Tallulah

The first thing I remember is being in a kiddie pool, squirming around with all my brothers and sisters.

After we had all opened our eyes and grown a bit, lots of people came to look at us. They picked us up and played with us a bit, and sometimes they would point to one of my siblings and say, “That one.” Our mom had to stay outside while the people came, but she jumped against the door the whole time, trying to get in so we wouldn’t be alone with these strangers. Eventually, my family came to look at us. The small one pointed at me and one of her parents picked me up and took me out of the pool. I tried to give them playful nips, but apparently humans don’t like that, especially when you still have all your very sharp baby teeth. They glanced at a few of my siblings, but the small one was adamant that I was the one. After deciding to name me “Tallulah” and promising to come back, they left for a while.

We went home together, and they taught me how to be a good dog. The large male was “Father,” and he was in charge; the large female was “Mother,” next in command; and the smallest one was “Child,” the next-next in command. They taught me not to chew on the furniture, or other humans, and gave me treats when I did things right, like sit or stay when they told me to.

My humans take good care of me, and I take good care of them. I protect them, barking at anything threatening and giving them a soft thing to hug and pet. They used to give me toys to play with and ropes to tug on, and would throw things for me to chase. I am too old for most of that now, but I can still tear the stuffing out of a teddy bear in three seconds flat. They took me to an animal doctor to give me all sorts of shots to make sure I would not get sick. That place still scares me a bit, but when we have to, I go reluctantly because I know it’s for my own good, and then bolt for the door when I know we are done.

They can’t help the cancer I now have, but they’re doing their best to make sure I’m as comfortable as I can be. My leg hurts sometimes, but they give me pills to make it feel better. The best part is that I’ve discovered that if I spit the pills out, they’ll wrap them in all sorts of yummy things like turkey and ham for me! Child and Father see that I will be okay for a while, but I totally have Mother wrapped around my finger.

I can get Mother up at two in the morning to play with me if I make enough noise, and she’s the one who puts the most meat around my pills. I even have not just one bed, but two blankets as well, all of which she’ll move for me whenever I decide to get up and sleep somewhere else! She even gives me extra treats now, but so do Father and Child when I make sure they don’t see Mother giving them to me. They may think they are the ones in charge, but I’ve had them right in my paw this whole time.

I love my family, and they love me. I couldn’t have asked for a better family and my family always tells me every day they couldn’t have asked for a better dog.

– Torrey Cranston

I’ve read with interest recent letters from other local outdoor enthusiasts featured in your column and am amazed, not so much by their love problems, but that they have mates at all! I myself am more of a loner — always have been — and prefer communing with nature solo. That is, up until this past November, when I turned 40. It’s maybe the result of getting older, but I find myself yearning to share my outdoor adventures with a member of the female sex. But unlike these other guys, I’m having problems meeting someone I connect with. I’m planning an extensive canoe tour of Florida waterways this summer and would like to take a girl along with me. But, then again, am I betraying my principles? Maybe I’m just going through a phase. Should I just go it alone after all?

“Doug”

Merritt Island

Tony, such a woman is not hard to find. Unless you’re content to stick your tent peg in the dirt, I recommend loosening your rigid principles and exploring Withlacoochee, if you know what I mean…

Romeo,

“Rick” is a great guy, don’t get me wrong. We like each other a lot, but we come from very, very different backgrounds. Like, I’m Palm Beach-rich and he’s miserably poor. But for some reason we seem to connect. We haven’t made love yet — I’m far too busy at my secretive, high-powered job right now — and Rick is starting to pester me. Not only about sleeping with him, but also about what I do for a living. I don’t want to hurt Rick because he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met, but I guess my maternal instincts are telling me that he just wouldn’t understand and that we’d never work together. But still, I have doubts. What should I do?

Lydia G.

Cocoa Beach

I suggest parting your drapes and letting him into your inner sanctum.    

Dear Romeo,

I’m sure you’ve been asked this many times, but I think readers would like to know your feelings about sex on the beach. Do tell…

Roger D.

Cocoa Beach

This depends on what beach you are talking about. Sex on Daytona Beach at three in the morning isn’t the same as making love on the Playa de la Marbella at the crack of dawn… who also happens to be a very close friend of mine. There are “beaches” and then there are Beaches — broad stretches of sugar and gold sand made by God himself for the purposes of love and romance. Explore these beaches and leave the others behind, or you might get cigarette butts in your gazzaladra, coquina shells up your pizzicato, and kelp and turtle hatchlings between your paparazzis. But because I am a skilled lover and own many plush towels, my many beach lovers and I never have these problems. Except for when I was with my last girlfriend, Sandy Bottoms! 

Dear Romeo,

I recently learned that my new girlfriend is a hermaphrodite. She just told me over the phone, and I could tell that something had been on her mind since we began dating a few days ago. I’m really into her though, despite knowing this. We still haven’t slept together obviously, and I’m worried about how I’ll handle it.

L.J.M.

Merritt Island

Be very careful how you handle it/them! I don’t envy you. Many fish are hermaphroditic as are several species of mollusks. But I’m sure your girl is a little more desirable that these things, am I correct? I hope so. If you can, try to leave a little night light on when you lay down to begin loving. Be delicate and gentle and pay attention to handle the right one at the right time. You must not, for example, reach for the Aphrodite and mistakenly touch the Herm. This will confuse everyone and I don’t want you writing in about this problem again if something bad happens. Tell them hello for me!

TAURUS Life will throw you a fair share of curveballs later this month, but you have the skill to connect with them, knock them out of the park, and slide safely home. After the game, your friends congratulate you warmly and carry you on their shoulders off the diamond, but things will get awkward in the shower.

GEMINI You often feel ignored, actively shunned even, and you can’t figure out why. You’re polite, attentive to people’s needs, and well groomed. Might it have something to do with your garlic toothpaste? Nah…

CANCER Literature is one of your abiding passions, and you’ve made your bookshelf a reflection of your soul and an enticement to romance. You’ll connect with a certain someone who’s ready to sleep with you as soon as they see your collection of Italian renaissance love poetry. Once they notice these tomes outnumbered by “Garfield” collections, however, the deal’s off.

LEO Normally, the upcoming alignment of the stars would bode well for you. But the unusual position of Uranus will find you walking with a pronounced limp well into July.

VIRGO You find yourself more fatigued than usual this spring, and realize it may have something to do with your joints. Try packing them with less hashish and apply more linament.

LIBRA Heaven knows how you’ve managed to get this far through life unscathed. Determined journalists determine that it’s probably due to your father’s wealth and influential connections.

SCORPIO You’ve never believed in the Easter Bunny, but you’d do well to take a page from his playbook around the middle of the month. Before slipping drunkenly into bed with “Gary,” the guy you picked up after last call, be sure to hide all your eggs.

SAGITTARIUS This month finds you fulfilling your dream of visiting Bulgaria, the land of your forefathers. I recommend passing on cheap cassettes and signing up for a proper language course, or you might find yourself writing alimony checks to a goat by this time next year.

CAPRICORN If there’s one thing you can’t stand, it’s being misunderstood. You’ve made considerable progress in connecting with your peers, but none of them speak Farsi.

AQUARIUS Your love of history is what drives you to become the first member of your family to earn a master’s degree. You’re almost there, and you’re certain that your dissertation, “Hannibal and the Carthaginian Invasion of Rome,” will dazzle your professors. Check your facts, though. George Peppard never crossed the Alps on an elephant.

PISCES Acting is what you live for, but all these recent rejections are giving you second thoughts about your choice of career. Stay strong. Things will take a turn for the better in early May when, at long last, that tortured expression you wear catches the eye of an industry bigwig. Congratulations, “Pepto Bismol Customer #3″!

Tales From Development Hell: The Greatest Movies Never Made?
By David Hughes
Titan Books; 368 pages; $15.95 

Movies are a part of life for all of us, even if we don’t watch them. An endless array of film-themed advertisements, t-shirts, and toys invade our everyday existence — especially those associated with Disney. It’s annoying for a non-moviegoer, nirvana for a film lover.

David Hughes brings us the story behind some of the biggest films of the last 30 years in the updated and expanded edition of “Tales From Development Hell.” Movies such as the “Indiana Jones” franchise and the remakes of “Planet of the Apes” and “Batman” suffered through what he calls “development hell,” that period before filming begins when a great story is transformed into schlock and must be sent back for a complete rewrite. The way Hughes describes it, it’s a time that would make a sober person ask what drugs were in vogue at the time.

