Ohioan by birth and self-described Air Force brat, Tracy moved to Florida in 1993. Now a Cocoa Beach resident for several years, she’s rarely seen without her other half, the legendary pilot known simply as “Nabob” to friends and family alike. As a duo, Tracy and Nabob are right up there with written-in-the-stars couples like George and Gracie, Nick and Nora, and Lucy and Ricky. On April 11, after 17 years together, the two decided to tie the proverbial knot, much to the delight of their vast network of friends. Nabob couldn’t ask for a better partner in Tracy, a girl who’s loved as much for her quick wit and bold opinions as she is for her effusive warmth and knee-knocking loveliness.

Tracy will probably agree that the skills she honed during an 11-year career in special education come in particularly handy when tending to her adoring, if not sarcastic and unruly crowd of regulars at Post 10148.

So put a pint of Magner’s for Tracy on me — no, make that a case — and paint her on the nose of my plane. Rita Hayworth’s got nothing on her.

How long have you been tending bar?

Five years.

What do you like best about tending bar?

Cash in my pocket. You usually hear “Meeting new people,” but I don’t meet any new people here.

What do you hate the most about the job?

People banging their empty glasses down on the bar. There are several things I dislike, but that’s the top.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

People falling off their stools. A lady actually fell to the floor from a standing position this past Memorial Day.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A “Goldgagger”: Goldschläger and Jägermeister. I did it and he drank it.

What’s your drink of choice?

Magner’s Irish Cider.

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?

The jukebox here is stocked with classic ’60s and ’70s songs. I usually play disco to aggravate my regulars.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Aleve and Alka Seltzer …Or you could just start drinking all over again.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Party Hats.” It would have cheap booze and fried food.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Guy Fieri from the Food Network. I’d take him out for a pint of Magner’s.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

I’d give every teacher a raise and would hold keg rolls on the front lawn.

Ideal travel destination?

Thailand. Maybe Phuktet… Somewhere on the beach.

What would you order for your last meal?

Pork chops and bacon. I love pork. All pork is good… It’s my favorite food.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Life’s too short to drink cheap beer. It’s really true.

The Cocoa Beach VFW, Gunnery Sgt. Elia P. Fontecchio Memorial Post 10148, is located at 150 Minutemen Cswy. in downtown Cocoa Beach. The post is celebrating its 50th Anniversary on Saturday, June 5 with free hot dogs and hamburgers, live entertainment, and happy hour drink prices throughout the weekend. The celebration will be open to the public from Saturday to Sunday, June 6. Don’t forget that they’ll be collecting donations for the second of their regular quarterly care packages to overseas troops, which are to be sent out the following week. Among some of their more generous benefactors have been Ocean Potion. Please remember to do your part in showing your appreciation and helping make our troops’ lives that much easier by giving what you can. The Cocoa Beach VFW is open to the public every Friday for steak dinners from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.; Sundays for breakfast from 9 a.m. to Noon; and every Monday for rotating dinner specials like baked ziti from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Mark your calendars for another open-to-the-public day on Sunday, July 4. For more details, call 783-4286.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: JEFF JONES
• Paddy McDrinskey •

My old hometown of Killkilly (population 52) was all afire after the O’Malley’s Odeon screening of “Cocktail” in 1988. I mean literally afire. As in “engulfed in hellish flame.”

Inspired by the film, one of the town’s 30 publicans, Padraig O’Gormless, owner of “The Hag’s Catarrh,” had the great idea of decking himself out like Tom Cruise (with whom Pat shared a passing resemblance, but for his extreme girth, baldness, and the fact that he hadn’t a tooth in his head) to host a “Cocktail”-style showdown involving all of the bartenders in the surrounding district. Well, to make a long story short, at the height of the battle and down considerably from the lead, Pat threw caution to the wind… along with a bottle of Icelandic vodka into me Gran’s fireplace while she was knitting the contest trophy. The rest is history…

All I can think after having met the able Jeff Jones is how better off auld Pat might be if he’d just practiced a bit, instead of hurling himself into it like a ram in an ewes’ harem. You see, Jeff is one of the Pour Doctors, a traveling troupe of bartenders who transform run-of-the-mill evenings into spectacular nights to remember.

With a combined 15 years experience in the professional bartending business, the Pour Doctors take their mixology skills seriously. Jeff, one of the most popular members of the Pour Doctors staff, stopped throwing bottles around long enough to become May 2010’s Bartender of the Month.

How long have you been tending bar?

For about six years, but I’ve been drinking behind one a bit longer.

What’s your drink of choice?

I drink Yuengling, but my favorite martini is “the Porn Star.”

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?

Lately, I’ve been jammin’ live at Sports Page with bands like the Supervillains, Pop Evil, and Gen X.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

It’s a tie between Tuesday’s wet t-shirt contests at Sports Page and the “Girls Gone Wild” body shot contest.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

“Sex with the Bartender” — best thing on the menu.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

A half dozen mimosas on the beach.

What do you like best about tending bar?

Meeting people and having lots of fun while making money.

What do you hate the most about the job?

Cleaning up the mess.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Spanky Jones.” I’d serve a good old-fashioned spanking for $5.

Where have you found the best local nightlife?

Sports Page in Satellite Beach has been hosting mind-blowing nationally touring bands all month, and my Sunday “Service Industry Night” hosts some wild contests and prizes.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Hugh Hefner. I’d definitely serve him up my Porn Star martini.

If you were President for a day, what would you do?

I’d throw a kickass house party at the White House.

What would you order for your last meal?

Filet mignon tacos with Asiago cheese.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Anywhere close to the beach in Central America… preferably somewhere in Costa Rica.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Don’t ever yell out your bartender’s name or try to pay in change. Take it to 7-11 and bring me some cash. And oh yeah, don’t forget that tipping is not a city in China.

The Pour Doctors are “the cure for the common party.” With a fully mobile staff of five male bartenders, 6 female bartenders, and innumerable cocktail waitresses, the Pour Doctors offer a variety of packages for any occasion. Each ‘tender comes equipped with his or her own custom bar, which is equipped with 35-plus bar tools (ice scoop, wine opener, shaker tins, mixing glass, poury, bar decor, bar menus, and more). They’ll come in, set up, and clean up after the event is over. They’ll also do all the shopping for you. The Pour Doctors have been making a name for themselves working with Deuterman Productions at various live music events and gatherings, and are can be checked out online at: www.pourdoctors.com. To find out more, log onto the site or call Matt (407) 286-9086 or Jeff at (321) 216-1403.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Molly MacGuinness of the Dog ‘n’ Bone
By Paddy McDrinksey

They don’t make bartenders like the formidably-named Molly MacGuinness any more.

In fact, I don’t even think they make women like her any more. If they do, I’d like very much, please, to take a tour of their factory. I’ll wear the silly visitor’s badge proudly (and the even sillier neon blue hard hat sheepishly), but I really wanna see how they do it. I mean, what are the ingredients you have to use? What’s the recipe? One can only guess that it’s a dash of humor, a pinch of level-headed confidence, and a few generous scoops of sensitivity and intelligence. After that, the beauty comes naturally. Whatever the proportions, no facsimile could ever compare to the ideal.

One of the most popular bartenders at Cocoa Village’s Dog ‘n’ Bone British Pub, Iron Molly seems to spring both from a time long since sorrowfully passed and from the craftily hidden well of timelessness. Many have earned the honor of being the Resident’s Bartender of the Month, but few have been so wholly deserving of our deep admiration and respect.

Iron Molly, will you marry us?

How long have you been tending bar?

11 years working at bars, but only 3… maybe 4 years behind the bar. It all blurs together after awhile.

What’s your drink of choice?

A properly pulled Guinness draft. What’s the best part of your work?

People are always happy to see a bartender. What do you dislike about the profession?

Indiscriminate drinkers.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

A man taking his “happy hour” to the next level… underneath the table… by himself.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Yes… but it’s illegal in most states.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A shot called a Gorilla Fart: 151, Bourbon, and Ouzo… Ideally served with a bucket on the side.

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

Iron Molly’s… and it would be a strange blend of Cheers, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Indiana Jones.

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

Legalize marijuana.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Pay my parents back for all the grief I caused them… then buy an island in the Caribbean.

If you could serve a celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

Arthur Guinness… a pint of his own.

Where would you most like to travel?

All over the South Pacific… especially Australia.

What would you order for your last meal?

Roast Beef and potatoes… with ketchup, of course.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

When I’m not sitting at the corner of the bar at the Dog ‘n’ Bone… I’m sitting at the corner of the bar at Paddy Cassidys.

Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

You shouldn’t judge a man by what he drinks… though quite often it speaks volumes about his character.

The Dog ‘n’ Bone British Pub is located at 9 Stone Street in the heart of downtown Cocoa Village. They’re open 7 days a week from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m. and host live music every weekend and occasional theme parties. The full-liquor smoking friendly pub also features darts, television (often tuned to soccer matches), and a wide selection of both bottled and draught beer, including Guinness, Newcastle, Boddingtons, Smithwick’s, Stella Artois, Bass, Harp, Blue Moon, cider, Yuengling and Amstel Light. The Hippodrome nightclub is located upstairs. For more information, visit www.thedognbone.com, or all (321) 636-2828.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Ray Clancy of Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub
By Paddy McDrinksey

They say everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, but no one will ever be as Irish as me auld mucker Ray Clancy.

At least I think he’s Irish. To be honest, I can’t understand a word he says half the time. And he looks a bit Serbian in soft lighting.

But after pressing him daily for months to produce his birth certificate, I can at last attest that Ray is indeed Irish — as Irish as the lace curtains you tore down from your Gran’s parlor to bandage up the bleeding fist you got from punching in the kebab shop window for being closed at 5 a.m. those bloody bastards!

Born and bred in Limerick City, my favorite bartender of all time is as quick with a laugh as he is with his mitts (we was a formidable boxer in his youth who was noted for both his fleetness of foot and his skill at pummeling travellers), but he’s also an industrious bartender and the best drinking company this side of Termonfeckin, Co. Louth.

So if you hear Ray say: “Erryouaritedere? Kineyegityeeanudderone, yepoxybollixybaastirrd?” Just smile and say, “Yes, please.”

