IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AND WE’RE GONNA MISS IT

By M. Alberto Rivera

Shopping in bulk feels like preparing for the apocalypse. Surely I can’t be alone in this sentiment. And while I feel as though our pantry is sufficiently spacious, I don’t think it was conceived with BJ’s, Sam’s Club, or Costco in mind.

The once-a-month trip to the bulk emporium finds the otherwise spacious vehicle packed to the gills with absurd quantities of sundries and foodstuffs — 42 cans of cream of mushroom soup, 206 individually wrapped bagels bites, and 56 packages of assorted snack crackers made up mostly of the kind no one likes or wants, the kind that only get eaten out of desperation when everything else snack-like has disappeared from the home.

And if no one’s able to organize the space in a timely fashion, we end up with a helter skelter stacking of boxes, which only adds to the cluttered feeling of living in a Cold War/Y2K bunker. I’m now sidestepping flats of Spam and discontinued flavors of marked-down Ramen that stand waist-high, begging for children of comparable size to come knock them down, and claustrophobia-inducing towers of cardboard and tin. It can all start to feel like hoarding for beginners.

Toilet paper rolls normally come in multiples of 16, but there are exceptions to this rule. There is a 12-pack of available for purchase, but it’s the extra–mega-super-jumbo, industrial-wide girth rolls usually reserved for airports and other impersonal, utilitarian buildings. Try fitting that onto the standard spool in your restroom and you may end up losing a finger.

There’s a false sense of security brought on by this kind of purchasing. Possibly the most infuriating moment related to bulk shopping convenience arrives when something you’ve lived in close confines with for the past three months has finally run out. “Whaddaya mean we’re out? We just bought 209 of ‘em, like yesterday…” This is particularly true of the aforementioned toilet paper. I know some of you still have those rectangular tissues from the 2004 hurricane season MREs tucked away somewhere, just in case.

But a sense of impending doom has been loitering for as long as anyone can remember. Every so many years they change the how-and-why of our ultimate demise as a species, planet, and life as we know it. I think they think we’ll eventually point out that the world didn’t end as predicted and so they divert our attention to something else to fret over.

Nostradamus is usually associated with end-of-the-world prophecies, but no one seems to nail a prophecy down solid until after the event done come and gone — sort of a  “hindsight is 20/20” thing, re. accuracy. Lots of Negative Nancys say Nostradamus predicted the 2012 doomsday to begin with several natural disasters. He also mentioned a planet that is supposed to hit the earth. He didn’t name the planet, but some scientists named it “Planet X.” I don’t want to disparage the storied seer, but timelines were never his strong suit.

Much ado has been made about the Mayan calendar and the year 2012. By the time you read this, it’ll already be 2012 and you can set your watch for extinction. According to the sort of people who worry about such things, on December 12, 2012 — 12/12/12 for anyone needing it spelled out — doomsayers claim the Earth will be host to a veritable smorgasbord of cataclysmic astronomical events, including a Planet X flyby (again), killer solar flares, and a geomagnetic reversal, guaranteeing a very, very bad day for most, but great ratings for CNN. Not to mention that this is set to take place just before Christmas and you probably still won’t know what to get your brother-in-law. And how sad would it be to perish at the mall, waiting in line for some rapping Santa gag gift? Not only is it the end of civilization, but you’ll also be out ten bucks.

My theory on why the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 is simple. The calendar maker died. Quit. Retired. Started selling Amway or Mary Kay. He/she figured by the time they get to 2012, it’ll be someone else’s problem. Say goodnight, Gracie.

The end of the world is relative. I’m not trying to trivialize anyone’s suffering or loss, but if I were stranded outside the Superdome after Hurricane Katrina for days on end, it would certainly seem like the end of the world. The same goes for watching my house, car, and neighbors being swept away by the 2011 Japanese earthquake/tsunami combo. But it can also seem like the end of the world when your girlfriend reads a text on your phone from another girl who’s pretty sure she’s your girlfriend also. The best you can do at this point is go into survival mode, hunker down, and ask your friends if they know anyone who’s currently single.

But I get the distinct feeling that when the world ends, whether the house is stocked or barren or whether I’m prepared or not, I’ll be out of town. There will be a wedding to attend, a family gathering, or God knows what, but the more supplies I’ve secured in anticipation of end times, the better the odds I’ll be far and away. Then I’ll have to ask if someone will let me crash on their sofa until the end of the world is over — or until it has been replaced by the next season of “American Idol.”

I’m thinking of asking for the day off, just in case, to use the time at home to catch up on my to-do list. If it all goes to hell while I’m doing yard work, no one’s going to fault me for not finishing. I’ll give Nostradamus a high five and call it good if there’s a mass checking out that day and I’m among them.

Otherwise, we’ll all just have to brace ourselves for the next sure thing that guarantees our inevitable doom.

AND YET MORE RANDOM NOTES 

By Rick LaClaire

“Capitalism is the exploitation of man by men. Communism is just the opposite.” — Nikita Khrushchev

Yes, another year has passed. They sure go fast, don’t they? It seems like only yesterday I was shaking out my leisure suit, looking for party leftovers. Nowadays I’m more likely to find a suppository wrapper. This phenomenon was best summed up by Bob Dylan. When asked how he felt when he turned the ripe old age of forty, he said, “Ya just can’t help it.” Yeah Bob, you hit the nail on the head. Time passes, and ya just can’t help it. And when time passes, people pass too. Ya just can’t help it.

Now I could begin this new year loudly lamenting the passage of Steve Jobs or Elizabeth Taylor — people with bigger-than-life fame. Or I could do what I usually do, which is doting on the unsung and less significant. The rich and famous get their lion’s share of attention, so I think it’s only fair to elevate the quickly-forgotten. In some ways they’ve affected me more than their much-lauded contemporaries. For instance, Steve Jobs never entertained me for one minute when I was a teenager, but in half-hour increments, Sherwood Schwartz sure did.

Remember “Gilligan’s Island” and “The Brady Bunch”? Yeah, the shows are corny today, but back in ’65 I never missed an episode of “Gilligan.” Part of it had to do with the fact that we only got two channels on the ol’ black and white Zenith (and one channel was Canadian), but you just never knew; maybe this would be the episode when they get rescued. Of course, we didn’t want them to get rescued. There would be no show — and worse, we’d be relegated to watching the curling playoffs in Saskatoon. “Gilligan” was pulled after the ’67 season and it wouldn’t be until ’69 that my attention was captured by the Bradys. It was from that family I learned which paisley shirt pattern best matched my striped pants. Six kids, two parents, a housekeeper and only one toilet? Except for the live-in maid and the gay dad, that sounded like home to me. You know, after watching over my kids’ shoulders as they indulge in their so-called “reality” TV, I find watching “Brady Bunch” re-runs refreshing. They’re still in daily rotation on one of the religious cable stations.

Schwartz laid some eggs, too. Do you recall “It’s About Time” and “Harper Valley PTA”? I didn’t think so, but everyone remembers “My Favorite Martian.” Schwartz had his hand in there, too. The talents of Sherwood Schwartz, to me, fueled what I call the Aluminum Age in TV. Television’s Golden Age was the Fifties. I call the Sixties the Aluminum Age because that was what the ol’ black and white Zenith’s body was made of: anodized aluminum. Mr. Schwartz died last July. He was 94.

Thirty some-odd years ago I was graced with the gift of a “licorice pizza,” which some will recognize as a vinyl LP, by one of my favorite D.C. blues bands, The Nighthawks.  The band has had a variety of lineups over the years (including Brevard’s own Danny Morris) and this album, Jacks and Kings, featured one Pinetop Perkins. “Pinetop,” for those who don’t know, was a brand of cheap rotgut whiskey which circulated among the troops on both sides during our War Between the States, so named for the pungent pine dowel used as a cork. I don’t know if that has any bearing on Mr. Perkins’s moniker, but man, could that guy roll on the piano.

My favorite cut has always been “Pinetop’s Boogie-Woogie,” a “funny little song” in which he extols the listener to “hold it,” then “get it” and boogie. This song rocks. It’s fun to dance to as well as play, and I’ve tried forever and ever to get that Pinetop piano roll down and can’t quite “get it.” His real name was Joe Willie Perkins and he died last March at age 97.

Another loss in March was Geraldine Ferraro. Remember her? If not, remember Walter Mondale? Well, in case you don’t, Walter Mondale ran for president in 1984 and I (and two other people) voted for him. In retrospect I don’t know why I did that, but I do remember he was the first nominee to run with a woman as his vice-president. No, he didn’t make it, and I always thought he had a sex change shortly afterward and became Madeline Albright, but that’s just a rumor. Anyway, in 1984, it took a lot of guts to bust into Reagan-era politics with a woman in tow. And it took a lot more guts to be that woman. Of course the Republicans took her apart piece-by-piece and in the end, well, you know what happened. Four more years of The Gipper — or “The Gypper,” depending on which social stratum you occupied. Geraldine Ferraro was 75.

Has there ever been a more distinctive singing voice than Phoebe Snow’s? You could recognize her in a heartbeat. The first time I heard her was in college, when my then-housemate Sam bought the Still Crazy album by Paul Simon. Simon was always infusing new sounds and Phoebe certainly filled the bill. Despite legal hassles with her labels, she was much in demand and recorded with the likes of Lou Rawls, Garland Jeffreys, Billy Joel and Queen, among many others. She suffered a cerebral hemorrhage in 2010 and never fully recovered. Born Phoebe Ann Laub, she died in April at age 60.

When someone called “Doctor Death” meets his demise, do you celebrate, mourn, or what? Also known as “Jack the Dripper,” his goal was “death with dignity,” and as I grow older and nearer my own time I find myself agreeing more and more with his philosophy. He was not a wanton killer. Yes, his methods were said to defy the then-current moral standards, but did they really? Abortion had been legal for decades. You could kill your defenseless fetal offspring, but not willingly take your own declining life? Kevorkian said it was okay to do that and put his own butt on the line. His goal, he said, was not to kill people, but to end their suffering. He went to jail. After release from prison in 2007, he devoted his life to lecturing and running for Congress. He was also an artist who sometimes painted with his own blood. I find that just a bit weird. He died in June.

Chester, Festus, Miz Kitty, Doc… What do those names conjure? “Gunsmoke”! It is said that the Wild West only lasted seventeen years, but Gunsmoke lasted twenty. There’s something to be said for a TV show that can re-write history. Of course the glue that held the Gunsmoke gang together was Marshall Matt Dillon, also known as James Arness. Born James Aurness and father of 1970 world-champion surfer Rolf Aurness, he was 88 when he died in June.

Clarence “Big Man” Clemons, Jerry Lieber… The arts took a beating in 2011. I was never a fan of Bruce Springsteen, but who could resist that signature sax style of Clarence Clemons? And remember hearing “Jailhouse Rock” for the first time? I was only five then, and ten years later I covered the very same song with my high school rock combo. Someone told me Big Mama Thornton wrote that song, but no, it was a couple of white guys from Baltimore called Jerry Leiber and Jeff Stoller. Clarence Clemons died in June, Jerry Leiber in August.

Finally, does the name Lana Peters ring a bell? Perhaps you would know her better by her birth name, Svetlana Stalina. Yes folks, she was the daughter of that fun-loving, devil-may-care, madcap despot known as Josef Stalin. Now why would the only daughter of the leader of the not-so-free world want to defect to the land of hot dogs and Playboy magazine? Well, why not? Nikita Khrushchev, one of Stalin’s homies, once said he witnessed the “man of steel” grab Svetlana’s mother by the hair and drag her to the dance floor (it’s rumored alcohol was a factor). I hope it was a good song. Obviously, Svetlana had daddy issues, and a few years after his death she defected to America where she took the name Lana Peters. Hounded by reporters and paparazzi all her days here, she desperately sought privacy, winding up back in Russia for a short time in the ’80s. She died in Wisconsin at age 85.

Photo: Ezra Millstein

Haiti: A Land Forgotten

By Dan Reiter

Last November, I took a charter flight into the city of Port-au-Prince, Haiti, with Habitat for Humanity’s annual Carter Work Project. Our mission: to build 100 homes for Haitian families displaced by the 2010 earthquake. The quake — a result of 250 years of bottled-up stress on a Caribbean fault line — demolished nearly every building in the capital city, killed 316,000 Haitians, and exiled over one million people to homelessness among the ruins.

One-time President Jimmy Carter flew on the airplane with us. His eyes sparkled as he passed down the aisle to shake hands with each passenger. His voice was spritely and polished, his back slightly hunched. He moved much like a man on the campaign trail.

As we descended upon the island, our plane buckled in heavy turbulence. A nervous tremor rippled through the cabin. Below us, shadows passed wraithlike over scalped brown mountains, a white crescent reef, a turquoise sea. Someone bolted for the bathroom.

Photo: Ezra Millstein

Two years have passed since Haiti’s grande catastrophe. Two years since waves of the injured and the damned poured into tent cities. Since the world wept over Port-au-Prince’s mass graves. More avant-garde disasters have since taken center stage in the collective consciousness: the Gulf oil spill, the Japan tsunami, the Fukushima fallout.

Many countries who pledged aid to Haiti have reneged on their promises. Less than one third of international relief funds have been distributed. An estimated 98% of Port-au-Prince’s rubble remains where it fell. Refugees are consigned to pestilence and oblivion; they huddle under rotting tarps, without clean water, sanitation or food — vulnerable to outbreaks of cholera and malaria, those afflictions of a bygone age.

From above, rivers the color of spoiled milk snaked through the frayed fields at the outskirts of Port-au-Prince. As we descended onto the island, an urban wasteland stumbled into view, a crush of third-world stone boxes, rusted roofs, great mounds of garbage, legions of blue and gray tarps. We put down, taxied past an airplane abandoned in tall weeds. Trash bags fluttered on the barbed wire of the airfield wall. We filed down the steps, quietly, solemnly. Everything seemed hazed in steam.

Photo: Habitat For Humanity

Haiti has long been a nation on the brink of collapse. In 1804, it became the world’s first black republic, and was subsequently squashed under the thumb of sugarcane embargos, pre-packaged wars, and villainous political leaders. At the time of the quake, Haiti was already the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, already well acquainted with disaster.

A convoy of police cars and SUVs escorted our buses to our camp in Léogâne, near the epicenter of the quake. For two hours we bumped through some of the poorest slums in the Americas. The stink of garbage, the naked children bathing in sewage ditches, the half-dead dogs, the black, sickly goats tied around the necks, and the chronic rind of styrofoam and plastic, knee-deep along the embankments, were too much for some to bear. Others took pictures. Street vendors — beautiful, lithe women — crouched in the filth, hawked black plantains, honey, sugarcane, fly-infested meat. The children’s eyes, at once distrustful, spry and innocent, were yellowed, jaundiced somehow by the proximity to death.

We slept ten to a tent, barracks-style, on light-gauge aluminum cots with flimsy canvas straps. We had come to work, not take vacation. My tentmates were a scattered bunch, hailing from all corners of the continent. One, a computer engineer from Toronto, sat at the edge of his bed, brooding. “I can’t believe how bad it is. Broken concrete everywhere. You would have thought there would be more trees.”

Photo: Steffan Hacker

The old man on the cot next to me, who did not seem suited to a construction site, raised a bony finger. “The sugarcane companies clear cut the whole damn island,” he said. “Ain’t a damned tree left for lumber.”

A sturdy black fellow dressed in khaki unloaded his army-issue duffel bag and took up a more optimistic tone. “Life is calling you boys! Can you hear it?” His voice boomed throughout the tent. “It feels good to get out and help, don’t it?” This was Willie, maven of twenty Carter builds, ex-Peace Corps volunteer, Vietnam vet.

“Did you see the looks on the children’s faces?” the Canadian said.  ”How can they smile among all that devastation?”

“Left ‘em in tent cities with million dollar views,” the old man said.

“Just do what we can,” said Willie. He set his tool belt on the bed, careful not to test the frame. “Ain’t no more to it than that.”

That evening, a Haitian singing group performed for us on a makeshift wooden stage. President Carter provided a rousing introduction. It was a strange contrast — the Parisian mannerisms, the French pursing of the lips coupled with the dark, tribal dances. But Haiti is a country of contradictions. They are the poorest people in the world, but in many ways, the most lovely, living on an island in the middle of the hurricane belt, where drinking water is in short supply. The cities are desperate for reconstruction, and yet they sit atop a lode of concrete stone. A paradox, Haiti. Broken, fissured with incongruities.

We awoke before dawn, filed into the mess tent for bangers and mash, collected our tools, and loaded the buses to the job site. Thus commenced our weeklong toils in the sun and heat of Léogâne.

The work week blurred by. I hefted up walls, slammed thousands of metal twist straps into lumber, bloodied my fingers, soaked and dirtied every inch of my clothing, nearly died from heat exhaustion, sat in a delirium atop the aluminum roof, gloves torn, to bear witness to stunning sunsets over water-carved mountains. Pascal and Marie, two Haitian homeowners-to-be, worked alongside our team, thrilled with these shelters — the size of a small room, with no plumbing or electricity — where they would be living six to a box.