The focus is mainly on the development of scripts for the films; Hughes is a journalist and aspiring screenwriter and has experience with the frustrations that go with script development. It’s an inside look at Hollywood, which has a “fondness for developing a great script into a mediocre one by throwing too many writers and too few ideas at it.” Hughes’s loosely defined development hell is a slow torture of the writer, first by the producer or studio executive, then by actors and directors, over a period that could extend for years. Hughes presents Hollywood as a culture that is rife with petty sniping and inflated egos — and that’s well before the actors get involved.

The book relies heavily on previously published interviews and articles from industry magazines such as “Empire” and “Cinescape,” so much so that at times it seems little more than a collection of articles. There is also a tendency to overdo the plot summary of movies (like “Total Recall” and “The Sandman”) that turns the book into a reader’s hell. These are minor foibles though, especially if you’re a cinephile. One of the highlights is the impact of current events on films. The main character in “Total Recall” was originally named “Quail,” but was changed to “Quaid” because of then-Vice President Dan Quayle. And an Arnold Schwarzenegger film titled “Crusade,” about the 11th century Christian crusades, was shelved after the events of 9/11. Studio executives also have trouble recognizing hits; nearly every studio in Hollywood rejected the original “Indiana Jones” movie. They’ve no doubt been kicking themselves since the first one opened.

Hughes has also published a book called “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movies Never Made,” and states that he will not regurgitate material covered there. He’s obviously a sci-fi fan; most of the movies covered here may well be rejects from his other publication. He has tried his hand at script development and he concludes with the story of his (mostly failed) attempts in the business. He’s found the next best thing though: if you don’t succeed at something, you can always write about it. – Mark James

This year is my 12th year as a Floridian and the 12th at my job as well.

I really do love it here; there is so much to do and so many opportunities for relaxation. Visits to the Keys are a big part of the Florida experience for many people. So far, I’ve only been there once — and not even all the way to the end! But I did make it to Butterfly World and the Coral Castle, both of which are charming. But the best part of the Keys has to be that uniquely Floridian dessert, Key lime pie!

This recipe is definitely a “foodie” version of the classic; if you don’t want to make the homemade graham crackers for the crust, just be lazy and buy one! But I do think the homemade crust makes this pie stand out. Just be sure to get Key lime juice, not simply lime juice!

Homemade graham crackers

1-1/2 cups whole wheat flour
3/4 cups unbleached white flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons water
4 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons turbinado sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup of honey

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine the whole wheat flour, unbleached white flour, and salt in a bowl and mix with a fork till well blended. In a small bowl, dissolve the baking soda with the water and set aside. Cream butter, sugar, and egg until fluffy, then add the baking soda mixture and the honey. Mix well and add the flour a little at a time till well combined. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper and divide dough into two sections, rolling both out to 1/8-inch thickness. Cut into squares large enough to turn over with a spatula. Bake for about 8 minutes until underside is browned, then turn over and repeat for another 8 minutes. When finished baking, leave the crackers to crisp with oven door open after it has been turned off. Make sure to loosen them first so they don’t stick to the parchment paper. Let them sit about 3 hours in the oven.

Graham cracker pie shell

If you don’t have a food processor, use a blender to make graham cracker crumbs for the pie shell. For the pie shell, you’ll need 1 1/2 cups of the graham cracker crumbs, 3 tablespoons turbinado sugar, and 5-1/2 tablespoons butter. Mix dry ingredients together and then cut in the butter until well combined. Press into a 9-inch pie pan (this will take patience and a little time!). Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes until lightly browned.

Key lime pie filling

3 eggs
1 cup sweetened condensed milk
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/3 cup Key lime juice

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Beat the eggs with a mixer until foamy, then add the condensed milk and cream of tartar followed by the lime juice and stir for about 5 minutes. Pour the filling into the graham cracker crust and bake for about 20 minutes until the filling is set. Let cool for half an hour before refrigerating overnight. Serve with fresh whipped cream.

By Paddy McDrinksey

I’ve not received many compliments in my life, but one of the most memorable came from Siobhan Slattery, a distant, raven-haired cousin I was sure I’d marry when I grew up.

She once told me I looked like an older Dean Martin, and I can still feel the blush on my cheeks to this day.

I was deeply moved by the comparison and became obsessed with all things Dean Martin. Have you ever tried to kick a half-deflated football through the streets whilst holding a rocks glass full of bourbon and soda in one hand and trying to keep your toupee straight with the other? And all this at the age of five, mind you.

So you can imagine my surprise at discovering that Kim Vcelka, one of the bartenders at Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro, originally hails from Steubenville, Ohio, the birthplace of one Dino Paul Crocetti.

Even if she hadn’t though, she’d still be one of my favorite pourers, and Tip-A-Few is probably one of the best-kept dining secrets in the area. Chef owned and operated since 1999, Tip-A-Few serves some of the most delicious and fresh, made-to-order food in the county — from award-winning burgers to celestial red bliss potato salad.

How long have you been tending bar?

Nine years.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed while working?

When it happens I’ll let you know…

What do you like best about the job?

Meeting new people and working with the public.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A Bloody Mary. We’re a beer and wine establishment…

What’s your drink of choice?

Amstel Light.

Can you recommend a proven hangover cure?

Zip Fizz. Grape and Orange is my favorite.

Which celebrity would you most like to serve?

Dean Martin, because he’s where I was originally from.

If you could own your own bar, what would it be like and what would you call it?

It would be a male strip club and I’d call it “Swingin’ Dicks.”

What would you hope to achieve if you were president?

I’d make world peace, of course.

What would you order for your last meal?

For me, it would have to be a buffet with a little bit of everything.

Parting words of wisdom?

My dad always said that life is sometimes like a worn-out jock strap — it has NO support!

The family-friendly Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro is located at 6890 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cape Canaveral. Excellent food is served here from their new menu every day until 11 p.m., including what have been voted the best burgers in Brevard. Happy Hour is held daily from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Free pool Monday through Friday from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., and Mondays from 10 p.m. to close. Tuesdays see live music, and Wednesdays see 2-4-1 drafts from 10 p.m. to close. Thursday is Trivia Night, and Friday offers a fish fry lunch and dinner. They show all your favorite sports events on a number of televisions as well. Call 784-2478 to find out more.

Carl Lewis

Carl Lewis is a true Texas tenor with a big sound that’s matched only by his big stature and big personality.

Lewis, a Houston native, trained under the late, great Conrad O. Johnson and received musical training at Texas Southern University’s Summer Jazz Workshop and Florida State University. He later received his Master’s Degree from Florida A&M University, where he was a member of the world renowned Marching 100.

At a young age, Lewis showed musical interest by playing piano, drums, and trombone by ear. He began on alto saxophone at Catholic elementary school, took private lessons under his mentor, the aforementioned Johnson, and honed his skills in the orchestra at St. John Missionary Baptist Church. The fabled church on Houston’s Dowling Street provided Lewis with the artistic freedom to develop his command of the horn through gospel music. Lewis’s approach to various genres — from soul and Latin to pop, hip-hop, and jazz — highlights the individual sound of each while carrying the passion and anointment of those gospel roots.

The unmistakably rich tone of his saxophone has been included in the credits of several recordings and has graced the stage with Myron Butler, Jonathan Nelson, and Tye Tribbet. Lewis has been a staple in the Chicago, Atlanta, and Houston jazz scenes and is currently touring from his base in Melbourne, FL. He plays several other instruments as well and is an accomplished vocalist (he’s well known for his uncanny Louis Armstrong impersonation), and he’s performed with smooth jazz icons like Kim Waters, Jonathan Butler, Horace Alexander Young, and the legendary Stanley Turentine.

Catch Carl Lewis Friday, April 20 at Heidi’s Jazz Club (7 N. Orlando Ave. in downtown Cocoa Beach). Show starts at 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $10. Call Heidi’s at 783-4459 to find out more.

Igor & Red Elvises

If Igor and Red Elvises aren’t in the middle of a tour, they are getting ready for the next one — this is a group that is constantly in motion and consistently evolving. Singer, songwriter, guitarist and showman extraordinaire Igor Yuzov is perpetually globetrotting, and in the process he has found scores of wildly talented, entertaining musicians to bring into the fold of this increasingly international party band.