What’s your drink of choice?
Guinness.

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?
Rock… Kings of Leon.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?
Two drunken eejits banging their skulls together in a headbutting contest. They kept at it well after each had split his open and left at the end of the night covered in blood. Eejits. My head still hurts whenever it rains…

What do you like best about tending bar?
Listening to all the old feckers during the day shift.

What do you hate the most?
Listening to all the old feckers during the day shift.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?
I’d call it “Home Away From Home.” It’d just be a great old pub.

Where have you found the best nightlife?
In Tenerife along Veronicas Strip.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?
I’d serve Bobby Sands something to eat.

If you were President for a day, what would you do?
I’d make all Irish immigrants U.S. citizens.

What do you miss most about Ireland?
My family.

How is St. Patrick’s Day celebrated differently in Ireland as opposed to here in the States?
It’s a bit more religious in Ireland and the drinking and celebrations go on much longer — days before and after. And you don’t have any of these silly hats or costumes.

What Irish stereotype bothers you the most?
That we all eat corned beef and cabbage.

What would you order for your last meal?
Cabbage and potatoes and the arse of a pig.

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub is located in the Publix Banana River Shopping Plaza at 2009 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. The smoking-friendly full-liquor bar features 21 imports on tap, including Guinness, Smithwick’s, and Magner’s Irish Cider as well as dart boards, a pool table, jukebox and live music. Paddy’s is the place to be on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17. Expect live music from Mike Funge, Kelly the Fiddler, John the Piper, Irish Dancers from the Myra Watters School of Dance, Irish tunes from Men of the House and Shivawn and Emily, as well as an acoustic performance by Zac Sullivan. Rollicking Irish music will be playing throughout the day’s festivities. For more information, call 783-0810.

As partial as I am to my old tried-and-true haunts, I always get a thrill out of discovering new watering holes and barkeeps.

They take me back to that first sip of sweet elixir I enjoyed in my youth and that wonderful sense of newness and discovery. Back in old Killkilly, it was the practice for every infant to down a small nip of whiskey every day until they got their sea legs beneath them. I remember it like it was yesterday, but my legs feel like it’s been 45 years…

Imagine the look of extreme pleasure that brightened me gob when I heard that a new bar — the Thirsty Lizard — had just opened on the site of the old Declan’s in Satellite Beach. Even more wonderful was the kindly attentiveness proffered by bottle-handler Darrin Langley, one of the most highly-skilled and easy going tapsters we’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Originally from Dayton, OH, Darrin has lived in the area for 2-1/2 years, and when he’s not working, he loves to surf and fish for pompano with cut clams.

Though he’s only been bartending since his relocation to Brevard, he settles into the task as if to the manner born.

I’ll have another one please, Darrin — and have one for yerself on us.

fWhat’s the best thing about bartending?
Interacting with everyone and hearing their stories — no matter how embellished the tales are!

What’s your least favorite part of the job?
Serving people who don’t know what they want — undecided drinkers.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?
Politeness. It’s simple, but a trait that seems to have been lost. For instance, I get a lot of bar-knockers and people who want to yell out their drinks.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?
I found a kitten in here a few weeks ago behind a table. One of the patrons took it home with him.

What’s the weirdest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?
Some guy at the end of the night wanted the five strongest alcohols put together, and he drank it with no problem… It was Wild turkey, tequila, Bombay Sapphire, and a few more…

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?
I’m usually parked here at the Golden Tee (it’s video crack) or the touchscreen.

Did you have a New Year’s resolution?
Yes, to quit smoking — and it didn’t work out so well.

If you owned your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?
I’d call it “Darrin’s” and we would play punk rock.  It would be located beachside or maybe in Cincinnati.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, whom would it be and what would you serve them?
Hunter S. Thompson. I heard he liked Singapore Slings.

Where is your dream destination?
New Zealand or maybe England/Europe for a football fight. Or the World Cup in South Africa…

Any parting words of wisdom?
“Don’t ask what it is, just shut up and drink it.”

The Thirsty Lizard is located at 1132 Hwy. A1A in Satellite Beach. Formerly Declan’s Pub, the Lizard — home of the $1.50 PBR tall boys — is now under new ownership, and features Happy Hour 7 days a week from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., and lasts all day on Sunday and Monday with $2 wells and domestics. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday sees Ladies Night (with 2-4-1 wells, drafts, and wine) from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. Every Monday night is S.I.N. night with $1 PBRs and $2 shots, and every Tuesday sees live music or a DJ spinning tunes. Each Wednesday hosts Open Mic and each Thursday features bingo with an attitude, a raffle, and loads of prizes. The smoking friendly Lizard is open every day from Noon to 2 a.m., and has a pool table, jukebox, ATM, and Golden Tee. Join them for their Super Bowl Party on February 7 and check this issue’s calendar section for their live music lineup, which goes down every Friday and Saturday night.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Allison DuBois of Casablanca

I’ve never understood the fascination with “Casablanca.” It seems to pop up on everyone and their grandmother’s list of favorite films and is always mentioned as one of the most romantic movies of all time.

I just don’t get it. Rick goes out on a limb to save Ilsa and her husband’s lives and best they can do is abandon him to eke out a miserable existence that ends, presumably, with Rick getting a Swiss cheese for a liver. Does romance always have to be so damn depressing? You yanks are a funny lot.

Now Rick’s bar — I think it was Rick’s Café Américain — that in itself was romantic, and I can’t help but swoon each time I enter Cocoa Beach’s Casablanca and espy the lovely Allison DuBois. Inspired in both name and atmosphere by the Bogart/Bergman classic, Casablanca also seems to pop up on everyone and their grandmother’s list of favorite beachside bars — and for good reason. With bartenders like Allison taking the helm, it’s no wonder Casablanca enjoys such wide popularity.

Here’s looking at you, Allison.

How long have been tending bar?

For about four years, but I’ve been in the business since I was 15.

What’s your favorite thing about being behind the bar at Casablanca?

Casablanca is the perfect local watering hole. My customers are as diverse as Cocoa Beach itself.

What’s your least favorite thing about bartending?

Getting everyone out at closing time!

What quality do you admire most in a customer?

Duh! Big tippers! Seriously though, I just love talking to people and interacting with so many different personalities.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst on the job?

I worked at a sports bar in Tennessee and saw a Volunteer vomit on a table of Georgia fans just to show his team spirit.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

Just last week I had someone order peppermint schnapps with orange juice. Just think about how bad OJ tastes after you brush your teeth!

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

When I’m on the other side, which isn’t very often, I like to bar hop in downtown Cocoa Beach. We have over 20 bars, all within walking distance.

If you owned your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“The Back Aly” — dark and kitschy with lots of live music.

Did you have a New Year’s resolution?

Yes, same one I have every year: to make this year better than the last.

If you could serve any celebrity, alive or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Janis Joplin and Southern Comfort, her favorite.

Where is your dream travel destination?

Anywhere tropical; I’m easy to please.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Casablanca has reopened its outdoor tiki bar and I will be there every Saturday and Sunday at 2 p.m. My words of wisdom are not to miss out on the great live music we have here every weekend!

Casablanca is located at 231 Minutemen Cswy. in downtown Cocoa Beach. The smoking friendly bar opens at 10 a.m. Monday through Saturday and Noon on Sundays. Happy Hour is celebrated every day from opening to 7 p.m. with $1.25 drafts, $2 longnecks, and $2.25 well cocktails. Enjoy a pool table indoors and live music each weekend at their outdoor tiki bar — check our calendar page for details, or call 799-2257.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Amber Banfield of Wynfields Sports Bar

The concept of the Happy Hour is virtually unknown in my grey, rainy hometown of Killkilly. Sure, we have a few “Moments of Mirth,” as we call them, but blink and you’ll miss them.

These rare moments, which usually entail the publican carving a little smiley face into the foam of your pint, are overshadowed by the “Melancholy Minute,” which happens at each quarter-hour, and the “Few Seconds of Deep Depression and Crippling Regret” celebrated around 8 a.m. each Monday morning. But all that’s in the past now that I’ve moved beachside.

Some of my Happiest Hours have been spent at my new favorite local, Wynfields in Satellite Beach, with bartendress Amber Banfield. Though born in Miami, Amber grew up in West Melbourne, where she boxed competitively for four years, taking State honors in 2002 for her weight class. When asked how many bar fights she’s broken up, she modestly reckons about a dozen or so. But I’d be willing to bet that number is much higher, for her calm, no-nonsense demeanor seems to quell many a melee before it’s even foolishly considered.

But even Amber’s formidable pugilistic skills are no match for the paranormal. When she first began working at Wynfields, word of the ghosts of owners past haunting the place reached her. “Late at night one of the video games would randomly turn on and scare the heck out of me,” she admits.

Readers, tipplers, Happy Hour enthusiasts all, I give you Amber Banfield, December’s “Bartender of the Month.”

How long have you been tending bar?

Six years total. Two-and-a-half at Wynfields.

What’s your drink of choice?

Crown and tonic.

What’s your favorite part of the profession?

It’s never boring; you get to meet new people every day.

What do you dislike about it?

The smoke and the drunken a-holes.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed behind the bar?

Sexual activity under the bar involving a 65-year-old woman.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

BC Powder with a glass of water.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A “Choo-Choo Train”: three shots in a row — Cuervo, Bloody Mary mix, and sweet and sour.

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

The Cage. The theme would be MMA fighting with posters of the fighters as wallpaper.

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

Other than promote world peace, I would go to foster care facilities and make the kids feel special.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Buy a street and give houses to my family and friends. I’d also start an animal shelter and a day care center.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

I’d serve Forrest Griffin a Bud bottle.

Where would you most like to travel?

Anywhere tropical… like Hawaii. Definitely not Europe; I’ve seen “Hostel.”

What would you order for your last meal?

Zebra. I’ve always wanted to know what it tastes like.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Wynfields, of course.

Any parting words of wisdom for your readers?

Never regret the past. Let the past be a lesson for your future. And love like you’ve never been hurt.