Photo: Habitat For Humanity

The President of Haiti, the copa singer Michel Martelly, appeared for a shining instant, his arm in a splint. Garth Brooks worked among the volunteers, sporting a Stetson hardhat, carrying a drill, a hammer. One sultry night, Garth and his wife, Trisha, gave an impromptu performance on the camp’s stage.

We sweat until we near fainted, waited blurry-eyed in meal lines, slept like the dead in our cots, ate beef and Guinness cottage pie. On Veterans Day, we stood in bowed silence as someone read “In Flanders Field” over a megaphone.

During a week of cold showers, blisters, bruises, and backaches, we became united by the rhythm of our labors, like some gang of mercenary carpenters. We knew we were building more than homes, more than a village. We were building an example. Camaraderie between nations. Good karma.

Jimmy Carter, at age eighty-seven, was proficient with the tape, the pencil, the handsaw. He worked the long days, proselytized the nights.

“We want to help the Haitian people in a way that doesn’t debase them, nor elevate us,” Carter said, his white hair shining in the stage’s spotlight.

“Say what you want about his Presidency,” the Canadian said. “But what a remarkable man.”

Photo: Steffan Hacker

I befriended a young Haitian carpenter, who regarded me with great love in his eyes and taught me how to chew the sweet black sugarcane. We sat under the shade of a Royal Poinciana tree, in a country mired in tragedy, overflowing with love and grace.

Tall palms sway above it all, the children sleep, dream, the sea roils, bright bougainvillea flourish among the wreckage.

In Haiti, the shortest way from one place to another never lies in a straight line. The politics are muddled, the land rights swamped in bureaucracy. But there are some who still believe. Dreamers like Harris Rosen, an Orlando hotelier, who envisions Caribbean kibbutzes, self-sustaining Haitian communes with modular, solar-powered homes. Or Jeffree Trudeau, of the World Bamboo Organization, who hopes to spawn a new lumber industry on these desolate hills. My Canadian tentmate, even, had his own revelation: “Why not just ship in a track hoe and some dump trucks? Gather up all the broken blocks and garbage?”

It all seems logical. The ideas flow into Haiti, but they are polluted somehow on their way into the cities, like the rainwater, sun-bleached by indifference, desiccated as those sickly white rivers.

On the last day, I gave up my tools, my boots, my bedding, and my extra clothing to my Haitian friend. I left camp with a bag as empty as my spirit. I hadn’t shaved or looked in a mirror for seven days.

As our plane soared away from Port-au-Prince, I said a silent prayer for the people of Haiti. I vowed to return. Maybe our 100 homes were a drop in the ocean, but they were tangible enough, proof of what can happen when man and material work in concert. They were sturdy things, anyway. And the roofs would not leak.

To donate to Habitat for Humanity, or to volunteer for the 29th Carter Work Project, which returns to Haiti in 2012, visit: http://www.habitat.org/cd/cwp/participant/participant.aspx?pid=93531977. All donations received will go directly toward the scheduled trip with a goal of building 250 more homes in Léogâne.

JACK BAKER’S LOBSTER SHANTY

Being a contrarian has its undeniable drawbacks, but when it comes to dining, the attitude can open up new worlds of possibility.

I’m glad, for instance, that I never heeded the advice of friends to avoid restaurants like the Cliff House and Alioto’s when I lived in San Francisco in the late ’90s. “They’re just for out-of-towners,” they said. “Locals know better than to bother.”

When I finally did visit those places, it was immediately clear that the naysayers hadn’t even given them a chance. I found the food to be excellent and reasonably priced and the waterfront views spectacular. I managed to convert a few natives before I left, and vowed to take the same approach wherever I moved or traveled to thereafter. It’s a practice that’s kept me in good stead ever since, and one that helped me discover the charms of Jack Baker’s Lobster Shanty, a place that’s given similarly short shrift by locals here in Cocoa Beach.

The Shanty’s founder, New Jerseyan and avid fisherman Jack Baker, took up cooking while working at the Biltmore Hotel in Palm Beach. After marrying his Floridian wife and relocating to Point Pleasant Beach, NJ, Baker opened a tiny, four-top restaurant on the side porch of the family home. Cooking their daily lobster catch in a washing machine that had been converted into a gas-fired boiler, Baker and his father were soon swarmed by people loved their flair with seafood. Trading in the washer for a bathtub-cum-cooker, the Bakers expanded their business and built the first of many Lobster Shanties near the Baker residence.

There are two Lobster Shanties in Vero Beach and six in New Jersey, but the one here in Cocoa Beach is probably the best situated. Located on the Banana River since 1982, the Cocoa Beach Lobster Shanty is one of the few riverfront eateries in the area, and as such offers breathtaking sunset views.

Many locals have fond memories of eating here in their youth, usually for Mother’s Day or wedding anniversaries, but the Lobster Shanty isn’t just for special occasions. They serve a wealth of daily specials, and as tasty as their live Maine lobsters are, their many “turf” and pasta dishes are definitely worth trying. The fact is that the Lobster Shanty offers some of the best values on the beach.

Their popular combination platters are a good example of the kind of bargain you can expect. There are six to choose from, but a favorite is the “Side Splitter,” which comes with shrimp, haddock, a crab cake, scallops, and clam strips. For over a pound of fresh seafood, it’s a great deal.

Other dishes are just as generously portioned, from their  “Triple Treat” (salmon, grouper, and mahi fillets that can be broiled, blackened, or grilled) to their “smothered” lobsters, which get topped with sauteed shrimp, scallops, and mussels and a creamy garlic sauce. What’s more, they’re one of the few places around that can get hold of rock shrimp year-round.

Another favorite, the New England-style baked haddock, shows that this old institution is also very forward thinking. Baked in a Parmesan and bacon crust with a sun-dried tomato cream sauce, it’s one of many inventive dishes Chef Glen Dunham has introduced. There are coconut shrimp served with mango-jalapeno jelly, cashew-crusted tilapia with a coconut rum sauce, and a tasty crab and spinach dip.

However, the real surprises here are their steaks, an apricot-brandy chicken, and their excellent baby back ribs. There’s something here for everyone — even the pickiest eaters will find something to love — and kids have their own menu to peruse.

The Lobster Shanty is very family-friendly; kids will enjoy feeding the koi out front or the catfish from their spacious, open-air deck. And the weather couldn’t be more perfect for eating outside at the Shanty. While we were there, as the sun began its brilliant descent, we saw a pod of dolphin bounding southward. It’s at times like that, I reflected, that being a contrarian certainly has its benefits.

The Lobster Shanty is located at 2200 S. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach. They open daily at 11:30 a.m. and offer lunch specials and a new early dinner menu. On it, you’ll find 14 dishes to choose from, all of which are served with one side, a choice of New England or Manhattan chowder or salad, coffee, tea, or milk, and dessert — all at a very reasonable price. Early dinners are served Monday through Friday from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.; Saturdays and Sundays from 11:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Lunch menu is available Monday through Saturday from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. The spacious Lobster Shanty is also a great place to host large gatherings, banquets, and reunions. Call them at 783-1350. To view their full menu, log on to: www.cocoabeachlobstershanty.com

MIKKI KRAGELUND 

This January 12, beachside resident Mikki Kragelund and friend Nina Oosterveer — the “Sunny Cyclers” — will be biking the length of New Zealand to raise $5000 for the World Skin Cancer Foundation.

Mikki, whom many here know as “Michelle,” was diagnosed with stage-three melanoma nearly two years ago, but is currently cancer-free, thanks to early detection and treatment. Now living in New Zealand, Mikki came up with the idea for this ride as a way to raise awareness for one of the most deadly — and preventable — types of cancer out there.

Shortly after her birth in Denmark, she and her family moved to Cocoa Beach, where she spent most of her ”fun in the sun” childhood. “From a very early age I remember my parents emphasizing the importance of travel, staying active, and appreciating the outdoors,” she says. “Growing up in Florida was an ‘endless summer’ of year-round boating, camping, surfing and diving excursions — sometimes with sunscreen, sometimes without. It was an afterthought and a challenge to wear consistently when you are so active.”

At 24 and with less than a semester of college to go, a dermatologist appointment wasn’t at the top of her to-do list. But Mikki’s uncle and Southern California dermatologist, Dr. Bill Heimer, had a different idea. ”He makes regular visits to Florida and graciously provides family ‘derm’ checks while he is here,” Mikki says. “On this particular occasion, he was in between visits. He’d recently treated two patients the same age as me (and with a similar history as mine) that prompted him to think about me.”

It would be a few more months before her uncle would make another Florida visit. It was unusual, but for his peace of mind, he called to urge Mikki to go in for a skin check on her own. ”I was very touched by his concern and actually intended to follow through, but I didn’t. I was busy,” she recalls. “I had no symptoms and no real concern. He called again in two weeks to follow up then took it upon himself to schedule an appointment on my behalf. Three days later, I was handed a pathology report that revealed a stage-three melanoma.”

“The next month of my life was a blur of mixed emotions. Did I feel sorry for myself? Did I want pity from people? Did I even want people to know? Should I deny it? Ignore it? I felt ignorant and embarrassed because my Uncle had been begging me for years to be more careful in the sun and to have regular skin checks. Why hadn’t I listened?”

After numerous doctor’s appointments, 14 different biopsies, and one major surgery, Mikki was told that if she’d waited just four more months longer to get a skin check, her chances of survival — even with chemotherapy — could have been less than ten percent.

“It is a complete mystery as to why things work out the way they do in the world, but all I know is that my Uncle, and hero, caught it in time and was able to remove all the cancerous cells.”

Armed with the strong sense of optimism she cultivated while working for the Life Is Good Company, Mikki will join Nina on a 2,400-km bicycle journey to raise awareness for the importance of wearing sunscreen. She also hopes to show people that they don’t have to give up a life outside to avoid skin damage.

We spoke to her about the ride and the people who inspired her to give back.

You’re in Queenstown, New Zealand now. What do you miss most about Cocoa Beach?

I miss Cocoa Beach all of the time and I feel really fortunate to have it as my home base. The people and lifestyle in our little town is something I don’t think you can find anywhere else. At least I haven’t found it yet. I miss paddleboarding through the canals, camping out in the 1000 Islands, boating, playing bocce on the beach, surfing, stopping into the North End for a pint with Tom, or visiting Lolo at the Green Room… The list is endless! One of my favorite quotes is, “Man travels in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.” I’m enjoying every moment I get to see somewhere new in the world, but I love that Cocoa Beach is the place I get to return home to.

What kind of training are you doing for your ride?

All kinds! Queenstown Gym has given Nina and I a free membership so we’re able to train during the work week. We are doing yoga, spin classes, weights, and circuit training. On top of that, we’re cycling and doing a ton of hikes. We’re really fortunate to be in a part of the world that offers so much outdoor opportunity to train.

Where does the route take you? What do you reckon will be the most difficult leg?

The route takes from Cape Reinga, located at the tip of the North Island, all the way to Bluff, the southernmost point of the South Island. It is about 1500 miles in total. We would be lying if we said we weren’t already looking forward to the ferry ride in the middle! The most difficult leg is going to be the west coast of the South Island from Greymouth to Wanaka. There’ll be lots of mountains and steep climbing there. I’m sure we’ll be hugging the pavement at some points and cursing the whole idea at others, but we’ll make it.

What kinds of bikes will you be riding?

Nina and I will both be riding a Specialized Sirrus Touring bike. Do I sound bike savvy? I’m not. It’s a bike designed for less-experienced cyclers who have trouble making it up big hills.

How did Nina get involved?

Nina and I arrived in Queenstown around the same time and found ourselves in the same circle quite often. Since Queenstown is as known for its partying as it is for its outdoor adventures, initially it was hard to meet people who wanted to be up early for a hike or rock climbing. Nina was and still is my “go to”! She’s always my first phone call because she’s always up for anything! The whole idea for Sunny Cyclers came about when we were hiking one morning. I was sharing my story with her and realized it had been one year since that melanoma diagnosis. I felt like doing something to celebrate and she just said, “Okay, let’s do it!” We laugh about it now, because she was thinking more along the lines of celebrating over a pint. She didn’t know what she was getting herself into.

Tell us about your diagnosis. Where was the spot found? Did nothing look suspect to you?

The spot was right on my chest. I had no symptoms and no real concern. I was one month from graduation, so in all honesty, a dermatologist appointment was the last thing on my mind! I was more concerned with “laying out” so I could have a nice base color for the ceremony.

What was your reaction?

I was bartending at Slow & Low when I got the call. I don’t fully remember my reaction, but I remember I had a plate of ribs in my hand and I was just staring at them.

What were your outdoor habits prior to being diagnosed?

Year-round boating, camping, surfing and diving excursions… sometimes with sunscreen, sometimes without. I was probably more inclined to reach for the ordinary “hat and shades” than sunscreen. I’ve been known to use tanning lotion and even spent the occasional 15 minutes in a tanning bed. In summary: My sun protection habits were terrible… Non-existent, even.

What do you do now when you’re outdoors?

A thick layer of sunscreen, a pair of hiking boots (with a high chance of mismatched socks), and some tacky ensemble of sun proof gear. And believe it or not, I’m single! We all love being out in the sun, and it’s hard to avoid, especially in Florida. The World Skin Cancer Foundation says it best: “Screen. Shirt. Shade!”

Above all, what have you learned from this experience?

I’ve learned that I’m not invincible and that a good tan isn’t nearly as important as my own health. I love to be outside. It definitely takes more effort to be safe in the sun, but it’s not impossible. I’ve also learned that I love to cycle!

You friend Barry offered you a lot of support after your diagnosis. How long have you known him?

I have only known Barry about three or four years now. I met him up in Boston while I was working for the Life is Good Company. He was diagnosed with cancer just before I was, however, his prognosis was much worse than mine. I remember him calling me right after I had just finished some diagnostic tests. I was in the stages of my diagnosis where I didn’t know if the melanoma had reached my lymph nodes yet, and admittedly, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I answered the phone and the first thing out of his mouth was, “What can I have of yours if you go first?” I just doubled over and let the laughter pour out of me. His comment was so unnerving, yet it had exactly the light-heartedness I needed. He was a huge inspiration to me through the whole process. He has also fully recovered now and still causing trouble up in Bean Town.

You family has offered a lot of support too, of course. Tell us about them.

Mom’s hysterical. The older I get, the more I appreciate her wit and sense of humour. She is a beautifully free-spirited intellect who always encouraged commitment and urged me to create my own path, and she has, dare I say, a stronger sense of adventure than I do. Dad is a breed all his own. If any of you in town know Lars, I’m sure that’s enough said. He is a true sailor and waterman who found entertainment in strapping waterskis to my feet before I could walk and had a scuba tank on my back by the time I was 12. I hold him fully responsible for my complete love of the outdoors. And my Uncle Bill is my hero. What else can I say? At the end of the day, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. Between the three of them — and also my grandmothers, Gam and Boss, and my Uncle Donny — I had a pretty good support system.

And you’ve dedicated this ride, among other things and people, to your brother, Christian.

Christian is my best friend and my inspiration. If I could choose anyone in the world to travel, hike, surf, sail, bike, climb, camp, or explore with, it would be him. Every time.

How much money have you raised for the ride thus far?

So far we’ve raised over $3000 dollars. Our goal is $5,000, but we feel pretty confident that we’ll be able to surpass that. We have had unbelievable support here in New Zealand as well as back home. Absolutely Natural is a Melbourne, FL-based sun care line that retails all natural, chemical-free sun care products. Sunny Cyclers has partnered with Absolutely Natural and they will be the title sponsor for the ride. They’ve generously donated $1500 to our cause, 100% of which will go directly to the World Skin Cancer Foundation. They are going above and beyond to help us in our mission to raise further funds and awarenes. Nina and I both feel very fortunate to have them on our team.

What else are you in need of? Are you all kitted out for equipment?

We are ready to go! We have been fortunate enough to have organizations interested in sponsorships, so we have received our sun protection products from Absolutely Natural, bikes from Brazz, and panniers from Natural High. Outside Sports has supplied us with bike shorts and jerseys, and WSCF has even shipped over a tent for us to sleep in for the next two months! Thanks, guys!

How can people follow you or donate?

We will start our trip January 12, 2012. You can donate, follow our progress, and keep up with all of the adventures on our website www.sunnycyclers.com. All donations go directly to the World Skin Cancer Foundation — www.worldskincancerfoundation.com 

1/16: Martin Luther King, Jr. March & Celebration The march begins at Provost Park on Varr Ave. at 2 p.m. It will end with a celebration in Riverfront Park. For more information on this free event, call 704-0433.  