Red Elvises started out in 1995 as a Russian group, playing what they dubbed “Siberian Surf Rock.” Since then, the band has included musicians from many other countries including the United States, Israel, Puerto Rico, and Bulgaria. Everyone who performs with them for any length of time brings something different both energetically and musically. At various times shows have included keyboards, accordions, sax, clarinet, trumpet, flute, banjo, mandolin, tuba and many other instruments. Old and new fans alike can expect to be surprised at shows again and again, however the roots of Red Elvises remain the same: Igor’s unique brand of humor combined with guitar-based rock ‘n’ roll that makes audiences want to sing, dance, scream, and shout.

Red Elvises began in 1995 after Yuzov dreamed that Elvis Presley came to him and told him to start playing rock ‘n’ roll. Not one to say no to the King, he and his Russian friends started playing on Santa Monica’s 3rd Street Promenade. Their street musician days did not last long, however, as they drew such huge crowds that the City of Santa Monica brought them to court and ordered them off the streets. Since then Red Elvises have been constantly touring, with occasional breaks from the road to record an album or take part in film and television projects. This constant work for the last 15 years has led to them gaining a world-wide following, with successful tours all over North America, Europe and Russia.

Igor & Red Elvises have declined several major record deals, prefering to maintain independent status and produce all their own work. This includes 11 studio albums, one live album, a live concert DVD and a Greatest Hits compilation. Added to their long resume is work in film (“Six String Samurai”; “Mail Order Bride”; “Armageddon”) and television (“Melrose Place”; “Penn and Teller’s Sin City Extravaganza”; VH-1′s “Behind the Music” and MTV).

They can be found playing everything from large festivals to private parties, small venues to massive stages such as 2005′s Live 8 Benefit Concert. Whatever the event, wherever Igor & Red Elvises go, they bring the party with them. – Jamie Vercauteren © 2009

Igor & Red Elvises perform on Friday, April 20 at the Cocoa Beach Brewing Co. (150 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach). Call 613-2941 for more details. Visit the band online at www.redelvises.com

 Victor Wainwright & The Wildroots

Victor Wainwright, singer, pianist, and self-described “hepcat” from Memphis, Tennessee (by way of Savannah, Georgia), is a raucous, high-octane performer and crowd pleaser with soul to spare. After earning what he calls a “double major in Boogie, a Ph.D. in Swing, and a Master’s in Rhythm,” the “Piana’ from Savannah” is making a name for himself in a big way.

Wainwright, along with collaborator and bassist/producer Stephen Dees and the WildRoots, aims to deliver a blues and American roots tour de force when he performs at the Beach Shack this April 8.

Dees is a rock ‘n’ roll veteran, who has toured and recorded as a bassist and vocalist for Hall & Oates, Todd Rundgren, Pat Travers, and Foghat, to name but a few. He made the Billboard and MTV charts with his band Novo Combo, and has received great acclaim for his original rock band, Bandees.

The boogie blues piano player and savvy pop-rocker met in 2004 in Ormond Beach, FL, where they were both on the bill of a benefit concert. Impressed after hearing each other perform and finding that they had a common love for blues, R&B, and roots rock of of the ’50s and 60′s, they discussed the possibility of collaborating on a recording project to pay homage to the music that influenced them. Dees agreed to produce and co-write what would become Wainwright’s 2005 release, Piana from Savannah, of which one critic said, “It’s hard to follow the speed limit while it’s playing… Pinetop Perkins would be proud.”

After its release and some outstanding live performances, the pair knew they had found something special and decided to forge a more enduring working relationship, and Victor Wainwright and the WildRoots were born. Also comprised of guitarist Greg Gumpel on guitar, saxophonists Ray Guiser and Patricia Ann Dees, and drummer Billy Dean, the quintet have been hailed as one of the tightest in the contemporary blues scene. Together, they provide a conduit for Wainwright’s passion for B.B. King, Ray Charles, James Brown, Muddy Waters, Otis Redding, Louis Jordan, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Little Richard.

On the heels of their critically acclaimed 2009 debut, Beale Street to the Bayou, their new album, Lit Up, is poised to ignite blues fans with a freshness and flair that’s hard to ignore.

Catch Victor Wainwright and the WildRoots at the Beach Shack (1 Minutemen Cswy. in Cocoa Beach) Saturday, April 8 at 8:30 p.m. Call 783-2250 for more details. Visit Victor and the band online at www.wildrootsrecords.com

AMBROSIA

In 1970, four young musicians from the South Bay of Los Angeles came together to create a new, invigorating style of music.

Exploring the possibilities of progressive classical and world influences, yet rooted with the soul of the blues and R&B, Joseph Puerta, Christopher North, David Pack, and Burleigh Drummond formed Ambrosia in pursuit of that goal.

Originally labeled as America’s answer to the progressive invasion of such English acts as Yes and King Crimson, the group quickly proved it was all that and much more. Its albums painted aural landscapes covering the gamut of musical styles and attracted collaborators that were just as diverse — Leonard Bernstein, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Zubin Mehta, and Alan Parsons among them.

It their brief recording history, Ambrosia garnered five Grammy nominations, five hit singles — like “How Much I Feel,” “Biggest Part of Me,” and “You’re the Only Woman” — heavy FM airplay, and the admiration and respect of the musical community — all this in addition to sold-out concerts around the world.

Today the band is more alive than ever. Three of the four original members still perform as Ambrosia, and are now joined by keyboardist David Lewis, guitarist Doug Jackson, and singer Ken Stacey.

Relive the magic on Saturday, April 28 at the 2012 Cocoa Beach Wine and Food Festival at Lori Wilson Park. To find out more, visit www.cocoabeachwinefoodfestival.com

Southern Fried Genocide
Southern Fried Genocide
Self-released; 2012

Cars, liquor, and being gainfully employed by the cloven-hoofed boss of the underworld are all topics that get equal air time on this self-titled release by the Melbourne-based Southern Fried Genocide.

Formed from the still smoldering ashes of the now-defunct Zombie Jesus, Southern Fried Genocide ups the ante with solid slabs of suvern blacktop boogie served white hot.

With buzzy, volatile guitars that sound as though they might come apart at any moment, most of the songs are performed in overdrive tempos and as such, is perfect skateboarding/irritate-the-neighbors music. The songs bring to mind dark images of horror films, running ‘shine, and street races that end badly for someone.

Original, brash, and decidedly nervy with his coarsely agitated vocal delivery, frontman Stevo delivers a memorable performance throughout the album. But main guitarist Mark, a.k.a. “Rockshow,” steals the show every time he steps up to take a lead, most notably on “Working for the Devil.” Like a possessed Chuck Berry crossed with Rick Neilsen, Mark plays as if he has something to prove, and his fretwork is incendiary, fluid, and melodic. There are more than enough chops to spare on these eight tracks.

The lineup is rounded out by Wes AWESOME (rhythm guitar), Reid (bass), and Ralph (drums), all gifted, agile players who lay down impressive rhythms at breakneck speeds. Proof of these solid, unwavering tempos is the freedom they afford Mark’s over-the-top lead work on standouts like “Four Door Hornet” and “The Dreggs.”

The band have been gigging steadily, with high profile dates opening for national acts like Cracker, Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, and Brooklyn’s Hull under their belts. Southern Fried Genocide are a solid five-piece who show nothing but promise of great things to come with this high-octane debut.