Wynfields Sports Bar is located at 190 Hwy. A1A in Satellite Beach. Happy Hour is celebrated 7 days a week until 8pm with $1.75 domestic bottles and wells. There’s something going on every night at Wynfields; Mondays: free pool night; Tuesdays: pool league night; Wednesday: open mic night with Bonedogs; Thursdays: Texas Hold ‘Em with 6 gift certificates ($15 bar tabs); Fridays and Saturdays: live music; Sundays: football. Enjoy a large dance floor, well-stocked jukebox, beer pong tables, four pool tables, video games, and plenty of televisions. For more information, call 773-8460.

Amber and her "Flaming Dr. Pepper"

]]> http://thebeachsideresident.com/2009/12/amber-banfield-of-wynfields-sports-bar/feed/ 0 http://thebeachsideresident.com/2009/11/wendy-sadowski-of-millikens-reef/ http://thebeachsideresident.com/2009/11/wendy-sadowski-of-millikens-reef/#comments Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:35:38 +0000 admin http://thebeachsideresident.com/?p=4841

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Wendy Sadowski of Milliken’s Reef

Among the many hobbies I’ve taken up since moving to Florida, snorkeling has to be my favorite — and it’s a lovely way to spend a sunny day if there ever was one.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been much of a swimmer, so my recent expeditions have been confined to Port Canaveral’s Milliken’s Reef, a veritable paradise of tropical trappings and rare, brightly colored bottles.

Here, you can snorkel down schools of multi-hued liqueurs, yellow-tinted lagers, scarlet grenadines, blue Curaçaos, green Midoris, and too many species of amber rums and whiskies to mention.

Why, it’s enough to give a man the bends.

Thankfully, Wendy Sadowski, the Reef’s finest mixologiste, is always there to resuscitate me.

Give thanks, dear readers for the likes of Wendy. Without her, we’d all be waterlogged and barnacled.

How long have you been tending bar?

Eight years.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

Oh boy, this could take hours… I guess that would have to be when I was exposed to what is really underneath a kilt.

What’s the oddest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

That would definitely have to be a “mat shot” — all the extra overflow that ends up on bar mats poured into a shot. Yuck!

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Take anything that contains alcohol. Start over; it’s five o’clock somewhere…

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

I’d call it “Limey’s Wet Spot” — it would be a total biker bar.

If you could be president for a day, what would you do?

Bring the troops home to their families. It’s been long enough!

If you could serve any celebrity, whom would you choose and what would you serve them?

My one and only favorite celebrity, Madonna. I’d probably join her with the best champagne available.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I would first buy my “Limey’s Wet Spot,” take my longtime dream vacation to Bermuda, and make a huge donation to the S.P.C.A.

Where else would you most like to travel?

Australia and New Zealand.

What would you order for your last meal?

I’d choose the best sushi in town.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

By the good looking boys — duh!

Any parting words of wisdom?

Drink responsibly — don’t drink and drive!

Milliken’s Reef (683 Dave Nisbet Dr.; Port Canaveral) is open daily from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.; their restaurant, which specializes in fresh seafood, surf and turf and Caribbean-inflected dishes, closes at 10 p.m. each night. Milliken’s boasts three fully-stocked bars — an indoor piano lounge, a tiki bar, and “the Hook-Up” bar on their outdoor patio — each of which celebrates Happy Hour daily from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Milliken’s is also a popular live music venue and Tuesdays see Ladies Night from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. Call 783-0100 to find out about more specials, or visit them online at www.millikensreef.com

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH:

Gary Sadler of The Firehouse

By Paddy McDrinksey

I gave up a lot to live in Florida — a fairly well-paid job inseminating salmon at the Killkilly fishery, being close to my family (who are all terrible bastards, if the truth be told), a chance to inherit a bit of land, lovely sausages, and a few promising marriage prospects, one of whom was the daughter of a very prominent sausage salesman who promised me a better paid job and a larger tract of land conveniently far from my family.

But what I miss most about Killkilly are the seasons, that glorious, colorful cycle of life, dormancy, death and rebirth. There are basically two seasons here in Florida: summer and not quite summer; or, to put it simply: hot and not as bloody hot as it was yesterday.

So it was something terrible the heat and thirst I had on me a few weeks back while strolling around the shops for personables in downtown historic Melbourne. By the time I’d arrived at the easternmost end of the fashionable strip, I felt a fire in my gut that needed swift extinguishing — a blazing conflagration of infernal proportions. Clangclangclang went the bells in me belly, and just as I was sure I’d die of thirst, what should I stumble up against but the wall of The Firehouse, a formidable steakhouse whose bartender, the steadfast Gary Sadler, put me innards right with a cool, refreshing glass of fermented grain juice.

Move over, G.I. Joe, for a real American hero: Gary “Emergency” Sadler…

How long have you been tending bar?

Eight years.

What’s your favorite part of job?

I love serving a new guest for the first time — especially if I don’t know how to make their drink. We have fun tasting it until it’s right!

What’s your major beef with the profession?

That I can’t go home with every customer I have fun with.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

I once saw two guys doing shots from a couple of girls’ ass cracks! A hard show to miss!

What’s the weirdest drink you’ve ever been asked to make?

Once we were out of every ingredient needed to make an Irish Car Bomb (Guinness, Bailey’s, and Jameson), so the guest insisted that I improvise a replacement. Well, after a few tries, we settled on using Seagram’s, Kahlua, crème de cacao, and half-and-half, and dropped it into a Russian Imperial Stout. Then we decided it only appropriate to rename it a “Russian Hooker.”

What’s your drink of choice?

Vodka and Coke w/Grand Marnier, straight-up.

What’s your trusted hangover cure?

Water, aspirin, coffee, a Bloody Mary, a swim in the ocean, and lots of sex.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what kind of place would it be?

I’d own a Dave & Buster’s, specializing in adult games with live music on the waterfront.

What would you do if you were president for a day?

I’d take a date in an F-16 to an aircraft carrier, then sky dive from Air Force One.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I’d share it evenly with my family and donate my physical and financial resources towards doing research to help to cure Alzheimer’s disease and spina bifida.

If you could serve any celebrity, who it to be and what would you serve them?

Matthew McConaughey seems like he’d be a cool guy to hang with at a beach bar — he’s got that “beach vibe” personality. I’d pour him a nice, cool “Sand in Your Crack” — it’s made with Midori, blue Curaçao, vodka and pineapple juice. I’d suggest he share a pitcher with the women surrounding him. You see, if you like “Sex on the Beach,” you’ve got to love “Sand in Your Crack!”

Where would you most like to travel?

Europe (especially Amsterdam) and South America for the sun-drenched babes.

What would you order for your last meal?

A huge rare, sushi-grade ahi tuna with a pretty strong wasabi cream sauce.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Have fun, drink responsibly, and tip your bartenders well, because “the night they save may be your own!”

The Firehouse is located at 923 E. New Haven Ave. in historic downtown Melbourne. They’re open Monday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; and Sundays from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. The stunning restaurant, which specializes in fine-cut steaks, also boasts an impressive, old-fashioned full-liquor bar, open at 11 a.m. every morning till late in the eve. For more information, call 327-7919, or look for them on Facebook.

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Bartender of the Month: Becky Moore from Hooters of Merritt Island

Though my hometown of Killkilly is a bit of a backwater, it’s not nearly as unsophisticated as some might imagine.

There’s the old loom museum, for one, and the cinema…which actually was recently gutted to become the new loom museum after the orginal one burned down. So there’s really only the one loom museum we have to recommend us to any tourists, then. But apart from the lone loom museum, there’s also the loom annex and gift shop, a small building attached to the cinema (now the new loom museum, if you remember) that has a very interesting history behind it, believe it or not.

Years ago, before I moved here to the States, it was O’Breasties, the hippest bar and eatery in town. They served some of the most succulent chicken breasts in the area and wonderfuly icy beer, but sadly, it never took off the ground. Looking back, having the five Murphy brothers decked out in spandex knickers and tiny shirts probably wasn’t the best idea. And to many, the Murphy brothers weren’t all that bad looking.

Fast forward a few years and here I am at the real thing: Hooters in Merritt Island. You yanks really know how to do things right here, I can tell you. Some of the patrons here count this Hooters as the best in the nation, and bar manager/bartender Becky Moore as one of the best in the business. At only 20 years of age, Becky has been chosen to help open up flagship Hooters stores in Germany — which makes me fear for all those Bavarian owls who’ll soon be losing their little wings.

Anyhow, Becky — Prost!

How long have you been tending bar?

I’ve been at Hooters for 3 1/2 years — 1/2 as a hostess, 3 as a bartender.

What’s the best part of your work?

The fun atmosphere — and it’s really not all about the drinking.

What do you dislike about the profession?

The stereotypes people have about bartenders being alcoholics. I’m not at all like that.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

Nothing seems to shock me really, but seeing guys trying to pour themselves drinks from the taps toward the end of the night amazes me…

What quality do you most admire in a patron?

Responsibility. Remember: we’re dealing with human lives here.

If you could open your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Booties”! All the girls would walk around in tall boots and short shorts.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

I like to go to the Port, especially to authentic bars like Grill’s.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I would go shopping, maybe buy myself a new truck, and donate money to the fight against breast cancer.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

Rodney Carrington, one of the most hilarious redneck comedians out there. (Look up “Titties and Beer” and “Show them to me” on YouTube). Of course he’d be drinking Bud Light.

Describe your ideal day off.

Fishing — bottom fishing, to be exact — going for snapper and grouper. Also, off-roading my truck up around Canaveral Groves is a lot of fun, too.

Where would you most like to travel?

To the Hooters up in Alaska. That would just be cool!

What would you order for your last meal?

BBQ ribs, mac n’ cheese, chocolate chip cookies and a chocolate milkshake.

Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

Have fun! If you pick a job you love, you’ll never go to “work” a day in your life.

