Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
Cactus Connections By Rick LaClaire What better gift than a cactus? Okay, maybe a new car — or maybe even an old one. Or maybe just a toy car… Yeah, as a gift, cacti stink. And to think I once gave them. I should have known better. My very first experience with a cactus was somewhat tragic. I was in high school and had a buddy named Dale. Dale had the biggest record collection of all my friends and free time was frequently spent in his tiny bedroom, spinning vinyl. “Listen to this,”... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Local Scribes, Rick LaClaire
Oh, Rats! By Rick LaClaire Every parent’s nightmare: You’re at work. You’re busy, there are problems to solve, and you are totally engrossed in your daily quest for financial sustenance. The office phone rings. It’s for you. It’s the school nurse. Your child has head lice. Come on, who hasn’t been in that scenario? My boy supposedly had it twice, though I never found a nit. I’ve still got a supply of Nix and that hincty little comb (are you supposed to throw... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Local Scribes, Rick LaClaire
FALLING DOWN By Rick LaClaire Autumn is over, and as I write this, the wind is blowing thirty out of the northwest, the temperature is in the 40s, and an incongruous yellow sun is blazing in a clear sky. Winter has descended, and by the time you read this, it will hopefully be on the wane. My favorite season in Florida has always been autumn, probably because it was my first season here. The temperatures drop to near-perfect, and after the doldrums of summer, the fishing picks up. Great shoals of... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Local Scribes, Rick LaClaire
AND YET MORE RANDOM NOTES By Rick LaClaire “Capitalism is the exploitation of man by men. Communism is just the opposite.” — Nikita Khrushchev Yes, another year has passed. They sure go fast, don’t they? It seems like only yesterday I was shaking out my leisure suit, looking for party leftovers. Nowadays I’m more likely to find a suppository wrapper. This phenomenon was best summed up by Bob Dylan. When asked how he felt when he turned the ripe old age of forty, he... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
The Memory Season By Rick LaClaire “It’s Xmas time again/Has it really been a year?” — Joe Jackson, “Tango Atlantico” My wife’s family has an enduring tradition for Thanksgiving dinner. After all are seated and grace is said, each person at the table must say what they are thankful for. Of course everybody says “family” first and then something like “the Buffalo Bills” (if they’re winning) or “the Sabres” (if they’re... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
Wasted Day • Rick LaClaire “And the hangovers hurt more than they used to…” — Hank Williams, Jr. I have a musician friend with a theory about life expectancy. He claims that each of us is born with a preprogrammed number of breaths and heartbeats; that each of us, regardless of how we treat our bodies, is doomed to wear out anyway at a certain specified point. G. Gordon Liddy once said that the maximum mileage of the human machine is 125 years. If you didn’t smoke, drink,... [Read more...]
O, Pioneers! Part IV: Sodbusters • By Rick LaClaire • It is August as I write this… August in one of the driest Florida summers I can recall. You’ve often heard me warn of dry Florida summers — heat, fire, misery… But that’s on the mainland. Beachside’s a different story. Dry summers mean that every day is a beach day. The surf warms and stays that way (unless we get an upwelling — we’ll talk about that some other time). So what if your lawn... [Read more...]
Rick LaClaire
Article Category: Rick LaClaire
O, Pioneers! Part III: Across the Great Divide By Rick LaClaire Mosquitoes love my feet. There, I said it. I attract biting insects. It was even this way when I was a kid. I complained to my mother once, and she said it was because I was so sweet. My dad said maybe it was because I smelled like something rotten. For some reason I attract a lot of things, some less onerous than others. For example, babies like me. But then, so do winos and panhandlers. Cats like me. Someone told me cats are good judges... [Read more...]
O, Pioneers! Part II: Southward Ho! By Rick LaClaire Everybody’s heard of Wilbur and Orville Wright, right? You know, the guys who invented the airplane. Some say others invented it, but history books today credit the Wright boys with the first reusable airplane. They were the pioneers of air travel. Now what if, on that blustery December day in 1903, after strapping himself onto that kite with a motor, Orville Wright suddenly changed his mind? What if, at the last minute, he said, “Hey,... [Read more...]
O, Pioneers! Rick LaClaire By the time you read this it will be July and summer. I often write about the seasons in Florida. We do have them, contrary to popular belief, and though it might feel like May in January, there’s no way you’re going to confuse July with anything but July. It’s hot, and it’s gonna stay hot probably till November. If we’re lucky, it rains every day. Yeah, I get sick of the rain too, but it sure beats a dry summer. Those mean only two things:... [Read more...]
