By Paddy McDrinksey

I’ve not received many compliments in my life, but one of the most memorable came from Siobhan Slattery, a distant, raven-haired cousin I was sure I’d marry when I grew up.

She once told me I looked like an older Dean Martin, and I can still feel the blush on my cheeks to this day.

I was deeply moved by the comparison and became obsessed with all things Dean Martin. Have you ever tried to kick a half-deflated football through the streets whilst holding a rocks glass full of bourbon and soda in one hand and trying to keep your toupee straight with the other? And all this at the age of five, mind you.

So you can imagine my surprise at discovering that Kim Vcelka, one of the bartenders at Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro, originally hails from Steubenville, Ohio, the birthplace of one Dino Paul Crocetti.

Even if she hadn’t though, she’d still be one of my favorite pourers, and Tip-A-Few is probably one of the best-kept dining secrets in the area. Chef owned and operated since 1999, Tip-A-Few serves some of the most delicious and fresh, made-to-order food in the county — from award-winning burgers to celestial red bliss potato salad.

How long have you been tending bar?

Nine years.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed while working?

When it happens I’ll let you know…

What do you like best about the job?

Meeting new people and working with the public.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A Bloody Mary. We’re a beer and wine establishment…

What’s your drink of choice?

Amstel Light.

Can you recommend a proven hangover cure?

Zip Fizz. Grape and Orange is my favorite.

Which celebrity would you most like to serve?

Dean Martin, because he’s where I was originally from.

If you could own your own bar, what would it be like and what would you call it?

It would be a male strip club and I’d call it “Swingin’ Dicks.”

What would you hope to achieve if you were president?

I’d make world peace, of course.

What would you order for your last meal?

For me, it would have to be a buffet with a little bit of everything.

Parting words of wisdom?

My dad always said that life is sometimes like a worn-out jock strap — it has NO support!

The family-friendly Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro is located at 6890 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cape Canaveral. Excellent food is served here from their new menu every day until 11 p.m., including what have been voted the best burgers in Brevard. Happy Hour is held daily from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Free pool Monday through Friday from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., and Mondays from 10 p.m. to close. Tuesdays see live music, and Wednesdays see 2-4-1 drafts from 10 p.m. to close. Thursday is Trivia Night, and Friday offers a fish fry lunch and dinner. They show all your favorite sports events on a number of televisions as well. Call 784-2478 to find out more.

Tom Frawley

Forget “Bartender of the Month;” Tom Frawley, 91, the recently retired owner of the P. Frawley public house in Lahinch, Co. Clare, is our favorite bartender of all time.

Though he probably couldn’t mix a margarita if he tried, Tom was the embodiment of all that is noble about the profession.

He ran a tight ship with quiet authority (a fluorescent sign inside his pub read: “No Stag Parties Welcome Here”), was spry and attentive beyond his years (when he wasn’t dozing on his stool), spun a great yarn, sang like an angel, and was, above all, a character — of a kind that proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the existence of an almighty, all-knowing, and highly creative God.

Tom Frawley, an avowed bachelor, pulled his first pint at the age of 9 in 1928 in this tiny, grocery-cum-pub, which has been in his family for an astounding 138 years. When his mother died in 1961, he took over P. Frawley and ran it until he begrudgingly retired due to poor health this past August.

In latter years, Tom was witness to Lahinch’s transformation into a hip surfing Mecca, but he never bent to the pressures of modernization. He closed like clockwork for his lunch and dinner, and the popular pilgrimage spot seemed even more beloved for its having neither refrigeration or a dishwasher. Also eschewing both cash register and calculator, Tom kept track of what he sold and who owed what with a pencil and small, weathered pad.

At the nursing home where he now resides, he’s reportedly inundated daily with scores of adoring letters and postcards.

A recently created Facebook page devoted to Tom and his domain, and a number of videos of him serving and singing are testaments to the love and respect he enjoys.

Sláinte, Thomas Frawley.

May you live forever.

Matthew Hullinger of Surfer’s Sports Pub
By Paddy McDrinksey

As I’m sure you’re aware, we don’t go in much for Thanksgiving back in Ireland.

The closest thing we have to it is the Feast of St. Catarrh, which is actually more of a light midnight snack. Held in honor of the patron saint of dampness, this age-old autumnal celebration has only survived in the more rural parts of the country, particularly in my hometown of Killkilly. This is probably due to its roots in pagan rites, the most backward of which involves dressing the virgins of the village up as sheep, herding them into pens, and pelting them with “turf cakes.” The evening climaxes with a chaotic piss-up before everyone heads home to enjoy gallons of potato cider and small dollops of vole droppings called “Poacher’s Caviar.” So actually not even remotely like Thanksgiving after all…

And what does this have to do with this month’s “Bartender of the Month,” Matt Hullinger of Surfer’s Sports Pub? Absolutely feck all. I just happen to like the lad. He moved here six years ago from Maryland and enjoys hanging out at the beach and local watering holes. What’s not to like?

Welcome to the fold, Matthew.

How many years have you been tending bar?

Four years, but I’ve been dealing with drunk people my whole life.

Worst thing about the profession?

Rude, impatient people.

Best thing?

All the really cool people you’d never meet otherwise.

Oddest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

It happened during our drinking game, “the Gauntlet,” while escorting contestants to the bathroom. Seeing five guys peeing at the same time is pretty strange.

What’s the strangest drink you’ve ever been asked to make?

We are a beer bar, so I don’t get the chance to make drinks, but Cement Mixers just don’t make sense to me.

Your own drink of choice?

At my bar, a good IPA. At any other bar, Jameson on the rocks.

Do you have a proven hangover cure?

A big, greasy hamburger, a 20-minute nap, and a little hair of the dog.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

I’d serve Dimebag Darrell of Pantera a Black Tooth Grin, which is a big shot of whiskey and a splash of Coke.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Your Mom’s House.” It would be kind of like going to your grandma’s house — plastic on the sofas, flower wallpaper, the aroma of fresh-baked cookies. Who wouldn’t want to get drunk at your mom’s house?

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

It’s been used a lot, but I’d legalize it.

What would you order for your last meal?

A steak, Oscar style, with a loaded baked potato, and a Hoptical Illusion IPA.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Don’t take life too seriously. It might kill you.

Surfer’s Sports Pub is located at 350 N. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach. They’re open every day from 12 p.m. to 2 a.m., and hold Happy Hour everyday from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Wednesdays are Ladies’ Night with $1 domestic drafts for ladies from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Thursdays see an extended Happy Hour from 4 p.m. to 2 a.m. , and Sake Bomb Sundays feature $2.75 sake bombs from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. They’re also famous for “the Gauntlet,” a challenge which involves consuming your choice of 16 16-oz. pints in one sitting. Price to accept the challenge is $50. If you succeed relatively intact — without vomiting, eating, or napping — you get your money back and a commemorative t-shirt. Call 784-2858 or drop in for detailed rules and to find out more.

Bartender of the Month: Ryan Hall of Coconuts on the Beach
By Paddy McDrinskey

Being an Irish-Floridian wasn’t easy for me at first, what with my ivory complexion and all.

The McDrinskeys have always been famous for being the wrong shade of sickly pale. (We once lost me gran in a pile of her freshly bleached lace doilies. If it weren’t for her cursing, we’d never have found her.) But I’ve been here seven years now, and I’m beginning to look a tad healthier.

My first attempts at tanning were disastrous. I was going for a Corinthian leather, Ricardo Montalban-type look at first, but always came out looking like a cross between Rick Astley and a boiled Dublin prawn.

What I needed, I figured, wasn’t full, unremitting sun exposure, but the kind of healthy blush afforded by a shaded outdoor patio — the kind that makes Coconuts such a popular watering hole. And I’ve found the Coconuts patio to be the perfect place for my regular sunnings.

Ryan, the bartender at the tiki bar there, keeps my caipirinhas coming as I gaze longingly at the passing parade of bouncy bronzed bums and bosoms.

Thanks, Ryan, for assisting me in my tanning endeavors. It’s due to your support that my neck, arms, and legs have the warm glow of spiced Jamaican rum. My torso and backside, however, still look like a two-day-old puddle of spilt goat’s milk…

Congratulations, Ryan! Welcome to the “Bartender of the Month” fold.

Where are you from originally? What do you like to do on your days off?

I grew up in Baltimore, Maryland. I moved down to Florida with my family 14 years ago. I like to surf and golf when I’m not working.

How long have you been tending bar?

For about five years now.

What’s your least favorite thing about the job?   

Dealing with drunk idiots.

The thing you like most about the profession?

Talking to all the locals and tourists. We get people from all over the country. The money isn’t bad either!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

A group from out of town came in one Sunday dressed up as the “Baywatch” characters. It was pretty entertaining.

What’s the strangest drink you’ve ever been asked to make?

A shot called a “Blackout” — Jäger and José Cuervo. The name seems fitting!

What’s your own drink of choice?   

Crown and ginger.

Can you recommend a trusty hangover cure?

Fruit, Gatorade, and a day off.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, whom would it be and what would you serve them?

Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. I’d serve him a shot of Crown and a beer. Seems like a real chill guy.

What would you order for your last meal?

My mom’s homemade spaghetti and sauce.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?    

I’d like to come back as a pro golfer and travel around the world playing the best golf courses for millions of dollars. Sounds good to me!

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

It would be a beach bar in Hawaii called “Surf Break.”

What would you do if you were president for a day?

I’d take Air Force One and pick up all my friends and family and have a huge party at the White House.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Live each day like it’s your last. R.I.P Lisa, Winky, Uncle Billy, Pam, and Al. Forever missed!

Visit Ryan at Coconuts on the Beach (2 Minutemen Cswy., Cocoa Beach). They’re open Sunday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 12 a.m., and Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Happy Hour is Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., with half-price wells, calls, beer, and house wines. They host live entertainment Wednesday through Sunday (check this issue’s calendar listing for more details). Call Coconuts at 784-1422 or visit them online at www.coconutsonthebeach.com

Bartender of the Month: Dave Zigmont of The Yellow House
By Paddy McDrinksey

I’ve always wished i’d had a younger brother growing up. As it is, I have seven older ones and four sisters of indeterminate age. Me mam says I did have a younger brother once, but he drowned in a vat of Jameson while trying to retrieve a bottle of Jameson he’d dropped in there. And this at the age of two…

I have no memory of this incident, but plenty of fond ones of Dave Zigmont, a lad who’s seen me through thick and thin at several bars. Always upbeat, attentive, full of humorous observations, and, above all, a great listener, Dave, who now tends bar at my new favorite watering hole, the Yellow House, is the younger brother I never had.

As fun as it is to razz him about his youth, he’s also often wise beyond his 26 years, but he still never fails to bring out my protective, nurturing instincts, however buried they may seem to be.

Dave moved around a lot as a kid, but has lived in Cocoa Beach (on and off) for 14 years. He graduated from Cocoa Beach high in 2003, and studied Hawaiian ethnobotany at the University of Hawaii on Maui, he love stand up comedy, surfing, and being honored as August 2011′s “Bartender of the Month.”

It’s been a long time coming, Dave.

How many years have you been tending bar?

Five years.

Worst thing about the profession?

Late nights that lead to early mornings.

Best thing?

I know everyone says this, but it’s meeting new people. I’ve made a lot of good friends working behind the bar. I also like throwing people out a lot… (Laughs)

Strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

This is Cocoa Beach, so it’s a tough call. I have to say that I had someone smack all my taps in unison to Iron Maiden’s “Number of the Beast” one night. Kinda awesome…

Strangest drink you’ve been asked to make?

“The Bloody Brain” – ice-cold peach schnapps with curdled Bailey’s and grenadine. Looks like a bleeding brain. Eew…

Drink of choice?

Jameson on the rocks or a Rum Bucket.

Hangover cure?

Vitamin water and BBC America.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

I’d give Louis C.K. any drink he chooses, so long as he tells me some good jokes.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

Brian Wilson’s beard. That thing is awesome.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Derelicts.” It’d be the only bar in town you couldn’t be banned from.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

Give the Hawaiian Islands back to the Hawaiians.