Hooters of Merritt Island is located at 125 N. Sykes Creek Blvd. They have loads of weekly events, including Military Mondays, Double Lunch Punch Tuesdays, Trivia Tuesdays, and Wednesday Wingsdays. Thursday, September 3 is Poker Night from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., and Friday, September 4 sees Bike Night from 7 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. along with Hooters Formal Friday, celebrated from 11 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. There’s always some sort of special going on at Hooters, so drop in and see Becky, or call 449-0752 for details. You can also check their local website at:www.myspace.com/111086007

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Bartender of the Month: Johnny Daniels of Fishlips Waterfront Bar & Grill

It’s no secret that I’ve stumbled around the alcoholic block more than a few times in my career as a professional drinker, but it may shock people to know that I’ve enjoyed being in very few and am unlikely to return to a majority of them — especially old Rose Finnegan’s, from which I still feel the effects of being served a glass of her painfully delicious “Groin Punch.”

You see, of all the qualities an ideal bartender should posess (as his bar should, too), niceness is the quality that’s most wanting among their swollen population.

If I had a nickel for every “nice” bartender I’ve run across, I’d have about 65 cents, which I think might just barely get me a pickled egg from an out-of-the-way Romanian boozer.

But happily, I’ve just met a barkeep — Johnny Daniels of Port Canaveral’s Fishlips — who is so nice and unassuming that I may well have just added another 200 rolls in nickels to my meager stash. And surely that will get me a round of drinks for everyone at his great bar, with enough left over for a taxi back to my dingy, gin-soaked den to type this holy ode.

Johnny, if nice is the new mean, then you’re one hell of an evil bastard.

Cheers, mate.

How long have you been tending bar?

Five years; Four at Fishlips.

What’s your favorite part of the profession?

Meeting all the people, talking, and working with the great crew behind the bar.

What do you dislike about bartending?

Filling orders at the server’s bar like a drink-making machine. It’s not very personal, it’s just busy work.

What’s your drink of choice?

I’m a beer kind of guy, so probably Yuengling.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

A day at the beach with lots of Gatorade.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

“Trick” drinks, like lime and Baileys (“Cement Mixers”) and tequila with tabasco (“Prairie Fires”).

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

It would be a sports bar, with plenty of TVs, live music, and good beers on tap. I’d call it “JD’s.”

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

I’m a Port cruiser, and love to crawl all the spots like Milliken’s, Rusty’s, Grills and of course, Fishlips!

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

I probably wouldn’t have much time to get anything important done, so I’d just invite my friends over and throw a party in the White House!

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Whatever I wanted — everything!

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

I’d serve the 2008 World Series Champions the Philadelphia Phillies anything they wanted.

Where would you most like to travel?

I’ve already been to Costa Rica and Central America to surf, so maybe somewhere new like Europe.

What would you order for your last meal?

A cheeseburger with fries.

Any parting words of wisdom?

A wise man once said, “Come to Fishlips on Thursday nights — drinks are $2!”

Fishlips Waterfront Bar & Grill is located at 610 Glen Cheek Drive in Port Canaveral. They’re open from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Monday through Saturday, and from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Sunday. On Mondays from 4-7 and 9 to close, enjoy “1-2-3s”: $1 domestic drafts, $2 house wine, $3 3-olive bombs. Tuesday sees Ladies Night, where from 10-1 ladies drink free, and Wednesdays from 4-7 and 9 to close offer $3 you-call-its, while Thursdays feature $2 you-call-its from 4-7 and 9 to close. On Fridays from 4-7, enjoy $4 Fishlips coladas and margaritas. Sunday features a popular mimosa brunch from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. with free mimosas. For information on their entertainment schedule, call 784-4533, check this issue’s Entertainment Calendar, or visit www.fishlipswaterfront.com

I’ve just found me muse, which is nice because my others weren’t really working out for me.

The St. Pauli girl was easy on the eyes, there’s no denying that, but to be honest, it was all I could do to choke down one of her brews. By comparison, old Sam Adams makes a formidable elixir, but it just doesn’t do for a man to have another man as a muse. Not that I have anything against that kind of thing, but you understand. And the less said about the other muses, the better. (You know who you are, Mr. Schlitz…)

Now this new muse, Danielle Forand of downtown Melbourne’s Off The Traxx, is more to my liking — and not for the reasons you think. Sure, she’s well looked after in the pulchritude department, but it’s her attitude that sealed the deal. Originally from Bolton, Connecticut (just a hop, skip and a jump from UCONN), the 21-year-old ‘tendrix works days in a real estate and development office, where she’s rubbed elbows with many prominent local luminaries. Apart from that and putting in 25 hours a week at Off The Traxx, she spends her precious free time mentoring an 11-year-old girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, Danielle…

What’s the best part of your work here?

I love working with the crew the best, meeting new people and seeing regulars. The midnight shot with the crew is a fun part of the night, too.

What do you dislike about the profession?

The late, long hours. Sometimes there’s trouble, but the guys behind the bar usually take care of it really quickly. The crew is awesome!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

A (presumably) homeless man came into the bar. While there, a woman felt so bad for him that she bought him a hamburger and had it sent to him. He got really irate and cursed out the woman and left.

What’s your drink of choice?

The Red-Headed Slut: Jägermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Hot tea at night. Orange juice in the morning.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

Beer, orange juice and Amaretto.

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

I would help children from bad homes, set up free schools and financial aid for kids aged 14-18 from struggling families, and would try to help them cope with life experiences.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Pay off my Mom’s mortgage, travel the world, or go backpacking in Europe and Australia with my sister.

Where else would you most like to travel?

I’d like to rediscover my past and my family roots. I’d like to visit Prince Edward island again, and maybe Lithuania.

What would you order for your last meal?

Mashed potatoes. Close runners-up would be Mom’s chicken marsala, artichokes and Geyser Peak Chardonnay.

Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

“Human life has been given to you for the sole purpose of realizing the Self. If you die without realizing the Self, your life has been wasted.”  — Annamalai Swami

Off The Traxx is located at 918 E. New Haven Ave. in Historic Downtown Melbourne. They’re open from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily. They’ll be hosting a Fourth of July celebration starting at 4 p.m., which will feature their 1st Annual Pig Roast, specials on white sangria pitchers, $5 frozen drinks, $2.50 Bud and Bud Lites, $2 spiked watermelon slices and a visit by the Bud and Jäger Girls at Midnight. Enjoy live bands like Over The Void, Joe Oliver and Vintage and watch the fireworks from nearby Front Street. Happy Hour is celebrated at Off The Traxx Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., featuring $1.75 drafts and $2 wells. On Mondays, Happy Hour reconvenes at 11 p.m. and lasts till close, and Tuesdays it’s celebrated all day long. Wednesdays see Ladies Night with $3 martinis, 2-4-1 wells and $2 drafts for guys. Trailer Trash Nights are held each Thursday with $1 PBR and bar games like quarters and beer pong. Off The Traxx hosts live music every weekend, check our calendar page for July’s schedule. They also serve cooked-to-order wings, open-faced sandwiches, seared ahi, steaks, burgers, pasta and much more. For more information, call them at 327-2919.

Though one of my personal favorites among our many “‘Tenders ‘o the Month,” Taco City’s own Don “Dash” Dasher is the one who’s been the most difficult to categorize, much less describe.

Calling him Taco City’s mascot wouldn’t be far off the mark, but he’s so much more than that to so many people. Born in Cincinnati, OH, and raised in Chicago, “Dash” moved to Cocoa Beach with Taco City founder A.J. Meyers in 1980. Since that time, he’s been working with the Meyers family and certainly had a hand in turning it into the Brevard County landmark it is today. In fact, he recently became part owner of the beloved establishment. If the homey atmosphere of the place is what packs them in, much of that charm should be attributable to Dash, whose effervescent personality is matched only by the bubbliness of the beer he downs with remarkable speed. When he calls out your name to pick up your food from the counter, the tray is always proffered with the kind of witty quip only he could deliver. Going to Taco City is a rite of passage, and everyone has a favorite memory or story connected with an experience there, many of which invariably figure Dash and his gregarious, Falstaffian personality. It’s somehow fitting that Dash met his lovely bride Patti while she was sitting in the very stool I conducted my interview from. And even more fitting that he told me so while beaming from ear to ear.

No Taco City experience is complete without the presence of Dash — which is handy, because it seems he’s always there.

How long have you been tending bar here?

28 years. I keep the beer flowing, handle all the orders and run the show.

What’s your favorite part of the job?

I like seeing new faces and old friends and cracking jokes with people. I think I just like to see people having a good time.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the counter?

I’d have to say women who periodically reveal their breasts.

What’s your drink of choice?

Bloody Mary.

What hangover cure would you recommend?

Bloody Mary.

What music do you like to hear while you’re working?

’70s rock. Rock — not Disco. I like Southern Rock, too.

Favorite album?

Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here.

Favorite movie?

“Caddyshack.”

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

Rodney Dangerfield. A Michelob Lite draft.

What would you order for your last meal?

Steak.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

A pelican. I like the way they glide over the water and I love seafood…

What is your dream destination?

I’d like to take the QE2 around the world.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

Take the day off.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

I don’t go out much. I prefer sitting at the poolside tiki bar in my backyard.

If you owned your own bar what would you call it and what would it be like?

I’d open one in Chicago kind of like a Hard Rock Cafe and call it “Balderdash.”

Do you have some words of wisdom for our readers?

Be happy with what you’re doing. If you can make others happy while you’re doing it, that’s even better.

Every hour is happy hour at Taco City, located at 2955 S. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. They’re open Monday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Dash can usually be found behind the counter Tuesday and Wednesday days and during the evening for the rest of the week. In addition to great tex-mex food like burritos, quesadillas, and favorites like Chings and Fireballs, expect “red, pink and white” wine, wine margaritas, their very own Maria Sangria, and imported and domestic bottled beers — O’Doul’s, Budweiser, Bud Light, Michelob Ultra, Miller Lite, Dos Equis (amber and lager), Heneiken (regular and light), and both regular and light Corona. Michelob Light and Bud Light are offered on tap. See them online at: www.tacocity2.com. Call ahead for food to go 784-1475.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Roxanne Polochak of Slow & Low

As readers may recall, I spent last month holed up in the Stumble Inn Detoxification Centre in my hometown of Killkilly.

How’d it my cure go, you ask? Spendidly, thanks very much, unless you count the the time I busted my chin and two teeth falling off the wagon only two hours after having arrived back beachside.