– M.A. Rivera

The Hunger Games

In the distant future, a dystopian government has taken over the United States, now separated into 12 “districts.” Every year, as part of a punitive tribute, each district must “reap” a boy and a girl to fight in a lethal game, televised live, where the only way out is to kill or be killed. When little Primrose is chosen for the reaping in the poor, outlying 12th District, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to go in her stead. Based on the book by Suzanne Collins, the film benefits from her involvement in the screenplay, which will please readers of the popular trilogy. It might take fans some time to get used to a pretty, healthy-looking Katniss (in the book she comes across as more feral and malnourished) and it’s a little disappointing that the interesting political setting, described so vividly by Collins, has been brushed over broadly by passably futuristic decor. For those who haven’t read the book and are wondering what the fuss is all about? Well, if you like fast-paced action and an interesting plot, it’s well worth the admission price. But it’s best to spend a quiet evening reading the novel before you go. – M. Bennison

Mirror, Mirror

You can either yawn at this latest in an irritating trend of fairy-tale “reboots” or throw yourself into the fun wholeheartedly. I definitely recommend the latter. Julia Roberts, as the evil queen in this take on “Snow White,” certainly seems to be enjoying herself, so why shouldn’t you? It does take some effort, though. Resist the urge to get up and wipe the smug, self-satisfied smirk off “Mirror, Mirror’s” face and delve into the popcorn. You’ll roll your eyes at the “innovative” idea of the prince being an effete weakling and Snow White having all the balls, and you’ll huff and puff at the watered-down Monty Pythonisms and shameless plundering of “Princess Bride,” but you’ll find those moments to be surprisingly few and far between. What “Mirror, Mirror” does achieve is the supspension of disbelief — and it has loads of fun doing it. That’s no easy task for a version this silly; even harder when reworking a tale so ingrained in popular consciousness. Not a remake for the ages then, but a confident step in the right direction. – G. Figgis

John Carter

By now we’ve all heard what an enormous stinker this is supposed to be, and to be honest, all the negative reviews seem a bit  churlish and unfair. What do you want from film about a Confederate soldier embroiled in Martian intrigue? The fact is that “John Carter,” based on the wildly popular series of adventure stories by Edgar Rice Burroughs (he who gave us “Tarzan”), is a darn good sci-fi action film. Sure, it’s marred in a few places by some stilted talkiness and some cheesy tropes, but it’s no worse than any other CGI-laden fantasy flick out there. “John Carter’s” only sin — apart from its highly publicized, obscenely expensive budget — is that it got made too late. Burroughs’s swashbuckling character and fantastic vision have inspired everything from the original “Star Wars” to “Avatar” — and many more in between. All in all, it provides a good old-fashioned night out at the movies. Don’t fault it for being a day late and several million dollars short.  – R. Hughes

Paul McCartney
Kisses on the Bottom
Capitol Records; 2012

With this latest album, Sir Paul has made good on an old promise to “Get up and dance to a song that was a hit before your mother was born.” Kisses on the Bottom is largely a collection of standard covers with two new McCartney-penned tunes. As such, it’s in the vein of Rod Stewart’s Great American Songbook albums, but most of the songs here are less well known. The first thing you’ll notice is Sir Paul’s voice; he sounds his age, and that’s just fine. It’s a voice we’re all familiar with and he doesn’t need to compete with anyone, much less his younger self. Backed by Diana Krall’s band, he ably takes on “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter,” “It’s Only a Paper Moon,” and “The Glory of Love”; elsewhere, Eric Clapton and Stevie Wonder make guest appearances. There is an off-the-cuff spontaneity to the recordings, and they all sound warm and live. In the liner notes McCartney explains his logic behind the selection: all are songs he grew up with and represent his desire to include gems that would be “unfamiliar to some people.” He also comments on the effect and influence they had on his own songwriting; in particular, “My Very Good Friend the Milkman” has strong overtones of “When I’m 64.” Sir Paul clearly isn’t done filling the world with silly love songs — and what’s wrong with that? – M.A. Rivera

Paul Weller
Sonik Kicks
Island; 2012

Paul Weller, ex-frontman for The Jam and ’80s R&B revivalists The Style Council, is 53, a fact that on its face seems cruelly ageist to mention, but is essential in qualifying Sonik Kicks, his 11th solo effort, as an excellent example of grizzled experience trumping fresh-faced youth. By most accounts, Weller, the often derided personification of generic “Dad Rock,” should be well past it, one step away from Jaggerish irrelevance. 2008′s 22 Dreams certainly made it seem so, with its largely ruminative, propped-on-a-stool mood, and its followup, 2010′s Wake Up the Nation, came across as too eager to outlive its angry brevity, a bit like a flashy, mid-life crisis convertible gunning the wrong direction down a one-way street. Sonik Kicks, however, finds Weller rounding the block to make another daring pass, this time with a luscious, foreign supermodel in the passenger seat. There’s not a duff tune here, save syrupy closer “Be Happy Children,” but by that time, the album has sped off to its opulent Mediterranean villa and drawn the blinds. “Green,” “Attic,” and winking single “That Dangerous Age” are standouts, but it’s sleepers like the flamenco-driven “Drifters” and “Paper Chase” that nudge Sonik Kicks from “pretty good” to superb. Especially delicious is the give-it-a-second-chance “Study in Blue” (a duet with the much younger backup singer he recently wed), which gives way to a gloomy, four-minute dub soundscape that proves, if nothing else, that Weller’s ears are still in fine form. – T. Bennison

The Robert Glasper Experiment
Black Radio
Blue Note/EMI; 2012

Exceptionally gifted jazz pianist Robert Glasper takes big chances on his latest release, Black Radio, an album that aims to imagine what radio could be if it didn’t focus strictly on commercial viability. It features a who’s who of some of todays most talented black musicians — Erykah Badu, Bilal, Lupe Fiasco, Lalah Hathaway, Shafiq Husayn (Sa-Ra), KING, Ledisi, Chrisette Michele, Musiq Soulchild, Meshell Ndegeocello, Stokley Williams (Mint Condition), and Yasiin Bey. Erykah Badu sits in with the band and covers the Mongo Santamaria classic “Afro Blue,” making it modern, stylish and fresh, and Meshell Ndegeocello’s contribution, “The Consequence of Jealousy,” is one of the standout tracks, with its deeply sexy groove. Glasper draws from jazz, hip-hop, R&B, and rock here, offering us compelling glimpse into his broad artistic vision. That there are tracks that fall short is only further proof of his willingness to step out of his comfort zone rather than play it safe with formulaic songwriting. Closing out the album is a reinterpretation of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” a version that falls somewhere between Tori Amos’s lounge reading and jazz trio Bad Plus’s deconstruction of the grunge classic. Here, Glasper manages to make it his own and newly interesting at the same time. – M.A. Rivera

Sublime with Rome
Yours Truly
Fueled by Ramen, 2011

There will always be detractors critical of any project that replaces deceased band members with stand-ins, and they’ll usually have the compelling point: it’s just not the same. And clearly, it never will (or should) be again. Sublime with Rome is a collaboration between original Sublime members Eric Wilson and Bud Gaugh and singer/guitarist Rome Ramirez, here taking the place of Sublime’s founder, the late Bradley Nowell. Yours Truly is a mostly upbeat reggae/ska collection spiked with occasional blasts of punk-like noise that’s radio-friendly and highly listenable. Opening track “Panic” kicks hard. Filled with fat ska horns, it clearly references the bands musical past. Elsewhere, “Murdera” is infectious and upbeat, though slightly repetitive, but “PCH” is, hands-down, the catchiest song here. It’s the perfect summertime track — the kind you don’t mind hearing several times a day as it plays on every single radio station. If you can listen to Yours Truly without grousing about its faults (“Rome is no Brad Nowell!”) then it will enjoy a leading spot on your playlist for months to come. – M.A. Rivera

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub

St. Patrick’s Day festivities and a great lineup of Irish music start here at Noon with musician Mike Dunn, the Myra Watters Irish Dancers, Men of the House, and a special performance by Zac O’Potatoes, led by Paddy’s favorite Zac Sullivan.

Also scheduled to appear are the Molly Maguires, a four-piece from Chattanooga, TN, comprised of Marc Michael, Michael Walters, Julie Kunesh, and Sarah Wituki. With banjo, guitar, bodhran, mandolin, and fiddle, the Mollys produce a rousing sound informed by the music of Ireland and other Celtic lands.

You can also look forward to music from bagpipers and three bars serving full liquor and draught beer, including, for the first time, both Guinness (representing Dublin) and Murphy’s Stout, from Cork. Quality Irish whiskies will be on hand at the main indoor bar; look for Jameson 12- and 18-Year, Redbreast, Michael Collins, Powers, and Tullamore Dew.

Food will be catered by Sonny’s Barbecue, featuring loads of corned beef and cabbage prepared especially for the day, pulled pork and beef sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers, and hot platters.

In preparation of the big day, local author John Whalen will appear on March 9 as part of Brevard Community College’s 3rd Annual “Celebrating St. Patrick” series of presentations. Admission for this event is $17, which includes registration fee, a book by Whalen, and a catered lunch.

Paddy Cassidy’s is located at 2009 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. On St. Patrick’s Day, March 17, they open at 12 Noon. Call 783-0810 to learn more. (There is no cover charge for the St. Patrick’s Day entertainment.)

The Spring Breakdown Tour

On March 15, Surfer’s Sports Pub will play host to five metal bands for the local stop on the Spring Breakdown Tour.