Cocoa Village Playhouse January shows include a special limited encore presentation of “Windy City” January 7-8 and 12-15. For details and ticket information, call the box office at 636-5050, or visit www.cocoavillageplayhouse.com

The Brevard Veterinary Hospital is excited to announce the hiring of Dr. Tonia Headrick, who graduated from Auburn University with her Doctorate of Veterinary Medicine in 2001 and has been practicing medicine for over 10 years. With the hiring of Dr. Headrick, both she and Dr. Kimberly Jennings will allow the Hospital to provide veterinary care to its patients and clients six days a week. The Brevard Veterinary Hospital 329 N. Cocoa Blvd. in Cocoa. Call 205-4288.

CAPE CANAVERAL

1/6: Friday Fest Features food, beverage and art vendors, bounce houses, a giant slide, a rock climbing wall, and live entertainment from Vilifi and Lonnie & Delinda. The fun will take place from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. at the Recreation Center between Taylor and Poinsetta Avenues. The next Friday Fest is scheduled to take place on February 3 with music by Flight Risk and a local student art show. To find out more, call 868-1226.

1/20: Free Movie in the Park “The Smurfs” (G;2011) will be shown at 8 p.m. in Manatee Park, 701 Thurm Blvd. Proceeds from refreshment sales will go to the Cape Canaveral Police Athletic League. Bring a lawn chair or blanket to sit on. For more details, call 868-1226.

1/27-1/28: Fine Art Show in the Cape Canaveral Public Library, located at 201 Polk Ave. For more information, call 868-1101.

COCOA BEACH

1/5: City Commission Meeting You can find the agenda for the Cocoa Beach City Commission Meeting scheduled for 1/5 at: www.cityofcocoabeach.com. To learn more, call 868-3286.

1/5: Cocoa Beach Woman’s Club Meeting The theme of this month’s meeting is domestic violence, with Cindy Flachmeier serving as the scheduled speaker. Cindy’s career started in 1971 as the Director of Social Services at Fair Havens Center, a Lutheran Services for the Elderly, retirement, assisted living, and skilled nursing center. While working at Fair Havens Center, she received her BA and MA in Social Work from Florida International University with a specialization in gerontology. In 1986, she accepted a position of Director of Social Services for The Salvation Army in Miami. Cindy supervised two homeless shelters, two Family Service Centers and three low-income day care centers and an 80-member staff. During this time, she helped open the first AIDS homeless shelter in the United States in 1988. She moved to Brevard County in 1993 and continued to work for The Salvation Army as the Director of their Domestic Violence Program. As a domestic violence advocate, she helped change state and federal laws to protect innocent victims of violence, helped change antiquated state laws, and then helped train law enforcement and social service agencies in proper implementation of the laws. In June of 2005, she accepted the position of President/CEO of Community Services Council of Brevard County, Inc. Community Services Council is a senior serving agency with eleven programs, including Meals on Wheels, Retired and Senior Volunteer Program, Caregiver Support, In-home Personal Care, Case Management, and Home Repair. This meeting will be held at the Cocoa Beach Country Club, 5000 Tom Warriner Blvd. The public is invited to attend.

1/27: Cocoa Beach Has Got Talent a talent competition with over 15 acts vying to be number one. All proceeds benefit Cocoa Beach High School Project Graduation 2012. The competition will take place on Friday, January 27, from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Cocoa Beach Junior/Senior High School Auditorium, located at 1500 Minutemen Cswy. Tickets are $5 and will be available at the door. All are welcome. To learn more, contact Kelly Whalen at 868-4781.

1/28: Dance Into Fashion with the Cocoa Beach Woman’s Club Luncheon and Fashion Show. This event will be held at the Cocoa Beach Country Club. Shopping begins at 10:30 a.m.; the luncheon is scheduled for 11:30 a.m. Fashions will be presented by “Accessories and More” from Sarasota, FL. Lunch to be catered by The Green Turtle, with a mixed field green salad, grilled chicken breast with mushroom Chardonnay sauce, assorted roasted vegetables, harvest rice, bakery fresh rolls, apple pie and Key lime pie. Tickets are $25 each; admission includes special door prize drawings. Proceeds benefit the many charitable activities of the Cocoa Beach Woman’s Club. To learn more or to make reservations, call Cindy Simmons (799-2353), Sheryle Schaefer (784-9128), or Julia George (868-7393).

2012 Cocoa Beach Historical Calendars are in. They can be purchased at City Hall for $15 each, includes tax. Sale hours are Monday-Friday in the City Clerk’s Office from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

2012 Citizen’s Academy The Cocoa Beach Citizen’s Academy is a look into the internal values, philosophy, and operations of the City. Designed for residents, the academy educates citizens on the “how and why” of City departments. Academy staff will cover a variety of topics and issues pertaining to the City, including information about seldom seen civic functions. Citizens learn how they can play a role in the future of Cocoa Beach. Next class starts on January 17. For more details, visit www.cityofcocoabeach.com

Calling all artists: Cocoa Beach City Hall and the Recreation Complex Walls need your art. City Hall offers walls for art displays to promote art in public places. Help brighten up the lives of all who work and visit the facility. If you are interested in sharing your work of art, please call Ann at 868-3217.

Cocoa Beach Public Library

1/11: Friends of the Library Travel Film Series: Switzerland at 6 p.m. The film features Zurich, the Principality of Liechtenstein, Lugano, Locarno, and Zermatt and the Matterhorn and more. Watercolor Classes with award-winning watercolor artist Helen Wheatley, on Thursdays, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m, January 12-March 1. Suitable for beginning and intermediate students. Cost is $80 for the 8-week session. Register at the sign up table and pick up a materials list. Enrollment is limited. 1/18: Music on a Sunday Afternoon kicks off the New Year with the versatile Robert Rowlette and Friends at 2 p.m. 1/18: Friends of the Library Travel Film Series: Kenya at 6 p.m. An unforgettable, captivating video safari of Kenya’s spectacular wildlife, dramatic landscapes and uncrowded beaches and national parks. 1/21: “Storm Riders: A Surf Film” at 7 p.m. Experience the excitement, the terror, and the sheer force of the ocean as Storm Riders travel to five continents to discover the exotic jungles of Hawaii, Sumatra, Java and Bali; brave the treacherous coastline of Africa and the blistering desert outback of the Great Australian Bight in the greatest ocean adventure ever filmed. Featured surfers: Mark Richards, Wayne Lynch, Rabbit Bartholomew, Gerry Lopez, Simon Anderson, Shaun Tomson, Joe Engle, Thornton Fallander, Peter McCabe, and Tom Carroll. Featuring music by The Doors, Men at Work, Split Endz, Mondo Rock, Australian Crawl, and more. Filmed in 1981, “Storm Riders” is action packed, professional, varied and stoking. Sponsored by The Cocoa Beach Surf Museum. Refreshments will be served. 1/28: Healthy Planet of Brevard presents Jason Santini, owner of Happy Healthy Human Cafe in Indian Harbour Beach at 2 p.m. His talk will show us how we can assist nature by providing fuel to achieve optimum results simply and quickly. The library will be closed January 16 for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. The Library is located at 550 N. Brevard Ave. Call 868-1104 to learn more about these and other programs, or visit www.cocoabeachpubliclibrary.org

The Surfside Players will be holding auditions for Neil Simon’s “Rumors” January 15 and 16 (Sunday and Monday) at 7 p.m. in the lobby of Surfside Playhouse. Auditions will consist of cold readings from the script. Please wear comfortable clothing and shoes. Performances will be March 2-16. January 20-February 5, the Players will present “Grease: The Original High School Musical.” Performances are scheduled Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 2 p.m. Tickets are $20 for adults, $18 for seniors and active military, and $15 for students. To purchase tickets, call 783-3127, or visit www.surfsideplayers.com

Nolan’s Irish Pub & Tours Galore John and Mary Nolan’s popular Irish travel company is hosting a presentation on Ireland on Wednesday, January 25 at 6 p.m. Find out why CIE and Tours Galore are your experts on Ireland. Enjoy a pint and meet trusted driver and guide Dave Yeates, direct from Ireland. He’s one of CIE Tours’ top drivers and guides and has helped make the Nolans’ tours the best available. Find out why this is the year to finally make that visit to the Emerald Isle. Please RSVP by calling 783-8499. Space is limited. Visit them online at: www.toursgalore.net

Southend Fish & Chips is now open at 7 S. Atlantic Ave., #9 in downtown Cocoa Beach. In addition to great fish n’ chips (cod or haddock), they offer calamari, clam strips, fried oysters and shrimp, conch fritters, and much more. Call your order in at 613-3995. Parking is always available for pick-up customers.

Cocoa Beach Fight Club Come up to Cocoa Beach Fight Club, located upstairs in the MMA room at Cooca Beach Health & Fitness from 6 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Mondays or Wednesdays. Trainers Trey Robertson, Ron Aldo and Joel R. have helped make their fighters 4-0 for cage fights that are held locally at Levelz in downtown Melbourne. Stop by and check them out.

Smoking Joe’s Smoke Shop just opened at 214 N. 1st. St. in downtown Cocoa Beach. Inside, you’ll find roll-your-own tobacco supplies, rolling papers, accessories, energy drinks, shots, and more. You can also roll your own cigarettes there for $2.80 per pack. To find out more, call 613-3983 or visit www.smokingjoessmokeshop.com

Voulu Fashion Boutique Brenda Grochowski’s trendy clothing store for women just opened in downtown Cocoa Beach at 71 N. Orlando Ave. They offer junior/women’s clothing, accessories, and gifts. Drop in, call 783-1500, or visit www.voulufashion.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Surfrider Give the gift of a new Surfrider membership this year. For just $49, the Surfrider Holiday Membership package includes: a limited-edition Surfrider 2-in1 changing mat, a bamboo wax comb, one bar of Matunas 100% Natural Wax, and a one-year membership to the Surfrider Foundation, which itself includes two membership stickers, six issues of their digital newsletter, “Making Waves,” and a 20% discount at Swell.com. Go to www.surfrider.org to learn more.

The Sebastian Inlet chapter of Surfrider Foundation invites you to enjoy a gathering of the “tribe” on January 7 at Paradise Park in Indiatlantic from noon until dusk. They’ll have food and drink, music, surfing, lots of free swag, and drawings for new surfboards. Sponsers include Billabong, Surf Gallery, Longboard House, MTB, Spectrum, FCS, Futures, and many more. Help support their activities to preserve and protect our beaches. Adults $15; children ages 10-17 $10. Under 10 come free. To learn more, visit http://sebastianinlet.surfrider.org/

1/14-2/4: “Art of Giving” Fundraiser at Art Gallery of Viera Local artists are coming to the aid of Melissa Brooks, a young woman battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma, with the “Art of Giving” fundraiser, which will feature a diverse mix of art from dozens of local artists, all donating 100% of sale proceeds to Melissa for medical expenses. The Art Gallery of Viera, which is hosting the event, is donating their commission fee on sales, which will be returned to buyers as a substantial savings. This is a wonderful opportunity to buy a great piece of art, for a great price, for a good cause. Meet the artists and enjoy the opening reception on January 14, from 6 to 9 p.m. with light refreshments provided by Pizza Gallery, a cash bar, and live music. The fundraiser will run through February 4. For more information, call 504-4343 or visit the Art Gallery of Viera web site at www.artgalleryofviera.com

The Central Brevard Humane Society will be hosting the 6th Annual Mardi Gras Paws in the Park in conjunction with Cocoa Village Mardi Gras on Sunday, February 26, from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m. at Riverfront Park in Cocoa Village. Sponsorship opportunities for the event are for individuals and businesses at all levels, beginning at $100 for the “Purple” sponsorship and up to $1,000 and above for the primary sponsorship, “The Big Easy.” The cost for businesses to be a part of the vendor village at Mardi Gras Paws in the Park is $50. All rescue groups may participate at “no charge” (pending space availability). Vendors and rescue groups must supply their own tables, chairs, promotional materials, display racks and setup staff. Mardi Gras Paws in the Park is a free animal and family-friendly event for pet lovers young and the young at heart that will include rescue groups, a vendor village, pet contests, the crowning of the “furry” King and Queen of the Park, a demonstration from the Brevard Sheriff Department’s Paws & Stripes Cadets, a Mardi Gras Parade of Pets, and live entertainment. All animals must be on a leash and have proof of current shots along with a county tag. For more information, please call 636-3343 or visit www.crittersavers.com

CAPRICORN: Take a break from what you’re doing. Look at what people are doing around you. Check your plans in relation to those of others and see if there’s a way you can combine forces and kill more birds with fewer stones. This shouldn’t be difficult, seeing as how slow those stupid sandhill cranes are.

AQUARIUS: Your home is your castle. Spend time fixing things up to better suit your needs. Take a look at an investment and consider installing a portcullis over the garage door. The “Occupy the Hendersons at 1611 S. Orlando Avenue” movement is rapidly gathering steam.

PISCES: It’s high time you made contact with someone you’ve been avoiding for far too long. Admit it: you’re in love with her. And why not? She’s pretty, smart, and devoted to her profession. Phoning her up will put a smile on her face. And go ahead, call her “Sweetie Pie.” “Parole Officer” is such a loaded term.

ARIES: Information is power. Keep busy by learning all you can about something you are trying to master. Networking and being receptive to different ways of doing things will help you advance in your goal, but picking up a copy of “Candyland for Dummies” might be the best place to start.

TAURUS: Participate in a cause you believe in. Reach out to people you feel can help. Collaborating will put you in a good position and help to build strong alliances. Cultivating these partnerships will be crucial to the success of your New Year’s Eve wife-swapping party.

GEMINI: This Christmas season brings a surge of memories, both good and bad. Focusing on the good ones is the key to staving off your creeping suspicion that Frosty the Snowman and God just might be fictional characters.

CANCER: Running into an old flame makes you rethink your current situation. Brush aside nagging doubts, look to the heavens for confirmation, and you’ll find that it’s written in the stars. To the naked eye, the message looks like “Love Forever.” A reasonably powerful telescope, however, shows it to read: “She’s batsh*t crazy.”

LEO: You’ve always been an avid gardener, but the severe sciatica flare-up you’ll experience later this month will spur a search for a more convenient hobby. All you’ll need are some scissors, glue, and an active imagination to join the Porn Scrapbooking Club of Rockledge.

VIRGO: People have a habit of ignoring you, but you don’t need to go overboard to get their attention. Looking back though, jumping off the bow of the casino boat was probably your only option.

LIBRA: You’ll be pulled in two different directions when it comes to emotional matters, and the stress it’s putting on you is beginning to take its toll. Take a step back to reflect, prioritize your desires, and start looking for a second mistress.

SCORPIO: You love living in Florida, but these warm December temperatures often get you down. If you find yourself dreaming of a white Christmas this year, simply put on a Bing Crosby album. It doesn’t get much whiter than Bing Crosby.

Japan Again “Toto” is to sophisticated toilets in Japan as “Apple” is to consumer electronics in America. In September, Toto unveiled a prototype motorcycle with a toilet bowl to convert a driver’s waste into fuel, not only making it self-gassed-up but contributing to the company’s goal of reducing carbon dioxide emissions by 50 percent within six years. The company was launching a monthlong, cross-country publicity tour (presumably featuring a gastro-intestinally robust driver). And in America, the quest for perfectly straight teeth can lead to orthodontia bills of thousands of dollars, but in Japan, a dental “defect” — slightly crooked canine teeth — makes young women more fetching, even “adorable,” say many men. Women with the “yaeba” look have canines pushed slightly forward by the molars behind them so that the canines develop a fang-like appearance. One dental salon, the Plaisir, in Tokyo, recently began offering non-permanent fixtures that replicate the look among straight-toothed women.

Marketing Genius Apparently, officials at the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport felt the need for professional guidance on rebranding their facility to (as one put it) “carry it into the modern era,” and so hired the creative talents of Big Communications of Birmingham, Ala., to help. Big’s suggested name for the airport, announced to great fanfare in September: “Chattanooga Airport.”

March Of The Eccentrics “My ultimate dream is to be buried in a deep ocean close to where penguins live,” explained the former Alfred David, 79, otherwise known in his native Belgium as “Monsieur Pingouin” (Mr. Penguin), so named because a 1968 auto accident left him with a waddle in his walk that he decided to embrace with gusto. (His wife abandoned the marriage when he made the name change official; evidently, being “Mrs. Penguin” was not what she had signed up for.) Mr. Pingouin started a penguin-item museum that ultimately totaled 3,500 items, and he created a hooded, full-body black-and-white penguin outfit that, according to a September Reuters dispatch, he wears daily in his waddles around his Brussels neighborhood of Schaerbeek.

False Comfort The British recreation firm UK Paintball announced in August that a female customer had been injured after a paintball shot hit her in the chest, causing her silicone breast implant to “explode.” The company recommended that paintball facilities supply better chest protection for women with implants. Also, the Moscow, Russia, newspaper Moskovsky Komsomolets reported in October that a local woman’s life had been saved by her “state-of-the-art” silicone breast implant. Her husband had stabbed her repeatedly in the chest during a domestic argument, but the implant’s gel supposedly deflected the blade.