Riding on a wagon isn’t as easy as it seems, which is perhaps why the wooden rattletraps have been largely replaced by sleeker, motorized improvements. For one, there’s the lack of suspension and the monotonous scenery, not counting the pain of watching all the happily tipsy folk zip past you at astronomical speeds. But it wasn’t so much that I fell off the wagon as leapt willingly from it while passing Slow & Low Barbecue in Cocoa Beach. And I leapt not so much because of the sight of Roxanne Polochak — she of the azure eyes and glimmering tresses — but because of the look I got from the tall, bubbly blonde she was serving…which I suppose could have been a Budweiser, but looked for all intents and purposes like a Miller, juding from the exuberant fizz emanating from the glass.

Well, one thing led to another, and afore ye know it, I was three sheets to the wind by 5 p.m. I raise my glass to the lass who brought me back to normalcy, the fair Roxanne.

‘Ta, Roxanne. Here’s to you…and to more modern, speedier conveyances.

How long have you been tending bar?

Five-and-a-half years.

What’s your favorite thing about tending bar?

Talking to people.

What’s your least favorite aspect of the profession?

Making frozen drinks.

What’s your drink of choice?

Patrón.

What’s the worst concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

The “Stumbling F***”: Jameson, 151 and Rumple Minze.

What’s your signature drink?

Poison Apple: Jägermeister, Apple Pucker and cranberry juice.

Can you give our readers a tried-and-true hangover cure?

Beer — hair of the dog.

Where do you like to sit on the other end of the bar?

The Cottage Pub, Rum Runners, and Time Out Sports Bar.

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

It’d be called “On The Rox,” and would be somewhere on the beach with a tiki bar that featured Patrón.

What town in your opinion offers the best nightlife?

Ft. Lauderdale or South Beach, Miami.

When was the last time you punched someone in the face?

About five years ago in Ft. Lauderdale. She sucker-punched me and I punched her back.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

I’d give Nietzsche a shot of Patrón and take him out to sit on the beach with me so I could pick his brain.

What celebrity would you kick out of your bar?

Paris Hilton. Because she’s everything I’m not.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Live to fight another day.

Visit Roxanne at Slow & Low Barbecue’s outdoor patio bar. Slow & Low is located at 306 N. Orlando Avenue in Cocoa Beach. Enjoy daily Happy Hour specials including a special late night Happy Hour featuring specially-priced menu items. They’re open until 2 a.m. each weekend and host live music Thursdays through Sundays. Visit them online at www.slowandlowbarbecue.com, or call 783-6199 for more information.

Being on holiday isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Hotels aren’t all they’re cracked up to be either, especially when they’re the Stumble Inn Detoxification Centre just outside of Killkilly. I’m there now, taking a much needed respite from my “work,” such as it is. And as I gaze across at my roommate, I’m thinking that he, on the contrary, is definitely all he’s cracked up to be. Whilst I’m here cleansing myself with turf shakes and peat enemas, me good mate Kimberly Stone has taken over “‘Tender o’ the Month” selection duties. She’s always spoken very highly of this bloke, Shawn Thompson, and I can tell ye that Kimberly knows her stuff. So as much as I’d like to delay my 11.15 appointment with Elsa, the Centre’s Liver Masseuse, it’s time to hand it over to herself. — P. McDrinksey

This area is saturated with bartenders, there’s no doubt about that. But if you find your way over to Tonic in Indian Harbour Beach you’ll find Shawn Thompson, King of Them All. Shawn, like many others in the profession, started tending bar at Applebee’s in Melbourne and after a few years found a spot behind the bar of City Tropics Bistro where he made a name for himself both for his mixology skills and for his photographic memory of their food menu. Ask him today about any item on that menu, and he’ll recall it without hesitation. It was there that he developed a drink called “The Stardust” which was later renamed “The Kimmietini” after a follower and friend. His encyclopedic knowledge and creativity spawned a cult following of Shawn that’s followed him to his new stint at Tonic, where he not only reveals the same understanding of their menu and substitutions but is willing to try any combination of drinks to create a distinctive and enticing experience whether you’re there for your first visit or, like me, for your 1,000th. Tonic is now open Mondays, and as you read this, Shawn is probably on his well-deserved honeymoon with his new wife, Nancy, who also works with him. So next time you’re in the neighborhood, drop by and see Shawn, even if you’re not sure what you want. He’ll make it happen…and how!

How long have you tended bar?

Nine Years.

What’s your favorite thing about tending bar?

Getting to meet so many people.

What’s the least favorite aspect of the profession?

The odd schedule.

What’s your biggest pet peeve whilst tending bar?

The “Drunken Hero.” We all know what I mean!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

I once saw a girl who thought her patio chair was a toilet.

If you could serve anyone, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

I’d give Jimi Hendrix whatever he wanted. It’s Jimi Hendrix!

What’s your drink of choice?

Johnnie Walker Black with a splash of soda.

What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve overheard whilst on the job?

It’s too hard to say… I’ve heard some of the worst lines actually work!

Can you recommend a trusted hangover cure?

Gatorade and sleep. Lots of both.

Which two drinks should never be mixed together?

Champagne and anything else.

If you could own your own bar, what would you name it and what would it be like?

I’m not sure of a name, but it would be on the water with lots of boats and live music. Just an all-around fun place to go have a beverage and chillax.

Any advice to young bartenders out there?

Have fun at what you do…it’s a great job!

Any parting words of wisdom?

Come see me at Tonic!

Tonic is located at 1906 Hwy. A1A in Indian Harbour Beach. It’s now open 7 days a week, with Happy Hour celebrated from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday, featuring $3 wells, $5 martinis, $2.50 domestics, and $1 off wine selections.Tonic’s restaurant is open for lunch and dinner Monday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m; Sundays from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Reservations are recommended for dinner. Call 622-8909 for more information.

We have a name for men like Gerry O’Connor back in my old hometown of Killkilly:

Fírgcolluímnhcaildhbahúirmánlichtroichtbhuilldhúig’gcom(h).

(The “h,” being silent, is often dropped.)

It’s as untranslatable as it is unpronounceable, and you won’t find it in any lexicon, phrasebook, linguistic thesis or discarded shopping list, because it’s a kind of old regional Irish patois term of affection, respect, awe and casual observation, and also of great use to the Gardaí when they’re after trying to identify criminals in a line-up.

Not to put too fine a point on it, it’s fairly tall man, dapper, classy, rather handsome, and well-groomed (barring Sundays round about 6 a.m.), of indeterminate wealth and age, who’s as good with his mitts as he is with a shovel and some of the more modern writing implements, and relied on for many things, including measuring things accurately, orating at small events, participating in high-stakes bicycle contests, and mending nets, and also passably good with crossword puzzles and rudimentary word games. He can roughly approximate any uncomplicated karate move that doesn’t involve too much vigorous lifting of the legs, and, if given the chance, might make a commendable poet, historian, chemist, statesman, or dance instructor (barring his having to appear before 6 a.m. on Sundays). As the word’s such a tongue twister, and used rarely but by the old ones of the village, people usually just shorten it to “jintilminn.”

He’s basically a mucker; a bloke; a lad; a fella; a man of the people, trusted friend, and a barman worth his weight in gold (provided he tips the scales at at least 180 lbs).

Luckily for the owners of Nolan’s Irish Pub in Cocoa Beach, the Brooklyn-bred Gerry weighs, at the most liberal estimates, just shy of a toned 185 lbs., which means, if they were to cash him in, that he might provide them with a sizeable down payment on a luxurious condominium on the Costa del Sol.

Even luckier for us, John and Mary Nolan show no signs of putting him on the market, for Gerry is one of their greatest assets and a true fírgcolluímn… erm, jintilminn. When I asked him the last time he had to physically kick someone out of his bar, he honestly couldn’t remember, only offering that he has had to ask quite a few people to leave on occasion, but it never came to fisticuffs.

‘Nuff said.

Slàinte, Gerry. Here’s to all that you do.

How long have you been tending bar?

For about 21 years. Since I moved here in 1988, I’ve worked at the Holiday Inn in Cocoa Beach, the Rain Forest Cafe, Captain Ed’s at the Port, Heidi’s, and Dino’s.

What’s your favorite thing about tending bar?

Having conversations with people from all over. Plus, it’s the closest you can get to being your own boss.

What’s your least favorite aspect of the profession?

Impatient customers and those who treat you like a servant rather than a server.

Is there anything considerably different about New York bar patrons and beachside ones?

There’s not much difference. There are people of all types and backgrounds in both places, and they’re all generally the same. There just happens to be a helluvalot more of them in New York.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

There was this pompous bore at a bar where I once worked who was coming on to a woman who had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. He went to make a toast with her, and as he did, his false teeth fell out and ended up on the bar. He lost his drink, and she lost hers in the scuffle… He paid his tab and left.

What’s your drink of choice?

Jameson and Guinness.

What’s the most amount of Guinness you’ve imbibed in one sitting?

I stop counting after three pints.

Can you recommend a trusted hangover cure?

Yes. About 24 hours.

Which two drinks should never be mixed together?

Jägermeister and Bailey’s. It disgusts me to even look at it.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Heidi’s. I like the jazz scene there.

What city has the best St. Patrick’s Day celebrations?

New York City. Paddy Clarke’s on 3rd Avenue.

Any advice to young bartenders out there?

Don’t let the bastards get you down.

Any parting words of wisdom for St. Patrick’s Day revelers?

Enjoy the Guinness while you can because it’s later than you think.

Meet Gerry at Nolan’s Irish Pub (5675 N. Atlantic Ave. in the Publix Cornerstone Plaza; Cocoa Beach). The authentic non-smoking Irish pub is open Sunday through Thursday from 3 p.m. till 11 p.m.; Fridays from 3 p.m. to 1 a.m., and Saturdays from Noon till 1 a.m. Live entertainment is offered each Friday and Saturday. Join them March 17th as they celebrate their first St. Patrick’s Day. Enjoy traditional Irish music and dancing, a performance by Men of the House (from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.); Myra Water’s Irish dancers at 6:30 p.m., and singer/songwriter Sean Brady throughout the evening. Food will be served all day by Anita’s Cocoa Beach Cafe — corned beef, cabbage and potatoes; corned beef wraps and sandwiches, and Irish stew. Visit them online at www.nolansirishpub.net or call 783-8499 for details.