Performing for the free heavy metal extravaganza are two Brevard bands: Shattering Silence, a local favorite influenced by groups like Slipknot, Born of Osiris, and Trivium, and Evryth, who specialize in melodic speed and death genres.

Chicago’s Elysion Fields are one of the three touring bands, a quintet known for their commanding stage presence, intricate drum dynamics, and brutally powerful vocals. Conforza, a progressive death metal band from northern Massachusetts, are on the brink of conquering the entire east coast with their inspiration and drive. New Jersey’s Sirena round out the roster. They’ve toured the UK extensively and have been a featured Warped Tour band.

The free, five-band show takes place on Thursday, March 15 at Surfer’s Sports Pub (350 N. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach). Doors open at 5 p.m.

The Nighthawks

The Nighthawks had its genesis when lead singer/harmonica player extraordinaire Mark Wenner returned to his native Washington, D.C., after six years in New York City, lured back by the success of his friend Bobby Radcliff’s local acclaim with a blues band. Mark joined forces with a very young Jimmy Thackery and formed The Nighthawks in 1972. They spent a couple of years building The Nighthawks’ reputation with a revolving cast of characters until, in 1974, they decided to get the best rhythm section the area had to offer: Jan Zukowski on bass and Pete Ragusa on drums.

The Nighthawks then set off on a tour that took them to 49 states and a dozen countries. They played with nearly all the living blues legends as well as a new generation of bands sometimes called “the Blue Wave,” and released several important albums, including the best-selling Jacks and Kings with Pinetop Perkins, Luther “Guitar Junior” Johnson, Calvin Jones and Bob Margolin.

In 1986, Jimmy Thackery left to launch a solo career. The band meandered briefly, backing up John Lee Hooker and Pinetop Perkins and touring the East Coast with Elvin Bishop. A series of shows with guest-star guitarists including Steuart Smith, Warren Haynes, James Solberg and Bob Margolin led to a multiyear collaboration with Jimmy Hall and Jimmy Nalls. After their departure in 1989, a young Danny Morris joined as guitarist; his fine work can be heard on the albums Trouble and Rock This House. Danny’s pursuit of a solo career allowed Pete Kanaras a nine-year run with the band. In early 2004, after 30 years as a Nighthawk, Zukowski decided it was time to move on, as did Kanaras. As luck would have it, Paul Bell and Johnny Castle were ready to join up, and have since helped to reinvent the group. After the departure of Ragusa in 2010, The Nighthawks sealed their current lineup with the addition of drummer Mark Stutso.

When The Nighthawks formed four decades ago, they set out not so much to reinvent rock n’ roll, but simply to have it reinvent itself by taking the original ingredients and following — if somewhat loosely — the original recipe. And like good cooks, the individual personalities involved ultimately affected the outcome.

Catch The Nighthawks March 11 when they perform at the Beach Shack (1 Minutmen Cswy. in downtown Cocoa Beach; 783-2250). Show starts at 2 p.m. Visit www.thenighthawks.com

Toots And The Maytals

By Tobin Bennison

Toots and the Maytals, originally called simply The Maytals, are considered legends of ska and reggae music. Their sound is a unique, original combination of gospel, ska, soul, reggae and rock.

Frederick “Toots” Hibbert, the leader of the group, was born in May Pen in the Parish of Clarendon, Jamaica. He grew up singing gospel music in a church choir, but moved to Kingston in 1961 at sixteen. It was here that Hibbert met Henry “Raleigh” Gordon and Nathaniel “Jerry” McCarthy, forming a group whose early recordings were attributed to The Flames and, possibly, The Vikings. Having renamed the group The Maytals, the vocal trio recorded their first album, Never Grow Old — Presenting The Maytals, for producer Clement “Coxsone” Dodd at Studio One in 1962. With musical backing from Dodd’s house band, the legendary Skatalites, The Maytals’ close-harmony gospel singing ensured instant success for the 1964 release, overshadowing Dodd’s other up-and-coming gospel trio, The Wailers. The original album augmented by studio outtakes from the Studio One sessions was re-released by Heartbeat/Rounder Records in 1997, and is essential listening for Maytals and Skatalites fans.

After staying at Studio One for about two years, the group moved on to do sessions for Prince Buster before recording their second album in 1965. However, the band’s musical career was interrupted in late 1966 when Hibbert was arrested and imprisoned on drugs possession charges. Following his release from jail towards the end of 1967, the band officially changed their name to Toots and the Maytals and began working with Chinese-Jamaican producer Leslie Kong, a collaboration which produced three classic albums and a string of hits throughout the late ’60s and early ’70s — “Do the Reggay,” a 1968 single widely credited with coining the word “reggae,” “Pressure Drop,” “54-46 Was My Number” and “Monkey Man,” the group’s first international hit in 1970. The group was also featured in one of reggae’s greatest breakthrough events — “The Harder They Come,” the 1972 film and soundtrack starring Jimmy Cliff, named as one of Vanity Fair’s “Top 10 Best Soundtracks of All Time.”

Toots and the Maytals’ compositions would be given a second airing in 1978-80 during the reggae-punk and ska revival period in the UK, when The Specials included “Monkey Man” on their 1979 debut album and The Clash produced their version of “Pressure Drop.” Having toured throughout the world for many years, Toots and the Maytals disbanded in the early 1980s, but reformed in the early ’90s to continue touring and recording successfully. In 2005, they won a Grammy award for “Best Reggae Album,” True Love, consisting of re-recorded versions of their classics alongside popular musicians such as Willie Nelson, Eric Clapton, and Keith Richards, No Doubt, Ben Harper, and The Roots.

Toots and the Maytals perform with Groove Stain on March 8 at Millikens Reef (683 Dave Nisbet Dr.) in Port Canaveral. Tickets for the all–ages show are $18 in advance. Purchase online at ticketmaster.com or at Millikens Reef. Call 783-0100 to learn more.

The Dull Blades
Less Production, More Seduction
Dull Records; 2012

Two-man bands have been fashionable as of late, and the Dull Blades are the most recent to crop up in Brevard.

But the austerity you may see on stage doesn’t translate into a thin wash of music. Rather, Nik Talbot (guitars and vocals) and Anthony Fata (drums, percussion, and organ) create a churning sound that’s equal parts thick, muscular blues and amped-up garage rock. Throughout it all, the Melbourne-based duo play heavily on instruments that lock into a solid and unwavering rhythm. Like accomplished minimalist painters, it’s what they leave out of the songs that help make them stand out.

Their debut, Less Production, More Seduction, is a solid slab of driving rock that bears repeated listens. On slower numbers, Talbot’s voice is plaintive and worried, as on opener “My Baby Looks Good Tonight.” “Nature Of” finds the pair pushing hard, moving walls of noise in the finest traditions of Love or The Rivieras.

“I Know You Wanna Love” sounds like a lost Dave Clark Five number. It shimmies and grinds, propelled by waves of cymbal wash, and is colored with a howling vocal. This is the sort of music that’ll make you want to pick up a guitar and learn to play.

Closing out the album is the guitar-dominated angst of “This Blood,” which starts off as a slow boil in the vein of John Lee Hooker before building itself to soaring heights. On it, Talbot’s voice is commanding and raucous, yet teases the listener with where it’s headed each time the tempo changes.

With some organ or percussion overdubs to help fill in the spaces, Fata’s contribution can’t be overstated. He colors phrases and passages with just enough of the right fills to keep the spaces lightly adorned.

Less Production, More Seduction is an uncluttered collection of songs filled with darkly hopeful lyrics, and snaking guitar riffs all delivered with youthful aplomb.

– M.A. Rivera

ACT OF VALOR

The fact that the principal actors in this film are actual Navy SEALs makes it a little difficult to critique. Another problem is that the title sounds like it was lifted from a late ’80s Chuck Norris vehicle that would more than deserve the wrath this Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh-directed project won’t receive. Having said that, “Act of Valor” is interesting on a number of levels. The story of a SEALs team on a covert mission to recover a kidnapped CIA agent, it makes fine use of the unprecedented access the directors were given to Naval equipment and procedures. Many of the stunning action sequences were based on actual missions  and skirmishes the men “acting” here were involved in. More than just a bang-’em-up action film, and much more than a clinical reenactment, “Act of Valor” is a volatile mixture of the best of both those worlds, and raises the bar for action films yet to come.