Cruisin’ For A Bruisin’ The North Koreans called it a “cruise ship” and tried to establish a business model to attract wealthy tourists from China, but to the New York Times reporter on board in September, the 40-year-old boat was more like a “tramp steamer” on which “vacationers” paid the equivalent of $470 to “enjoy” five days and nights at sea. More than 200 people boarded the “dim” and “musty” vessel, “sometimes eight to a room with floor mattresses” and iffy bathrooms. The onboard “entertainment” consisted not of shuffleboard but of “decks of cards” and karaoke. Dinner “resembled a mess hall at an American Army base,” but with leftovers thrown overboard (even though some of it was blown back on deck). The trip was capped, wrote the Times, by the boat’s crashing into the pier as it docked, knocking a corner of the structure “into a pile of rubble.”

Weeding Out The Riffraff Sally Stricker was angry that the Nebraska troopers patrolling the state fair grounds in September had told her that she had an “illegal” message on her T-shirt and that if she wished to remain at the fair, she would have to either change shirts or wear hers inside out. The “message” was a marijuana leaf with the slogan “Don’t panic, It’s organic.” Stricker was at the fair to attend the night’s live concert — starring (marijuana-friendly) Willie Nelson.

Truth In Stereotypes Italian men are notorious “bamboccionis” (“big babies”) who exploit doting mothers by remaining in their family homes well into adulthood, sometimes into their 30s or later, expecting meals and laundry service. Many mothers are tolerant, but in September an elderly couple in the town of Mestre announced (through a consumer association) that if their 41-year-old, gainfully employed son did not meet a deadline for leaving, the association would file a lawsuit to evict him. (A news update has not been found, perhaps indicating that the son moved out.)

Going Medieval Freemon Seay, 38, was arrested in Thurston County, Wash., in October on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon after disciplining his 16-year-old daughter for leaving home without his approval. Seay allegedly forced the girl to suit up in armor and helmet, with a wooden sword, and to fight him (also in armor, with a wooden sword) for over two hours until she could no longer stand up. Seay’s wife (the girl’s stepmother) was booked as an accessory and was said by deputies to have been supportive of her husband’s “Renaissance fair” enthusiasm (which Freemon Seay called a “lifestyle”).

The Memory Season

By Rick LaClaire

“It’s Xmas time again/Has it really been a year?” — Joe Jackson, “Tango Atlantico”

My wife’s family has an enduring tradition for Thanksgiving dinner. After all are seated and grace is said, each person at the table must say what they are thankful for. Of course everybody says “family” first and then something like “the Buffalo Bills” (if they’re winning) or “the Sabres” (if they’re not), but sometimes a valuable nugget of wisdom will be divulged. I could share some of these, but I think it would be too personal. My point is that the holiday season is a time for gathering and reflection, and what better time than at year’s end, Christmas.

For some reason we give each other gifts at Christmas. This can get way out of hand. Why? It is written that the three Magi gave gifts to the baby Jesus, so we do the same to commemorate that act. Well, that’s what I was told… Apparently a lot may have been lost in translation.

Memories are gifts you give yourself. People may share the illusion of your memories, but you will perceive them uniquely, making them truly your own. In other words, the things you remember may not be what someone else does.

We all have different triggers for memories: a song, a sunset, the timbre of a voice. For me, smells are the strongest catalyst. The whiff of freshly cut celery reminds me of my mother. I recently bought a truck that was owned by a smoker. It smells like my father’s Dodge, and it brings him to mind. Wind Song perfume carries me back to college; Patchouli incense to high school. And the smell of a tightly-packed school of mullet gives me Florida memories. The fall run is on as I write this, and the air is ripe with Florida memories.

I have a lot of fishing memories, and as always, it’s not all about the fishing. Like the first time I went for tarpon up Sebastian River. Another summer day in ’87, we put in before dawn so we could net bait before the bite. The sky broke an eerie pink, a foreboding sky, and soon the sun illuminated mammoth sky castles of rain clouds. Lightning flashed. We pulled under an abandoned boathouse to escape a shower. Rain drummed on the tin roof. It leaked, and soon we realized we were going to get wet anyway, so why not fish? Huge tarpon rolled all around us. It was hot and extremely humid, so hot the lens on my Pocket Instamatic fogged up. My old friend Tyler and I jumped more than a dozen tarpon that day and I landed only one. It was the smallest to strike, and after an hour’s fight on gear that wasn’t geared for tarpon, we gently lip-gaffed her. I hefted it for the camera. It is my favorite fishing picture. It’s fuzzy, foggy, and you can barely discern the fish. But it shouts “Florida” in every aspect: heat, sweat, menacing clouds, and a grin on my face that shows how much I love this place.

Florida, to me, means outdoor activity year-round: fishing in the warm months, hunting and fishing in the cool ones. I’d never really explored the interior of the state till a few years ago when I took my teenage son squirrel hunting in Osceola County. We don’t do it much now, his interests have shifted as he has grown, but these are the freshest of my favorite memories. The best was our first foray. We’d seen these woods from a car window but had no idea how beautiful they were till we got into them. It was like going back to the beginning of time.

But I quickly learned that I needed lessons in Southern hunting, and our first experience resulted in not a shot being fired. It was toward sunset, on a gorgeous December day, and I felt I had let my boy down. “Here,”” I said, and handed him the truck keys. “You drive.”
“Who? Me?” His eyes went wide. He was just fourteen. We were in the middle of nowhere, on a well-kept dirt road, no one in sight, and I wanted him to remember this day whether we killed anything or not. He did pretty well, for a first-timer. I figured it would give him something to brag to his buddies about. But he’s not like that, I guess. So it’s just a memory for him and me. He sure was nervous behind the wheel. Still is.

There are older memories. Like voting for Carter in 1980, our first full year here. My wife and I were young and childless — basically freewheeling — and we’d bopped up and down the Eastern States as the mood prescribed. We were renting a house with friends over by the University and, at that age, had just one goal: fun. That we had. The only whiff of seriousness came with election time. As faulty a Chief Executive as he was (aren’t they all?), my wife and I were Carter fans. We registered to vote at the old courthouse on Neiman and dragged our house-sharers with us: we were going to exercise our civic duty. We also discovered that “Vegetarian” was not a political party — but that’s another story.

Anyway, as soon as we registered, the debates began. Not the ones on TV, but the ones at home. Carter was a loser. Reagan was too old. Carter was a wimp. Reagan was a war-monger. Look at the mess Carter made of the economy. Reagan would cause World War III. Look at the mess Carter made in Iran. Reagan is a phony who dyes his hair. On and on… It seemed as if my wife and I were the only registered Democrats in Brevard County. That was proven on Election Day.

Our polling place was an auditorium on the FIT campus. My wife and I worked for the same company and didn’t have to be at work until nine, so we figured on making a quick stop on the way in to cast our ballots. Apparently, everyone else had the same idea. The line was out the door. We had a long wait, and in that line we heard plenty of strong talk, all pro-Reagan. We decided to just wait our turns and shut up. This was not a place for debate. They would have made mincemeat out of us.

Consequently, we were an hour late for work. We explained to the boss we were delayed at the polls, and isn’t it great that you have employees who exercise their civic duty? “Sure,” she replied, “just as long as you didn’t vote for that wimp Carter.”

That night we drank heavily and watched the returns. Other friends joined us. We had a full living room and only two Democrats. The fire flew. Then, before the votes were even tallied completely, Carter conceded. My wife and I looked at each other sadly. I guess Carter really was a wimp.

Why is this a cherished memory? Because it was the first time I ever voted on a voting machine. My first presidential vote, in1972, was cast in absentia, on paper and mailed. That guy lost, too. Then, in 1976, I didn’t vote at all. I forgot to register! This time, 1980, I’d done all the homework and was solid in my choice. So continued a tradition that holds to this day: I have never voted a winner in a presidential election.

Babysitting a parrot, discovering I don’t care much for scuba diving, catching a world-record palometa (and releasing it!), riding out hurricanes… The Christmas tree of my mind is deeply surrounded by gifts of my own making. Now, at year’s end, it’s time to open them.

A Very Small Gift List

By David Sherman

It was my intention to write something of a more non-political nature for the December issue, granting a sort of Holiday ceasefire, if you will. But, as I would be the only one ceasing fire, that idea, however originally well-intentioned, seems a bit pointless, and more than a little naive.

While I still respect the sanctity of all the upcoming Holy Days, I would ask that you still take some time out to remember, and try to understand, that there are people out there in the world fighting for you right now. I do not speak of those men and women currently serving in U.S. Armed Forces abroad, though I acknowledge, applaud, and honor their service. I speak of those civilians currently gathered in protest on Wall Street, and the thousands like them in cities and towns across this nation.

Most people would agree that the men and women of our military are standing up for the rest of us, but too few seem to get that standing up for the rest of us is exactly what the Occupy Wall Street protestors are doing. They are exercising their First Amendment rights to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. Personally, I think a little more emphasis on a specific list of grievances would go a long way toward garnering popular support, but I bet half the guys dressed as natives at the Boston Tea Party didn’t know much about the details of any political grievances either. They were just lucky enough to be drunk enough in the wrong tavern at the right time. One minute it’s hot buttered rum at the Broken Barrel, next thing you know, you’re running through the streets of Boston half naked and chucking tea in the harbor. C’mon, who among us hasn’t done that at least twice?

I’ve heard these protestors maligned as hippies. Really? Hippies? What is this, Haight Ashbury? Yes, many of these people are young, and their choice of hairstyle, clothing, makeup, and body art and/or piercings might be different than your own, but there are also many 40-, 50-, and 60-year-olds mixed in there as well — even an entire cadre calling itself the “Granny Peace Brigade.” This wasn’t a drum circle that got a little out of hand. This isn’t just a bunch of rich college kids with nothing better to do for months on end. This a mixed group of Americans whose only common bond appears to be their willingness to stand up (at long last) and decry the outrage of our own political system being openly bought and sold. They dare to cry foul at a system that allows the corporate elite to knowingly gamble with our entire economy for the their own profit, and ultimately the near ruination of our entire nation, and then laughingly walk away from the train wreck they caused to cash the bonus checks they earned causing it. They also seem pretty upset that no one has gone jail. (Me too!)

I wrote a piece in the April 2011 issue of The Beachside Resident entitled “Double Entendre,” wherein I noted that the last time such an inequality of wealth and power existed in western culture was in France in 1789, just before Bastille Day. I warned that such top-heavy abuse of wealth and power had always led to revolt, if not rampant chaos. Six months later, thousands take to the streets. After eight months, it’s tens of thousands in over 450 different cities around the U.S., and in other nations as well. Will their numbers dwindle in the face of harsh northern winters? Undoubtedly. But in what numbers will they return in the spring, or more importantly in what numbers by next November?

Make no mistake, there is a third battle line drawn, aside from those in Iraq and Afghanistan. It is manned by Americans, in defense of Americans, and may well turn out to be the first salvo of another American Revolution. Just to be clear: I do not advocate bullets; I advocate votes. I would also advocate taking the time to actually read the truth about the Occupy movement before simply taking the word of someone desperately trying to keep you in the dark. ”We the People” was never meant to include corporations. The Citizens United ruling of the U.S. Supreme Court must be undone!

That’s my only gift request this year. (And hot buttered rum, a new native costume, and a trip to Boston.)

COCOA

12/3-12/4: 28th Annual Holiday Arts & Crafts Fair On both days, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., stroll the streets of Cocoa Village to view works by over 125 artists. Also planned are a kids’ “Fun Zone,” live street entertainment, local vendors, and a food court. Free. Call 631-9075.

12/16: Free Movie in the Park Enjoy a free showing of “Scrooge,” the award-winning 1970 musical version of “A Christmas Carol,” starring Albert Finney. Show starts at 7 p.m. in Riverfront Park. Bring your own blankets or chairs. To learn more, call 639-3500.

12/17-12/18: Christmas Concert Hear a selection of holiday favorites performed by the First Baptist Church of Merritt Island. Both free concerts are held in Riverfront Park and begin at 6:30 p.m.

12/31: First Night The City of Cocoa is providing a family-oriented alternative for celebrating the beginning of the new year. The non-alcoholic event known as First Night has gained acceptance worldwide and has become a new tradition in hundreds of cities both here and abroad. Local artists and performers will be showcased and groups of singers, musicians, poets, storytellers, actors, jugglers, magicians, painters, and artists will be readinbg and preforming. Also expect hands-on projects, food, and activities for the whole family. To learn more, visit www.cocoafl.org, or call 631-9075.

Cocoa Village Playhouse December shows include “The Blue Alien Returns and Meets Furry Friends” on 12/13 and “A Classic Cinderella Meets a Rock N’ Roll Fella” on December 14. “The American Nutcracker,” performed by the Galmont Ballet, is set for 12/17-12/18, and “Home For The Holidays,” an evening of holiday songs and entertainment, is scheduled for 12/20. Auditions for “State Fair” will be held at the Playhouse on three days this month: 12/3 at 9:30 a.m. for children 12 and under; 12/4 at 7 p.m. for males 13 and older; and 12/5 at 7 p.m. for females 13 and older. No experience is necessary, training will be provided. The Cocoa Village Playhouse is located at 300 Brevard Ave. in the heart of downtown. Call 636-5050 for ticket information, or visit www.cocoavillageplayhouse.com

CAPE CANAVERAL

12/2: Friday Fest Features food, beverage and art vendors, bounce houses, a giant slide, a rock climbing wall, and live entertainment from the Dave Kury Band and Lonnie & Delinda. The fun will take place from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. at the Recreation Center between Taylor and Poinsetta Avenues. To find out more, call 868-1226.

12/3 & 12/17: Parents’ Night Out Parents can get their holiday shopping done without the kids with the help of this special program. Children will be supervised both nights at the Youth Center from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. and will enjoy a movie, games, and pizza. Cost is $5 per child, and the program is open to the first 20 registered children ages 5-10. The Youth Center is located at 7920 Orange Ave. For more details, call 868-1226.

12/10: 16th Annual 5K Reindeer Run/Walk at Cherie Down Park at 8 a.m. This year’s event will showcase a Family Health & Fitness Fair, and proceeds will benefit the Brevard County Police Athletic League. The 5K Reindeer Run is the final leg of the Holiday Beach Classic Mini Series, which previously featured the Fall into Winter and the Turkey Trot runs. For more information and to download race entry forms, go to: http://mattmahoney.net/scr/cal.html, or visit www.cityofcapecanaveral.org

12/16: Holiday Movie & Tree Lighting Festival in Manatee Park from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Help decorate the City’s tree with ornaments from your home and enjoy songs from local carolers from 6 p.m. to 7:15 p.m. ecorating and caroling from 6 to 7:15 p.m. Tree raffle and Santa visit 7:15-7:30 p.m. A showing of “Fred Claus” from 7:30 to 9 p.m. in Manatee Park from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Free. Help them decorate their tree with decorations from your home; the tree will be raffled off before the showing of the film.

Fishlips will ring in the New Year with a $1,000 ballon drop (cash and prizes) and a midnight champagne toast. Pub grub will be served at 1 a.m., and half-off appetizers will be available from 9 p.m. to 12 a.m. Also enjoy a $1-off Happy Hour, $3 shot specials, and a live DJ on the decks all night. Doors open at 9 p.m. Tickets are $10 in advance; $15 at the door. For more details, cal 784-4533, or visit www.fishlipswaterfront.com. They’re located at 610 Glen Cheek Dr. in Port Canaveral.

Milliken’s Reef will celebrate 2012 with live performances by the Supervillains and Echo Movement on the outdoor deck. This free show starts at 8 p.m. Look forward to a live DJ and balloon drop at midnight inside. There will also be loads of drink specials and giveaways, and a prize for the best dressed couple. Milliken’s is located 683 Dave Nisbet Dr. Call 783-0100 for more information.

The Cove Marketplace For the holiday season, and continuing through April, visit the Port’s open-air marketplace Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and the first Saturday of each month, from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. For more information, go to www.covemarketplace.com/fun

27th Annual Chowder Cook-Off Advance Tickets Tickets are now on sale for the 27th Annual Cook-Off. Get them now to save $5 on general admission ($15 per person in advance vs. $20 at the door) and $10 on VIP. Admission ($40 per person in advance; $50 at the door). All tickets sold will be entered in a drawing to win a three- or four-night oceanview cruise for two on Carnival Cruise Lines leaving Port Canaveral. This year’s VIP party is hosted by Victory Casino Cruises, and tickets for it include early admission, a beer or wine, chowder tray, early auction bidding, gaming lessons, exclusive giveaways and much more. The event will be held on Friday, February 3, 2012 at Cruise Terminal #4 in Port Canaveral. Tickets are available online at www.visitcocoabeach.com or www.cocoabeachchamber.com, the Cocoa Beach Regional Chamber office (400 Fortenberry Rd., Merritt Island), the CVB’s Tourist Information Center (8501 Astronaut Blvd., Cape Canaveral), and select locations. All admission includes sample tastings of all chowder entries, hors d’oeuvres, a cash bar, silent auction, drawings, and live entertainment. Restaurants interested in participating must be a Chamber and CVB member and should contact the Tourist Information Center at 784-6444 for more information.