The way things are going with bars nowadays is terribly shameful.

Good old-fashioned bartenders are becoming more and more rare, especially around these parts. And everyone knows — or should know — that without a good bartender, your tavern’s no better than Finbarr “Dingo” Malone’s straw shebeen, which lies on the outskirts of Killkilly. In it, Finbarr has just enough room for a small tin still, a guttering peat fire, and the goat with whom he shares his godawful tipple.

Bars these days are surely headed the way of old Dingo’s, the way they’re tended by either torpedo-titted tarts who ignore you at the bar because you’re not attractive enough (not you, me), or tribal-tattooed boneheads who ignore me at the bar because I’m not attractive enough. I don’t often go to those bars…

What I like to see is someone like Walter Matthews of Melbourne’s Grill 192. Walter (who’s not to be confused with Walter Matthau, because, as he so astutely observes, “Walter Matthau is dead) is the man you want to see behind your bar, no matter where you go. Originally from Atlanta, Walt’s plied his noble trade all over the country and has been in the business for over 20 years. Dignified, steady, discreet, and with just that right level of not-too-much-nor-too-little sociability, I’ll bet you a fifth of Jameson’s that Walt would never say: “Whaddya want, dude?” when you bellied up to the counter.

But then again, he might, just to prove me wrong.

So next time you’re up Melbourne way, stop in and see a real live bartender in glorious action. Just like they used to have in the old days…

What do you like most about bartending?

Meeting a large variety of people from all over.

Least favorite thing?

Rudeness and impatience.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

I appreciate someone who’s cheerful. Someone who likes to make conversation, not just some bump on a log.

What music do you like to listen to whilst tending bar?

Classic rock.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

I remember when I worked at Studebaker’s — you know, they used have a Studebaker inside near the door — and as I was getting ready to close up I saw some girl pleasuring a guy in the back seat.

What’s your signature drink?

Flavored martinis — the Appletini.

What’s your drink of choice?

Top-shelf tequila margarita.

Do you have a trusted hangover cure?

Yes, and I found it quite by accident. Getting into a steam room the morning after is a foolproof cure. It really works.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Ichabod’s on the Beach.

If you could open your own bar, what would you call it?

I’d call it Walt’s Rendezvous. It would be something like a 1930s jazz club or a speakeasy.

What town, in your opinion, has the best night life?

Athens, Georgia.

Any parting words of wisdom?

If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his ass so much.

Visit Walt at Grill 192, located at 1212 E. Strawbridge Ave. (192) in Melbourne. Walt’s shift is Tuesday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., the bar hosts a “Cocktail Party,” featuring $2.50 wells, domestic drafts and longnecks, $1 off call and premium cocktails, $3 select imports, and $3.50 draft imports and craft beers. On Monday nights, kids 12 and under eat free from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m., with karaoke at 8 p.m. starting in February. On tuesdays, ladies enjoy 2-4-1 martinis all day, along with 2-4-1 select, calls and premiums from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. Wednesday nights see food and drink specials (including 39-cent wings) and $2 domestic pints. Bike Night also begins on Wednesdays at 7 p.m., with double shots of Jack, Jim and Wild Turkey 80, plus $3 select import bottles. Thursday nights, enjoy $4 mojitos and Cuba Libres, along with $3 Heinekens, Dos XX’s, Bass and Imperial. Wear your scrubs and get 10% of your bill. Friday Fiestas are celebrated with $4.50 margaritas, live music, and $1 off their famous nachos and quesadillas. On Saturday and Sunday, enjoy live music all day, tropical boat drinks, a late-night happy hour from 11 p.m. to close, and 16-oz. domestic pints for $2 and $3.50 cocktails. The Grill’s kitchen hours are Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to Midnight; Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. For more information, call (321) 727-3636. Delivery available.

When all about me is fraught with flux and upheaval, I seek the calming confines of the nearest bar, the better to ease my nerves back into some semblance of reasonable order. Come to think of it, all the other 11 months of the calendar set me on edge for one reason or other…

But January is particularly disheartening, with its pressure to shed off old habits and don shiny new ones in preparation for one less year on this wonderful earth. As soon as I wake up on January 1st, I see in my mind’s eye that old cinematic image of leaves of days peeling of the calendar, swirling off into a blurry blizzard of all those wasted hours not spent propped up on a barstool enjoying my favorite pastime. As I always say, “It’s not worth getting up if you’re not in your cups.”

Swirling about all the uncertainty of the New Year is one haven of sense in the form of Shuckleberry Fin’s with its stalwart captain, Joe Friedland. All it takes is the sight of his welcoming mug and the sudsy mug he proffers for me to find my comfortable sea legs wavering comfortingly beneath me. I’d wanted for a long time to bend Joe’s ear about what makes him tick, but he’s always been too busy attending all the other patrons of Fin’s to break away for an interview. He’s that kind of bartender: professional, attentive, dextrous, and, more than anything, a pillar of steadiness standing ever so tall above the roiling waves of change.

Happy New Year, Joe.

What’s your favorite part of tending bar?

Being the only male employee of Shuckleberry Fin’s…which can also be the worst part.

What’s your least favorite thing about the job?

Impatient, immature rude people.

What’s your drink of choice?

Miller Lite or Captain and Coke.

What’s your signature drink?

Liquid Marijuana.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

Well, to start with, there was once this chick sitting at the bar who got sick all over herself. She stayed sitting there like nothing happened and tried to get another drink.

What music do you like to listen to whilst tending bar?

Punk, ska and reggae.

What’s the worst liquor combination you’ve come across?

Bailey’s, 151 and lime juice.

Do you have a trusted hangover cure?

Doing shots of beer.

What kind of food goes best with whiskey?

Corned beef and cabbage.

If you could drink with anyone, living or dead, who you pick and what would you drink?

Bob Marley. Liquid marijuana.

What city, in your opinion, boasts the best bar scene?

Cocoa Beach.

Where do you like to spend time on the other side of the bar?

Surfer’s Sports Pub, Big Lick’s and Sports Page.

If you could open your own bar, what would you call it and what kind of place would it be?

“Joe Shenanigan’s.” It’d be laid-back and fun…

Any parting words of wisdom?

“Find your own ball-showing game.”

Shuckleberry Fin’s Oyster Bar is located at 2 South Atlantic Avenue next to Cocoa Beach landmark The Surf in the heart of downtown. They’re open Monday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m., Fridays and Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., and Sundays from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Happy hour is celebrated from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. daily, and features 45-cent wings and oysters, 2-4-1 well liquor drinks and house wines, and $1.50 Bud and Bud Lite drafts. Bottled beer specials are offered each day. Watch all your favorite football games there for the NFL Sunday Ticket, featuring food and drink specials, an all-day Happy Hour and $4.99 pitchers. Every Wednesday sees all-you-can-eat snow crab legs, but the rest of their menu is just as enticing. Choose from a range of starters (including nachos, soups, large fresh salads and wings); daily and nightly specials; fabulous sandwiches (including the famous Mahi Reuben); burgers; seafood; steaks; wings; fish and chip baskets, and of course, their signature oysters. A children’s menu is available and dogs are welcome in their airy outdoor patio area. Call (321) 783-2401 for more information.

I’ve traveled a lot in my 38-odd years of misspent life, and have seen a whale’s share of taverns, saloons, watering holes, gin mills, pubs, wine bars, and all manner of whiskey shacks from Sri Lanka to Shreveport.

Somehow, though, I’ve missed out on Central America. Unless, that is, you count the time I once sipped a tequila while wearing a tattered panama hat at my friend Pablo’s house, which wasn’t, by the way, constructed of anything even remotely resembling adobe. And Pablo was from Lansing, MI. But yes, there was that time when I once — purely by accident — logged onto the Belize Tourist Board website when its window popped up on my screen while I was trying to click onto some rather wet and salacious videos of a distillery being installed in one of the outer Orkneys.

But during our recent search for December’s “Bartender of the Month,” I came as close to visiting sunny Central America as I ever could without having to hop a plane full of chicken feathers and ponchos.

I have no qualms in admitting that Cocoa Beach-bred Carley Ellis was chosen as this month’s recipient by default; in fact many of the best discoveries are the result of pure serendipity. Rest assured, as she womans the bar in Satellite Beach’s newly-installed Rock Taco, she exudes a coolness we’ve rarely encountered and her smile shines with the experience of having lived and breathed the hale, fabled air of Costa Rican climes. Didn’t she live there for 13 months? And hasn’t the peacefulness of the place rubbed off on her? Doesn’t it shoot from her eyes like verdant palm fronds? Assured without off-putting cockiness, entirely free of artifice, and disarmingly charming, Carley gets my vote for one of our favorite picks thus far, and her visage is a veritable promotional poster for the good life Costa Rica offers.

In fact, I’d have no problem with saying: “Mum, I’d like you to meet Carley. She’ll be taking care of me from here on out, thanks very much. We won’t be needing your blessing, because we’re packing it all in and moving to Costa Rica where we’ll live forever on coconuts and Negra Modelos… at least until we need some extra cash.”

Carley’s a bartendress extraordinaire… which in French means that she’s an extraordinary bartendress. I don’t know the Spanish for that, but there you go…

How long have you been tending bar?

Three years.

What is your favorite thing about bartending?

Dealing with all the crazy people.

What’s your least favorite thing about the profession?

Umm… I can’t think of anything. I love it. I can’t say anything bad about it.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

Wow. There are so many. But once I saw two guys start making out and watched as their girlfriends tried to break them up.

What kind of music do you like to listen to whilst tending bar?

Reggae and punk.

What do you like to do on your time off?

Surf, fish, and drink.

Where do you hang out on the other side of the bar?

Side Pockets, Bunky’s and Declan’s.

If you could open your own bar, where would it be situated?

On the ocean, somewhere in Central America.

What’s your beer of choice?

Negra Modelo.

Do you have a trusted hangover cure?

Beer and espresso.

At the same time?

Yes. Double-fisted.

Any parting words of wisdom?