What would you order for your last meal?

Pork laulau with lomi-lomi salmon and a Guinness.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Don’t push “Send.”

Visit Dave at the Yellow House Beach Bar & Grill, located at 142 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. They’re open every day from 11:30 a.m. to 2 a.m. and offer a pool table, Golden Tee, dart boards, a Touch Tune jukebox, and loads of daily specials. Mondays see $5 Bang Bang Shrimp and $2 Yuenglings; Wednesdays: $2 tacos, $3 margaritas, and “the Saltwater Jam”; Thursday: 25-cent wings and “Throwback Night”; Sundays: $4 you-call-it shots. Friday, August 19 sees the 1st Beach Classic Scooter Night at 7 p.m .Happy Hour is honored all day, every day with $2 wells, $1 8oz. mini cans, and shot specials. Free parking in back for customers. For more information, see their ad in this issue, or call 799-1709.

Tracey Lansman of Cocoa Beach Sports Pub
By Paddy McDrinskey

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

That’s just the sort of “horrible, clean joke” Tracey Lansman loves to tell friends and patrons at the Cocoa Beach Sports Pub where she pours drinks.

Originally from Grand Junction, Iowa (population 850), Tracey is a farm girl at heart, but as a longtime beachside resident, surfs, kayaks, and swims as if to the manner born. She’s also an avid reader and formidable dart player, but we’re honoring Tracey here for her finesse behind the bar.

Welcome, Tracey, to the Beachside Resident’s Pantheon of Extraordinary Bartenders.

How many years have you been tending bar?

Thirteen years.

Worst thing about the profession?

Last call. I hate having to grab drinks from my friends then turn around and kick them out.

Best thing?

All the homemade food I get from regulars and co-workers.

Strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

Your secret is safe with me. I never serve and tell…

Strangest drink you’ve been asked to make?

It’s a toss between a “Bar Mat” shot and a “Cement Mixer.” Really, people? Disgusting!

Recommended hangover cure?

A big lunch with Mimosas.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Fred Astaire. I’d serve him a dirty Ketel One martini because it’s the “Fred Astaire” of drinks.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I’d buy a boat and sail around the world.

If you were president for a day, what would you hope to accomplish?

Even God can’t change the world in one day. I’d take advantage of the day and go for a ride with a Blue Angel.

What would you order for your last meal?

A cheeseburger and a Fat Tire beer with a Jameson back.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

I have an incredible family and amazing friends. Why mess that up? I’d gladly come back as me.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Life is short — live it! Oh, and tip your bartender…

Visit Tracey at the Cocoa Beach Sports Pub, located at 142 N. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach. They’re open from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m. throughout the week, and host happy hour from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. daily. The full liquor bar televises all the major sporting events and packages. You can also enjoy weekly live music, Golden Tee, ping pong, beer pong, Wii, outdoor horsehoe pits and cornhole, pool darts, and regular Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments. S.I.N. nights with Tracey take place every Sunday with drink specials from 10 p.m. to close. For more information, visit www.cocoabeachsportspub.com, or call 783-3777.

Jennifer Zalanka of The Beach Shack
By Paddy McDrinksey

Don’t tell anyone, but I often get tired of slumming around the same smelly, smoky dives. Being raised in the muddy lanes of Killkilly wasn’t easy. But I don’t mean that literally. I mean, the lanes were muddy, as in “full of mud,” but I wasn’t actually raised in any of the muddy lanes, but in a house about a mile down the road from the muddy lanes. I wasn’t even allowed to play in the lanes. But you get the picture. Anyway, though I’m considered a rather rough-and-tumble character who looks as if he likes mud and lanes, I do enjoy the odd bit of luxury. Oftentimes, I enjoy sipping an elegant Busch can in more rarefied surroundings than famous dumps like the Banshee’s Gargle. I’ve found one such haven of lavish comfort in the bluesy Beach Shack in downtown Cocoa Beach. There, of a recent eve, I began chatting up the lovely Jennifer Zalanka, a girl who works hard, plays harder, and tries her best to stay out of trouble.

How many years have you been tending bar?

Ten.

Worst thing about the profession?

Waking up in the morning.

Best thing?

Being able to work with family and hang out with friends while making money.

Strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

Some of the hookups that go down.

Strangest drink you’ve been asked to make?

Scotch and milk.

Drink of choice?

Miller Lite and Patrón.

Suggested hangover cure?

A swim in the ocean.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

I’d serve Hugh Hefner a “Blonde-Headed Slut.”

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

Me. I’d just do things differently.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

I’d call it “Jenz,” and the drinks would be cheap, fast, and strong.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

Nothing, ’cause one day wouldn’t fix anything.

What would you order for your last meal?

Sushi and Patrón.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Always treat others the way you want to be treated.  If we all did that the world would be a better place. Also, don’t drink and drive.

The Beach Shack is located at 1 Minutemen Cswy. in downtown Cocoa Beach. Check their music schedule on page 49 of this issue, at www.beachshackbar.com, or call 783-2250.

Bartender of the Month: Billy Schwarz of Foo Bar
By Paddy McDrinksey

If there’s one thing I like about drinking, it would have to be the drinking bit.

Apart from that, I really get a kick out of meeting mixologists like “Billy Tha Kid,” especially when they work in places like the fabulously stylish Foo Bar in the fabulously stylish downtown Melbourne.

While inarguably chic, the hugely popular Foo Bar is also uncommonly comfortable and democratic. Few places draw such an interesting mix of clientele, from lowly, blue-collar types sipping bottles of union-made suds, to pressed-linen, pretty-boy types — like that smug bastard over there… Who does he think he is? — sharing champagne with beautiful, foreign-looking girls.

Overseeing it all, on nights I go, is Billy Tha Kid, who can rub chafed elbows with both the hoi polloi and the bourgeoisie without missing a beat — or, for that matter, spilling a lovingly prepared raspberry chocolatini.

Pop a wheelie for me, Billy … And another bottle of your cheapest domestic.

How many years have you been tending bar?

Six years.

Worst thing about the profession?

Sitting behind an empty bar drives me absolutely stir crazy.

Best thing?

Taking people out of their comfort zone by making them try something new and watching them enjoy it 110%, because that’s what I give to every customer.

Strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

Me and a fellow employee were about to close the bar when three guys started begging for drinks. We told them “Shots only” because we were about to close. They got two Red Snappers and a Superman shot. I asked them, “What is a ‘Superman’?” The guy replied, “Bring me a shot of José Cuervo, salt, and a lime.” When I came back with what he requested, he put the salt on his hand, snorted it, took the shot, and squeezed the lime in his eyes! I just turned around and walked away…

Strangest drink you’ve been asked to make?

Merlot and lemonade.

Drink of choice?

Jameson, neat.

Hangover cure?

Here’s the trick: Grease, cheese, bread, Advil, and a beer. Combine the first three into what we call “a pizza,” scarf it down, and force yourself to eat more than normal. Next, open the Advil, dump four into your hand, and close the lid. Then grab that cold one and pop the top, toss the Advil into the opening on the front of your face called “your mouth,” then take the cold beer and drink it all in one big gulp. Finally, lay down on a cold tile floor with a blanket and a pillow for 30 to 45 minutes. If symptoms persist, repeat the above until you either feel better or yack. Then pass out for the rest of the day — on the bed this time.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

I’ve met quite a few famous people in my years bartending, and the one that sticks out the most was when Samuel L. Jackson walked in and ordered a coke when I was working at the Nantucket Country Club. I asked him, “Coke and…?” and he said, “Just a coke.” I tried my hardest to get him to have a drink and he said that he didn’t drink. So I’d like to have that drink with Samuel L. Jackson.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

A pelican. You get to fish, surf, and hang at the beach all day.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“COMBOS.” I’d have extreme sports playing on all TVs — stunt riding, FMX freestyle, drifting… Out back I’d have a concrete area for stunt shows and ramps going over the bar with a glass roof so you could sit there and watch people doing tricks over the bar.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

If I were president for a day, I’d give all elected government officials the same pay and healthcare benefits as soldiers. Once the official’s term is over the paychecks would stop.

What would you order for your last meal?

Every bottom feeder in the ocean and French fries. … And a tub of butter

Any parting words of wisdom?

Never go swimming in the rain ’cause you will get wet.

The full-liquor Foo Bar is located at 816 E. New Haven Ave. in the heart of historic downtown Melbourne. They’re open Monday through Friday from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m., and Saturday from 3 p.m. to 2 a.m. Happy Hour is celebrated Monday through Friday from 6 to 8, and Saturday from 3 to 8. Mondays see Industry Night — the best Monday in Brevard for all restaurant/bar employees who don’t get Saturdays and Sundays free — with half-off wells and beer. Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday features live DJs from 10 to 2 a.m. April 9 sees live music by LX-GOODS.com, featuring Peter Baldwin and Kristen Warren with special appearances by Mark Allen Craft and DJ DeCotis on the wheels of steel. April 16 sees the “Hit On Me Speed Dating Fundraiser” from 6 to 8 p.m. Purchase tickets from Molly Rogers or FooBar. For more details, call 728-7179.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Anna Moore of Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub
By Paddy McDrinksey

Of all the Brits, Liverpudlians are, in my humble opinion, the most loveable and unique.

Thanks to their proximity to Ireland and Liverpool’s history as a haven for Irish immigrants, the Scouse (as they’re familiarly called) have a strong Celtic strain coursing through their veins, which, perhaps, accounts for their singsong accents, side-splitting slang, withering wit, and propensity for boisterous, boozy laughter.

They gave us Ringo’s famous band, the first sanitation laws, the Institute of Accountants, and um… some other things, but more importantly, they gave us the finest bartender on Florida’s East Coast, Paddy Cassidy’s own Anna Moore.

Anna is not very fond of the limelight, but that doesn’t stop it from shining on her whenever she’s present at the popular Cocoa Beach pub. As quick with a disarming quip as she is with proffering a frothy jar, Anna is a Liverpudlian through and through, and, as it happens, this month’s “Bartender of the Month.”

All hail “Anna Banana” … “The Fab Fifth” … “The Liver from ‘Pool” … “The Scouser in Blouse and Trousers” … “Jameson’s Jilted Jezebel” …

Long may she reign.

How long have you been tending bar?

About 11 years.

What do you like best about tending bar?

Definitely the people. You meet amazing characters in this job.

What’s your least favorite part of the job?

Cleaning vomit!

How did living in Liverpool affect your outlook and sense of humor growing up?

We have a massive Irish community in Liverpool, but growing up there you take a lot for granted. I grew up with the Virgin Mary on one side of the mantel and King Billy on the other; it’s just the way it was. You learn to get a sense of humor really quickly when your dad is asking your brother to kick the football at the King Billy statue just to piss your mam off! We all as kids were terrified of the priest, but never missed church! The bars like Flanagan’s and Rosie O’Gradys were big hangouts for us. We all just mixed together and had each other’s backs, especially during times of unrest. Bombs where quite prevalent in Liverpool then. The destruction was awful, not just to the incredible buildings but to the men, women, and children. We weren’t safe in Liverpool no matter how big the Irish community was — it’s England. As a child you question as a child why, but mum always told us people will fight strongly for what they believe and never bred hate into us. She’s a good egg, my mum, even if she is a Proddy-dog!

What does it mean to be a Scouser?

It means … that no matter what, I’ll be okay.

Your drink of choice?

My bad boyfriend, of course — Jameson.

Do you have a trusted hangover cure?

I need one today. Any help, guys?

What is the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

Red Bull in Guinness. It’s just not right.

What type of music sets the mood for you when you’re on shift?

It depends on the crowd, but you can never go wrong with a bit of Bob Dylan on a Sunday afternoon.