MERRITT ISLAND

New Goodwill Store The Grand Opening of Goodwill Industries of Central Florida’s newest retail store held a grand opening and ribbon cutting celebration last month and is now open for business. They’re located at 1550 N. Courtenay Pkwy.

COCOA BEACH

City Commission Workshops 12/7, Minutemen Sidewalk at 6 p.m.; 12/12: Land Management Committee at 6 p.m.; 12/21: Board of Adjustment at 6:30 p.m. All workshops will be held in City Hall. To find out more, go to www.cityofcocoabeach.com

12/9: Chamber Wine Raffle The Cocoa Beach Area Chamber’s Holiday Luncheon & Military Affairs Council’s Wine Raffle will take place at the Courtyard by Marriott, 3435 N. Atlantic Avenue, Cocoa Beach at 11:30 a.m. Cost is $20/person. Purchase a wine raffle ticket — 1 for $5 or 5 for $20 — or donate a bottle of wine (minimum of $10) and get a raffle ticket in return. Over 50 bottles will be given away. All the money raised with this raffle will benefit military members stationed in Brevard County. For more information on attending or donating wine, please contact 459-2200.

12/12-12/15: Cocoa Beach Christmas Decoration Contest The Cocoa Beach Garden Club and Cocoa Beach Woman’s Club are partnering to judge Christmas decorations on display throughout Cocoa Beach neighborhoods. They will conduct judging through the week of 12/12-12/15, after dark, and will pick winners in five categories: Best Traditional Home, Best Florida-style Home, Best Condo, Best Business, and Best Neighborhood.

12/17: 2nd Annual SantaCon Pub Crawl & Toys For Tots Drive Please bring any unwrapped toy to any of these participating Cocoa Beach locations: Rum Runners, Surfer’s Sports Pub, Slow & Low, Jonathans, the Yellow House, Coconuts on the Beach, Hunkerdown Hideaway, and Big Lick’s Cigar Lounge. The pub crawl begins at Rum Runners at 7 p.m. For other times, check this issue’s ad. Expect contests, prizes, and giveaways. Festive dress is encouraged. Call any of the above locations for details.

Cocoa Beach Public Library
12/7: Freedom 7 Chorus Kick off the holiday season with the Freedom 7 Chorus at 6 p.m. Join the Friends of the Library for refreshments following the performance. 12/11: Guitarist Shawn Foster Music on a Sunday Afternoon presents a seasonal concert with this local classical guitarist at 2 p.m. Foster studied with a protege of Carlos Montoya, and has entertained worldwide. 12/13:”The Night Before Christmas: A Humorous Reading,” presented by the Youth Department and local children at 6:30 PM. Refreshments will be served following the performance. Please call the Youth Department at 868-1104 to reserve your seats. The library will be closed Friday through Monday (12/23-26) for Christmas, and Saturday the 31st for New Year’s Eve. The Library is located at 550 N. Brevard Ave., Cocoa Beach, FL 32931.  868-1104. www.cocoabeachpubliclibrary.org

The Surfside Players will be presenting a number of Christmas and holiday productions in the weekends leading up to Christmas. On Friday, 12/9, at 7 p.m., and Saturday, 12/10, at 2 p.m. the Youth Players will perform “Nobody Famous.” On Sunday, 12/11, at 2:30 p.m., the Players will host a concert of familiar Christmas and winter songs, with the Mark Baker Family & Friends, featuring Mark and Missy Baker, Jonah Baker, Michelle Lee, Rob and Kim Dickman, Scott and Arlene Sutherland, Deborah Miller, Gretchen Lux, Dorothy Gal, Kyrsten Chambers, Hunter Curry, Mansoor Khan, and Gail Wiseman. Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m., December 16-18, the players will perform “Holly Tales,” an amusing look at holidays past and present, with sketches and short plays written, produced, and directed by Joan Dunn. Tickets are $10. For more information, call 783-3127 or visit their website: www.surfsideplayers.com

Peace Soap Co. Amy Ballas’s hand-crafted soaps are still available at Sunseed Food Co-Op (6615 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cape Canaveral). They make great stocking stuffers, and can also be ordered directly through Amy by calling 501-9505.

Nolan’s Irish Pub will present a live performance by the Wyndbreakers as part of their New Year’s Eve celebration. Advance tickets — $10 per person — are available at the pub. Seating is limited, so get there soon. Snugs are available for parties of six or more. They’ll also be having a midnight champagne toast with nibbles. Nolan’s is located at 204 W. Cocoa Beach Cswy. (520 and A1A). Call 783-8499, or visit them online at www.nolansirishpub.net

Santa Claus at First Photo Studio This year, Santa will be visiting Karl Ronstrom’s First Photo Studio Fridays and Saturdays — 12/9 & 10, 12/16 & 17, and 12/23 & 24 — as part of their annual Santa Photos and Food Drive. Friday times are from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturday times are from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. For the past seven years, they’ve been collecting food for Santa in this ingenious way. Ronstrom, a 20-year professional photographer, will take your picture with Santa in trade for cans of food. (This is a $12 value, so please be generous with your donations.) You’ll get a 5×7 picture of you, your family, or your pet with Santa — you decide. On top of that, you can get as many pictures taken as you wish. These donations will go to Grace United Methodist and First Methodist Church in Cocoa to be dispersed to local food banks. Last year, the Santa Food Drive collected over 1,000 cans of food. First Photo Studio is located at 2021 N. Atlantic Ave. — in Banana River Square/Publix Plaza — in Cocoa Beach. Call 799-2535 for more details.

Paddy Cassidy’s Irish Pub (2009 N. Atlantic Ave.) is set to host a “Bond Bash” on New Year’s eve. Wear togs inspired by the world of Ian Fleming and 007 and get a chance to win a diamond. Expect plenty of drink specials and a live performance from Damion Suomi and special guests. The pub’s popular beer and food pairing events will continue in January, ushered in Sierra Nevada’s Bigfoot. For more details, call 783-0810.

Silvestro’s will be open Christmas Eve with a traditional, Italian-inspired seafood menu, and will offer a Surf & Turf Champagne menu with fresh lobster specials for New Year’s Eve. Snowbirds can take advantage of specials in December as well. Check this issue’s advertisement, or two-page feature on the popular restaurant for more information. Silvestro’s is located at 2039 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach. To make reservations, call 783-4853.

Slow & Low Order your holiday dinner early and pickup on Christmas Eve until 8 p.m. They’ll also be happy to cater your holiday party, either at your location or at the restaurant. Kids can enjoy a visit with Santa on Wednesday, 12/14 and can pose for photos with him from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Slow & Low is located at 306 N. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach. Call them at 783-6199.

Southend Fish & Chips will be opening soon at 7 S. Atlantic Ave. in downtown Cocoa Beach. Visit them on Facebook for updates.

The Yellow House is having a Christmas party on Thursday, 12/22. Expect loads of specials and fun. The Yellow House is located at 142 N. Atlantic Ave. Call 799-1709.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Surfrider Give the gift of a new Surfrider membership this year. For just $49, the Surfrider Holiday Membership package includes: a limited-edition Surfrider 2-in1 changing mat, a bamboo wax comb, one bar of Matunas 100% Natural Wax, and a one-year membership to the Surfrider Foundation, which itself includes two membership stickers, six issues of their digital newsletter, “Making Waves,” and a 20% discount at Swell.com. Go to www.surfrider.org to learn more.

Central Brevard Humane Society On Saturday, 12/10, from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., the Central Brevard Humane Society and Cara Mia Riverside Grill (11 Riverside Drive in Cocoa Village) will be hosting the PUPtails & Reindeer Holiday Extravaganza, a family-friendly event for pet lovers young and the young at heart that will include rescue groups, a Winter Wonderland Vendor Village, a “Best Pet Holiday Themed Outfit” contest, an Italian buffet ($10 per person), cash bar, silent auction, door prizes and much more. The Central Brevard Humane Society will also be there providing the public with fun educational information about responsible pet ownership, and will have merchandise available for purchase. Proceeds from the event will help raise awareness and financial support for the thousands of unwanted and abandoned pets that visit the Humane Society each year, who need a safe and loving “forever” home. For more information, contact the Central Brevard Humane Society at 636-3343.

Silvestro’s

By Tobin Bennison
Photos by Rich Sullivan 

Since taking over last September, the new owners of Silvestro’s have had their work cut out for them.

There’s no delicate way of putting it: prior to their arrival, the restaurant was fraught with problems — exorbitant prices, imperious staff, and inconsistent food among them. But one of the biggest difficulties they’ve faced is less tangible: shedding Silvestro’s of its image as an exclusive aerie of the well-heeled. They’ve made impressive progress thus far, and their efforts to draw a broader-based clientele — and lure errant regulars back to the fold — continue.

It’s a daunting task, but the new team — comprised of Managing Partner Alex Koorbanoff, Manager John Larkin, and Executive Chef Brad Kennett — is more than up for the challenge. A small group of local investors, made up of concerned regulars, enlisted the experienced trio to turn Silvestro’s into a more efficient, customer-friendly eatery. Thankfully, the changes they’ve implemented haven’t affected its original reputation as one of the fine dining jewels of the Space Coast.

“We want to provide the best quality food at the lowest possible prices,” Koorbanoff says. Trimming the once voluminous menu down to it essentials was one of the first steps on the path toward that goal. They’ve shed a lot of the Italian-centric dishes to make room for more seasonal, Mediterranean-influenced items, and the result, surprisingly, is something much closer to the true roots of Italian cuisine. The wine selection has been similarly streamlined to accommodate smaller boutique wines and bottles from countries other than just Italy. As a bonus, the majority of them are available by the glass, and smaller batches are often obtained and offered as specials.

Chef Kennett uses only the freshest ingredients, and works what’s available into a menu that’s informed, as in Europe, by the seasons. All pastas — from the fettucine and tagliatelle to the tortelloni and ravioli — are made by hand, from scratch, daily. Kennett also makes his own gelato daily, as well as the bread and desserts. Imagination plays a strong part his cooking as well, and you’re just as likely to find plantains or lemongrass-infused dishes as you are to see traditional things like chicken Parmigiana, gnocchi, and spaghetti and meatballs.

Silvestro’s also prides itself on its excellent steaks and fresh seafood, which finds its way into zuppa di pesce, lobster ravioli, and their Land & Sea Carpaccio. Pescatarians will find much to love here, as will vegetarians. Whatever your taste, you’re sure to find something that will intrigue and astound you.

“We always have a new and interesting twist on the menu,” says Larkin. “But if you’re not feeling adventurous, you can always count on that classic you’d find in Grandma’s kitchen. We offer the best of both worlds here. You could eat a special a day here for a year, and never get the same thing twice. But we’re also more than happy to recreate something a customer enjoyed on a previous visit.”

This new approach — a mixture of bold innovation and adherence to tradition — has won Silvestro’s the approval of none other than the Chaîne des Rôtisseurs, a society of highly discerning gastronomes established in France over half a century ago. A regional branch of the group chose Silvestro’s to host a seven-course dinner this past November, and the event was an incredible success. They also host monthly themed wine dinners, which feature specially prepared dishes to compliment a unique selection of wines.

Silvestro’s has also made efforts to reach out to the community, and a variety of local groups and charities hold regular meetings in the adjacent banquet room. Once a month, this room is transformed into a dance space, another well-received change that often begins with tango and foxtrot before giving way to disco by closing time. Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays host live piano accompaniment, and Wednesdays and Saturdays see performances by guitarist/vocalist Jose Lebron.

Locals and visitors have been won over by all these improvements, and the majority of lapsed Silvestro’s believers have been reconverted. “It’s great reconnecting with a lot of people who, for whatever reason, took us off their radar,” says Koorbanoff.

“As a manager,” Larkin explains, “it’s not the gushing compliments I seek out; I want the curmudgeon. It’s about listening to the bad as well as the good. We’re active in the conversation and are happy to hear about other ways we can improve. The onus is upon us to make our customers happy.”

Silvestro’s is located 2039 N. Atlantic Ave. (in Banana River Square) in Cocoa Beach. They’re open for lunch Monday through Friday from 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m., and dinner from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday through Thursday and from 5 p.m. to 11 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays. Happy Hour at their bar is held every night from 5 to 6:30 p.m. The popular instructor-led dance nights have been put on hiatus for the month of December, as have their wine dinners, but both will resume in January 2012. This Christmas Eve sees the arrival of a special Italian-style seafood menu, inspired by that country’s Christmas traditions, and New Year’s Eve will center around a special Surf, Turf & Champagne menu and fresh lobster specials. Check Silvestro’s website — www.silvestros.com for more details. Silvestro’s is also renowned for their catering and banquet-hosting skills. Give them a call and they can help you create a special menu reflective of your tastes and financial needs for holiday gatherings both large and small. And if you’re wearing shorts with children in tow, don’t let the elegant decor turn you off. Silvestro’s is more family- and kid-friendly in its new incarnation. To make reservations, or to inquire about group luncheons, call 783-4853. View their entire menu and wine list online at www.silvestros.com.

Roger Burleigh of Green Gloves Garden Center
By Tobin Bennison 

Twenty-seven years ago, opening a nursery and landscaping company was probably the last thing on Roger Burleigh’s mind. Back then, skateboarding and BMX occupied most of his thoughts. The half-pipe he built in the backyard of his family’s Merritt Island home attracted Cocoa Beach groms like John Mayo and the Slater brothers, so it’s no wonder he soon added surfing to his list of consuming interests.

Burleigh remembers his mother, who was then a librarian at Tropical Elementary, taking him to 2nd Light almost every day and doing her schoolwork in the car while he surfed until dark. “My parents were in the process of splitting up, so I asked Mom if we could move to the beach,” he says. “In the summer of ’86 we were beach-bound.” So began a love affair with the beach that continues to this day.

Though he still surfs with a passion, Burleigh found a new way of expressing his enthusiasm for the beachside a little over one year ago. Through Green Gloves, the multi-faceted garden center he opened in August 2010, Burleigh and his crew cater to a variety of local landscaping needs. More than just a plant nursery, Green Gloves offers a wide range of landscaping and installation services — from trees and low-voltage lighting to full irrigation systems and decorative water features — and custom-builds outdoor furniture and garden structures like pergolas, pagodas, arbors, and unique trellises.

“We also offer bulk mulch on demand to our customers,” says Burleigh. “If you need five yards of mulch, we can have it delivered. If you need decorative rock instead of mulch, we can have it delivered and install it, too. We also have access to topsoils, potting soils, and pallets of sod on demand. We do brick paver walkways, decks, and driveways, and offer installation of the plants bought from our store. If we don’t have the plant you’re in search of, we can get it for you. And we deliver free to all our local customers.”

Since opening, Green Gloves has been warmly welcomed by the community. Much of its success is due to Burleigh’s landscaping and business skills, both of which he learned relatively late in life.

After graduating from Cocoa Beach High in 1987, Burleigh went to BCC in an effort to “figure things out.” “Not much was figured out there,” he laughs. “Afterwards, I found myself in the restaurant biz bartending for a good bit of 10 years until I was approached by one of the real estate brokers in town. ‘Romo,’ they call him. He took me under his wing and taught me a lot about the business. I learned that ethics was a huge part of real estate, and I continue to use those ideas in my business today.”

The idea for Green Gloves came to Burleigh while designing and installing landscapes with friend Shelley McKinney. “We didn’t get very far because it was a lot of work for the two of us,” Burleigh remembers. “In the meantime, Shelley bought a property on Pineapple in Melbourne, with plans to open a retail nursery and gift store. She was having issues with the City to change the zoning. I mentioned to her about a property in Cocoa Beach that was available and an easy opening. It was once a nursery for 25-plus years. They sold plants and had an outdoor power equipment shop that did quite well back in the ’80s. Shelley wanted to make things work where she was and she finally got her store open. It’s now called Elbow Creek.”

“I kept thinking about how there wasn’t a plant nursery in town and how much we could use one here in Cocoa Beach. I showed my parents the property and they were more excited about it than I was. It seemed like a great idea, and wouldn’t you know it, it was. It’s a lot of work with all the different projects we have going on, but it’s an interesting way of life. We’ve had a lot of local support that we greatly appreciate. It’s tough to meet everyone’s needs, but we certainly try to go the extra mile to keep our customers happy.”

Green Gloves is also built on a solid foundation of advice and help from friends, one of whom, Jerry O’Shea, put Burleigh on his landscaping crew back in the ’80s. “That was a fun job that I actually liked doing,” Burliegh recalls. “Other than that, I didn’t have a whole lot of experience. I was fortunate enough to meet a couple who own a nursery in Lake Washington, Bryan and Colleen. They’re true horticulturists who know a heck of a lot to do with landscaping. Bryan basically took me under his wing and mentored me for the first solid
year. I still call on them every week for advice and to see if they have plants I’m in need of for a customer.”