No regrets. No matter what.

Visit Carley at the beautifully tropical Rock Taco (1246 Hwy. A1A; Satellite Beach) weekend days and nights. Rock Taco opens every day at 11:30 a.m. (except Mondays) and closes at 12 midnight during the week — 2 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays and 10 p.m. on Sundays. Enjoy live music Tuesday and Friday nights as well as some Sunday afternoons. Happy Hour is celebrated Tuesdays through Fridays from 4:30 p.m. to 7 p.m., featuring $1.50 domestic drafts and $10 domestic buckets. “Chill-Out Sundays” feature $2 Coronas from 3:30 p.m. to close. Rock Taco offers a stellar selection of bottled beers, including Negra Modelo, Pacifico, Tecate, Dos Equis, Land Shark, La Tropical, Kona Longboard, and Shock Top Belgian White, among many others. But the folks at Rock Taco’s true specialty is healthy, grease and oil-free food sans cans or preservatives. Enjoy a variety of tacos (including fish, carne asada, carnitas, shrimp and chicken options), generous quesadillas, four types of fresh, house-made salsas, “bowl” meals prepared with a variety of hearty, traditional fillings, and a huge array of fresh, inventive salads, plus flan and delicious espresso. Call (321) 610-4644 for details or to place take-out orders.

Regular readers of this column should know that my hometown of Killkilly isn’t the most sophisticated of places. In fact, it’s probably the least sophisticated village in Ireland.

No, wait. I tell a lie.

Nearby Drumcrumlin is probably the least sophisticated village in Ireland now that Joe Devlin’s Plastering and Stucco have moved from there and set up shop in Killkilly. You see, Joe and his work crew are great ones for the ballet, and can plié the leotards off the Muscovites any day of the week.

To be fair, what Devlin’s boys do is much more like semi-inspired stumbling, but it’s brought some welcome culture to our lonely backwater. Why, just last month when I was back there visiting me Gran, I caught their production of Giselle, which was, in a word: Electric. In 10 words: Something vaguely resembling electric apart from the frequent power outages.

What Killkilly’s missing though is a place like Gregory’s, and moreover, lasses like Teri Potoczak, who’s as able a bartender as you’re likely to meet. I go there, not so much for the succulent steaks they prepare, but to bask in the glow of Teri’s scintillating personality. Plus, her “Teritinis” are to die for, if not to be somewhat seriously injured for with the distinct possibility of rapid recovery.

Regardless, they taste delicious, and are rendered even more delicious knowing that they come from Teri’s measured mind.

How long have you been bartending?

Eight years.

What’s your signature drink?

“The Teritini”: Grey Goose, Apple Pucker and cranberry juice.

What is your favorite thing about tending bar?

The variety of people you meet and the fact that every day is different. My favorites though are the large number of regulars who come in. Since I’ve been working here, I’ve met a wide range of interesting people and have made some good friendships.

What’s your least favorite part of the job?

“Not so nice” customers. The people you sometimes have to deal who don’t regard dining out as a pleasurable experience. The people who are bossy, take things for granted, and treat you like their slave. I suspect that many wouldn’t appreciate being treated that way themselves.

What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you whilst tending bar?

I was once serving a man who I at first took to be a very rude. He wasn’t acknowledging me when I spoke to him and wasn’t answering my questions. Typically, I don’t like to cast judgement on other customers because of their demeanor or appearance or what have you, but this guy was just acting very oddly. It turns out he had a pacemaker that was palpitating and sending him occasional shocks. Thankfully, I was bartending with my boyfriend Bruce, who’s also a paramedic. He was able to help him and get him into treatment in time. He’s doing fine now and his family came in later to thank us for our help.

What kind of music do you most enjoy whilst tending bar?

Oldies music or anything instrumental.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

I enjoy people who approach dining out as a special experience. Especially these days, dining out is a luxury, and I like people who appreciate the food and drinks we serve and treat you as they would a friend. It’s great to have conversations with nice, respectful customers. Some of the meaner people out there misuse the experience to fit their own agendas.

What drink made you so sick that you swore you’d never drink gain?

I can’t stand the smell of Jägermesiter or Sambuca. Just the smell of either makes me cringe.

If you had your own bar, what would it be like?

I really like the way this place is laid out. Brigid (the owner) has done a really nice job with it. I do like the idea of a ’50s or ’60s diner-themed bar, though.

What two drinks should never be mixed together?

I think the Tequila Sunrise sounds good in theory — everyone has their own tastes, after all — but I don’t see tequila and orange juice ultimately going well together. Again, it comes down to personal preference, but another is iced tea and vodka. I just don’t see it working.

Which hangover cure would you recommend?

I used to have a hard time understanding why people drank Bloody Marys to cure their hangovers. Now, I can see why. I think it must have more to do with the tomato juice in the Bloody Mary mix than the actual alcohol. I’ve never agreed with the idea that drinking more alcohol the next day will help you get over a hangover.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Although I got into the bartending business by accident, it’s something I really enjoy. Some people might think of bartending as an obstacle to pursuing their dreams or even as a dead end job, but in fact it’s a great facilitator for achieving other things. It can lead to a lot of different avenues and opportunities. No matter what else I decide to do, I think I’ll always enjoy tending bar, even if I end up doing it part-time.

Visit Teri at Gregory’s Steak & Seafood Grill, located at 900 N. Atlantic Ave. (adjacent to the Ocean Landings Resort) in Cocoa Beach. Both the bar and restaurant are open Monday through Saturday from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. At their full liquor bar you’ll find beer on tap (including the Pilsner Urquell), wine, hard-to-find concoctions, and some of the most generous drinks on the beach. Patrons enjoy being able to get full food service at the bar, and locals come daily for their incredible martini menu. In addition to serving excellent steak and seafood dishes (including succulent Bahamian lobster tails), Gregory’s offers a wide range of fine Asian-inspired appetizers and both Continental and traditional American preparations served in an elegant setting. Upstairs at Groucho’s Comedy Club, you can enjoy hilarious live entertainment every Thursday night. The space is also available for parties, wedding rehearsals, and private functions. To learn more, call (321) 799-2557, or visit www.gregorysonthebeach.com and www.grouchoscomedy.com for comedian schedules.

I’m a terrible creature of habit, you see. For instance, when I walk down out the door of me Mam’s house back in Killkilly and turn the corner, I expect to see Mooney’s Pub and all me old mates inside, and not, let’s say, Lily’s Trinkets and Notions, a pink boutique all decked out with flowers and dancing fairies and suchlike. That’s what happened last time I was back home. Seems Mooney packed up and moved to the big city where there was more money to be had. I love old Mooney and had the thirst of the devil on me, but there was no way I was driving all the way to Skibbereen for a pint.

I flew back to my home here on the beach a few weeks later, and while driving from the airport, I got it in me head to drop into Bunky’s for a wet one and a bite to eat. Now imagine my surprise when she wasn’t bloody there at all. Some helpful bystanders informed me that they’d moved down the road a bit in Indialantic where the old Woody’s used to be. What was going on here?

But as much as I normally resist change, I’m also as stubborn as a mule once i get an idea into me head. I wanted Bunky’s, and Bunky’s it was going to be. I’m glad I embraced the relocation, because it turned out to be the same old place, new address or not. In fact I’d say it’s even better.   Thanks to bartendress Amber Hasegawa, I had a lovely time altogether and now see the beauty in accepting change. In fact, I love change so much now I feel like a blasted parking meter!

Cheers for everything, Amber. Here’s to you…

What’s your favorite thing about tending bar?

Meeting new people.

What’s your least favorite thing about the job?

The late nights.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

A good sense of humor.

What kind of music do you enjoy listening to whilst tending bar?

Anything upbeat.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Johnny Depp. I’d make him a really strong Long Island Iced Tea.

What’s your drink of choice?

Either Newcastle or Guinness.

What drink made you so ill you swore you’d never drink it again?

Warm shots of Jose Cuervo.

Do you have a favorite hangover cure?

A big, juicy hamburger with french fries.

Dream vacation?

Hawaii.

Words of wisdom?

If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you just have to find the courage to live it

Visit Amber at Bunky’s, 2372 Hwy. A1A in Indialantic. In addition to serving great food, Bunky’s offers one of the most welcoming and generous bars on the beach. Mondays see free Bud and Bud light drafts until the first football team scores, and $2 domestic bottles, $12 buckets and 49-cent wings from 4-10 p.m. On Tuesdays, get 25-cent Bud Light drafts from 9 p.m. till 11 p.m. with trays of beer for $3. Also, shuffleboard tournaments are held at 8 p.m. with 1st place winning $50 in Bunky Money and 2nd place: $25. Tuesdays are also “T-Shirt Tuesdays.” Wear your Bunky’s t-shirt and receive 15% off your bill. Wednesdays host “Mug Night;” fill your mug for $2 with anything up to 64 oz. from 9 p.m. till close. Also, Golden Tee and Bowler’s Club Competitions are held, with the winner of each game receiving $20 in Bunky Money. Thursday: “Ladies Night Out” featuring $1 domestic 2-4-1 wells for the ladies, $2 drafts for guys, $5 Jager shots, and $3 specialty shots. You can also enjoy beer pong, flip cup games and live entertainment by Royal T Productions and clothing by Villon. Fridays and Saturdays see live music starting at 10 p.m. and a special late night menu from 10 p.m. till 1 a.m. Enjoy the NFL ticket and the Big 10 every Sunday with  $1.50 Miller Light drafts all day. Every day, Bunky’s 11:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. Happy Hour features $1.50 domestic drafts, $2.50 well, and pitchers of shots for $13 or $17.50. Call them at (321) 777-CLAM for more details.

It’s hard to think of a better bartender than Ed Liquori, but I’ll try.

Gimme a minute.

Still thinking.

Okay. How about Ed Liquori with Salma Hayek’s body. No? Yeah, maybe not. Scratch that. That’d be weird.

But until those eggheads in the genetics labs make some advances, I’ll stick with Ed as the best bartender around. As the brains and brawn behind Cape Canaveral’s Tip A Few Tavern, Ed embodies all the qualities of the quintessential barkeep. He’s friendly, generous, courteous, adept, hilarious, chivalrous, and imposing enough to make you think twice about starting any trouble. There’s a kind of timeless quality to Ed; you can picture him serving wine to Roman soldiers in clay vessels or serving Spencer Tracy in some smoky speakeasy.