What’s the strangest/funniest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

I worked in New York for a number of years and my boss had few rules, but sex in the bathroom was a big no! One evening, my bar’s full and a beautiful blonde Swedish girl arrives and takes a seat in the back. The boys where fascinated. Shortly after, a man joins her. After a few drinks, they’re very touchy-feely and the boys are loving the show… It’s getting a little out of hand, but I try to turn a blind eye. They make their way to the bathroom, and now the boys are loving it. This continues for a while, and I let the boys have their, fun but I have to stop it and follow the rule! So, I knock on the door and ask them to behave. The door casually opens and both are quite naked, but with no embarrassment ask if I could hold their drinks for them while they get dressed! I have never looked at a glass of white wine and a Heineken in quite the same way again!

What’s your favorite thing about Paddy’s Day?

Seeing your hard work come together and everyone having a blast! That, and when we finally leave, when the bar is dark and we’re exhausted and the only light left on is the countdown clock glowing “0 Days to St. Patrick’s Day” and we all give a sigh of relief.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, whom would you serve and what would you serve them?

Ian McShane. I think he’d enjoy my bad boyfriend, too! But I’d make him do the toast of all toasts (from “Sexy Beast”): “Gentlemen, you’re all c***ts!”

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

I don’t want to! You can’t make me!

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Make my family and friends very comfortable and then run away!

What would you order for your last meal?

Dead cow! Rare and oozing deliciousness!

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub is located in the Publix Banana River Shopping Plaza at 2009 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. The smoking-friendly full-liquor bar features 21 imports on tap, including Guinness, Smithwick’s, and Magner’s Irish Cider as well as dart boards, a pool table, jukebox and live music. This St. Patrick’s Day, Thursday, March 17, expect live music from Mike Funge (1:30 p.m. – 4:30 p.m.), Men of the House (6:15 p.m. – 8:15 p.m.), Zac Sullivan, Damion Suomi (10 p.m. – 2 a.m.), bagpipe playing from “John the Piper” all day long, a performance by the Brevard Police and Fire Dept. pipes and drums (5 p.m.), and traditional Irish Dancing by members of the Myra Watters School of Dance at 6 p.m. and 8:45 p.m. Three full-liquor bars will be operating, and food will be on hand from Sonny’s Barbecue, as well as hot dogs, hamburgers, and corned beef and cabbage. For more information, call 783-0810.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: TRACY McCALL of THE COCOA BEACH BREWING CO.
By Paddy McDrinksey

Regular readers of their column should be familiar with my lingering distaste for Killkilly, the hometown I left at the arse-end of the southernmost peninsula of the easternmost corner on the northwest of Ireland for the sunnier climes of the Space Coast, where I now reside and imbibe.

But like most hometowns, Killkilly is not without its tattered charms, few though they may be. Though it’s infamous for having one of the most miserable populations in the small island nation, the unpicturesque Killkilly is also peppered with its fair share of magical places, hidden realms where green-clad leprechauns while away their time carving enchanted fiddles and making general merry.

Whenever I have a passing yen for my birthplace, I seek out similarly magical spots to call my own. And as magical spots go, the Cocoa Beach Brewing Company is simply wizard.

Owned by Chris and Tracy McCall, this humble pub, situated in an old 1930s hardwood-floored home, seems to have been designed with thoughtful, sensitive types like me in mind. It helps, too, that the elixirs they brew on-site are some of the tastiest to be had in the Southeast.

So sidle up to the bar and join me in raising a glass of warming Not Just Some Oatmeal Stout to February’s Bartender of the Month, Tracy McCall.

What do you like most about living in this area?

There are a lot of cool people here. I’ve traveled a lot, but never in my life have I had such interesting conversations with the people I’ve met here. We get people from all over the globe, and it seems that people who like good beer — wherever they’re from — tend to be more interested in the world around them. And they’re always happy to be here.

What is the most popular variety of beer you sell here?

Probably our Sofa King Double IPA. There are people who watch our website and wait for our announcements to see when it’ll be coming in. When it does come in, they’re in, and it’s gone in no time. Our Pale Ale is popular as well. It’s our flagship brew, and always a good seller. With the colder weather we’ve been having, people are loving our Not Just some Oatmeal Stout. I think its coffee and chocolate flavors make people feel warm and cozy.

What’s your own drink of choice?

I always like trying something I’ve never tried before. Otherwise, I always like a good glass of strong red wine. … Chianti without the fava beans.

Can you recommend a good hangover cure?

Well, our beer doesn’t give you much of a hangover. It’s not filtered, so you’re getting lots of B12 vitamins and other nutrients. Otherwise, I drink lots of water when I’m hungover. On New Year’s Day, the best hangover cure is jumping into the ocean!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

Well, a lot of things happen spontaneously here, pirates and musicians coming in… But I’d have to say the time when a comedian came in and did an impromptu routine. He’d just finished performing at a bar mitzvah nearby and did a 20-minute act for everyone here.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

I’d serve Jimmy Buffett one of our Dirty Blondes.

What would you do if you were president for a day?

Well, it might take me longer than a day… I’d be busy taking a magic marker and drawing a line through as many executive orders as I could. I think government gets in the way of a lot of good progress. I used to be a lot more political, but now I’m just enjoying listening to everyone else’s opinions.

Ideal travel destination?

I’d like to go back and visit the host family I stayed with in Germany back in 1988, but I’d also like to see Australia, New Zealand, and the Far East.

What would you order for your last meal?

Caviar, crackers, cheese, chips, and salsa.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

An athlete. Someone with more coordination.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Kick back and enjoy a pint.

The Cocoa Beach Brewing Company is located at 150 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach, between 1st and 2nd Streets North. Additional parking can be found behind the building on Cottage Row between Orlando and Atlantic Avenues. Their hours of operation are Tuesday through Thursday from 1 p.m. to 9 p.m. and Fridays and Saturdays from 1 p.m. to 11 p.m. The Beach’s only independent microbrewer and pub features four of their finely crafted beers on tap, and recently began distributing some of their delicious, sudsy creations in 22-oz. bottles. Both Cocoa Beach Pale Ale and Not Just Some Oatmeal Stout are now available at Sunseed Co-Op (6615 N. Atlantic Ave., Cape Canaveral), the Flying Corkscrew (1877 S. Patrick Dr., Indian Harbour Beach), Downtown Produce (7856 Ellis Rd. in Melbourne), and Petty’s Meat Market (both the Babcock and Wickham locations) to name just a few. Their popular Triple 8 IPA will be released shortly. Call 613-2941 for more information, or visit  www.cocoabeachbrewingcompany.com. To order draft or bottled beer for your establishment, contact their representative, Florida Micro Beverage, at (407) 247-7530.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Zandrea Hart of the Red Shoe Bar

By Paddy McDrinksey

Normally, I’d consider sitting at the Red Shoe Bar as imbibing under my station. But last month, I’d gotten tired of sipping safely within my station or, more often, guzzling below it. With the light fading earlier than usual, and in the spirit of the season, auld Paddy thought he’d throw decorum to the wind to enjoy a bit of the good life and strode through the door.

I won’t lie to you. I did feel a tad squirrelly in my Guinness- and blood-stained mackintosh and moth-eaten flat cap, but the people at this popular bar, which is located in Djon’s Steak & Lobster House in Melbourne Beach, never once looked at me askance. …Well, two did actually, but just as quickly — and erroneously, I might add — decided I was not, in fact, the one-time valet who’d extinguished a fag end on their Range Rover’s sealskin seat cover. Whew!

After a scrumptious Djontini proffered by the lovely Zandrea Hart, it was all smooth sailing, and said I to meself: “Pour Paddy could get used to a boozer like this.” It’s all thanks to Zandrea, who’s in her first semester at BCC’s RN school when she’s not serving drinks here. She made me feel right at home… or at least on vacation in someone else’s fabulous home.

Bless you, Zandrea, and may you always have a bottle of Ibuprofen within reach.

What’s your favorite part of tending bar at the Red Shoe?

My regulars and co-workers, because I’ve made several lifelong friends here. I even babysit a 5- and 6-year old regularly for a couple I met through work.

How long have you been serving here?

I’ve been with the Pepaj family for one year, working at Sand on the Beach and here at the Red Shoe. I am now exclusively here on Friday and Saturday nights. I’ve been in the industry for 10 years.

Aside from beer, what drink is the most popular here?

Martinis! We actually have a martini menu that includes our signature Djontini and several others. We have something for everyone.

What music best describes your patrons?

It’s mix of the Beatles, Billy Joel, Harry Connick, Jr., and even some Faith Hill and Tim McGraw.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen from behind the bar?

When I worked at Sand on the Beach, a 6-foot, 250-lb. man walked upstairs in nothing but a banana hammock and a tiny cut-off shirt wanting to talk to the manager about hosting a bikini contest at our bar. When I walked down to get the manager, I laughed so hard that I almost peed in my pants!

What’s the worst pickup line you’ve heard?

“I bet you have beautiful nipples.” I kinda stood there in shock when he said it. I then just said, “Inappropriate” and walked away. He’s actually a nice guy who just had too much to drink. I still give him grief about it!

What’s your drink of choice?

My drinks of choice are either taking chilled shots of Smirnoff watermelon vodka straight or red wine, preferably pinot noir. I love making martinis!

Best cure for a hangover?

I always have two Ibuprofen and two bottles of water before bed. However, if I “forget,” then two Ibuprofen, Propel water, and graham crackers all day until I feel better.

If you were to open your own bar, what would you call it?

“Southern Traditions.”

What’s the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

I would help my family to be debt-free, comfortable, and close to me!

What would you order for your last meal and accompanying drink?

Us southern girls (from Arkansas) like meat and potatoes, so I would say prime rib with au jus and creamy horsey, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. I would have Kate Chastain’s — my partner in crime at Djon’s — amazing chocolate martini for a drink and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream for dessert.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Do not talk about politics or religion while drinking. I have seen grown women fight over politics before! Also, stay on the drink you started with.

The Red Shoe Bar is located in Djon’s Steak & Lobster House, 522 Ocean Ave. in Melbourne Beach. Happy Hour is held from 5 p.m. to 12 a.m. Monday through Sunday 9with the kitchen staying open until 10 p.m.) Enjoy live jazz music, $5 house wines, $3 beer, $4 well drinks, and $5 red and white sangria by the glass. Wine Down Wednesdays see a 6 p.m. singles networking event ($15 per person with free appetizers) and Thursdays feature Red Shoe Ladies’ Night with $5 martinis. The Red Shoe also offers a special $5 appetizer menu. Jazz is performed nightly beginning at 6 p.m, with a jazz trio featured on Friday and Saturday nights. Call 722-2737 for more information, or visit them online at: www.djons.com

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Danna Simmons of Norman’s Raw Bar & Grill
By Paddy McDrinksey & Photos by Misti Blu Day

There’s an old Killkilly saying that goes, “When the sheep’s sheared, the salmon grow wool.”

I’ve never understood that one, to be honest. And I’ve never fully understood a great many other phrases that spring from my unpicturesque hometown.

One thing I have no problem understanding is the popularity of Norman’s Raw Bar & Grill in Cocoa. For over 30 years, it’s supplied inlanders with a taste of island life in the form of a multi-bar oasis that serves some of the freshest oysters and coldest beer in the area.

Bartender Danna Simmons certainly helps matters. She’s been here for nearly five years — she does go home occasionally — and she enjoys a strong local following, thanks to her perpetual smile and uplifting sense of humor.

As they also say in Killkilly: “Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen; Here’s to the widow of fifty; Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen, And here’s to the housewife that’s thrifty! Let the toast pass; Drink to the lass; I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.”

No need to warrant; Danna certainly deserves the glass.

What’s your favorite part of tending bar at Norman’s?

The customers. We get such a wide variety of people that come here.

How long have you been serving here?

Almost five years.

Aside from beer, what drink is the most popular here?

Shots. We make lots of shots.

What music best describes your patrons?

It’s a blend of the Beastie boys, Mötley Crüe, and the Osmonds!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen from behind the bar?

Two bikers unknowingly trying to pick up two drag queens who were bigger than them. It was AWESOME!

What’s the worst pick up line you’ve heard?

“Hey Honey, you’re sexier than the mud flap girl.”

What is your drink of choice?