Thanks to them, and furniture designer and artist Don E. Scroggs, Burleigh has come to regard landscaping as more of an art than a profession. “You have to have an eye for it or learn to develop the eye for it. Bryan, Colleen, and Jerry have all given me a lot of advice in this department. I also couldn’t have done this without Don. I think I’m starting to catch on,” he says modestly. “I tend to look at landscaping on a whole different level now that I’m in the business. If I see a kick-ass landscaped house, I’ll stop and take a closer look and take some pictures for future reference.”

Photos are a big part of each project’s initial approach. “We offer to come to the customer’s house to see what their property looks like, take photographs, and create what the property could look like once the landscaping is complete,” Burleigh explains. “We use the photograph with a landscape program that allows us to install plants in the areas of interest. This helps put the customer’s mind in the right direction. We offer them different ideas about Florida landscaping, but we also want to know what they think of their neighbor’s landscape. We can get pretty close to what they’re after once we’ve settled on their the likes and dislikes.”

Burleigh has also seen his fair share of challenges, something he always welcomes. “The biggest challenge was the first job, the Cocoa Beach Community Church addition. We were so very blessed to have the opportunity to tackle that job. I think there’s a challenge in all landscaping jobs. Every job calls for a different need and everyone has different taste. But we like tackling problems. We had a customer who wanted a beach in their backyard. That was a fun challenge. That one had tons of coquina rock and crushed coquina and beautiful white sand like you see on the Gulf Coast.”

Back at the nursery, Burleigh stands amid a verdant burst of herb and vegetable plants, unusual succulents, and beautiful, brief-blooming Apostle’s Iris, musing on the power of plants. “The best thing about this business would probably be the common love for plants that we all share,” he says. “They’re all around us and they are a gift from the higher power. We are so very fortunate to live in a place where we can enjoy the beautiful colors they provide us with.”

Green Gloves Garden Center is located at 160 S. Orlando Ave (just south of City Hall) in Cocoa Beach. They’re open from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Monday through Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday, and 9 a.m. to “2ish” on Sunday. Call 403-4390, or log on to: www.greenglovesgardencenter.com

Estonia: Land of Song
By T. Bennison

“So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!”

It’s uncertain whom Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel was thinking of when he created the Whos — they’re most likely a composite of several disenfranchised peoples — but he would have found much to inspire him in the story of the Estonians.

It was 1957 when Seuss published “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” and the small Baltic nation, then under the heel of the Soviet Union and largely forgotten by the rest of the world, was making barely a peep. But in 1990, something incredible happened: Against overwhelming odds, Estonia won its long-yearned-for independence, not through war, but through resounding song.

Estonia has long prided itself on its rich choral tradition. In the city of Tartu’s Literary Museum is a collection of over 1.3 million folk songs, the second largest behind Ireland. It’s estimated that one in three Estonians is active in a choir or vocal society, and the national anthem, “Mu isamaa, mu õnn ja rõõm” (“My Fatherland, My Happiness and Joy”), springs quickly to the lips of both young and old.

Written in 1869 by journalist and poet Johann Voldemar Jannsen, “Mu isamaa” sparked what is now known as the Estonian National Awakening. Twelve years earlier, the first Estonian language newspaper appeared, and in its pages can be found the first use of the term Eestlased (“Estonian”) as a new way for people to identify themselves. Prior to that, maarahvas (“country people”) was generally accepted, despite its hickish connotations and roots in serfdom under the Russians.

Though they’ve existed as a distinct people since the age of the Roman historian Tacitus, who described them as abjectly poor, but “so well content that they do not even need to pray for anything,” Estonians have rarely been masters of their own land. The smallest of the Baltic nations (the two others are Latvia and Lithuania), Estonia is also the richest in the region, both in terms of its natural resources and strategic position on the Baltic Sea.

Exploited almost continually since the 4th century by Slavs, Danes, Teutons, Swedes, and Russians, the country didn’t get its first taste of independence until 1905, when the All-Estonian Congress convened to demand autonomy from Tsarist rule. A potential revolution was soon quashed by martial law, but in 1918, one year after a demonstration by 40,000 workers in the capital of Tallinn, Estonians declared independence. Struggles between rival factions ensued, but Estonia succeeded in adopting its own constitution in 1920, followed by admittance into the League of Nations one year later. Lasting freedom, however, was to be short-lived.

The Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact of 1939, an agreement forged between the Soviets and the Nazis, resulted in Russia’s absorption of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania in exchange for a promise of non-interference in Hitler’s push eastward. Occupied by Soviet troops and with tens of thousands of its people carted off to Siberian work camps, Estonia became a republic of the USSR in 1941. When the Nazis ignored the Pact later that year and invaded Russia, Estonia naively welcomed them as liberators. But by the end of Word War II, the country had lost over 280,000 lives as a result of the German occupation. Of that number, some 75,000 were shot or died in concentration camps. Countless others who weren’t conscripted by the Nazis fled to Finland.
During the Stalin era, Estonia was flooded by Soviet immigrants in a move to Russify the country and rape it of its timber, fisheries, and vast mineral deposits. Seuss’s Lorax would have wept at the scene: pristine lakes reduced to fetid cesspools, whole forests cleared, and an impenetrable, gray pall of pollution hanging over its towns and cities.

At the height of Gorbachev’s Glasnost reforms in 1987, Estonians began a strategy of gathering en masse for impromptu “singing” demonstrations, culminating in the 300,000-strong “Song of Estonia” festival held in Tallinn’s Song Festival Grounds. Anthems and folk tunes hitherto forbidden by the Communist regime reached the ears of the international community, and the sight of more than a quarter of the country’s population joined in song stirred Estonia’s Baltic neighbors to hold similar peaceful events.

In 1989, on the 50th anniversary of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact, over two million Estonians, Latvians, and Lithuanians linked hands in an uninterrupted human chain that spread some 370 miles across the Baltic. Deterred from restoring order at every turn by peaceful demonstrations and human shields, Russia began withdrawing its troops from the region in 1991, and by 1994, Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania were granted independence.

Theodor Geisel surely witnessed these events unfold before he died in 1991, and it’s tempting to imagine his pleasure at having inspired, if not presaged them. His gentle, peace-loving Whos, whose weapons were their indomitable spirits and voices, would have been pleased as well.

Ted Taylor of Ted Taylor’s Fitness
• Tobin Bennison 

Ever since he moved here from Baltimore, Maryland in 1995, personal trainer Ted Taylor has been a well-respected and very visible member of the Cocoa Beach community.

You’ll often see the incredibly fit 70-year-old walking on the beach with his wife, Susan, or stepping out of his downtown gym to Juice N’ Java next door for a smoothie.

Though he cuts an imposing figure, Ted is a soft-spoken man, the kind who downplays the many interesting events that have helped shape his life. He was a bail bondsman and bounty hunter for 30 years and has won 11 major bodybuilding titles — including Mr. America, Mr. World, and Mr. Universe — and countless other fitness awards. He has hung out with Arnold Schwarzenegger and the late, great Jack LaLanne, and has probably been told that he should write a book more times than he cares to remember. Fortunately for us, he has.

Part memoir, part fitness manual, “Stay Fit for Life: How to Make Healthy Living Easy for the Rest of Your Life” is full of fascinating anecdotes and outlines Ted’s own 90-day body transformation program. The book also explains his simple “50/50″ eating plan, in which eating whatever you want on alternating days helps turn your body into a more efficient fat-burning machine.

Above all, “Stay Fit for Life” encapsulates a philosophy that has improved Ted’s own life and the lives of many others who’ve come to him for guidance. “What I offer through my book and at my gym is the whole package,” he says. “This is a fat, out-of-shape country. I have some film clips of people walking around in the 1960s and compare them to what I see now on a regular basis. I look around me now and I think, ‘Who are these aliens?’ Right now, 80% of Americans are overweight and 40% of them are obese. We indulge ourselves way too much in this country.”

With the holiday season right around the corner, it seemed like a perfect time to get some of Ted’s insight and advice.

You’re originally from Baltimore. What brought you to Cocoa Beach?

The weather. (Laughs.) I did a lot of business down here. I was a bail bondsman and bounty hunter and a lot of the people from up north would come down here to jump bail. I came down so much that I got an office. I started noticing that prices were cheap on real estate and there were some good investments around, so I bought a hotel — the Beach Place — and retired here in about 1995. I kept that until 2001. I had a gym in the hotel, and when I sold it I moved the gym here. I’ve been here in this location for about 11 years.

But you got your first taste for bodybuilding back in Maryland. What got you interested in fitness?

When I was 14 years old, I had some… Well, I wouldn’t call myself a juvenile delinquent, but I had some problems. My father wanted to punish me for the summer — you know, just keep me inside. So I said, “What if you let me join the YMCA? When you go to the office you can drop me off and pick me up on your way home.” I just wanted to get out of the house. I went downstairs — they called it the boiler room — and they had a weight room there. I was so impressed by the people there and that’s why I started. That was in 1955. I stuck with it and entered my first competition in 1959 and won Mr. Teenage Maryland. I was about 18 years old at that time.

What did your father think of that? He must have been very proud.

He looked at it positively because he was grooming me to be a bail bondsman and bounty hunter like himself. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps and take over the family business. He understood firsthand that you didn’t have to use a weapon if you had a strong physical presence.

And you did follow in his footsteps eventually.

Yes. He was my idol. But even then, you had to go a long way to get a compliment from him. I saw that his psychology was that you shouldn’t praise people too much. We had 99.5% apprehension rate working together. If I missed one person I never heard the end of it. Success was expected of me and he was tough as nails. Nowadays, everyone gets a trophy. Have you noticed this? They’ll say: “My daughter came in 9th place!” Now I believe in praising your children, but not to the extent we are today. But raising children is the hardest thing in the world.

You have children of your own. Does your passion for fitness run in the family?

I have two daughters, Lauren and Michelle. Lauren lives in Baltimore, Michelle in Atlanta. They’re both in great shape. I never pushed them hard, but I started a plan with Lauren when she was 14 and her body started to change. My wife Susan, who is 63, is in excellent shape. We’ve been married 24 years and she’s the love of my life. I have a sister who is 81 and in perfect health. My brother just passed away at 75. He was world-class artist who studied under Norman Rockwell, but he was also a gymnast and was the guy I looked up to. My father died at 95 — and he smoked 18 cigars a day and drank whiskey. But growing up, I started the interest in fitness, actually. After I started, many of my family members got involved. My niece is a world champion and my nephews all admired me growing up. They were always pretty proud of “Uncle Ted.”

You must have been a formidable bounty hunter.

I did it for 30 years and did quite well. Like I said, we had a 99.5% apprehension rate. That’s better than Dog the Bounty Hunter. In the ’60s, this was place was like the Wild West. I had more authority than an FBI agent and I had the full authority to go into any dwelling under any suspicion. If I suspected someone behind that door, I could bust it down. I could pull you over and take your car to chase someone else. But when I was younger I was a little arrogant. I think I took it further than I had to sometimes. As I grew older, the pressure started taking its toll. That kind of work takes its toll on your sleep schedule and your eating habits. The element of surprise is your greatest advantage, but I got into plenty of scrapes. I’ve been shot, stabbed, hit by a car, thrown out of a window… I still have trouble sleeping sometimes.

What are your thoughts on steroid use?

You know, it’s like anything out there — like smoking pot and graduating to heroin. If you do it in moderation and just be reasonable, it’s good for getting a jump start. But it’s also a falsehood, because when you stop taking them, you lose what you gain. Some guys start doing them and can’t work out unless they’re doing them because they’re dissatisfied with the results. I think that the best way to go about it is the natural way. If I had to impress two words upon people they would be moderation and consistency in training.

Over the years, fitness trends have come and gone, but yours seems more rooted in tradition. You don’t seem like the kind of trainer who screams and berates his clients.

You’ve seen trainers do that, hmm? Young guys, right? (Laughs.) I don’t do that. I still have a passion for this and I’ve got over 55 years of knowledge working with me. But with these trends you’re talking about, they have to sell magazines, right? They have to keep coming up with something different to sell you. That’s the American way. I saw one recently with this guy pulling these heavy chains. Have you seen this? Good god. But at least it’s getting people to the gym. But there are a lot of bogus things out there. I believe in the basics and the way it started. When I started, it was Steve Reeves. Remember him, the first Hercules? I just try to get people back to basics, starting with nutrition. I’ve never counted a calorie and have never been on a diet. I eat what I want to eat. This is part of my 50/50 plan. You can eat what you want to eat every other day — you just can’t pig out two days in a row. Every time you run into a problem is on the weekend. Pig out on Friday or Saturday, but not both. If you do it every other day, you’re body knows what’s happening. It takes two days for the fat to get stored. I don’t believe in diets. They don’t work. I’m sure you’ve seen people go on crash diets and lose 50 pounds and then gain it back. What I do is monitor and critique people’s eating habits and oversee a half-hour workout three days a week. It takes very little of your time to do this and you get guaranteed results.

And things must get particularly difficult during the holidays.

It’s the danger time. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve, the average American gains 7 lbs. and loses four of it. So in 20 years, they gain 60 pounds they never get rid of. Every day, everywhere you go during this season, there are temptations to overeat or graze. Cookies, fruitcakes, sweets, alcohol — you really start eating and drinking out of boredom or to relax from all the stress. It’s a miserable time of year. I hate it. For me, the holidays were always a moneymaking time when I was a bounty hunter because that’s when criminals came home. My wife hates when Christmas comes around because I get so grumpy. She calls me “The Grinch.” But this is also a really strategic time for me and my clients. I’m with them every other day between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve to give them some encouragement. It’s all about moderation. And remember that the short time you derive pleasure from junk food will stay with you much longer through your life.

What’s your own regimen like?

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I get up at 4:30 a.m. and I’m here by 5:30. I stay all day long with a one-hour break. But I work out five days a week for several hours. I like to be regimented. I think it’s something I picked up in the military. If I have a break in my schedule or something doesn’t go as planned, I don’t like it. I also bike, swim, and landscape. This place is very conducive to body building and exercising.

You work with a surprising number of senior citizens here as well.

Yes, both men and women. It’s quite satisfying to see an 80-year-old bench press 200 lbs. He has no confidence when he comes here and he’s bowling over with enthusiasm by the time he leaves. In three months, I can get an 80-year-old to double his strength. I’ve got a got a 95-year-old who comes here. I really enjoy helping the seniors here. And they’re so amazed by what they can do and the results they get. More and more older people these days are staying in shape, living longer, and improving their quality of life. I have a plan to get as many local seniors in shape as I can. I met Jack LaLanne when I was 19 and he was 53. Back then, he offered $10,000 to anyone who could keep up with his workout. I tried it and lasted for about 15 minutes. When he was 59, he swam from Alcatraz to San Francisco handcuffed and shackled. Being in his presence, you just knew that you were in special company. He had a 28-year-old German Shepherd! Dogs aren’t supposed to live that long. I think he died prematurely. He expected to live to about 115, and I think he could have done it.

You’ve won loads of trophies over the years. What’s the last title you won?

Mr. Space Coast Over 70. I’m proud of it, but after all those other titles, it’s really no big deal. And I don’t mean to sound arrogant. Many of the other guys competing were just no comparison. I just go at it a lot more. Most of them do maybe two or three days a week, but I put in five when I’m training for a contest. It’s a lot of stress to put on your body, but for me, nothing’s an effort. I just love what I do.

Ted Taylor’s gym is located at 73 N. Orlando Ave. in downtown Cocoa Beach. Drop in or call 960-7778 to make an appointment.

It happens every year.

The morning after “Black Friday,” we always awaken to a story of someone, somewhere deep in the heart of this great nation, bludgeoning, pepper-spraying, decapitating, or disemboweling someone else for the sake of a bargain.

Our reactions are just as rote. We go through the tiresome pantomime of acting “disgusted,” “shocked,” or “concerned” about how “commercial” Christmas has become. And those reactions, at least to my mind, are far more shocking than the behavior that inspired them.

Christmas isn’t “becoming” more commercial; Christmas is Christmas. It’s an event, a day, a celebration — call it what you like — and as such, doesn’t have the ability to develop or change.

It’s a niggling point of semantics, maybe, but this type of thinking has engendered a growing distaste for a holiday that was never meant to be as gussied up as it is.

It’s we who’ve made it commercial — from the rabid, clawing mother in Sacramento to the lofty, self-appointed social critic in Sag Harbor. Christmas hasn’t mutated into Mammon’s free-for- all on its own. Don’t blame Christmas. He’s just a cheery, plump little fellow trying to make you happy.

Similar concerns were probably first heard — and then added on to — centuries ago, when Lucius Flatulus (of XXII Augustus Avenue) forked over three sestercii for a knock-off Numidian oil lamp for his Christian aunt. You can almost hear the pagan voices echoing off the Forum columns: “Isn’t that always like those people, buying something to give when they have plenty of their own to offer? Those Christians are such hypocrites.” Or, “That lamp won’t last a week. My brother’s are much more durable.” Or, less heard, “Put on some pants, fairy!”

If this sounds like a sermon, please forgive me, Lord God, He the almighty and omnipotent, but I can’t help but think back to the of the Christmas of 1980.