But Ed is also just as much a man of today, as evinced by the way he runs Tip A Few, a fabulous watering hole in its own right, but even more well known for the food he cooks there. Why, didn’t Florida Today call his burgers some of the 10 best in the county in a recent poll? Well, you heard it from me first: They did.

So how does a guy run a successful business, tend bar, cook award-winning food and still find the time to relax and enjoy himself? Don’t ask Ed, because he’s too busy. If I ever hit the jackpot, I’m sending Ed to his beloved Italy for a well deserved vacation. Here’s to you, Ed. Salute!

What’s your favorite thing about bartending?

Meeting a variety of interesting people.

What’s your least favorite thing about it?

Obnoxious drunk people.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

Class.

What kind of music do you enjoy listening to whilst tending bar?

Classic Rock or Jazz.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, whom would you serve and what would you serve them?

Kim Basinger. That’s my girl. I’d serve her champagne. Can I pick two? And Bob Seger. I’d serve him a Budweiser.

What’s your drink of choice?

Heineken.

What drink made you so sick you swore you’d never drink it again?

Tequila. And I haven’t had it since.

Can you recommend a good hangover cure?

Eat a bottle of Gatorade. Plastic and all.

What’s your dream vacation?

Italy, without question.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Guys, act properly when women are present — that goes for all public places. We need to be more respectful. Alcohol doesn’t give you a ticket to be rude. Just be classy enough to know when to watch your mouth.

See Ed at the full liquor-equipped, smoker-friendly Tip A Few Tavern, located at 6890 N. Atlantic Avenue in Cape Canaveral. Bar hours are Sunday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. and Fridays and Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Tip A Few’s kitchen is open every day from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., serving an incredible range of fresh, made-to-order food. As the recipient of the “Best of Brevard” Best Burger in Brevard (Top 10 Finalist), you can be sure you’ll find great examples: 1/4 and 1/2-lb. char-grilled butcher-ground sirloin on a kaiser bun. Choose from the cheddar burger, mushroom Swiss, Cajun Bleu, bacon cheddar, and a bacon mushroom Swiss. You’ll also find excellent wings in several styles, New York-style pizzas, marinated char-grilled chicken sandwiches, and chicken combos, huge fresh salads, fabulous appetizers (like cheddar fries, jalapeno poppers, beer-battered onion rings, and Buffalo shrimp), and some of the best sides in town — don’t leave without trying Ed’s Red Bliss potato salad. Call ahead to have your orders ready, or to have something delivered within a mile radius. In addition to serving a great choice of domestics and imports, Tip A Few has a full range of alcohol and several varieties of wine. Every night, service industry people enjoy discounts on all drinks from 10 p.m. to close. Regular Happy Hour is from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday, and Seniors (60+) can sign up for a special savings card with which they can enjoy happy hour prices anytime, every day from open to close. Like football? Catch the NFL ticket there throughout the season on over 22 TVs (4 big screens). Sunday games are shown with a $12 all-you-can-eat buffet from Noon till 6 p.m. — expect salads, pizza, shrimp, wings, and many other items. Tip A Few is a family-friendly establishment. Call Ed for catering information as well or other details — (321) 243-8477.

Bartender of the Month – Arty Feldman of The Surfin’ Turtle

My newest favorite watering hole, the Surfin’ Turtle in Melbourne Beach reminds me a bit of a place back in old Killkilly called The Battered Ram.

There, along with a pint of Ireland’s finest unsung stout, McGonagall’s Gargle, and a wall of colorful bottles of booze, you’ll find the region’s finest ram meat prepared in a variety of ways, including their trademark battered ram, rolled in potato batter and parsnip brandy and deep-fried to a golden…well, slightly rusty semi-perfection. You’ll also find ram kebabs, double ram pie with ram strips, ram’s milk cheesesteaks (made with ram meat), ram casserole with ram sauce, fried ram fingers (not actual fingers), ram salad, ram dip with ram chips, ram hash and eggs, ram and jam sandwiches, ram on ram with ram, ram surprise, ram-free soy burgers for vegans (made with ram), ram souffle, smoked ram cakes, ram fajitas, ram pasties, ram terrine, and delicious fresh cod and fries (made with ram meat).

Actually, what am I saying? The Battered Ram is godawful place. The only reason it’s managed to stay open is because the chef and proprietor Dougal “Jim” McDougal is blind and everyone feels terribly sorry for him. In fact, The Battered Ram is nothing like the Surfin’ Turtle whatsoever…apart from the fact that they both have a roof and a door. Well, a door at least, in the case of the Ram.

I think perhaps the reason I like the Surfin’ Turtle so much is that it’s like nothing even remotely associated with my old hometown, dingy backwater that it is (sorry, Mam). Tucked off on the side of A1A down Melbourne Beach way, the Turtle is the kind of beach bar this Irishman always dreamt of: sunny location, frosty drinks, friendly clientele, breezy atmosphere, and great food made without even a trace of ram. It helps that the bartender, Arty Feldman, is a highly-skilled, salt-of-the-earth barman.

So give me an icy mug of suds, Arty, and ask the chef to whip me up a turkey club sandwich.

And for God’s sake, hold the ram.

What is your favorite thing about this job?

Meeting al kinds of different people and having days off.

Least favorite?

Having to tolerate drunks who’ve come in from other bars.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

Politeness. I like it when people treat me like their server, and not a servant.

What music do you enjoy most whilst tending bar?

Jazz, Blues, and Hendrix.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

John Wayne. I’d serve him a whole bottle of whiskey.

What is your drink of choice?

Captain and ginger. No lime.

What drink made you so ill that you swore you’d never drink again?

I was in Puerto Rico with some friends drinking shots of Bacardi 151 when the waves were flat. Later, everything came up — including the swell.

What’s your hangover cure of choice?

Take a dip in the sea, then start over.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

The Oasis.

If you opened your own bar, what would it be called?

R.T.’s.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Some days you’re the dog, other days you’re the hydrant.

The Surfin’ Turtle Bar & Grill is located at 3830 S. Hwy. A1A in Melbourne Beach, and is open Monday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m., and Sunday till 9 p.m. Enjoy Happy Hour specials from their full liquor bar every day from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. They also serve excellent, cooked-to-order food — from appetizers like shrimp, clams, onion strings, wings, crab cakes, and soups and salads (including a sesame tuna salad and a chicken panzanella salad), to lunch entrees (fried scallops or shrimp, chicken parmesan, and meat loaf) and sandwiches (blackened tuna, mahi mahi, reubens, and burgers) and wraps. Along with a kids menu and dinner entrees like chicken marsala and cordon bleu, steaks, wasabi tuna, several varieties of pasta and fish n’ chips, the Surfin’ Turtle also offers an early bird menu (dine-in only). What’s more. you can also enjoy breakfast there Saturdays and Sundays from 8 a.m. to 12 p.m. — check this month’s “Word on the Street” section for details. Call ahead for pick-up orders 725-5900.

Bartender of the Month: Rick Lewis of 3 Wishes Lounge

Both seasoned travelers and drinkers of distinction have long known that some of the best watering holes are to be found in hotels. Why, hasn’t himself been partial to the rarefied, classy atmosphere of Killkilly’s La Quinta Inn Lounge, Chez Mooney’s, where nary an overalled lout is to be found and the women speak in strangely beguiling foreign accents, like when them girls from the Cork camogie league passed through town on their way to the All Ireland Championships a few years back. The Lord knows what they were talking about — I think it was boiled cabbage — but it sounded quite sexy, I can tell ye.

And didn’t I find myself in the lovely 3 Wishes Lounge of the Cocoa Beach Doubletree only few days ago to watch the Spaniards beat the jackboots off the Krauts in the Euro 2008 Cup? Well yes, as a matter of fact I did.  And from the little I can remember, I had a wonderful time. You see, after one too many bottles of Pedro Domecq and trying unsuccessfully to commandeer a tractor for the ride home, I thought it more prudent to billet myself upstairs in one of the Doubletree’s cozy rooms.

I slept like an angel, and just as I was about to kick Michael Ballack in the ballacks and put one in the back of the net for old King “Obi” Juan Carlos, I awoke with a terrible hangover. So I shuffled back downstairs into the loving arms of the 3 Wishes and my magician physician, Rick Lewis, who nursed me back to health with all manner of wonderful, soothing concoctions. A man’s at his weakest and most vulnerable while in a hangover’s steely grip, but blessed Rick escorted me back to the doors of health and wakefulness with the gentleness of a priest…who enjoys a randy joke every now and then.

Go see Rick yourself and have your own wishes fulfilled. No lantern polishing required…

What is your favorite thing about this job?

The conversations I get to have with people from all over the U.S. and the world.

Least favorite?

People who think 10% is a good tip.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

A person who really appreciates a good drink.

What music do you enjoy most whilst tending bar?

Classic Rock, Dave Matthews and Cat Stevens.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Barack Obama and I’d serve him whatever he wants.

What is your drink of choice?

Grey Goose with anything!

What drink made you so ill that you swore you’d never drink again?

Seagrams 7 with my brother Mick.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Paddy Cassidy’s, the best bar in Cocoa Beach!

If you opened your own bar, what would it be called?

Lew’s.

Any parting words of wisdom?

If we couldn’t laugh we’d all go insane.

The 3 Wishes Lounge is located in the Doubletree Hotel Cocoa Beach Oceanfront (2080 N. Atlantic Ave.; Cocoa Beach). Catch Rick there Wednesday through Saturday evenings from 5 till close. Located within the acclaimed 3 Wishes Restaurant, the full-service bar is open from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday through Thursday, and 11 a.m. till Midnight Fridays and Saturdays. Enjoy loads of great dishes from the restaurant, like daily Chef’s specials and excellent brick oven-fired pizzas. Featured live entertainment through September comes in the form of Poppy The Piano Player, who performs favorites in a variety of genres from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. each Friday and Saturday. For more information, call (321) 785-9222.