To drink, I like flavored vodka and soda. To serve, I love making martinis.

Best cure for a hangover?

Charcoal tabs taken before bed. They really work!

If you were to open your own bar, what would you call it?

Maybe something like, “It’s 5 o’clock Here.”

What would be the first thing you’d if you won the lottery?

I’d fly to Bora Bora and have drinks on the beach.

What would you order for your last meal and accompanying drink?

Steak, a loaded baked potato, merlot, and a whole gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream for dessert.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Have fun. Life is short.

Norman’s Raw Bar & Grill is located at 3 Forrest Ave. in Cocoa. The popular bar/eatery features two inside dining areas, one raw bar, an inside bar, and an outside seating area next to their outside tiki bar. Norman’s menu offers a wide variety of items, including appetizers, burgers, wings, sandwiches, fresh seafood, grilled steaks, pastas, and more. Happy Hour is held daily, and Thursdays feature 45-cent wings all day; 50-cent oysters all night. They’re open Monday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Fridays and Saturdays from 11 a.m. to midnight; Sundays from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. For information on live entertainment, call 433-0872, or visit www.normansbarandgrill.com

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Richard States of Florida Keys Piano Bar & Cocktail Lounge

I’ve stumbled around the block a few times, I can tell you, but no one in recent memory pours ‘em better than Richard States, barkeep at downtown Melbourne’s upscale Florida Keys Piano Bar & Cocktail Lounge.

Working to the tinkling of popular house pianist John Ryan, Richard keeps customers happy with his smooth demeanor and profound understanding of mixology at one of the newest and best bars on the downtown Melbourne scene.

In fact, you could describe Richard’s bartending knowledge as vastly more voluminous than that of the average publican… But that would require some tortuous calculations stemming from a 750-ml. base, and I was never good at maths. I do know my Biblical terminology though, and I can safely state that his skills might fill at least a case of Melchizedechs.

So mazel tov, L’Chayim, and Yasher koach, Richard States. You are indeed one of the chosen.

How long have you been tending bar?

Six years.

What’s your favorite thing about the profession?

It’s fun. I get to hang out at a bar every night, but instead of spending money, I make it.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed behind the bar?

I once saw two guys get beat up over their views on the military… Or the time I had to break into the ladies’ room because a customer fell asleep in it.

What’s the worst/most creative pickup line you’ve overheard?

I heard a guy tell a girl he wanted to “drink her bath water.” I don’t know if he was serious or joking. Sadly, it seemed to work.

Do you have a signature drink? Something you’re really proud to serve?

Our bar has a drink in honor of Ernest Hemingway called a “Six-Toed Cat.” It packs a serious kick.

What kind of tunes do you like to ‘tend by?

I am fortunate to have the great pianist John Ryan play every night I work. I like to listen to whatever he wants to play.

If you could serve any celebrity, alive or dead, who would it be?

Mel Gibson. I’d get him hammered and then watch him drunk-dial people.

Where do you like to spend time on the other side of the bar?

Ichabod’s beachside.

What’s your drink of choice?

An Ice Pick made with Stoli Orange.

Do you have a proven hangover cure?

Yeah. Sleep the whole day after drinking.

If you could open your own bar, what would you call it and where would it be?

I would simply call it “Vodka Bar.” I would want to have my own distillery and serve house-brand vodka along with every other kind available. I’d like to treat them like fine wines. I think it would work somewhere like Los Angeles.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I would hook up all my friends so they could quit their jobs, and then travel the world.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

I would put our money back on the gold standard.

What would you order for your last meal and accompanying drink?

Kobe beef. Never had it, but I’ve heard it’s good. My last drink would have to be some crazy expensive bottle of wine. I wouldn’t even care what kind.

Words of advice for the bar crowd?

A smile and a “please” and “thank you” go a long way.

Who are the best tippers?

Other bartenders and servers. Without a doubt.

Parting words of wisdom?

I still can’t think of anything.

The Florida Keys Piano Bar & Cocktail Lounge is located at 901 E. New Haven Ave. in historic downtown Melbourne. They open Wednesday through Saturday evenings at 5 p.m., with live musical entertainment beginning at 7 p.m. This elegant piano bar features a full bar, cocktail lounge, imported and domestic beer, and wines by the bottle or by the glass. Expect live performances by pianist John Ryan and guest vocalists and featured guest musicians every week. Their extensive bar menu features unique appetizers and desserts as well as dessert wines, cordials, coffee, cappuccino, and espressos. For more details, visit www.floridakeyspianobar.com or call (321) 409-KEYS (5397).

Bartender of the Month: Tom Callahan of the North End
• Paddy McDrinksey •

Any man who counts George Carlin as one of his idols is immediately okay in my book, but long before I knew that Tom Callahan was one of them, he won me over with his genuine decency and gift for the gab.

Tom holds court in one of our newest favorite hideaways, the suitably dark and cozy North End in Cocoa Beach.

If I had the money, I’d put a bar very like the North End in my sprawling compound, and I’d put Callahan on retainer as my own personal tapster.

So I toast you, Tom Callahan, being careful not to singe the edges.

How long have you been tending bar?

I started bartending roughly 10 years ago.

What’s your favorite about the profession?

I have always loved the fact that working behind the bar enables you to stop obsessing about whatever problems you have in your day-to-day life and listen to other people’s for a while. Unfortunately, that doubles as my least favorite aspect, too.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

I’ve been witness to two separate marriage proposal refusals! In addition, I learned that a third was later refused once the couple was away from all their family and friends who were at the bar hoping for a “Yes.” So if you are thinking of taking a knee, wait for my shift to end because I am a huge jinx.

What’s the strangest pick-up line you’ve overheard?

It’s hard to site the strangest, since most guys are blindi

ngly unoriginal when it comes to trying to score. The one I hear that seems to grate on a woman’s nerves the most is when a guy tells her to “Smile.” Seriously, take it from an observer, that has a 100% failure rate!

When’s the last time you had to eject an unruly customer?

I had to have a gentlemen escorted off the property a few weeks ago for throwing a drink at me. I don’t know, perhaps I could have handled shutting him off more tactfully. Once he did that, he was done. For the most part, the atmosphere at the North End is quite relaxed and lighthearted. Plus, the bartender is a funny s.o.b. …

Do you have a signature drink?

I love making a Hennesy XO Sidecar. They typically floor people. And if the drink doesn’t, their tab will!

What kind of music to you enjoy listening to whilst tending bar?

If it were up to me, the North End would be a 100% Radiohead bar, until last call. Then Tom Waits.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Without question, I would love to have had the opportunity to serve George Carlin. His rants seemed simultaneously spur-of-the-moment and totally calculated. He was such a brilliant guy. I’d love to have poured him a couple drinks and set him off on a tangent.

Where do you like to spend time on the other side of the bar?

Here in town, I have always dug the atmosphere at Paddy Cassidy’s. My band The High Fevers (shameless, downright shameful plug) has played there and the vibe is perfect.

What’s your drink of choice?

Definitely depends on the occasion. I love a nice bourbon, like Basil Hayden’s on the rocks. Any beer made by Sam Adams. A guy up north introduced me to a pint of Guinness with a chilled shot of vanilla vodka in it. (Hopefully my fellow Irishmen can forgive that one.)

Do you have a proven hangover cure?

It’s so cliché, but I dare you to try and find a better cur

e than an extra spicy Bloody Mary. Then more of whatever alcohol…

If you could open your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

Back home in Massachusetts, we have something called “draft houses,” which are small movie theaters that show mostly independent films and have a decent selection of craft beers and wines, and typically a modest selection of cordials. I think one of those would fit nicely in Cocoa Beach. I’d name it “F & C’s” after my sons Fielder and Cooper… or maybe as in Film and Cocktails.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I truly think I’d keep the same lifestyle. Sure, I’d travel more, maybe hit all the big music festivals in Europe, but the bulk of it would go to my kids.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

I’d put all of my energy into running every lobbyist, special interest group, and political action committee out of Washington.

What would you order for your last meal?

Definitely sushi. Most likely tuna sashimi with a lethal amount of wasabi. (I mean, it’s my last meal anyway…)

Parting words of wisdom?

Most individuals, myself included, would be wise to remember that they have two brain cells. One manufactures nonsense, the other buys it. Don’t take life too seriously.

The North End is located at 306 N. Orlando Ave. (at the north end of Slow & Low Bar-B-Que) and is open 7 days a week from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. Enjoy Happy Hour every day from 2 to 8 p.m. with 2-for-1 Bud Light drafts, house wines, and well liquor drinks. Thursday nights feature 10 p.m. performances by Josh Millerwith other live music events on the way. For more information, call 783-6199 or look for them on Facebook.

Haley Ryan of Main Street Pub
By Paddy McDrinksey

Welcome to one of my favorite haunts, the cozy Main Street Pub in historic downtown Melbourne.

Where else can you find three distinct full-liquor bars under one roof? Well, two places come to mind, actually… And then there’s that other one I forgot about back home in Killkilly…

Okay, so there are several places out there that have three bars under one roof, but none have laid them out as attractively as Main Street Pub. Downstairs you have the historic feel of their classy Whiskey Bar and out back you can catch the breezy island-vibe of their Tiki Bar, while upstairs boasts a chic, metropolitan-style Lava Bar with an outdoor balcony overlooking New Haven Avenue. Whatever your taste, Main Street has a place for you.

But what ties it all together for me is the lovely Haley Ryan, one of Main Street’s most popular bartenders.

Let me introduce you…

How long have you been tending bar at Main Street?

Four years in August! Wow, time flies!

What is your favorite thing about bartending?

The person I’ve grown into and the people I’ve met — those I’ve served and made friendships with that will last a lifetime, the people I work with, and the people I work for. I also enjoy the chance to make someone’s day so much brighter or the make the grumpiest grump smile. Something bartenders, servers or people in general forget is what an impact two minutes of your time, a positive attitude, and a smile can have on someone’s day. Had a bad day a broken heart? Here’s a painkiller!

What’s your least favorite part?

You can’t win ‘em all. Sometimes no matter how optimistic you are and how friendly you are, there will always be that one person trying to bring you down. And let’s face it: my job is to make you happy. It’s hard to be on your game 24/7 when someone is trying to bring you down. But regardless, you’re expected to do just that — smile when you’re sick, hurt or upset… Oh, and empty bottles, dry kegs, and frozen beers! Try to smile, smile, smile… And repeat: “I love my job!”

What quality do you most admire in a customer?

I love a customer who knows what they want but is still willing to trust you when they’re not sure. I also adore patience when its very clear I’m working my butt off to get to you and make your fresh-squeezed Long Island or Screwdriver. But most of all, I love it when I’m so busy that my head is spinning and then you smile.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen go down at the bar?

Let me count… Let’s just say very little surprises me these days. Have you seen “America’s Got Talent”? The boyscout stripper act is repeated often at our tiki bar. Enough said?

What’s the strangest pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

“Did you fart? ‘Cause you just blew me away…” I’ve heard ‘em all!

Do you have your own signature cocktail?

“Haley’s Comet.” It starts with our freshly made sour, watermelon vodka, banana liqueur, Midori, and a touch of Bailey’s shaken vigorously and then poured into a hurricane glass. Finally, you add a floater of Blue Curaçao, which beautifully separates into three alternating layers of green and blue.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Ella Fitzgerald. I’d serve her a Tuaca Sidecar — classy, sweet, and smooth with a kick!

You’ve finished your shift it’s time to relax. What drink do you mix yourself to wind down?

After my Wednesday lunch shift I generally enjoy a delicious Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA. A pub favorite here is our 5-Second Martini and sometimes I like to be educated on one of our new tequilas, rums, or whiskeys. You can’t sell it until you try it!

Main Street Pub (705 E. New Haven Ave. in historic downtown Melbourne; 723-7811) is open Monday through Friday from 11:30 a.m. to close and Saturday from 4 p.m. to close. They’re known as much for their expertly made, fresh-squeezed concoctions and draught beers as they are their for their great menu, which features items like their famous roast beef sandwich, miso mahi sandwich, homemade soups, and delicious appetizers. Visit them online — www.mainstreetpub.cc — to see their live entertainment calendar, food and drink menu, an extensive list of daily drink specials, and loads of photos.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: AMANTHA MURPHY of TIME OUT SPORTS BAR
• By Paddy McDrinskey •

As I write this, the soccer world is in upheaval.