I was 10, and to get my Christmas present — the big one, not the loads of trinkets I’d already unwrapped — I had to follow a map of the house my father had drawn leading to its source.

The path took me hither and thither to many false (and often comical) locations in between, and by the time I reached the end, apoplectic with expectation, I found that the present was… his stereo system.

Not a new one for me, but his.

I was crestfallen. Now keep in mind that he wasn’t being cheap (we had plenty of cash back then), and he never had the intention of pawning his old dregs off on me to make room for a newer, sleeker system for himself, because he never did. He just thought I might appreciate having it as my own, as I always threw his Schubert roughly aside to use it for The Who’s Greatest Hits, Magical Mystery Tour, or, unfortunately, Rush’s 2112.

I can’t remember the make, but I remember the turntable having a “diamond” needle, which sounded very upper-crust. Yet still I was disappointed.

Why? I haven’t the foggiest now. But I wish I could go back and change my reaction from one of sulky disappointment to glowing gratitude.

As if it needed to be repeated: Give from the heart, not the pocket.

(And good luck giving your children myrrh.)

– The Editor.

Great Things From a Roach Motel
By M. Alberto Rivera

Years ago while listening to a cocksure young artist discuss success and her inevitable collision course with it, I interrupted her well-intentioned rant with some questions she could make neither head nor tail of.

“How do you measure success?” I asked. “Monetarily? By fame or name recognition? By those standards alone, Paris Hilton is a success. What about an influential artist or individual who inspired others to create? Would they count as successes?”

She seemed truly flummoxed by the question, ordered another Pabst Blue Ribbon, and disappeared. I am uncertain as of this writing whether or not she has met her goals. I never saw or heard from her ever again.

But I want to tell you about a friend of mine, and the influence he exerted on me. A friend — a good friend — is someone you look forward to seeing and spending time with. For several years I had a subscription to the then-authoritative magazine on all things punk rock, Maximum RocknRoll.

Every month when my copy of MRR arrived, I’d flip straight to George Tabb’s column, “Take My Life, Please,” so I could spend time with a friend. He really seemed to understand my life in spite of us never having met.

George’s column was also consistently the best-written one in the magazine. Plus, they were almost always funny and painfully honest. Most people outside of therapy or “The Maury Povich Show” don’t reveal their shortcomings and daily travails with the candor George brought to the written page.

Punk rock, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” an infuriatingly dysfunctional relationship with his father, and a complete lack of confidence with the ladies were all covered here, and Lord, I had lived it, or was presently experiencing these things. Thankfully, I never endured the familial psychosis he described. With the accuracy of a Tomahawk missile, those stories could have easily been taken from my playbook with names and places substituted.

But even here, he was a Florida punker when such a creature barely existed. In 1980, George had formed the band Roach Motel in Gainesville when punk rock was a scary bogeyman to shield your kids from. Not long before, the Sex Pistols made network news for
throwing up in some executive’s office.

Things had changed somewhat by the time I discovered punk in the humid, brain-cooking heat that is Florida, but not too much. Punk was still a scary word and not readily found on TV or Hot Topic. Little kids with mohawks only showed up on postcards in funky bookstores. Rednecks were still plentiful and short on tolerance. Being out of step with the rest of the world is never easy.

“Hero” is a word bandied about with far too much frequency and misuse. But in a very real sense George became a hero of mine, if for nothing else, by allowing me to know someone who had experienced everything I then faced. Giving someone permission to pursue their ambitions by the example of how you live your life is no small thing. And in his monthly column he frankly discussed his missteps along with his successes, with equal emphasis and humor.

I didn’t have to explain how and why the Ramones had changed my life. George knew firsthand and when he wrote about it; it was a shared experience separated by 15 years and thousands of miles. We’d both undergone the same transformative moment for all of the same reasons, yet he’d found a way to explain what he had seen and heard. And he didn’t care if you didn’t get it. He wasn’t writing for people who never felt the same emotional charge of connecting with something as intangible and abstract as a musical performance. He wrote for himself first, which was a huge lesson to me at the time. And as a musician he wrote and performed what was a good fit for him, rather than trying to cash in on something he wouldn’t be as comfortable with.

By being honest about unflattering moments in his life rather than focusing on the highlights reel, it made him human, likable, and relatable. I also learned, as an artist, that if you are consistently out of step with the masses, your attitude and integrity may be all you have on that long drive home where 97% of the bar wanted to lynch you.

I’ve had two very long telephone conversations with Mr. Tabb, both of which were incredibly memorable, at least on my end. In the first, he allowed me to pick his brain regarding the accuracy of a rock n’ roll novel I’m still not done with. He didn’t seem put off by the mundane, fact checking questions I peppered him with. The second was an in-depth interview with him regarding his musical legacy. I’m still having trouble finding time to transcribe it, and my residual Catholic guilt still gets at me on this point. He’s been involved with or at the helm of such notable underground acts Roach Motel, Atoms for Peace, False Prophets, Letch Patrol, Iron Prostate, and Furious George. He’s authored several books, all of which are by turns painful and hysterical.

Like so many others who lived near the World Trade Center 10 years ago on 9/11, he’s not well, and I worry about him. He made a living via underground media, music, print and television, and multiple health conditions resulting from the collapse of the towers emptied his savings. I wish I had something to help ease his financial strain, but once again, he and I are in a similar boat.

A distant disembodied voice connected with me via print years ago and helped assure me that others felt the same way I did. That voice gave me the courage to believe in myself, even contrary to popular trends. Success measured in units sold or the number of commas in a bank statement is easy to measure. Success by living life on your own terms as best you can, while harder to measure, makes for a far richer man.

For all things George Tabb please visit www.georgetabb.com

Janelle Sadler

Janelle Sadler was born loving music. Her Father, a public school teacher, and her mother, a bookstore owner, encouraged her as much as they could. Being the middle child of three siblings, Janelle was rather shy, but music brought out her stage-loving side

Picking up the guitar in her teens, she soon started performing in churches, coffeehouses, high school choir concerts, and anywhere else that was available for a young singer. Her early influences were Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Atlanta’s Mother’s Finest, and Chaka Khan. During a stint in college, she found real paying gigs entertaining the tourists in the beach clubs and never looked back. “Once I figured I could support myself doing what I loved, it became my obsession!” she says.

After years of singing everything from jazz to heavy metal, she twice won the award for Tampa Bay’s “Best Female Vocalist.” With these awards and the surprise landing of a background singing gig with Donny Osmond, she finally found the courage to move to Los Angeles in the summer of ’91 where she’s worked professionally ever since.

Janelle has sung leads on TV themes for “Brothers And Sisters” and “Smallville,” and has toured the world singing backups behind mega talent Natalie Cole and many others.

“Los Angeles taught me that even though the world is filled with incredible musicians, there will always be a place for me if I hold true to myself and stay prepared,” Janelle explains. “The minute you quit dreaming and creating musical goals to work toward, you’re done. I’m sorry world, but I’m never going to stop!”

Catch Janelle Sadler with John Orsini December 2 at Heidi’s (7 N. Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach). Call 783-4559 for ticket information. Watch videos and hear song samples at www.janellesadler.com

The Legend of the Seagullmen

Who are the Seagullmen? What is the Legend? I’m not quite sure myself, but I was lucky enough to witness its origins unfold nearly three years ago in Cocoa Beach’s Casablanca bar.

It was a slow night, and apart from the bartender and a wraithlike figure skulking in the shadows near the door, I was the only other one there not applauding a truly terrible band called the High Voltages.

Toward the end of their set, a bearded, piratical-looking character in sodden galoshes and faded, blood-besmirched yellow oilskins entered soaked to the follicle, which I found odd, considering how dry and clear it was outside. The man approached the trio and I could barely overhear him murmuring something about a treasure chest and endless riches and omnipotence. It seemed to me that some sort of diabolical pact was being arranged, and part of me wanted to stop the endearingly awful musicians from sealing the deal.

Word has it that the Legend that began that night will unfold further this Thanksgiving weekend in a multi-media extravaganza the likes of which we’ve never seen. Don your ghost-crab carapace and show your loyalty to these extraordinary men on November 25.

The Legend of the Seagullmen continues on Friday, November 25 in downtown Cocoa Beach at an as-yet-undisclosed venue. Check their websites online — www.theseagullmen.com and on Facebook: “Cocoa Beach Seagullmen” — or check www.thebechsideresident.com for further details as they emerge. You can also see video samples of their performances and short clips of the planned film.

Derek Warfield & The Young Wolfe Tones

Nominated as Ireland’s Best Traditional Folk Group, touring over 180 concerts in 2010 throughout six different countries, Derek Warfield & The Young Wolfe Tones are known throughout the world for their quality musical presentation of Irish patriotic songs and traditional music.

Fronted by outstanding singer, stage personality, composer, and historian of music and song tradition, Derek Warfield is a legend wherever Irish roots have been put down. He has enjoyed phenomenal success for some 40 years with the old Wolfe Tones, with best-selling albums, number one hits, television appearances and shows in Carnegie Hall and the Royal Albert Hall. Derek has also been prolific as a solo artist, releasing an astonishing eleven albums in just over a decade. Ten years on from the beginning of his solo career, the man often described as “Ireland’s greatest ballad singer” is bringing an old tradition with a young sound to his legion of fans across the world.

The Young Wolfe Tones feature some of the finest Irish musicians and singers from a younger generation and bring guaranteed excitement, fun, and passion to every performance. Comprised of Demaris Woods (tenor banjo), Alan Murray (guitar), Fintan Warfield (guitar), Dan Lowery (flute, tine whistle, and guitar), and bassist Luke Ward, the band share with their mentor a passion and enthusiasm for their shared Irish heritage.

2011 has been a busy year for Derek Warfield & The Young Wolfe Tones. The band have recently completed a Spring tour of Australia, which included numerous performances at the prestigious National Folk Festival in Canberra, as well as shows in Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Sydney. To coincide with this nationwide tour, they recently launched their latest album, Far Away in Australia. The title track, popularized by Peter McNulty, reminds listeners of the realities of emigration. Included on the album are 19 fantastic ballads and tunes, all associated with Ireland and Australia, including “Back Home in Derry,” written by Bobby Sands, and “Take Care of Your Fenians, or the Yankees Will Steal Them Away,” an Australian ballad detailing the infamous Catalpa rescues.

Of the well-known tunes they perform, Derek say: “People can get sniffy about these songs and not many bands are actually doing this material these days, but they’re great songs and part of a legacy which stretches back many generations. I believe that these songs will be renewed and will remain important, but you can’t take any tradition for granted. So we’re presenting an old tradition in a new package — and I’ve the same passion for it now as I had when it all started 44 years ago.”

Derek Warfield & the Young Wolfe Tones perform Sunday, November 13 at Nolan’s Irish Pub, located at 204 W. Cocoa Beach Cswy. (520 and A1A) in Cocoa Beach. For ticket information, call 783-8499.

Tom Curren

In his five-year rise to World Surfing Champion, Tom Curren led the way in cutting edge, perfectly tuned performance. Despite his youth, he was acknowledged as surfing’s first genius, and he single-handedly altered the anti-establishment mindset of hundreds of thousands of American surfers before turning pro.

To surfers, Curren was bigger than the Beatles. Rolling Stone gave him headline space as a matter of course.

Curren has played a variety of instruments since the age of fifteen. His drumming, bass, guitar, singing, and composition took a form that reflected his unique personality. Famously reclusive, his musical gift was only recognised — although highly regarded — among a small enclave of musical celebrities.

Curren broke track in late 1993 by committing to a 27-stop national American tour, in which his band Skipping Urchins drove to every hardcore surfing outpost. The tour was a stunning validation of his artistry and endurance.

His musical depth grew through the mid ’90s as he collaborated and jammed with premier talent. Curren also relocated from France back to Southern California. It was during a visit to Sydney in ’98 that he revealed himself to be a prodigious musician. One evening, unannounced, he walked in off the street to EMI Studios. Curren laid down six live tracks with just guitar and voice.

Curren’s tunes feature raw and honest performances. The folk influence, and bluesy, gritty feel rendered with a minimalist approach may have been seen as contradictory to what some believe as the “surfing music market.” However, the recording success of his longtime friend Jack Johnson, is testament to the fact that the “surfing music market” is a past tense definition, and that the market is receptive to a wide variety of styles.

Curren’s music goes beyond the immediate “surf market.” He explores musical styles and combinations of sounds that reflect his unique take on music — and a glimpse into the Curren persona.

Composing and recording is now routine, as is rehearsing his band for performances at major surfing events (whether he’s competing or not), as well as mainstream venues. The expansion of Curren’s horizons into music seems a natural path to him. In many ways, the culture and lifestyle of surfing and music are one and the same. “Curren’s reputation as one of the world’s greatest surfers in history is supported by his accomplishments as a competitor,” writes Matt Warshaw in “Surf Riders.” “But most surfers would define Curren as an artist, then as a world champion.”

Tom Curren performs Wednesday, November 16 at Rusty’s Seafood & Oyster Bar (628 Glen Cheek Dr. in Port Canaveral). Show begins at 7 p.m. Supporting acts include the Josh Miller Blues Revue and William Kimball. To learn more, call Rusty’s at 783-2033.

Bone Dogs

Nominated for the 2009 Brevard Music Award’s Entertainer of the Year, in the Favorite Keyboardist and Guitarist categories, Bone Dogs have made a huge impression on the beachside music circuit since they formed. Also sponsored by Gwin Amplification and East Coast Music, the quartet is one of the hardest working, most sought after bands in the area. They got their start playing throughout the Palm Bay area, but have since come to the beaches to broaden their fan base.

The lineup of guitarist and vocalist Russ Kellum (formerly of True Bluez), drummer Michael Wright, bassist Mark Glisson, and keyboardist Derek Castello (formerly of Groove Monsters), delivers the promise of growling rhythms, barking grooves, and solos with a bite. They’re well versed in a number of musical genres, including rock, blues, jazz, and country, as heard on many of their original songs and their eclectic choice of covers.

Since forming, they’ve performed with the likes Pat Travers, Dangerous Dan Toler of the Greg Allman Band, Todd Sharpville, Jason Ricci, Leanne Binder, and Michael Allman, Greg Allman’s son, and opened for one of their favorite bands, Gov’t Mule, at a recent show in Cocoa. Their recent appearance at the 2010 Space Coast Music Festival, which was held this past September in Cape Canaveral, earned them scores of new fans and cemented their reputation as one of the best live bands in the area.

Catch Bone Dogs Saturday, November 26 at the at the Beach Shack (1 Minutemen Cswy.; Cocoa Beach; 783-2250). Visit the band online at: www.myspace.com/bonedogsband

Louie
By Mike Abbate

On Febuary 2, 2011, I was on my lunch break and stopped in the 7-11 on A1A in Cocoa Beach for a caffeine fix.

I came across a homeless couple who looked like they were in their mid-twenties. The homeless man was staring at me, and at first I thought he had a problem or needed money. But he approached me and starting talking about traveling and hitchhiking in Florida. I found out that he and his girlfriend were actually from North Canada, and were purposely hitchhiking and train hopping all through the country.

With them was a very small puppy, who seemed to be about seven-weeks old. I asked the homeless man what the situation was with the dog, and he said he regretted having picked him up in Louisiana and bringing him along. The couple knew nothing about the dog, other than that he was a Catahoula Leopard Hound and was very young. He also told me that they were running out of money and needed to start making their way back home.

I couldn’t believe how young and dirty the dog looked. The homeless man asked me to take him, due to how difficult he made travel for them. I was really skeptical, but I made a promise to find the dog a home or at least a no-kill shelter. I opened up my wallet and had only $3 in cash, which I gave to the couple. I wished them good luck and I was off with a new puppy.

So I took the dog home to my small apartment in Cocoa Beach. I instantly knew he wasn’t your average puppy; he had a very special personality. It was clear he appreciated the care and attention I gave him, but I started trying to find him a home. About a week into the search, I was done, and had decided to keep him for life. I brought him to the vet and had him checked out. All was well for the most part, but the vet informed me that he was still far too young to be away from his mother and that he needed shots and dewormer updates.

I decided to name him Louie. Unfortunately, my landlord was not very understanding about this new tenant, and since I was under a “no pet” rental contract, the eviction notices started coming in. I was given seven days to either get rid of the dog or be homeless myself. Louie was by this time an official member of my family, so I knew giving him away wasn’t an option. It’s hard to convince people who aren’t animal lovers how great pets can be, and I had no such success with my landlord. Luckily, my father is a dog lover, and offered to take Louie in until I figured things out. A month later I managed to buy a house with a yard and pool in Satellite Beach.

He’s a popular dog on the street where I live, and I think he knows he scored when I took him in. We call him “Louie Loose Legs” because he runs so fast he often trips over himself. I’m now happy to have the freedom of owning a pet, and am happy to call Louie my best friend. Above all, I’m happy to make him happy. It was the best $3 I’ve ever spent.

