Judy Forney
Article Category: Judy Forney
Double Ds of Summer • Judy Forney • “Honey,” I lowered sunglasses from wave-tumbled hair to shield my eyes and looked over at my hubby, who sat in the shade of our beach umbrella reading a book. “I was just thinking about… Whoa! Check that out…” “What?” “Obviously something NASA has been working on… ” “Where?” I nodded my head in the direction of the surf. “There. The Inflatable Gravity Rejection Device that gal’s... [Read more...]
David Sherman
Article Category: David Sherman
Wackjob Wisdom • David Sherman • Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Aquarian Wackjob Air. Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for take-off. You need not return your trays to their upright position, as a cocktail may actually prove helpful during this flight. Any of you who are running BS filter technology my wish to turn it off now, as the following page is certain to overload it completely. Those of you who’ve flown with us before know this to be... [Read more...]
Dan Reiter
Article Category: Dan Reiter
A Tall Tale From the Heart of the Redneck Riviera • Dan Reiter • Well you asked, so I’m gonna tell you straight. I reckon you’re old enough to hear it without all the jingle-bells, since life ain’t all roses and ice cream and it ain’t no use pouring gloss over it neither, way Momma does, cause eventually you’re bound to hear ’bout the chemicals in your drinking water, and how them doe-eyed little grass nibblers you’re always gawpin’ at at the... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
Sam • Rick LaClaire • “Death steals everything except our stories” — Jim Harrison I belong to a unique club. We don’t skydive nude, catch fish with our bare hands or invest large sums in Internet startups. We don’t go en masse to early bird specials wearing funny hats or recite 13th century Italian poetry. This club is very exclusive. First, you had to attend a certain slightly-less-than-prestigious institute of slightly-less-than-higher learning between 1972 and... [Read more...]
David Sherman
Article Category: David Sherman
Ditch Fish • David Sherman • In years gone by, it was common practice for political candidates to hire a wagon with a band to head a parade through town. Bands being rather scarce at the time — even more so bands riding on wagons through the streets of a town — this would invariably draw a crowd. A crowd would follow until the bandwagon stopped, only to find that when the wagon stopped, the band stopped, and the polly-tickin’ began. Most would listen, at least for a little while,... [Read more...]
Dan Reiter
Article Category: Dan Reiter
A Thousand Island Lullaby • Dan Reiter • It is always easy going and very pleasant with a light tail wind, and if you look behind you will see a v-shaped plume rippling over water grooved like elephant hide. The stand-up paddleboard is a biblical vessel — postured, princely, weightless; its glide is cosmic, with elements of the immortal, the Venetian serenade, and shades of Charon crossing the river Styx. It is the nearest you will ever get to walking on water, and by far the finest,... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
Big Sis • Rick La Claire • It may interest my readership (Hi, Mom!) to know that I have an older sister. She is six years older, to be precise, and that had a lot of advantages when I was young. As a matter of fact, it still does. When I was young, we had a built-in babysitter. She being related, we got away with murder. Especially since about age eight, when I was already as tall as she was. We’d tease her and disobey her — nothing serious really (after all, she was my sister)... [Read more...]
Judy Forney
Article Category: Judy Forney
Spirits of 1776 • Judy Forney • … or Declaration of Interdependence … or All my Rowdy Friends are Gonna Sing Tonight If you’ve studied animated television, then you realize I ripped off my title style from old episodes of “The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.” That’s called freedom of speech, or maybe freedom of the press. … Or maybe my pilfering doesn’t even fall under any constitutional law or amendment. And that’s okay, because I was born... [Read more...]
Dan Reiter
Article Category: Dan Reiter
Excerpts from the Diary of a Three-Year-Old Gourmet • Dan Reiter • April 21: The morning’s menu was uninspired: cold banana yogurt followed up by a single, overripe banana, sliced into 3/4″ medallions. Pancakes with sweet syrup would have added much-needed texture to the menu. Perhaps the addition of an amuse-bouche, a chocolate caramel truffle, or even a graham cracker would have loosened the palate before the banana course. My suggestion to this effect was snubbed by the chef.... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
First Fish • Rick LaClaire • My father was not a fisherman. He wasn’t much for the outdoors, period. To him, being outside meant work, or chores, more exactly. He never shirked mowing, shoveling snow or patching the roof, but Dad preferred indoor pastimes like watching TV. He and my brothers were TV sports fans. Be it football, baseball, basketball or hockey, they had the yen. I never caught the habit for some reason. My wife thanks me. That does not mean my father and I never fished together. As... [Read more...]