America is out, England got trounced by Germany 4-1, New Zealand is still in the running, and the French (surprise) went on strike, and barely made an impression before being knocked out by Mexico, of all teams.

It’s good to know that with everything going haywire I can still rely on Amantha Murphy. Our favorite bartender at Time Out Sports Bar in Cocoa Beach moonlights as an x-ray technician for an orthopaedic surgeon and is also a part-time nanny for a local toddler. Originally from Buffalo, NY, and a local here since 2001, Amantha is very enthusiastic about bartending (it’s where she met her fiancé, Thomas O’Toole, who serves aboard the Royal Navy’s HMS Victorious), but reserves special love for her 2-1/2-year-old English bulldog, Molson.

It’s clear Molson has taught her a lot about faithfulness; Amantha enjoys a loyal following thanks to her efficiency and consistently cheerful demeanor. Molson couldn’t ask for a more loving mother — or Mr. O’Toole a finer bride in Amantha. And we couldn’t ask for a better bartender.

How long have you been tending bar?

Four years.

What do you like best about tending bar?

I love meeting new people. I met my fiancé here and I’ve met many great friends who will forever stay in my life.

What do you hate the most about the job?

I don’t like rude people. I like to be happy here and have fun, and it’s a drag when someone comes in and acts like a jerk.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

One time this guy was dared to go streaking around the bar. That guy is now my fiancé. That was May of last year…

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

It’s not really a drink… Corona and grenadine. Two people now have asked for it, several weeks apart and totally unrelated to each other. Who drinks that? Very odd…

What’s your drink of choice?

I’m all over the place… Like I am with everything in my life, I guess. It really depends on my mood. But to make it easy, I’ll say Sapphire and tonic with two limes. I also drink a lot of red wine.

Do you have your own signature drink?

“The Feel Good Panty Shot”: vodka, Strawberry Pucker, Island Blue and sour, and a splash of cranberry juice.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich or pickle juice. Either work for me. My uncle convinced me to try the pickle juice one time when I was so hungover I thought I was going to die. I drank some and felt like a champ.

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?

Honestly, everything. You can find everything from Sade to 50 Cent on my iPod.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Paddy Cassidy’s or the Dog N’ Bone.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

Molson’s Pub. It would have a very relaxed and chilled atmosphere with good music and plenty of Molson Canadian on tap.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

It would have to be Melissa Etheridge. Her music has gotten me through some of the best and worst days of my life. I’d serve her a “Barney Bomb,” one of our signature shots. It’s grape vodka, blue Curaçao, grenadine, and Red Bull.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

I’d allow dogs to go anywhere with their owners.

Ideal travel destination?

I’d love to travel all over Europe. Hopefully, that will be happening soon.

What would you order for your last meal?

Filet of Brian from Carrabba’s.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

A dog.

Any parting words of wisdom?

What goes around comes around.

Visit Amantha at Time Out Sports Bar (1275 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach; 784-6433) every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday from 6 p.m. to close. Time Out is open Monday through Wednesday from 4 p.m. to close, Thursday through Saturday from noon to close, and Sundays from noon to midnight. Happy Hour is celebrated daily from 4 p.m. to 8p.m. with $1 off all wells, calls, and premiums. Fridays also features their popular $20 all-you-can-drink specials and a DJ on their outdoor balcony. The 5,000 sq. ft. full-liquor bar also features four pool tables, darts, ping pong, cornhole, Wii, and eight big screen HDTVs and 100″ HD projection. They show all college an NFL games, and offer smoking on their outdoor patio. Check out their Facebook page at: www.facebook.com/timeoutcocoabeach

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BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: TRACY SMITH of the Cocoa Beach VFW, Gunnery Sgt. Elia P. Fontecchio Memorial Post 10148
• Paddy McDrinksey •

If I had my druthers, I’d make Tracy Smith “Bartender of the Year.”

As it is, I’ve misplaced my druthers, and the good Lord knows where they are now. So she’ll have to settle for “Bartender of the Month,” then. But what better month to honor her?

On Saturday, June 5, the Cocoa Beach VFW where she works will be celebrating its 50th Anniversary of service to foreign war veterans and troops currently serving overseas. What’s more, they’ll be collecting donations for the second of their quarterly care packages to troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. The VFW’s main goal is focused on helping overseas soldiers and veterans who fought and died for our way of life. But as much as we honor them, we shouldn’t overlook the humble people behind the scenes, people like Tracy, who help keep the soul of this important organization alive.

An Ohioan by birth and self-described Air Force brat, Tracy moved to Florida in 1993. Now a Cocoa Beach resident for several years, she’s rarely seen without her other half, the legendary pilot known simply as “Nabob” to friends and family alike. As a duo, Tracy and Nabob are right up there with written-in-the-stars couples like George and Gracie, Nick and Nora, and Lucy and Ricky. On April 11, after 17 years together, the two decided to tie the proverbial knot, much to the delight of their vast network of friends. Nabob couldn’t ask for a better partner in Tracy, a girl who’s loved as much for her quick wit and bold opinions as she is for her effusive warmth and knee-knocking loveliness.

Tracy will probably agree that the skills she honed during an 11-year career in special education come in particularly handy when tending to her adoring, if not sarcastic and unruly crowd of regulars at Post 10148.

So put a pint of Magner’s for Tracy on me — no, make that a case — and paint her on the nose of my plane. Rita Hayworth’s got nothing on her.

How long have you been tending bar?

Five years.

What do you like best about tending bar?

Cash in my pocket. You usually hear “Meeting new people,” but I don’t meet any new people here.

What do you hate the most about the job?

People banging their empty glasses down on the bar. There are several things I dislike, but that’s the top.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

People falling off their stools. A lady actually fell to the floor from a standing position this past Memorial Day.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A “Goldgagger”: Goldschläger and Jägermeister. I did it and he drank it.

What’s your drink of choice?

Magner’s Irish Cider.

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?

The jukebox here is stocked with classic ’60s and ’70s songs. I usually play disco to aggravate my regulars.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Aleve and Alka Seltzer …Or you could just start drinking all over again.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Party Hats.” It would have cheap booze and fried food.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Guy Fieri from the Food Network. I’d take him out for a pint of Magner’s.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

I’d give every teacher a raise and would hold keg rolls on the front lawn.

Ideal travel destination?

Thailand. Maybe Phuktet… Somewhere on the beach.

What would you order for your last meal?

Pork chops and bacon. I love pork. All pork is good… It’s my favorite food.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Life’s too short to drink cheap beer. It’s really true.

The Cocoa Beach VFW, Gunnery Sgt. Elia P. Fontecchio Memorial Post 10148, is located at 150 Minutemen Cswy. in downtown Cocoa Beach. The post is celebrating its 50th Anniversary on Saturday, June 5 with free hot dogs and hamburgers, live entertainment, and happy hour drink prices throughout the weekend. The celebration will be open to the public from Saturday to Sunday, June 6. Don’t forget that they’ll be collecting donations for the second of their regular quarterly care packages to overseas troops, which are to be sent out the following week. Among some of their more generous benefactors have been Ocean Potion. Please remember to do your part in showing your appreciation and helping make our troops’ lives that much easier by giving what you can. The Cocoa Beach VFW is open to the public every Friday for steak dinners from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.; Sundays for breakfast from 9 a.m. to Noon; and every Monday for rotating dinner specials like baked ziti from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Mark your calendars for another open-to-the-public day on Sunday, July 4. For more details, call 783-4286.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: JEFF JONES
• Paddy McDrinskey •

My old hometown of Killkilly (population 52) was all afire after the O’Malley’s Odeon screening of “Cocktail” in 1988. I mean literally afire. As in “engulfed in hellish flame.”

Inspired by the film, one of the town’s 30 publicans, Padraig O’Gormless, owner of “The Hag’s Catarrh,” had the great idea of decking himself out like Tom Cruise (with whom Pat shared a passing resemblance, but for his extreme girth, baldness, and the fact that he hadn’t a tooth in his head) to host a “Cocktail”-style showdown involving all of the bartenders in the surrounding district. Well, to make a long story short, at the height of the battle and down considerably from the lead, Pat threw caution to the wind… along with a bottle of Icelandic vodka into me Gran’s fireplace while she was knitting the contest trophy. The rest is history…

All I can think after having met the able Jeff Jones is how better off auld Pat might be if he’d just practiced a bit, instead of hurling himself into it like a ram in an ewes’ harem. You see, Jeff is one of the Pour Doctors, a traveling troupe of bartenders who transform run-of-the-mill evenings into spectacular nights to remember.

With a combined 15 years experience in the professional bartending business, the Pour Doctors take their mixology skills seriously. Jeff, one of the most popular members of the Pour Doctors staff, stopped throwing bottles around long enough to become May 2010′s Bartender of the Month.

How long have you been tending bar?

For about six years, but I’ve been drinking behind one a bit longer.

What’s your drink of choice?

I drink Yuengling, but my favorite martini is “the Porn Star.”

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?

Lately, I’ve been jammin’ live at Sports Page with bands like the Supervillains, Pop Evil, and Gen X.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

It’s a tie between Tuesday’s wet t-shirt contests at Sports Page and the “Girls Gone Wild” body shot contest.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

“Sex with the Bartender” — best thing on the menu.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

A half dozen mimosas on the beach.

What do you like best about tending bar?

Meeting people and having lots of fun while making money.

What do you hate the most about the job?

Cleaning up the mess.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Spanky Jones.” I’d serve a good old-fashioned spanking for $5.

Where have you found the best local nightlife?

Sports Page in Satellite Beach has been hosting mind-blowing nationally touring bands all month, and my Sunday “Service Industry Night” hosts some wild contests and prizes.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Hugh Hefner. I’d definitely serve him up my Porn Star martini.

If you were President for a day, what would you do?

I’d throw a kickass house party at the White House.

What would you order for your last meal?

Filet mignon tacos with Asiago cheese.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Anywhere close to the beach in Central America… preferably somewhere in Costa Rica.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Don’t ever yell out your bartender’s name or try to pay in change. Take it to 7-11 and bring me some cash. And oh yeah, don’t forget that tipping is not a city in China.

The Pour Doctors are “the cure for the common party.” With a fully mobile staff of five male bartenders, 6 female bartenders, and innumerable cocktail waitresses, the Pour Doctors offer a variety of packages for any occasion. Each ‘tender comes equipped with his or her own custom bar, which is equipped with 35-plus bar tools (ice scoop, wine opener, shaker tins, mixing glass, poury, bar decor, bar menus, and more). They’ll come in, set up, and clean up after the event is over. They’ll also do all the shopping for you. The Pour Doctors have been making a name for themselves working with Deuterman Productions at various live music events and gatherings, and are can be checked out online at: www.pourdoctors.com. To find out more, log onto the site or call Matt (407) 286-9086 or Jeff at (321) 216-1403.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Molly MacGuinness of the Dog ‘n’ Bone
By Paddy McDrinksey

They don’t make bartenders like the formidably-named Molly MacGuinness any more.

In fact, I don’t even think they make women like her any more. If they do, I’d like very much, please, to take a tour of their factory. I’ll wear the silly visitor’s badge proudly (and the even sillier neon blue hard hat sheepishly), but I really wanna see how they do it. I mean, what are the ingredients you have to use? What’s the recipe? One can only guess that it’s a dash of humor, a pinch of level-headed confidence, and a few generous scoops of sensitivity and intelligence. After that, the beauty comes naturally. Whatever the proportions, no facsimile could ever compare to the ideal.

One of the most popular bartenders at Cocoa Village’s Dog ‘n’ Bone British Pub, Iron Molly seems to spring both from a time long since sorrowfully passed and from the craftily hidden well of timelessness. Many have earned the honor of being the Resident’s Bartender of the Month, but few have been so wholly deserving of our deep admiration and respect.