DR. SEUSS’S THE LORAX

Question: How to make a feature-length film out of a story it takes about 12 minutes to read? By filling it to the gasping gills with annoying pop culture references (à la “Shrek”), tired jokes, a cloying, unnecessary subplot geared more toward pre-adolescents than the innocent children Seuss wrote the story for, and lots of mind-numbing computer effects. Lots. If the 100-person animation team had spent as much time helping with the story as they did on making the surreal Truffula trees look paradoxically realistic, we might just have a halfway decent tribute to the great Dr. Seuss. As it is, “The Lorax” is an abysmal, shameful blot on the master’s legacy. Oh sure, kids will love it, but they’ll like anything you put in front of them these days, and this moving, classic story deserves far better treatment. One thing’s for sure, this will date long before the original story ever does.

WANDERLUST

As charming as director David Wain tries to make Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston seem, they never make this film worth watching for more than 5 minutes at a time. And even though it doesn’t know it, “Wanderlust” is, at heart, little more than a pallid remake of a far better film, Albert Brooks’s 1985 classic “Lost in America.” After Anniston and Rudd’s characters purchase their dream pad in New York, Rudd (George) loses his job. With no options left them, the pair pack up and head to Georgia with their tails between their legs to live with family. Along the way, they stay at a B&B that turns out to be a wacky, “hippie” commune and, well, you get the rest. They make friends, see the error of their materialistic ways, find themselves… and you get screwed out of $10. ($25 if you count some Raisinets and a medium Sprite.)

Air
Le Voyage Dans La Lune
Astralwerks; 2012

Recently, a hand-painted color print of the groundbreaking 14-minute, 1902 film “Le Voyage Dans la Lune” resurfaced, and it has since been painstakingly restored. This silent masterpiece, the brainchild of French director Georges Méliès, is an imaginative cinematic interpretation of the classic Jules Verne adventure, but the sole print was in danger of crumbling to dust. As such, restoration and digitalization took over a decade to complete, and French electronica duo, Nicolas Godin and Jean-Benoit Dunckel, better known as Air, were commissioned to compose a modern soundtrack to accompany the new version. Using Moog synthesizers and vintage instruments for the live recording, Godin and Dunckel drape the soundtrack in warmth and a playfulness usually missing from their previous work. There’s sometimes a bland, cinematic utility in some of the tracks, but the synth explosions, thundering drums, and crunchy, muscular guitars are here to bolster the film, not steal the show. “Seven Stars,” which features Beach House’s Victoria Legrand, is a beautiful bit of pop music. Others, like “Cosmic Trip” and “Sonic Armada,” stand well enough on their own, but will whet your appetite for a viewing of this remarkable, 110-year-old film. – M.A. Rivera

Koffin Kats
Our Way & The Highway
Sailor’s Grave; 2012

This most recent release by Detroit’s Koffin Kats covers familiar territory: touring, drinking, murder, suicide, and revenge — and covers it really well. There’s a nice mix of songs here, from the high-speed psychobilly of “Riding High” to straight ahead rockers like “Choke.” Frontman Vic Victor’s voice is in fine form, and the rest of the band turn in impossibly tight performances on each track. This level of musicianship can only be achieved through the kind of non-stop touring the trio are known for, and “Boozincrossanation” sums up the their work ethic nicely: “From the backroads of America/To the mountains of Romania/We’re playin in/A ramblin’ band.” Elsewhere, the blacktop stomp of “The Devil Asked” is an unexpected bit of fun, reminiscent of ’60s, drag racing-themed garage rock. With songs colored with incendiary guitar leads, the band shift gears easily, and steer Our Way & The Highway safely home. It’s their most polished studio release to date, and a fine example of a working band at their peak. – M.A. Rivera 

Various Artists
The Book of Mormon Original Broadway Cast Recording
Ghostlight Recordings; 2012

Be forewarned: quoting the more memorable and funny bits from The Book of Mormon at work can get you into trouble with your politically correct co-workers. The collaborative brainchild of “South Park” creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, and Robert Lopez of “Avenue Q” fame, is a ridiculously funny (and completely inappropriate) Broadway show that manages to be endearingly sweet and blasphemous at the same time. The show begins with Elders Price and Cunningham being assigned to their mission in Uganda. Knowing nothing about the place, they imagine it will be very much like the Africa depicted in “The Lion King,” setting the scene for “Hasa Diga Ebowei,” an upbeat, “Lion King”-type number about AIDS, female genital mutilation, war, rape, famine, and drought. Later, we see the Elders struggle not only with their own faith, but how to bring comfort to such a brutal and unforgiving place. The tone of the show never goofs on the value of faith, however absurd some Mormon beliefs may sound. Elder Price refers to the Book of Mormon as the third part of the trilogy of the bible — the “Return of the Jedi” of the Holy Scripture. The show has won nine Tonys and will soon be launched with a traveling cast, the better to bring the good word to people like you and I. – M. A. Rivera

Jaimoe’s Jassz Band
Renaissance Man
Lil’ Johnieboy Records; 2011

The excellent Renaissance Man is the solo debut of Jaimoe Johnason, one of the founding members of the Allman Brothers Band. On it, the legendary drummer has put together a band of exceptional players, including trumpeter Reggie Pittman and living blues legends Junior Mack and Bruce Katz. But as the name of the band implies, the album also leans strongly toward jazz territory. It’s hard to focus on the highlights of an album full of standout tracks. “Rainy Night in Georgia” positively simmers, with Mack’s voice reaching a laconic and endearing baritone, and wild, swinging tracks like “Dilemma,” “Drifting and Turning,” and “Hippology” are all exquisite. Jaimoe himself is smart enough to use the resources available to him, and with a band this full of excellent songwriters, there’s plenty of great material for him to tap into. “Leaving Trunk” is a blues number more in keeping with his other band’s songbook, making Renaissance Man more than a mere vanity project. This is the sound of a great artist continuing to challenge himself — and proving there are more than a few new tricks left in him. – M.A. Rivera

Chasing Midnight

By Randy Wayne White

$25.95; G.P. Putnam’s Sons

Marion “Doc” Ford returns in Randy Wayne White’s 19th installment of the popular series. This time it’s sturgeon slaughter for caviar, the government agency that’s interested in the sturgeon slaughterers, and the eco-terrorists who want to stop them — and teach the world a lesson at the same time. White wastes no time; “Chasing Midnight” is a non-stop thrill ride that keeps you on edge, and may find you yelling “Look behind you!” or  “Don’t go in there!” It’s vintage Randy Wayne White: putting snobs in their place, saving women, and making America — and Florida — a better place to live.

The story takes place over the course of a single night; no strung-out story lines for this offering. There are flashbacks to fill in those unfamiliar with Doc and his friends, such as Tomlinson, “an unrepentant hipster who reeked of patchouli oil and enlightenment” and is “open-minded when it comes to excess.” Doc is also preoccupied by his personal life. His 16-year-old son “lives in Colombia with his regal, bipolar mother” and is being recruited by the Military School of the Americas, or Military School of Assassins, as it was previously known. To make matters worse, Doc’s lust interest, with whom he had enjoyed “marathon lovemaking,” walked out the door after one of those “talks,” and his former lover has decided to move to Belgium with their toddler daughter to marry her girlfriend. Could his day get any worse?

It’s a wonder that Doc can function with all those distractions, but he’s all business in trying to uncover the purpose of the meeting between four of the world’s largest caviar suppliers. White, as usual, has done his research into his subject matter, and it’s not a pretty picture. He takes the time to list the litany of Japanese “fishing transgressions” that continue to devastate the whale population, but also virtually “destroyed the bull shark population in Lake Nicaragua.” But their transgressions pale in comparison to the Chinese “scorched-earth policy at sea,” to say nothing of their influence on the caviar industry at large. It helps that the caviar moguls are from Iran, China, Russia, and Turkmenistan — none of them exactly bosom buddies with the red, white, and blue. It’s as much of an exposé of the Asian fishing industry as a go-get-’em whodnnit. They’re enemies no matter how you look at it, and the fact that they’re raping the ocean makes them arch enemies of Doc.

The action never leaves Doc’s familiar waters around Captiva Island. White was formerly a fishing guide in the area and puts his local knowledge to good use. The book culminates in a boat chase so exciting, the likes of it haven’t been seen since Steve McQueen climbed into his Mustang in “Bullitt.” “Chasing Midnight” is a righteous page turner with a social conscience that rivals any of its eighteen predecessors. If we’re lucky to have the Doc Ford’s of the world, we’re even luckier to have people like Randy Wayne White, especially when they give us such excellent fare as “Chasing Midnight.”

