M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: Local Scribes, M. Alberto Rivera
I’ve Got Sumptin’ To Say By M. Alberto Rivera Time was that tattoos that involved writing were short, sweet, and to the point. “Born to Rock;” “Live to Ride;” “The South Will Rise Again;” “USMC,” etc. — all short, declarative statements meant to let the world know at a glance how you felt about Lynyrd Skynyrd, Budweiser, Mom, and/or Harley Davidson. Then there are tributes to friends, family, pets, and assorted loved ones. Birth dates,... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: Local Scribes, M. Alberto Rivera
IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AND WE’RE GONNA MISS IT By M. Alberto Rivera Shopping in bulk feels like preparing for the apocalypse. Surely I can’t be alone in this sentiment. And while I feel as though our pantry is sufficiently spacious, I don’t think it was conceived with BJ’s, Sam’s Club, or Costco in mind. The once-a-month trip to the bulk emporium finds the otherwise spacious vehicle packed to the gills with absurd quantities of sundries and foodstuffs —... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
Great Things From a Roach Motel By M. Alberto Rivera Years ago while listening to a cocksure young artist discuss success and her inevitable collision course with it, I interrupted her well-intentioned rant with some questions she could make neither head nor tail of. “How do you measure success?” I asked. “Monetarily? By fame or name recognition? By those standards alone, Paris Hilton is a success. What about an influential artist or individual who inspired others to create? Would... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
She Calls Me By M. Alberto Rivera Twenty minutes after we’d talked, she calls me back to let me know about an event she thought I might be interested in. And that was fine. I’d only found out about the event that afternoon, but appreciated the heads-up. But then she started telling me about her day — what went right and what didn’t, and some of her new interests as well. This was okay, too. We’d spoken earlier when I called to ask a question. I’d sent an email... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
While We’re Gone By M. Alberto Rivera (Note left on kitchen counter next to three $50 bills) Lurlene, I can’t begin to thank you enough for watching the place while we go visit my mother. Right now the schedule has us returning in 11 days, but if Roy can stage an accident where nothing important gets broken or he might can get some work, we might stay an extra week or two. I don’t expect you’ll have any trouble at all with the pets, the house or anything at all, but I left... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
Reality TV Gets Really Real By M. Alberto Rivera Every time I watch a reality TV show, I feel a bit of my brain begin to atrophy. After enduring five minutes of mind-numbing, scriptless drivel from self-absorbed halfwits, I feel dumb for having believed this show might be different. My thought processes shut down like Levi Johnston attempting to utter a coherent sentence. Since reality TV appears to be here to stay, for a while anyhow, I wondered what could be done to improve upon it. Hiring writers... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
DEEP INSIDE COSMO’S FACTORY By M. Alberto Rivera I asked the question I always ask at yard sales: “Do you have any old records?” I say this with a real emphasis on old so as to stress how they’re not worth much, no matter what the seller has heard. Even if they are worth a substantial bit of money, I don’t foresee myself shelling out full value for them on my budget. After asking this question the man holding the sale said, “I do. I just didn’t think to... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
Cheap Women and Cheaper Beer By M. Alberto Rivera “I like Cheap Women & Cheaper Beer These are the things That I hold dear Don’t you know it’s true? That’s why I’m with you” This is my favorite song among the ones I’ve never finished. I’ve written or co-written about a jillion — okay, more like 600 — songs. And I’m hesitant to hazard a guess as to how many half-finished songs I’ve written. It’s an aggravation when... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
Do You Read Me? By M. Alberto Rivera January brings promises we make to ourselves and others. As I type this in late December of 2010, I look back on the goals I set last year. I no longer make resolutions. Resolutions are strongly worded decisions… Pronouncements declared by governments and monarchs. No wonder people have such a hard time keeping them. If it takes a government to pass a resolution and the laws of said nation to enforce it, what chance do you and I have of keeping one? So... [Read more...]
M. Alberto Rivera
Article Category: M. Alberto Rivera
Ho, Ho, Flippin’ Ho By M. Alberto Rivera The smell of sweet potato pies baking, a turkey roasting, and wine mulled with spices fills the air. Stop-motion holiday specials in which tragedy is narrowly averted play on the TV… Ahhh, it’s Christmas time. Prepare yourselves for another round of crappy gifts you never asked for and don’t want. There are family members who think you still like (fill in the blank) because you liked it 15 years ago, and don’t want to ruin the... [Read more...]