Iron Molly, will you marry us?

How long have you been tending bar?

11 years working at bars, but only 3… maybe 4 years behind the bar. It all blurs together after awhile.

What’s your drink of choice?

A properly pulled Guinness draft. What’s the best part of your work?

People are always happy to see a bartender. What do you dislike about the profession?

Indiscriminate drinkers.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

A man taking his “happy hour” to the next level… underneath the table… by himself.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Yes… but it’s illegal in most states.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A shot called a Gorilla Fart: 151, Bourbon, and Ouzo… Ideally served with a bucket on the side.

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

Iron Molly’s… and it would be a strange blend of Cheers, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Indiana Jones.

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

Legalize marijuana.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Pay my parents back for all the grief I caused them… then buy an island in the Caribbean.

If you could serve a celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

Arthur Guinness… a pint of his own.

Where would you most like to travel?

All over the South Pacific… especially Australia.

What would you order for your last meal?

Roast Beef and potatoes… with ketchup, of course.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

When I’m not sitting at the corner of the bar at the Dog ‘n’ Bone… I’m sitting at the corner of the bar at Paddy Cassidys.

Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

You shouldn’t judge a man by what he drinks… though quite often it speaks volumes about his character.

The Dog ‘n’ Bone British Pub is located at 9 Stone Street in the heart of downtown Cocoa Village. They’re open 7 days a week from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m. and host live music every weekend and occasional theme parties. The full-liquor smoking friendly pub also features darts, television (often tuned to soccer matches), and a wide selection of both bottled and draught beer, including Guinness, Newcastle, Boddingtons, Smithwick’s, Stella Artois, Bass, Harp, Blue Moon, cider, Yuengling and Amstel Light. The Hippodrome nightclub is located upstairs. For more information, visit www.thedognbone.com, or all (321) 636-2828.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Ray Clancy of Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub
By Paddy McDrinksey

They say everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, but no one will ever be as Irish as me auld mucker Ray Clancy.

At least I think he’s Irish. To be honest, I can’t understand a word he says half the time. And he looks a bit Serbian in soft lighting.

But after pressing him daily for months to produce his birth certificate, I can at last attest that Ray is indeed Irish — as Irish as the lace curtains you tore down from your Gran’s parlor to bandage up the bleeding fist you got from punching in the kebab shop window for being closed at 5 a.m. those bloody bastards!

Born and bred in Limerick City, my favorite bartender of all time is as quick with a laugh as he is with his mitts (we was a formidable boxer in his youth who was noted for both his fleetness of foot and his skill at pummeling travellers), but he’s also an industrious bartender and the best drinking company this side of Termonfeckin, Co. Louth.

So if you hear Ray say: “Erryouaritedere? Kineyegityeeanudderone, yepoxybollixybaastirrd?” Just smile and say, “Yes, please.”

What’s your drink of choice?
Guinness.

What kind of music do you like to listen to while working?
Rock… Kings of Leon.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?
Two drunken eejits banging their skulls together in a headbutting contest. They kept at it well after each had split his open and left at the end of the night covered in blood. Eejits. My head still hurts whenever it rains…

What do you like best about tending bar?
Listening to all the old feckers during the day shift.

What do you hate the most?
Listening to all the old feckers during the day shift.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?
I’d call it “Home Away From Home.” It’d just be a great old pub.

Where have you found the best nightlife?
In Tenerife along Veronicas Strip.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would it be and what would you serve them?
I’d serve Bobby Sands something to eat.

If you were President for a day, what would you do?
I’d make all Irish immigrants U.S. citizens.

What do you miss most about Ireland?
My family.

How is St. Patrick’s Day celebrated differently in Ireland as opposed to here in the States?
It’s a bit more religious in Ireland and the drinking and celebrations go on much longer — days before and after. And you don’t have any of these silly hats or costumes.

What Irish stereotype bothers you the most?
That we all eat corned beef and cabbage.

What would you order for your last meal?
Cabbage and potatoes and the arse of a pig.

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub is located in the Publix Banana River Shopping Plaza at 2009 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. The smoking-friendly full-liquor bar features 21 imports on tap, including Guinness, Smithwick’s, and Magner’s Irish Cider as well as dart boards, a pool table, jukebox and live music. Paddy’s is the place to be on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17. Expect live music from Mike Funge, Kelly the Fiddler, John the Piper, Irish Dancers from the Myra Watters School of Dance, Irish tunes from Men of the House and Shivawn and Emily, as well as an acoustic performance by Zac Sullivan. Rollicking Irish music will be playing throughout the day’s festivities. For more information, call 783-0810.

As partial as I am to my old tried-and-true haunts, I always get a thrill out of discovering new watering holes and barkeeps.

They take me back to that first sip of sweet elixir I enjoyed in my youth and that wonderful sense of newness and discovery. Back in old Killkilly, it was the practice for every infant to down a small nip of whiskey every day until they got their sea legs beneath them. I remember it like it was yesterday, but my legs feel like it’s been 45 years…

Imagine the look of extreme pleasure that brightened me gob when I heard that a new bar — the Thirsty Lizard — had just opened on the site of the old Declan’s in Satellite Beach. Even more wonderful was the kindly attentiveness proffered by bottle-handler Darrin Langley, one of the most highly-skilled and easy going tapsters we’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Originally from Dayton, OH, Darrin has lived in the area for 2-1/2 years, and when he’s not working, he loves to surf and fish for pompano with cut clams.

Though he’s only been bartending since his relocation to Brevard, he settles into the task as if to the manner born.

I’ll have another one please, Darrin — and have one for yerself on us.

fWhat’s the best thing about bartending?
Interacting with everyone and hearing their stories — no matter how embellished the tales are!

What’s your least favorite part of the job?
Serving people who don’t know what they want — undecided drinkers.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?
Politeness. It’s simple, but a trait that seems to have been lost. For instance, I get a lot of bar-knockers and people who want to yell out their drinks.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?
I found a kitten in here a few weeks ago behind a table. One of the patrons took it home with him.

What’s the weirdest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?
Some guy at the end of the night wanted the five strongest alcohols put together, and he drank it with no problem… It was Wild turkey, tequila, Bombay Sapphire, and a few more…

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?
I’m usually parked here at the Golden Tee (it’s video crack) or the touchscreen.

Did you have a New Year’s resolution?
Yes, to quit smoking — and it didn’t work out so well.

If you owned your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?
I’d call it “Darrin’s” and we would play punk rock.  It would be located beachside or maybe in Cincinnati.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, whom would it be and what would you serve them?
Hunter S. Thompson. I heard he liked Singapore Slings.

Where is your dream destination?
New Zealand or maybe England/Europe for a football fight. Or the World Cup in South Africa…

Any parting words of wisdom?
“Don’t ask what it is, just shut up and drink it.”

The Thirsty Lizard is located at 1132 Hwy. A1A in Satellite Beach. Formerly Declan’s Pub, the Lizard — home of the $1.50 PBR tall boys — is now under new ownership, and features Happy Hour 7 days a week from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., and lasts all day on Sunday and Monday with $2 wells and domestics. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday sees Ladies Night (with 2-4-1 wells, drafts, and wine) from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. Every Monday night is S.I.N. night with $1 PBRs and $2 shots, and every Tuesday sees live music or a DJ spinning tunes. Each Wednesday hosts Open Mic and each Thursday features bingo with an attitude, a raffle, and loads of prizes. The smoking friendly Lizard is open every day from Noon to 2 a.m., and has a pool table, jukebox, ATM, and Golden Tee. Join them for their Super Bowl Party on February 7 and check this issue’s calendar section for their live music lineup, which goes down every Friday and Saturday night.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Allison DuBois of Casablanca

I’ve never understood the fascination with “Casablanca.” It seems to pop up on everyone and their grandmother’s list of favorite films and is always mentioned as one of the most romantic movies of all time.

I just don’t get it. Rick goes out on a limb to save Ilsa and her husband’s lives and best they can do is abandon him to eke out a miserable existence that ends, presumably, with Rick getting a Swiss cheese for a liver. Does romance always have to be so damn depressing? You yanks are a funny lot.

Now Rick’s bar — I think it was Rick’s Café Américain — that in itself was romantic, and I can’t help but swoon each time I enter Cocoa Beach’s Casablanca and espy the lovely Allison DuBois. Inspired in both name and atmosphere by the Bogart/Bergman classic, Casablanca also seems to pop up on everyone and their grandmother’s list of favorite beachside bars — and for good reason. With bartenders like Allison taking the helm, it’s no wonder Casablanca enjoys such wide popularity.

Here’s looking at you, Allison.

How long have been tending bar?

For about four years, but I’ve been in the business since I was 15.

What’s your favorite thing about being behind the bar at Casablanca?

Casablanca is the perfect local watering hole. My customers are as diverse as Cocoa Beach itself.

What’s your least favorite thing about bartending?

Getting everyone out at closing time!

What quality do you admire most in a customer?

Duh! Big tippers! Seriously though, I just love talking to people and interacting with so many different personalities.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst on the job?

I worked at a sports bar in Tennessee and saw a Volunteer vomit on a table of Georgia fans just to show his team spirit.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

Just last week I had someone order peppermint schnapps with orange juice. Just think about how bad OJ tastes after you brush your teeth!

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

When I’m on the other side, which isn’t very often, I like to bar hop in downtown Cocoa Beach. We have over 20 bars, all within walking distance.

If you owned your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“The Back Aly” — dark and kitschy with lots of live music.

Did you have a New Year’s resolution?

Yes, same one I have every year: to make this year better than the last.

If you could serve any celebrity, alive or dead, who would it be and what would you serve them?

Janis Joplin and Southern Comfort, her favorite.

Where is your dream travel destination?

Anywhere tropical; I’m easy to please.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Casablanca has reopened its outdoor tiki bar and I will be there every Saturday and Sunday at 2 p.m. My words of wisdom are not to miss out on the great live music we have here every weekend!

Casablanca is located at 231 Minutemen Cswy. in downtown Cocoa Beach. The smoking friendly bar opens at 10 a.m. Monday through Saturday and Noon on Sundays. Happy Hour is celebrated every day from opening to 7 p.m. with $1.25 drafts, $2 longnecks, and $2.25 well cocktails. Enjoy a pool table indoors and live music each weekend at their outdoor tiki bar — check our calendar page for details, or call 799-2257.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Amber Banfield of Wynfields Sports Bar

The concept of the Happy Hour is virtually unknown in my grey, rainy hometown of Killkilly. Sure, we have a few “Moments of Mirth,” as we call them, but blink and you’ll miss them.

These rare moments, which usually entail the publican carving a little smiley face into the foam of your pint, are overshadowed by the “Melancholy Minute,” which happens at each quarter-hour, and the “Few Seconds of Deep Depression and Crippling Regret” celebrated around 8 a.m. each Monday morning. But all that’s in the past now that I’ve moved beachside.

Some of my Happiest Hours have been spent at my new favorite local, Wynfields in Satellite Beach, with bartendress Amber Banfield. Though born in Miami, Amber grew up in West Melbourne, where she boxed competitively for four years, taking State honors in 2002 for her weight class. When asked how many bar fights she’s broken up, she modestly reckons about a dozen or so. But I’d be willing to bet that number is much higher, for her calm, no-nonsense demeanor seems to quell many a melee before it’s even foolishly considered.

But even Amber’s formidable pugilistic skills are no match for the paranormal. When she first began working at Wynfields, word of the ghosts of owners past haunting the place reached her. “Late at night one of the video games would randomly turn on and scare the heck out of me,” she admits.

Readers, tipplers, Happy Hour enthusiasts all, I give you Amber Banfield, December’s “Bartender of the Month.”

How long have you been tending bar?

Six years total. Two-and-a-half at Wynfields.

What’s your drink of choice?

Crown and tonic.

What’s your favorite part of the profession?

It’s never boring; you get to meet new people every day.

What do you dislike about it?