ARIES If ever there were a month to devote to methodical or contemplative work, March is it. Several of your blouses could be mended, the garden is overgrown, and the baby’s room needs redecorating. By the time you get finished trimming your husband’s back, ear, and nose hair, however, you won’t have much time to tackle these projects.

TAURUS Your capable mind is working well all month. You are able to quickly separate the nonessential from the essential in no time at all. A period of intellectual inspiration has dawned in your life, and expressing yourself with flair has suddenly become very important to you. This is a shame, because no one can understand what you’re saying with your jaw wired shut.

GEMINI This month you’ll find that your children are keeping you busier than normal. New solutions in dealing with this problem are sorely needed; the tried-and-true doesn’t cut it anymore. It’s the new, the revolutionary, and original that catches and holds your interest now. Boarding school is out of your budget, so you decide to build them cages out back.

CANCER A visitor in your home later this month will compliment your refined taste. This seems odd, seeing as how you haven’t cleaned since summer and your framed Megadeth poster has been faded by the sunlight coming through your broken blinds. But when you remember that you’re paying $200 an hour for her company, it all starts to make so much more sense.

LEO You know you’ve come a long way from your errant youth when you find yourself offended that the police aren’t pulling you over for driving erratically. Resist the temptation to flag them down at a checkpoint to prove that you’ve only consumed a 12-pack of O’Doul’s.

VIRGO Don’t settle for a second-class job when your skills are first-class. That’s not to say that you don’t enjoy mopping up spills in aisle 3, but unfortunately there isn’t any need for a Senior Spaghetti Sauce Jar Knocker-Over.

LIBRA There’s no doubt you have a gift, as many of your friends are quick to remind you. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. But please try to keep away from playgrounds.

SCORPIO There’s a tendency to be too strict with yourself of late, and this is counterproductive. If you’re concerned that there’s no possible way you could eat another dozen Little Debbies, think again. There can only be one “Fattest Slob in Brevard,” and you’ve never settled for second best. Sip on a milkshake and get back to work.

SAGITTARIUS Through process of elimination, you’ll find just where a problem stems from. When your life gets this chaotic, it’s important to calm down, take a deep breath, think clearly, and blame your parents.

CAPRICORN If there’s one thing you hate about the state of this country, it’s the preponderance of ill-informed talking heads glutting the airwaves. You’re so incensed about this that you agree to go on “The O’Reilly Factor” to discuss your concerns, only to be told what a pinhead you are and cut off before you can make an insightful point.

AQUARIUS Let’s put it this way: If all the parking spaces closest to the entrance of paradise were taken, you’d have no qualms about circling until the ideal spot opened up rather than walk the length of the lot. That you’ve ridden your bike there makes no difference to you. It’s the principle of the matter.

NOLAN’S IRISH PUB

Nolan’s Irish Pub in Cocoa Beach have pulled out all the stops for this year’s St. Patrick’s Day with what may be their best entertainment roster yet.

In addition to appearances from the Brevard Police & Fire Pipe and Drum Band, Irish group Aliann, and local musicians Men of the House, Nolan’s will also host the Myra Watters Irish Dancers, and direct from Ireland, singer/songwriter Brendan Shanahan.

Shanahan’s uncomplicated style and forceful diction make him both the perfect introduction to those new to Irish music and a powerful interpreter for those who’ve loved it for years. A true “Dub” (that is, native Dubliner), his passion for Ireland will convert any listener to his centuries-old ethos. Shanahan, who learned to sing and play the guitar as a youth, has performed in Dublin’s pubs for over a decade, singing the traditional songs of Ireland: ballads about rebellion, the dignity of a people, history, and hard times, but also those about good times, whiskey and women, and rakes and highwaymen.

Live music and entertainment starts at Noon and continues through Midnight on both indoor and outdoor stages. Corned beef and cabbage will be served all day, as well as food from the nearby Ice Cream Junction and the good folk at Our Saviour’s Catholic Church, who will generously receive a portion of the day’s proceeds. Outdoor seating under the tent will be available too, so don’t miss out on fun for the whole family.

Nolan’s Irish Pub is located at 204 W. Cocoa Beach Cswy. (A1A and 520, a few doors down from the Dinosaur Store). Doors open at 9 a.m. for the March 17  festivities. Call 783-8499 for more information, or visit www.nolansirishpub.net

Tom Frawley

Forget “Bartender of the Month;” Tom Frawley, 91, the recently retired owner of the P. Frawley public house in Lahinch, Co. Clare, is our favorite bartender of all time.

Though he probably couldn’t mix a margarita if he tried, Tom was the embodiment of all that is noble about the profession.

He ran a tight ship with quiet authority (a fluorescent sign inside his pub read: “No Stag Parties Welcome Here”), was spry and attentive beyond his years (when he wasn’t dozing on his stool), spun a great yarn, sang like an angel, and was, above all, a character — of a kind that proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the existence of an almighty, all-knowing, and highly creative God.

Tom Frawley, an avowed bachelor, pulled his first pint at the age of 9 in 1928 in this tiny, grocery-cum-pub, which has been in his family for an astounding 138 years. When his mother died in 1961, he took over P. Frawley and ran it until he begrudgingly retired due to poor health this past August.

In latter years, Tom was witness to Lahinch’s transformation into a hip surfing Mecca, but he never bent to the pressures of modernization. He closed like clockwork for his lunch and dinner, and the popular pilgrimage spot seemed even more beloved for its having neither refrigeration or a dishwasher. Also eschewing both cash register and calculator, Tom kept track of what he sold and who owed what with a pencil and small, weathered pad.

At the nursing home where he now resides, he’s reportedly inundated daily with scores of adoring letters and postcards.

A recently created Facebook page devoted to Tom and his domain, and a number of videos of him serving and singing are testaments to the love and respect he enjoys.

Sláinte, Thomas Frawley.

May you live forever.

Recipes

By Samantha Deebel

Although I have yet to travel to India, I find the food of this vast country to be amazing. I especially like the many vegetarian options the cuisine offers. Luckily, my travels have taken me to many fantastic Indian restaurants, my favorites being in London. Besides onion bhajis , I adore samosas. They take some time to prepare, but they’re well worth the effort. Enjoy!

Samosa Dough

4 cups unbleached white flour
Pinch of salt
1/2 cup melted butter or ghee
2/3 cup of cold water

Put the flour and salt in a bowl and drizzle the melted butter or ghee over the top. Rub together with your fingertips until the mixture resembles coarse breadcrumbs. Slowly add the cold water and mix by hand to make a dough. Knead for 5 minutes until it smooth and soft but not sticky. Shape into a ball and sprinkle with a few drops of water. Cover with a damp cloth and let sit while you prepare the filling.

Samosa Filling

3 medium potatoes, diced into small cubes
2-1/2 cups cauliflower, chopped fine
1-1/2 cups peas, fresh, frozen or canned
4 tbsp. ghee or vegetable oil
1 tsp. cumin seeds
1/2 tsp. fenugreek seeds
1/2 tsp. grated fresh ginger
1 tsp. turmeric
1/2 tsp. ground coriander
1/4 tsp. asafetida (a pungent Indian spice )
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. sea salt
1/4 tsp. pepper (or lemon pepper)

Peel the potatoes and dice them, then chop the cauliflower. If you are using fresh or frozen peas, cook them, drain, and set aside. In a frying pan, use 2 tablespoons of the ghee or oil to fry the cumin and fenugreek seeds. As soon as they darken, add the ginger and the rest of the spices and fry for a few seconds. Next add the potatoes, cooking them for about 5 minutes.  Then add the cauliflower and keep frying for another few minutes. Add 2 tablespoons of water, cover, and cook for about 15 minutes — but be sure to lower the heat to prevent burning. Stir in the peas and season with salt and pepper, or lemon pepper. Spread the mixture on a cookie sheet to cool. When sufficiently cool, dust a rolling surface with flour, and divide the dough into 10 balls. Roll out a ball into a 6-inch circle, then cut the circle in half. Moisten half the edge of the straight side of the half-circle with water and press the edges together to make a cone shape. Fill about 2/3 with filling and then close together by pinching and folding the edges together to pleat the top. Repeat until all the dough is used up. Heat some oil for frying them in a pan for 10-15 minutes, turning them often until they are golden brown (you can also use a deep fryer). Drain on paper towels before serving.