Inshore Fishing Report: November 2011
Capt. Jamie Glasner

It’s just about that time of year when we get to stuff our faces with endless amounts of food!

With winter closing in on us, our lagoons should start clearing up. On a couple of my last trips the water clarity was getting fairly decent; not gin-clear, but clear enough to where I could see the bottom and see fish. Overall, the October fishing was excellent. The redfish bite was definitely on, both inshore and nearshore. My buddy, Capt. Scott Lum, crushed the redfish outside of the Port; he reported catching over 30 fish within a couple of hours — all on live mullet. On the inshore side, the bite was super-hot after that tropical storm that raised the intracoastal waters up over a foot. Cut ladyfish and topwater lures have been the ticket, but live mullet and shrimp will do just fine in these murky waters.

The fishing around the jetties has been hit-and-miss. As of right now, the water at the mouth of the Port is really dirty due to the high winds and rough seas. As the wind and seas calm down the snook bite should get better, as will the flounder when the water temps start to cool down. Another game fish to target this month is tripletail. They like to hang around debris, buoys, and weed mats; try pitching a jumbo shrimp or live finger mullet their way.

As the water in the lagoons start to cool down, you can start to find numbers of spotted seatrout and juvenile redfish in canals and on the drop-offs on the flats. Jigs and live shrimp will do the trick.

Now for all you hunters out there, duck season is just a couple weeks away. That’s right, it’s time for some quackquack-boom! Get your shells and decoys ready, because it will be here in no time. Also try to kill some of the hybrid mallards we have here flying around the 1000 Islands.

For the last bit of my report I have a funny story to share with all of you. A buddy of mine had a evening charter that he ran out of Ramp Road in search of some redfish. Well, they went out and found some fish and everyone had a great time catching a few, and they headed back to the ramp at the end of the trip. When they arrived at the dock, one of the clients on the boat needed to use the restroom. Now if any of you have ever used that bathroom after dark, you’ll know how difficult it is to see without any lights in there. So while my friend’s client (a priest) was in the bathroom, my friend then needed to go. He knew where the toilets should be, so as he’s doing his business he doesn’t hear any water or noises, so he thinks he must not be aiming right. Still nothing. All of a sudden his client shouts, “I’m in here!” Apparently my friend had urinated all over his client. He had no idea what to say to the guy…

Well, I hope all of you enjoy your Thanksgiving and I’ll see you on the water!

Offshore Fishing Report: November 2011
Capt. Scott Bussen

Well, it seemed as if it would never arrive and that the stifling heat would never end, but the fall weather has finally made its way into Central Florida!

For some people, it’s just a welcome climatological change, but for us fishermen, it’s so much more… Sure, the change in temperature is an awesome bonus, but every fisherman has a favorite reason to await the fall weather pattern. For some, it’s the opportunity to put away the fishing gear and concentrate on hunting for a while. For me, it’s the fact that falling mercury signals the start of some potentially red-hot fishing!

For all intents and purposes, each passing front should ratchet the fishing up a notch or two. For the bottom fishing, the dropping water temps should spur the grouper to start emulating their name. Not only will the fish start aggregating, they’ll also begin their annual fall/winter migration, so they should start to get more plentiful.

If last month was any indication, we could be in for a November to remember. Though things could be red hot, not everything will be a fall carnival. There will still be a of couple hurdles before reaching the finish line with a grouper dinner. The biggest hurdle will be the weather/water-condition combination. If the weather is calm enough to fish and the water conditions are good enough for the fish to feed, the second hurdle will be catching live bait. The larger pinfish have been hard to find, and if you do catch ‘em, they’re hard to keep in a pen for more than a couple of days. If you can get it all together on the right day, the fishing could be epic. But be ready to weed through some snapper and amberjack to get your prize.

Another pleasant surprise last month happened to be the trolling. The dolphin bite was on fire, the sailfish were plentiful, there were enough wahoo around to make things interesting, and a few tuna even made an appearance! There were boats that reported catching double-digit quantities of dolphin, multiple shots at sails, and more than a few wahoo. The dolphin were mostly smaller fish under 10 lbs., but the sheer quantity more than made up for the lack of size. There was a nice current break/edge with scattered weed that varied between 170′ and 260′ day to day. The best fishing was obviously along the edge, but there were fish scattered from the weather buoy on out.

If water conditions remain decent, the trolling could continue right through the month of November. At least with trolling you won’t have the bait hurdle to cross like the bottom fishermen! Good ol’ frozen ballyhoo will do the trick. For the sails and dolphin, try rigging the ballys on mono and fish them short, either next to, or immediately behind the teasers. For the wahoo, try the baits rigged on wire behind a lure like a Seawitch or Islander. Run the bait/lure combo deep, long or both. You may also want to try a plug like a Speedy or a magnum stretch Rapala fished on a medium flat line or the downrigger.

As far as kingfishing goes, last month was a bust. However, the aforementioned weather changes should impact the kingfish population in a positive manner in November. Much like the grouper, the kingfish will begin their fall migration soon. There are several differences between the two migrations, the biggest of which is the volume. Much like the red snapper over the last few years, the kingfish stock has grown exponentially. This stock explosion leads to the other major difference — the definition. Whereas the grouper schools tend to increase less noticeably, the kingfish show up en masse. One day there are just a few scattered fish, the next there are seemingly endless acres of them. These shoals of kings usually show up toward the latter part of the month and will generally hang around until after the New Year or until the water temps on the reef drop below 68 degrees. Try trolling spoons, plugs or Seawitch/mullet strip combos so you can cover some ground until the fish are located. Once you locate the fish, slow-trolled Spanish sardines should do the trick. Live bait will likely be an issue as the pogie pods usually pull offshore with the dropping water temps on the beach. Along with the kingfish, there should be a good chance at catching a cobia or blackfin tuna with an outside chance at a wahoo. The action will generally be concentrated on the reefs between 60′ to 90′, but sometimes the fish will be located off the reef in the sand.

So get your stuff lined up for that bluebird day after the front and get out there and get ‘em! Before it gets too cold…

See ya on the pond!

Sound Traveler
Self-released; 2011

On the surface, Sound Traveler appears to be just another garden-variety acoustic duo. But a few deft touches on their eponymous debut reveal them to be something much more.

The husband-and-wife team of Bob and Patty Tatum have a strong affinity for Irish and Appalachian folk, but these influences inform rather than define Sound Traveler’s music. Incorporating elements of jazz, gospel, rock, blues, and country, Sound Traveler is full of interesting surprises, from the playful, sonic strolls of “White Cadillacalimousina” and “Gators For Sale” to trumpet-flecked opener “Stars Tonight.”

Bob and Patty are accomplished multi-instrumentalists, and along with acoustic guitar and bass, mandolin, harmonica, xylophone, hand percussion, and trumpet are used to subtle effect. Trumpet may seem like an odd choice of accompaniment for an acoustic act, but Patty’s playing is so spare and tasteful here that you wish more would employ it. It lends warmth and space to the frail “Only Now,” and adds a bright step to “Florida Sunshine, Florida Rain.”

Bob is a talented lyricist in the folk storyteller tradition, but I especially like his decision to include not the words of each song in the liner notes but the stories behind their creation. It’s another thing I wish more artists would do; often these reflections offer more insight into the music than the lyrics themselves. For instance, we learn that Bob’s great-great-great grandfather, an Irish immigrant, designed built, and manned lighthouses in the notes to “Lighthouse Keeper,” a doleful ode to those who provide guidance amid confusion and uncertainty. We also learn that the tumbling “Smoky Hollow” is inspired by the couple’s rural summer home in the Appalachian Mountains.

The Tatums divide their time between Avery County, North Carolina and Cape Canaveral, and Florida plays just as important a part in the duo’s unique outlook. Locals will relish the litany of place names that keeps “Florida Sunshine, Florida Rain” bouncing and the childlike simplicity of “Gators For Sale,” a tune that could easily fit into Peter, Paul, and Mary’s repertoire.

Marked by affecting harmonies, evocative compositions, and accomplished musicianship, Sound Traveler is an album that both comforts and challenges in equal measure. — R. Marsh

Visit the Tatums online at www.soundtravelerband.com. Hear song samples, read blog posts, and keep abreast of local performance dates.

The Thing

Newcomer Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. has taken it upon himself to remake this old but not-forgotten horror classic, most famously remade by John Carpenter back in 1982. At a super-duper cold Antarctica research site, the discovery of an alien spaceship leads to a fight between scientists Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead of “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World”) and foreign guy Dr. Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen of “Hitman”). Initially I was afraid that it would turn out to be a cheesy, visual effects-driven letdown, but I was wrong on both counts. First of all, this isn’t what I would call a standard remake, but more of an homage to not only John Carpenter but also to the 1951 original. The effects were outstanding and did a great job of creeping the holy bejesus out of me. It also offers something different for sci-fi/horror lovers with some top-notch acting and directing. So we should all pat them on the head and give them a treat while saying “Good boy, Hollywood. Good boy…”

The Three Musketeers

Alexandre Dumas’s classic tale of swashbuckling and bountiful bosoms is here taken on by veteran horror and fantasy sci-fi director Paul W.S. Anderson (“Death Race;” “Resident Evil”). The cocky but tough D’Artagnan (played by Logan Lermanalong of “3:10 to Yuma”) joins forces with three has-been Musketeers to stop a sexy spy and her evil boss from gaining the crown and throwing all of France into war with the rest of Europe. But this version isn’t your basic 17th-century sword-and-dagger remake; this one is way more… leathery. I’m kidding, but I’m not — the leather’s cool and well, chicks in leather… c’est magnifique! I’m a sucker for any film that features fencing and wig-driven liaisons. This 2011 reboot is a new and fun twist on an old tale that I enjoyed greatly. But don’t just take my word for it. Go see it with two other friends and split the cost in three. I preferred paying with one for all.

Footloose

In this remake of the ’80s teen classic, Kenny Wormald plays Ren MacCormack, a cool kid from Chicago who moves to a small town where rock ‘n’ roll and dancing are illegal. His rebellious tendencies anger the town preacher (Dennis Quaid) and the insular community and battle lines are soon drawn between the fun-loving and prim-and-proper camps. I know you’re thinking that this remake was produced for a new generation of kids who have no idea what we had to deal with in the ’80s, what with all the rock censorship and fascist, no-dancing policies. But what the kids of today do bring to the table, with their lack of Kenny Loggins yacht-rock knowledge, is some far more masterful dance moves. And for those who’ve never had the opportunity to be a real American and see the original or could never believe the idea of a town banning a basic right, then make your way to the theater and occupy “Footloose.” Because even though this ain’t original, it’s still optional. Power to the people!

Gillian Welch
The Harrow and the Harvest
Acony Records; 2011

The mistress of morose lyrics treads on familiar ground with this gorgeous new album of emotionally exposed songs. Gillian Welch sings about loss and despair with a world-weary voice as warm and as comfortably inviting as your favorite flannel shirt, and this release finds her collaborating with guitarist Dave Rawlings, whose brilliant accompaniment on “Scarlet Town” starts the album off with an Appalachian feel. “Dark Turn of Mind” is a country-blues tune that rolls and sways easily, and “The Way That it Goes” chronicles heartache and failure at every turn without pausing to let it sink in. This is as simple and stripped down an album as can be made, with two guitars, banjo, bass, and handheld percussion (when there is any at all), and this austerity adds emphasis to Welch’s commanding voice. She proves herself once again to be one of the most important voices in the contemporary Americana movement. The intimacy conveyed in these recordings makes the listener feel as though he’s next door listening to the band warm up. Listening to her lament and bewail every misfortune possible, who’d ever believe tragedy could sound so sweet? — M.A. Rivera

Flogging Molly
Speed of Darkness
Thirty Tigers; 2011

On Speed of Darkness, their latest release, Flogging Molly take a hard look at the collapse of the economy and the American dream. Amidst pink slips and the crushing despair of unfulfilled promises, the band unleash their anger and resentment through the course of 12 unforgiving songs. “Speed of Darkness” opens the album at a breakneck pace, but it’s with track two, “Revolution,” that the themes of loss are established, with lines like this: “I spent 27 years in this factory/Now the boss man says, ‘Hey, you’re not what we need’/The penguins in the suits they know nothing but greed/It’s a solitary life when you’ve mouths to feed/But who cares about us?” “Saints and Sinners” is another remarkable song that manages to avoid being another Irish punk rock cliché, but “Oliver Boy (All of Our Boys)” ably contemplates the fate of every mother’s son who ever carried a gun in the name of God and country. This standout track is delivered by someone who no longer cares about who’s wrong or who’s right, but is tired of seeing young men buried far too soon. “A Prayer for Me In Silence,” a duet between frontman Dave King and his wife Bridget Regan, is reminiscent of the Pogues, but without the dark humor. The best part of the album though, is that the band keep things mixed up enough to avoid falling into a repetitive pattern, making it an enjoyable and fresh listen. — M.A. Rivera

Joss Stone
LP1
Stone’d Records; 2011

Joss Stone is currently the most popular practitioner of blue-eyed soul recording today. Her latest album, LP1, is pained, lovelorn, humorous, sexy, and impossibly endearing all at the same time. In fact, LP1 may be the best release by a major artist this year. Stone collaborated with Dave Stewart on each track, and his production here is deft and exquisite. And although Stone’s voice is placed front-and-center, she clearly enjoys the interplay with the other musicians on songs like “Don’t Start Lying to Me” and “Karma,” a funky, organ-fueled bit of fun. But the centerpiece of the album, “Drive All Night,” is spare, emotionally raw, and hopeful. Elsewhere, Stone often sings as though she’s merely confiding to a friend sitting across the table from her. And while she’s clearly appreciative of the attention, there’s a part of her that still sounds unsure of her worthiness. Musically uncluttered, Stone’s delivery is stunningly sexy and vulnerable at the same time. Give this as a gift to the person who’s caught your eye, and they may very well drive all night just to listen to it with you. — M.A. Rivera

Alice Cooper
Welcome 2 My Nightmare
Universal; 2011

It’s been 36 years since the release of the now-classic Welcome to My Nightmare, so Alice Cooper’s had sufficient time to think about what he wants to say in a sequel. Appropriately, that follow-up, Welcome 2 My Nightmare, finds him in fine dramatic form. As his attempts to stay awake fail, Cooper succumbs to an uneasy sleep, and narrates a tormented journey through troubled dreams. Throughout, you get a macabre and overblown vaudevillian sense of wit and showmanship. With rockers, ballads, Broadway-styled numbers, disco sendups and electronic pop, Cooper approaches each song fearlessly regardless of his lyrical themes. “Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever,” “Bite Your Face Off,” “When Hell Comes Home,” and “Last Man on Earth” in particular, are all fine examples of his wickedly snide sense of humor. He reunites with producer Bob Ezrin and surviving members of the original Alice Cooper band, welcomes support from Vince Gill and Rob Zombie, and sings an unexpected duet with Ke$ha. This ghoul still has legs and apparently a great deal left to say. Longtime fans should appreciate how smart this sequel is. Paying tribute to its predecessor, it’s a worthwhile followup to a legendary recording. Hopefully Alice won’t sleep well for a long time to come. — M.A. Rivera  

By Samantha Deebel

In my family any get together is an excuse to eat, but we really go all out for Thanksgiving. Besides the usual turkey and trimmings though, I always look forward to new side dishes and appetizers. If, like mine, your family hangs out all day grazing the buffet table in between dancing and football, it’s nice to have a variety of choices, and these suggestions can be great additions to your spread.

Happy Thanksgiving to all! This Thanksgiving I give thanks for my awesome family and friends and their unconditional love.

Fresh Onion Dip

In a large skillet, sauté 2 cups of chopped onions in some olive oil till lightly browned. Set aside to cool. In a decorative bowl, mix together 1 cup of sour cream, 1/2 cup of cream cheese, 2 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar, and a handful of chopped fresh parsley or chives. Add lemon pepper to taste. Add onions and mix well, then chill until ready to serve. This dip is great with chips and raw veggies!

Spinach, Blueberry and Blue Cheese Salad

Depending on how many people you’re making salad for, buy spinach that’s already washed and packaged; it really is a timesaver and free of gritty dirt! (But even though it says “pre-washed,” I do always rinse it beforehand.) I would say for every six cups of spinach leaves allow 1 cup of blueberries and 1 cup of bleu cheese crumbles. Make a dressing with 2 parts balsamic vinegar to 1 part olive oil, or buy a good raspberry vinaigrette to use. Garnish with chopped walnuts.

Blue Cornmeal Muffins

Combine 1 cup of blue cornmeal, 1 1/2 cups flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon of salt, and 2 tablespoons of turbinado sugar. With a fork, mix in 1-1/2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese. Add two lightly beaten eggs, 1/2 cup of canola or coconut oil, 1 1/4 cups of milk and 1 1/2 cups chopped red bell peppers. Mix all together gently to combine. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with papers and spoon in mixture, filling cups just halfway. Bake at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes. Makes 1 dozen muffins. They’re a nice change from regular rolls or biscuits and they taste really good with some turkey sandwiched in between!