The smoke and the drunken a-holes.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed behind the bar?

Sexual activity under the bar involving a 65-year-old woman.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

BC Powder with a glass of water.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A “Choo-Choo Train”: three shots in a row — Cuervo, Bloody Mary mix, and sweet and sour.

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

The Cage. The theme would be MMA fighting with posters of the fighters as wallpaper.

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

Other than promote world peace, I would go to foster care facilities and make the kids feel special.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Buy a street and give houses to my family and friends. I’d also start an animal shelter and a day care center.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

I’d serve Forrest Griffin a Bud bottle.

Where would you most like to travel?

Anywhere tropical… like Hawaii. Definitely not Europe; I’ve seen “Hostel.”

What would you order for your last meal?

Zebra. I’ve always wanted to know what it tastes like.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

Wynfields, of course.

Any parting words of wisdom for your readers?

Never regret the past. Let the past be a lesson for your future. And love like you’ve never been hurt.

Wynfields Sports Bar is located at 190 Hwy. A1A in Satellite Beach. Happy Hour is celebrated 7 days a week until 8pm with $1.75 domestic bottles and wells. There’s something going on every night at Wynfields; Mondays: free pool night; Tuesdays: pool league night; Wednesday: open mic night with Bonedogs; Thursdays: Texas Hold ‘Em with 6 gift certificates ($15 bar tabs); Fridays and Saturdays: live music; Sundays: football. Enjoy a large dance floor, well-stocked jukebox, beer pong tables, four pool tables, video games, and plenty of televisions. For more information, call 773-8460.

Amber and her "Flaming Dr. Pepper"

]]> http://thebeachsideresident.com/2009/12/amber-banfield-of-wynfields-sports-bar/feed/ 0 http://thebeachsideresident.com/2009/11/wendy-sadowski-of-millikens-reef/ http://thebeachsideresident.com/2009/11/wendy-sadowski-of-millikens-reef/#comments Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:35:38 +0000 admin http://thebeachsideresident.com/?p=4841

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Wendy Sadowski of Milliken’s Reef

Among the many hobbies I’ve taken up since moving to Florida, snorkeling has to be my favorite — and it’s a lovely way to spend a sunny day if there ever was one.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been much of a swimmer, so my recent expeditions have been confined to Port Canaveral’s Milliken’s Reef, a veritable paradise of tropical trappings and rare, brightly colored bottles.

Here, you can snorkel down schools of multi-hued liqueurs, yellow-tinted lagers, scarlet grenadines, blue Curaçaos, green Midoris, and too many species of amber rums and whiskies to mention.

Why, it’s enough to give a man the bends.

Thankfully, Wendy Sadowski, the Reef’s finest mixologiste, is always there to resuscitate me.

Give thanks, dear readers for the likes of Wendy. Without her, we’d all be waterlogged and barnacled.

How long have you been tending bar?

Eight years.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

Oh boy, this could take hours… I guess that would have to be when I was exposed to what is really underneath a kilt.

What’s the oddest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

That would definitely have to be a “mat shot” — all the extra overflow that ends up on bar mats poured into a shot. Yuck!

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Take anything that contains alcohol. Start over; it’s five o’clock somewhere…

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

I’d call it “Limey’s Wet Spot” — it would be a total biker bar.

If you could be president for a day, what would you do?

Bring the troops home to their families. It’s been long enough!

If you could serve any celebrity, whom would you choose and what would you serve them?

My one and only favorite celebrity, Madonna. I’d probably join her with the best champagne available.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I would first buy my “Limey’s Wet Spot,” take my longtime dream vacation to Bermuda, and make a huge donation to the S.P.C.A.

Where else would you most like to travel?

Australia and New Zealand.

What would you order for your last meal?

I’d choose the best sushi in town.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

By the good looking boys — duh!

Any parting words of wisdom?

Drink responsibly — don’t drink and drive!

Milliken’s Reef (683 Dave Nisbet Dr.; Port Canaveral) is open daily from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.; their restaurant, which specializes in fresh seafood, surf and turf and Caribbean-inflected dishes, closes at 10 p.m. each night. Milliken’s boasts three fully-stocked bars — an indoor piano lounge, a tiki bar, and “the Hook-Up” bar on their outdoor patio — each of which celebrates Happy Hour daily from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Milliken’s is also a popular live music venue and Tuesdays see Ladies Night from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. Call 783-0100 to find out about more specials, or visit them online at www.millikensreef.com

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH:

Gary Sadler of The Firehouse

By Paddy McDrinksey

I gave up a lot to live in Florida — a fairly well-paid job inseminating salmon at the Killkilly fishery, being close to my family (who are all terrible bastards, if the truth be told), a chance to inherit a bit of land, lovely sausages, and a few promising marriage prospects, one of whom was the daughter of a very prominent sausage salesman who promised me a better paid job and a larger tract of land conveniently far from my family.

But what I miss most about Killkilly are the seasons, that glorious, colorful cycle of life, dormancy, death and rebirth. There are basically two seasons here in Florida: summer and not quite summer; or, to put it simply: hot and not as bloody hot as it was yesterday.

So it was something terrible the heat and thirst I had on me a few weeks back while strolling around the shops for personables in downtown historic Melbourne. By the time I’d arrived at the easternmost end of the fashionable strip, I felt a fire in my gut that needed swift extinguishing — a blazing conflagration of infernal proportions. Clangclangclang went the bells in me belly, and just as I was sure I’d die of thirst, what should I stumble up against but the wall of The Firehouse, a formidable steakhouse whose bartender, the steadfast Gary Sadler, put me innards right with a cool, refreshing glass of fermented grain juice.

Move over, G.I. Joe, for a real American hero: Gary “Emergency” Sadler…

How long have you been tending bar?

Eight years.

What’s your favorite part of job?

I love serving a new guest for the first time — especially if I don’t know how to make their drink. We have fun tasting it until it’s right!

What’s your major beef with the profession?

That I can’t go home with every customer I have fun with.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

I once saw two guys doing shots from a couple of girls’ ass cracks! A hard show to miss!

What’s the weirdest drink you’ve ever been asked to make?

Once we were out of every ingredient needed to make an Irish Car Bomb (Guinness, Bailey’s, and Jameson), so the guest insisted that I improvise a replacement. Well, after a few tries, we settled on using Seagram’s, Kahlua, crème de cacao, and half-and-half, and dropped it into a Russian Imperial Stout. Then we decided it only appropriate to rename it a “Russian Hooker.”

What’s your drink of choice?

Vodka and Coke w/Grand Marnier, straight-up.

What’s your trusted hangover cure?

Water, aspirin, coffee, a Bloody Mary, a swim in the ocean, and lots of sex.

If you could own your own bar, what would you call it and what kind of place would it be?

I’d own a Dave & Buster’s, specializing in adult games with live music on the waterfront.

What would you do if you were president for a day?

I’d take a date in an F-16 to an aircraft carrier, then sky dive from Air Force One.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I’d share it evenly with my family and donate my physical and financial resources towards doing research to help to cure Alzheimer’s disease and spina bifida.

If you could serve any celebrity, who it to be and what would you serve them?

Matthew McConaughey seems like he’d be a cool guy to hang with at a beach bar — he’s got that “beach vibe” personality. I’d pour him a nice, cool “Sand in Your Crack” — it’s made with Midori, blue Curaçao, vodka and pineapple juice. I’d suggest he share a pitcher with the women surrounding him. You see, if you like “Sex on the Beach,” you’ve got to love “Sand in Your Crack!”

Where would you most like to travel?

Europe (especially Amsterdam) and South America for the sun-drenched babes.

What would you order for your last meal?

A huge rare, sushi-grade ahi tuna with a pretty strong wasabi cream sauce.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Have fun, drink responsibly, and tip your bartenders well, because “the night they save may be your own!”

The Firehouse is located at 923 E. New Haven Ave. in historic downtown Melbourne. They’re open Monday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; and Sundays from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. The stunning restaurant, which specializes in fine-cut steaks, also boasts an impressive, old-fashioned full-liquor bar, open at 11 a.m. every morning till late in the eve. For more information, call 327-7919, or look for them on Facebook.

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Bartender of the Month: Becky Moore from Hooters of Merritt Island

Though my hometown of Killkilly is a bit of a backwater, it’s not nearly as unsophisticated as some might imagine.

There’s the old loom museum, for one, and the cinema…which actually was recently gutted to become the new loom museum after the orginal one burned down. So there’s really only the one loom museum we have to recommend us to any tourists, then. But apart from the lone loom museum, there’s also the loom annex and gift shop, a small building attached to the cinema (now the new loom museum, if you remember) that has a very interesting history behind it, believe it or not.

Years ago, before I moved here to the States, it was O’Breasties, the hippest bar and eatery in town. They served some of the most succulent chicken breasts in the area and wonderfuly icy beer, but sadly, it never took off the ground. Looking back, having the five Murphy brothers decked out in spandex knickers and tiny shirts probably wasn’t the best idea. And to many, the Murphy brothers weren’t all that bad looking.

Fast forward a few years and here I am at the real thing: Hooters in Merritt Island. You yanks really know how to do things right here, I can tell you. Some of the patrons here count this Hooters as the best in the nation, and bar manager/bartender Becky Moore as one of the best in the business. At only 20 years of age, Becky has been chosen to help open up flagship Hooters stores in Germany — which makes me fear for all those Bavarian owls who’ll soon be losing their little wings.

Anyhow, Becky — Prost!

How long have you been tending bar?

I’ve been at Hooters for 3 1/2 years — 1/2 as a hostess, 3 as a bartender.

What’s the best part of your work?

The fun atmosphere — and it’s really not all about the drinking.

What do you dislike about the profession?

The stereotypes people have about bartenders being alcoholics. I’m not at all like that.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?

Nothing seems to shock me really, but seeing guys trying to pour themselves drinks from the taps toward the end of the night amazes me…

What quality do you most admire in a patron?

Responsibility. Remember: we’re dealing with human lives here.

If you could open your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

“Booties”! All the girls would walk around in tall boots and short shorts.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

I like to go to the Port, especially to authentic bars like Grill’s.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

I would go shopping, maybe buy myself a new truck, and donate money to the fight against breast cancer.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

Rodney Carrington, one of the most hilarious redneck comedians out there. (Look up “Titties and Beer” and “Show them to me” on YouTube). Of course he’d be drinking Bud Light.

Describe your ideal day off.

Fishing — bottom fishing, to be exact — going for snapper and grouper. Also, off-roading my truck up around Canaveral Groves is a lot of fun, too.

Where would you most like to travel?

To the Hooters up in Alaska. That would just be cool!

What would you order for your last meal?

BBQ ribs, mac n’ cheese, chocolate chip cookies and a chocolate milkshake.

Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

Have fun! If you pick a job you love, you’ll never go to “work” a day in your life.

Hooters of Merritt Island is located at 125 N. Sykes Creek Blvd. They have loads of weekly events, including Military Mondays, Double Lunch Punch Tuesdays, Trivia Tuesdays, and Wednesday Wingsdays. Thursday, September 3 is Poker Night from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., and Friday, September 4 sees Bike Night from 7 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. along with Hooters Formal Friday, celebrated from 11 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. There’s always some sort of special going on at Hooters, so drop in and see Becky, or call 449-0752 for details. You can also check their local website at:www.myspace.com/111086007

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Bartender of the Month: Johnny Daniels of Fishlips Waterfront Bar & Grill

It’s no secret that I’ve stumbled around the alcoholic block more than a few times in my career as a professional drinker, but it may shock people to know that I’ve enjoyed being in very few and am unlikely to return to a majority of them — especially old Rose Finnegan’s, from which I still feel the effects of being served a glass of her painfully delicious “Groin Punch.”

You see, of all the qualities an ideal bartender should posess (as his bar should, too), niceness is the quality that’s most wanting among their swollen population.

If I had a nickel for every “nice” bartender I’ve run across, I’d have about 65 cents, which I think might just barely get me a pickled egg from an out-of-the-way Romanian boozer.