Coconut Yogurt Sauce 

1-3/4 cup plain yogurt
2 tbsp. grated coconut
2 tbsp. chopped fresh coriander (cilantro) leaves
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
Pinch of sea salt

Mix all ingredients together and add a pinch of sea salt. Make ahead of time so the flavors have time to set.

Chutneys also go well with samosas. Try a good jar of mango chutney for sweetness or lime pickle for a savory flavor.

My husband and I have an ongoing battle with the television remote. It’s gotten so bad that we had to make a chart and schedule possession of it on alternating days. I think John clicks too quickly through the channels, and he gets irritated with me because he says I linger too long on shows in the middle of commercial breaks. This might seem like the kind of minor spat all young couples have to deal with at some point in their marriage, but I’m of the opinion that it’s affecting our sex life. On days that we don’t watch TV — like Mondays and Tuesdays, for instance, or when we’re out of town together — we seem to have fantastic sex. But I’ve noticed that on days when he has control of the remote, he tries to get frisky with me and I’m totally uninterested. On days when I have it, I admit to feeling a little cuddly, but Doug will push me away and mutter something about women and technology. I don’t want us to suffer anymore over such a stupid issue. Please help.

“Kerry”

Cocoa Beach

Dear woman, I am usually behind women on all matters of love, but in this instance I must take your husband’s side. Women are wonderful creatures, but it is very true that they change channels much too slowly for the average male. I recommend that on days when he has the remote that you turn off the lights, slip into bed, and give your fingers some exercise.

Dear Romeo,

I know I sound like a terrible girlfriend complaining about this, but “Troy,” who I’ve been with for three years now, volunteers way too much for my liking. I know lots of other girls out there gripe about their boyfriends spending too much time out with “the boys” or watching ESPN, and I’m sure that they must think me lucky to have such a caring, socially conscious mate. But after working long hours as a mechanic, Troy somehow finds time to help out with a number of local causes. He says that helping people is an essential part of who he is — and it’s certainly one of the main reasons I fell in love with him — but by the time he gets home, he’s to tired for romance. Am I being too selfish in wanting more of his time? I feel both guilty and lonely. Please help.

Rose F.

Cocoa

I don’t think that you’re being selfish at all, Felicity. Your boyfriend should make more time for you, but perhaps in the meantime you might feel better getting involved in a charitable cause of your own. And, of course, I have the perfect idea for you: I play soccer with a local Italian-American team that plays so aggressively that we go through uniforms rather often. We happen to be in need of someone who can collect and collate our old uniforms before donating them to children throughout Brevard. While your boyfriend is at work we’d be happy to drop our shorts at your house.

Romeo,

I’m a fourth-generation Floridian and am married to a wonderful girl who shares my passion for the outdoors. We get along much better than other couples we know because we do everything together — hunting, fishing, surfing, hiking, biking… you name it. But terrible arguments always flare up whenever we go canoeing, which is one of my latest interests. Karen is only comfortable in the front of the canoe, which is fine, but refuses to use an oar and tries to steer with the end of one of our old cane poles. Each time I try to explain to her the proper way to do it, she gets really bitchy and aggressive. I’m at my wits’ end.

J.T.

Cocoa Beach

Sounds to me like she needs a good paddle in the rear.

Dear Romeo,

“Joe” and I have been engaged for over two years and are set to get married this summer. We love each other madly and have a fantastic sex life — for the most part. It’s not the frequency or the quality of our lovemaking that’s lacking, but Joe’s insistence on referring to his “thing” as “Ball Park Frank.” It’s not enough that he’s chosen a name for it, but that he’s chosen one that couldn’t be more unattractive or unappealing. I guess I play along well enough and accept this eccentricity, and I’ve tried in vain to suggest more enticing names. He’s made this concession, but we can’t agree on a new name for it. Can you give us any suggestions?

“Marla”

Merritt Island

You have made a wise decision in accepting this, as you say, eccentricity of his, and I agree that he has chosen a very terrible name for his organ. May I suggest something more poetic or suggestive of foreign shores? How about “Mortadella” or “Linguiça”? I myself would opt for something more suggestive of lightness and sweetness. How about naming at after that delicate Italian pastry, “Sfogliatelle”? It’s hard to wrap your mouth around at first, but you’ll find that with practice it rolls right off the tongue.

CAPRICORN: Take a break from what you’re doing. Look at what people are doing around you. Check your plans in relation to those of others and see if there’s a way you can combine forces and kill more birds with fewer stones. This shouldn’t be difficult, seeing as how slow those stupid sandhill cranes are.

AQUARIUS: Your home is your castle. Spend time fixing things up to better suit your needs. Take a look at an investment and consider installing a portcullis over the garage door. The “Occupy the Hendersons at 1611 S. Orlando Avenue” movement is rapidly gathering steam.

PISCES: It’s high time you made contact with someone you’ve been avoiding for far too long. Admit it: you’re in love with her. And why not? She’s pretty, smart, and devoted to her profession. Phoning her up will put a smile on her face. And go ahead, call her “Sweetie Pie.” “Parole Officer” is such a loaded term.

ARIES: Information is power. Keep busy by learning all you can about something you are trying to master. Networking and being receptive to different ways of doing things will help you advance in your goal, but picking up a copy of “Candyland for Dummies” might be the best place to start.

TAURUS: Participate in a cause you believe in. Reach out to people you feel can help. Collaborating will put you in a good position and help to build strong alliances. Cultivating these partnerships will be crucial to the success of your New Year’s Eve wife-swapping party.

GEMINI: This Christmas season brings a surge of memories, both good and bad. Focusing on the good ones is the key to staving off your creeping suspicion that Frosty the Snowman and God just might be fictional characters.

CANCER: Running into an old flame makes you rethink your current situation. Brush aside nagging doubts, look to the heavens for confirmation, and you’ll find that it’s written in the stars. To the naked eye, the message looks like “Love Forever.” A reasonably powerful telescope, however, shows it to read: “She’s batsh*t crazy.”

LEO: You’ve always been an avid gardener, but the severe sciatica flare-up you’ll experience later this month will spur a search for a more convenient hobby. All you’ll need are some scissors, glue, and an active imagination to join the Porn Scrapbooking Club of Rockledge.

VIRGO: People have a habit of ignoring you, but you don’t need to go overboard to get their attention. Looking back though, jumping off the bow of the casino boat was probably your only option.

LIBRA: You’ll be pulled in two different directions when it comes to emotional matters, and the stress it’s putting on you is beginning to take its toll. Take a step back to reflect, prioritize your desires, and start looking for a second mistress.

SCORPIO: You love living in Florida, but these warm December temperatures often get you down. If you find yourself dreaming of a white Christmas this year, simply put on a Bing Crosby album. It doesn’t get much whiter than Bing Crosby.

Janelle Sadler

Janelle Sadler was born loving music. Her Father, a public school teacher, and her mother, a bookstore owner, encouraged her as much as they could. Being the middle child of three siblings, Janelle was rather shy, but music brought out her stage-loving side

Picking up the guitar in her teens, she soon started performing in churches, coffeehouses, high school choir concerts, and anywhere else that was available for a young singer. Her early influences were Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Atlanta’s Mother’s Finest, and Chaka Khan. During a stint in college, she found real paying gigs entertaining the tourists in the beach clubs and never looked back. “Once I figured I could support myself doing what I loved, it became my obsession!” she says.

After years of singing everything from jazz to heavy metal, she twice won the award for Tampa Bay’s “Best Female Vocalist.” With these awards and the surprise landing of a background singing gig with Donny Osmond, she finally found the courage to move to Los Angeles in the summer of ’91 where she’s worked professionally ever since.

Janelle has sung leads on TV themes for “Brothers And Sisters” and “Smallville,” and has toured the world singing backups behind mega talent Natalie Cole and many others.

“Los Angeles taught me that even though the world is filled with incredible musicians, there will always be a place for me if I hold true to myself and stay prepared,” Janelle explains. “The minute you quit dreaming and creating musical goals to work toward, you’re done. I’m sorry world, but I’m never going to stop!”

Catch Janelle Sadler with John Orsini December 2 at Heidi’s (7 N. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach). Call 783-4559 for ticket information. Watch videos and hear song samples at www.janellesadler.com