Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, In my capacity as a diplomatic intern with the U.S. Embassy to the DPRK (more commonly known as North Korea), I have met and worked with many brave dissidents. One young woman I’ll call “Kim” escaped over the border recently into China, and I’ve been working with her closely, helping her get acclimated to her new life. As you might expect, I’ve fallen in love with her. Kim is a beautiful, highly intelligent girl whose courage in the face of oppression is... [Read more...]
Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, My wife, Mary, has worked from home for the past year or so, and as a result, she’s gotten more and more lazy and, dare I say it, much heavier due to her incurable sweet tooth. She rarely gets out of the house or lifts a finger to do anything; I do all the shopping, errand running, and cooking. I consider myself to be a pretty good cook, and she seems to like the meals I prepare. But the other night, something outrageous happened. I’d just cleared the table and went into the... [Read more...]
Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Inquire of Romeo: June ‘10 • Romeo Pomodoro • Oi Romeo! Yer the kitten’s knickers, Romeo, you bargy dago bastard! Never in all me natural have I had such a turkish as when I first read your larf-aloud palaver. Me and the lads was in Port Canaveral two fluffs back on shore leave on the tiddleydum and split our bloody sides gargling at the pair who fell off the horse’s in the middle of a starry shag. As it happens, this bird back in cherry’s got one of the blokes, Tommy, in... [Read more...]
Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Romeo, I have a big crush on the girl who works at my local café. I stop there every morning on my way to work to get a cup of coffee and a muffin and to see “Daisy’s” sunshiney smile. Last week, she punched the last hole in my frequent friendly customer card, gave me my free mocha, looked up at me, and gave me what I took to be an unusually bright, toothy grin. I noted a certain gleam in her eye and couldn’t help myself from complimenting her on her loveliness at that moment... [Read more...]
Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, Let me just say that I can’t believe I’m writing to you with this problem. I don’t usually do this kind of thing, and I don’t really care for the publication that employs you. But I’m going out on a limb because I really have nowhere else to turn. Let’s cut to the chase: I’m a very conservative professional male who’s in love with a liberal woman I work with. At first, I think we both kind of got off on the political tension between us,... [Read more...]
Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, Like many of your correspondents in the past, I’d like to use your column as a forum for a problem I feel has gone unaddressed for far too long in this area: mixed race relationships. My girlfriend, who I’ll call “Julie,” is a fantastically attractive and highly successful African- American woman and I’m a young, professional white male. I’ll admit that Julie is something exceptional — I do love her after all — but all that doesn’t... [Read more...]
By: Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Mr. Pomodoro, I am an inveterate self-pleasurer — an onanist, in more technical terms. I don’t walk out the door in the morning without going at it at least three times, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I engage in the practice in the car on the way to the office. I then spill my seed again in the restroom before sitting down at my computer, and sneak away from my desk throughout the day for about 10 sessions of self-gratification before clocking out. I’m not even counting... [Read more...]
By: Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Romeo, I’m in big trouble. My girlfriend caught me cheating (for the third time) and this time, she’s really angry. I mean really, really angry. The thing about her though is that she’s one of these altruistic, hippy types, which means that she’s pretty forgiving. But forgiveness with her comes at a really lame cost. The first two times, she made me do community service — like volunteering and stuff like that. Now, this time, she wants me to give to some lame charity.... [Read more...]
By: Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, You don’t know me, but I see you every Monday, Wednesday and Friday stocking up on pasta at the local Publix. The first two times I saw you were pure coincidence, but by the third time I realized that this was a pattern of yours. Ever since then, I’ve gone religiously to the supermarket and straight to the aisle where I know you’ll be — about 9 a.m., right? — in hopes of striking up a conversation with you. But I always lose my nerve. I’m not some crazy... [Read more...]
By: Romeo Pomodoro
Article Category: Inquire of Romeo
Dearest Romeo, I know that love advice is your area of expertise, but I also happen to know that you are also a pretty worldly fellow — a connoisseur of good music, art and food. I’ve also come across columns where you namedrop fine wines and rare, foreign liqueurs. Wine happens to be a new passion of mine and I am looking for some advice on the subject. I think I have a pretty good palate and have tasted some great vintages in my day, but I’m not so conceited as to think that I... [Read more...]