But happily, I’ve just met a barkeep — Johnny Daniels of Port Canaveral’s Fishlips — who is so nice and unassuming that I may well have just added another 200 rolls in nickels to my meager stash. And surely that will get me a round of drinks for everyone at his great bar, with enough left over for a taxi back to my dingy, gin-soaked den to type this holy ode.

Johnny, if nice is the new mean, then you’re one hell of an evil bastard.

Cheers, mate.

How long have you been tending bar?

Five years; Four at Fishlips.

What’s your favorite part of the profession?

Meeting all the people, talking, and working with the great crew behind the bar.

What do you dislike about bartending?

Filling orders at the server’s bar like a drink-making machine. It’s not very personal, it’s just busy work.

What’s your drink of choice?

I’m a beer kind of guy, so probably Yuengling.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

A day at the beach with lots of Gatorade.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

“Trick” drinks, like lime and Baileys (“Cement Mixers”) and tequila with tabasco (“Prairie Fires”).

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

It would be a sports bar, with plenty of TVs, live music, and good beers on tap. I’d call it “JD’s.”

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

I’m a Port cruiser, and love to crawl all the spots like Milliken’s, Rusty’s, Grills and of course, Fishlips!

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

I probably wouldn’t have much time to get anything important done, so I’d just invite my friends over and throw a party in the White House!

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Whatever I wanted — everything!

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

I’d serve the 2008 World Series Champions the Philadelphia Phillies anything they wanted.

Where would you most like to travel?

I’ve already been to Costa Rica and Central America to surf, so maybe somewhere new like Europe.

What would you order for your last meal?

A cheeseburger with fries.

Any parting words of wisdom?

A wise man once said, “Come to Fishlips on Thursday nights — drinks are $2!”

Fishlips Waterfront Bar & Grill is located at 610 Glen Cheek Drive in Port Canaveral. They’re open from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Monday through Saturday, and from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Sunday. On Mondays from 4-7 and 9 to close, enjoy “1-2-3s”: $1 domestic drafts, $2 house wine, $3 3-olive bombs. Tuesday sees Ladies Night, where from 10-1 ladies drink free, and Wednesdays from 4-7 and 9 to close offer $3 you-call-its, while Thursdays feature $2 you-call-its from 4-7 and 9 to close. On Fridays from 4-7, enjoy $4 Fishlips coladas and margaritas. Sunday features a popular mimosa brunch from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. with free mimosas. For information on their entertainment schedule, call 784-4533, check this issue’s Entertainment Calendar, or visit www.fishlipswaterfront.com

I’ve just found me muse, which is nice because my others weren’t really working out for me.

The St. Pauli girl was easy on the eyes, there’s no denying that, but to be honest, it was all I could do to choke down one of her brews. By comparison, old Sam Adams makes a formidable elixir, but it just doesn’t do for a man to have another man as a muse. Not that I have anything against that kind of thing, but you understand. And the less said about the other muses, the better. (You know who you are, Mr. Schlitz…)

Now this new muse, Danielle Forand of downtown Melbourne’s Off The Traxx, is more to my liking — and not for the reasons you think. Sure, she’s well looked after in the pulchritude department, but it’s her attitude that sealed the deal. Originally from Bolton, Connecticut (just a hop, skip and a jump from UCONN), the 21-year-old ‘tendrix works days in a real estate and development office, where she’s rubbed elbows with many prominent local luminaries. Apart from that and putting in 25 hours a week at Off The Traxx, she spends her precious free time mentoring an 11-year-old girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, Danielle…

What’s the best part of your work here?

I love working with the crew the best, meeting new people and seeing regulars. The midnight shot with the crew is a fun part of the night, too.

What do you dislike about the profession?

The late, long hours. Sometimes there’s trouble, but the guys behind the bar usually take care of it really quickly. The crew is awesome!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the bar?

A (presumably) homeless man came into the bar. While there, a woman felt so bad for him that she bought him a hamburger and had it sent to him. He got really irate and cursed out the woman and left.

What’s your drink of choice?

The Red-Headed Slut: Jägermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice.

Do you have a preferred hangover cure?

Hot tea at night. Orange juice in the morning.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

Beer, orange juice and Amaretto.

If you could be president for a day what would you do?

I would help children from bad homes, set up free schools and financial aid for kids aged 14-18 from struggling families, and would try to help them cope with life experiences.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings?

Pay off my Mom’s mortgage, travel the world, or go backpacking in Europe and Australia with my sister.

Where else would you most like to travel?

I’d like to rediscover my past and my family roots. I’d like to visit Prince Edward island again, and maybe Lithuania.

What would you order for your last meal?

Mashed potatoes. Close runners-up would be Mom’s chicken marsala, artichokes and Geyser Peak Chardonnay.

Any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

“Human life has been given to you for the sole purpose of realizing the Self. If you die without realizing the Self, your life has been wasted.”  — Annamalai Swami

Off The Traxx is located at 918 E. New Haven Ave. in Historic Downtown Melbourne. They’re open from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily. They’ll be hosting a Fourth of July celebration starting at 4 p.m., which will feature their 1st Annual Pig Roast, specials on white sangria pitchers, $5 frozen drinks, $2.50 Bud and Bud Lites, $2 spiked watermelon slices and a visit by the Bud and Jäger Girls at Midnight. Enjoy live bands like Over The Void, Joe Oliver and Vintage and watch the fireworks from nearby Front Street. Happy Hour is celebrated at Off The Traxx Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., featuring $1.75 drafts and $2 wells. On Mondays, Happy Hour reconvenes at 11 p.m. and lasts till close, and Tuesdays it’s celebrated all day long. Wednesdays see Ladies Night with $3 martinis, 2-4-1 wells and $2 drafts for guys. Trailer Trash Nights are held each Thursday with $1 PBR and bar games like quarters and beer pong. Off The Traxx hosts live music every weekend, check our calendar page for July’s schedule. They also serve cooked-to-order wings, open-faced sandwiches, seared ahi, steaks, burgers, pasta and much more. For more information, call them at 327-2919.

Though one of my personal favorites among our many “‘Tenders ‘o the Month,” Taco City’s own Don “Dash” Dasher is the one who’s been the most difficult to categorize, much less describe.

Calling him Taco City’s mascot wouldn’t be far off the mark, but he’s so much more than that to so many people. Born in Cincinnati, OH, and raised in Chicago, “Dash” moved to Cocoa Beach with Taco City founder A.J. Meyers in 1980. Since that time, he’s been working with the Meyers family and certainly had a hand in turning it into the Brevard County landmark it is today. In fact, he recently became part owner of the beloved establishment. If the homey atmosphere of the place is what packs them in, much of that charm should be attributable to Dash, whose effervescent personality is matched only by the bubbliness of the beer he downs with remarkable speed. When he calls out your name to pick up your food from the counter, the tray is always proffered with the kind of witty quip only he could deliver. Going to Taco City is a rite of passage, and everyone has a favorite memory or story connected with an experience there, many of which invariably figure Dash and his gregarious, Falstaffian personality. It’s somehow fitting that Dash met his lovely bride Patti while she was sitting in the very stool I conducted my interview from. And even more fitting that he told me so while beaming from ear to ear.

No Taco City experience is complete without the presence of Dash — which is handy, because it seems he’s always there.

How long have you been tending bar here?

28 years. I keep the beer flowing, handle all the orders and run the show.

What’s your favorite part of the job?

I like seeing new faces and old friends and cracking jokes with people. I think I just like to see people having a good time.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve witnessed from behind the counter?

I’d have to say women who periodically reveal their breasts.

What’s your drink of choice?

Bloody Mary.

What hangover cure would you recommend?

Bloody Mary.

What music do you like to hear while you’re working?

’70s rock. Rock — not Disco. I like Southern Rock, too.

Favorite album?

Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here.

Favorite movie?

“Caddyshack.”

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

Rodney Dangerfield. A Michelob Lite draft.

What would you order for your last meal?

Steak.

What would you like to come back as in your next life?

A pelican. I like the way they glide over the water and I love seafood…

What is your dream destination?

I’d like to take the QE2 around the world.

If you were president for a day, what would you do?

Take the day off.

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?

I don’t go out much. I prefer sitting at the poolside tiki bar in my backyard.

If you owned your own bar what would you call it and what would it be like?

I’d open one in Chicago kind of like a Hard Rock Cafe and call it “Balderdash.”

Do you have some words of wisdom for our readers?

Be happy with what you’re doing. If you can make others happy while you’re doing it, that’s even better.

Every hour is happy hour at Taco City, located at 2955 S. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. They’re open Monday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Dash can usually be found behind the counter Tuesday and Wednesday days and during the evening for the rest of the week. In addition to great tex-mex food like burritos, quesadillas, and favorites like Chings and Fireballs, expect “red, pink and white” wine, wine margaritas, their very own Maria Sangria, and imported and domestic bottled beers — O’Doul’s, Budweiser, Bud Light, Michelob Ultra, Miller Lite, Dos Equis (amber and lager), Heneiken (regular and light), and both regular and light Corona. Michelob Light and Bud Light are offered on tap. See them online at: www.tacocity2.com. Call ahead for food to go 784-1475.

BARTENDER OF THE MONTH: Roxanne Polochak of Slow & Low

As readers may recall, I spent last month holed up in the Stumble Inn Detoxification Centre in my hometown of Killkilly.

How’d it my cure go, you ask? Spendidly, thanks very much, unless you count the the time I busted my chin and two teeth falling off the wagon only two hours after having arrived back beachside.

Riding on a wagon isn’t as easy as it seems, which is perhaps why the wooden rattletraps have been largely replaced by sleeker, motorized improvements. For one, there’s the lack of suspension and the monotonous scenery, not counting the pain of watching all the happily tipsy folk zip past you at astronomical speeds. But it wasn’t so much that I fell off the wagon as leapt willingly from it while passing Slow & Low Barbecue in Cocoa Beach. And I leapt not so much because of the sight of Roxanne Polochak — she of the azure eyes and glimmering tresses — but because of the look I got from the tall, bubbly blonde she was serving…which I suppose could have been a Budweiser, but looked for all intents and purposes like a Miller, juding from the exuberant fizz emanating from the glass.

Well, one thing led to another, and afore ye know it, I was three sheets to the wind by 5 p.m. I raise my glass to the lass who brought me back to normalcy, the fair Roxanne.

‘Ta, Roxanne. Here’s to you…and to more modern, speedier conveyances.

How long have you been tending bar?

Five-and-a-half years.

What’s your favorite thing about tending bar?

Talking to people.

What’s your least favorite aspect of the profession?

Making frozen drinks.

What’s your drink of choice?

Patrón.

What’s the worst concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

The “Stumbling F***”: Jameson, 151 and Rumple Minze.

What’s your signature drink?

Poison Apple: Jägermeister, Apple Pucker and cranberry juice.

Can you give our readers a tried-and-true hangover cure?

Beer — hair of the dog.

Where do you like to sit on the other end of the bar?

The Cottage Pub, Rum Runners, and Time Out Sports Bar.

If you could have your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?

It’d be called “On The Rox,” and would be somewhere on the beach with a tiki bar that featured Patrón.

What town in your opinion offers the best nightlife?

Ft. Lauderdale or South Beach, Miami.

When was the last time you punched someone in the face?

About five years ago in Ft. Lauderdale. She sucker-punched me and I punched her back.

If you could serve any celebrity, who would you choose and what would you serve them?

I’d give Nietzsche a shot of Patrón and take him out to sit on the beach with me so I could pick his brain.

What celebrity would you kick out of your bar?

Paris Hilton. Because she’s everything I’m not.

Any parting words of wisdom?

Live to fight another day.

Visit Roxanne at Slow & Low Barbecue’s outdoor patio bar. Slow & Low is located at 306 N. Orlando Avenue in Cocoa Beach. Enjoy daily Happy Hour specials including a special late night Happy Hour featuring specially-priced menu items. They’re open until 2 a.m. each weekend and host live music Thursdays through Sundays. Visit them online at www.slowandlowbarbecue.com, or call 783-6199 for more information.