I mean it. I can seriously laugh at so many aspects of my life. From my looks and my goofy skate style to so many other things I do. Like when I stay up until the wee hours when I know I have a long day ahead of me the next morning. Or when I start a load of laundry only to forget about it until a day or two later and end up having to rewash the load again because of that brain burning odor. For some reason I never learn.

Anyway, on to something serious: The Olympics. I may need some help with this one because I don’t have a television. I mean no cable, no rabbit ears, not even the cumbersome modern, black box equivalent of rabbit ears. So I’m stuck with a DVD player and an occasional romp to the end of the world and back with Jack Bauer on HULU. I had the luxury of not seeing any of the openers or even the “cool snowboard entry to the arena,” but seeing snowboarding in the center ring at the Olympics leads me to foresee a very upsetting future for skateboarding.

It’s already been pitched years ago and the big money dudes who don’t skate at the top of our small food chain are the ones who are trying to pitch it. And you know, it will most likely happen. I can see it now: skateboarding in the Summer Olympics. In fact, “the Flying Tomato” can be the crossover media star who propels the vert discipline. We all know him and love him, and wouldn’t we just love to see him and Bucky maybe bring the Birdman out of retirement to make the Dream Team? Well, wouldn’t we? And we know that Brazil, Australia, Germany, GB, and tons of other countries would all have ultra-talented skaters on their teams.

Of course the formula is there for the “athletes.” And that is what will set it all in motion — all these great nations sending their best to compete. Even though it seems like a no-brainer, it just wouldn’t be right for skateboarding to become an Olympic sport. …Unless of course the Olympics were pulling less ratings than “The Chevy Chase Show” and they needed to make a dollar. And we all know that the majority of the TV audience share watched “American Idol” instead of whatever Olympic event was on at the same time. Well I know this, ’cause I saw it on Facebook, so it must be accurate. And it most likely is.

Let’s face it, the Olympics aren’t what they used to be, ratings wise. I’m sure the events are still as competitive and the athletes are just as talented as ever. It’s just, well… that whole Facebook-”American Idol” thing I read. So when it does happen, it will happen for ratings, not to promote skateboarding. Yeah, there may be an increase in local skate business for a short time, just like the X Games-era boost. But at what cost? Of course it will most likely go hand-in-hand with some corporate athletic shoe company that devised a small (on their scale) skateboarding division to try and win the back market share that was reduced worldwide when authentic skateboard footwear brands became the craze for kids in schools everywhere within the last 10 years.

It really boils down to using an image of an Olympic skateboard athlete to boost the revenues of corporations that don’t care about our parks, shops, and skaters. We don’t need the Olympic format to better the world of competitive skateboarding. Besides, it’s so insulting to watch the televised world-class athlete competition (the Olympics, if you’re just tuning in) and think that they got to be where they are because of a well-balanced diet of Big Macs.

News Rants

Annual “For the Love of Skateboarding”/Palm Bay 50-Year Anniversary Skate Contest to be held at two locations: Graffiti Skate Zone and the PBFB. Check www.graffitiskatezone.com for details, or call the Park.

Mike Rogers pulled off a nice event at Eastwood to raise money for Cancer. Check out www.grindforlife.org for results.

Words of Wisdom: “There are two types of skaters, those who skate and have fun, and those who don’t.” — Klover

Start Shreddin’ the News… You know, send all H8 mail and Sk8 news/events/info to: sk8scooter@gmail.com

It is January as I write this. Presently, Florida is suffering the longest cold snap ever. Usually, a cold snap is just that: a quick chill. Not so, this winter of 2010. I have counted six mornings now with readings in the 20s and 30s, with more on the way. We’re actually having a winter in central Florida, something most of us came here to escape.

I’m not equipped for this. My old mackinaw has long ago been given to the moths. I used my winter gloves to hold live blue crabs while I halved them — they were no good after that. My wool watch cap sat on the dashboard of my truck for a week last winter and the sun disintegrated it. And long pants? I have one pair, not counting dress slacks, and they’re presently stained from a certain hunting experience I shall soon relate. Let’s face it, my wardrobe is Florida, not Maine.

Not so in my snowbound youth. Deep snow, freezing temperatures, and school and business closures were part of life in Upstate New York. We planned on it. But occasionally we received more than we planned. Occasionally, even for the most seasoned, you needed a little help. That was when we relied on the kindness of others; the loyalty of good friends and neighbors.

Like that winter in ‘62 when it snowed so deep the plows couldn’t get out. The milkman too, apparently. Three neighbors with a toboggan took grocery orders and trudged miles through deep snow, “so the babies could get their milk.” My mother says it’s just what neighbors did back then. I call it “The splendor of action.”

I’ve been helped by a lot of people over the years, many times by strangers. But after all the fear we’ve had pumped into us over the last ten years, it’s easy to become mistrustful. We figure everyone is working some kind of “angle” to steal our money, our job, our seat on a plane, or even our identity. Every once in a while we have to be reminded that there are a lot of good-hearted people out there. And so it happened to us…

We heard shots in the distance. Other hunters were up this road. We’d seen tire tracks on the way in. My truck was mired so completely that nothing could drive around us. We were blocking them. I left a sign on the windshield.

No shovel, no crowbar, not even a rope — but, lo and behold, I had a Sharpie, and a map on which to write. The Sharpie was a mite fine, so I doubled the lettering:

STUCK went for help

I pinned it beneath a windshield wiper. Thinking back, I suppose the note was a bit tautological.

Other than ammo, the only items of any value in the truck were the rifles, so we decided to carry them. It was a few miles to the ranger station and we had no idea how long it would take. I remembered seeing blasted-out cars and trucks in the forests and fields of my youth and wondered if that wasn’t how they got there: some pissed-off hunter. My heart was in my bowels when we took those first steps out. If and when we returned, would my vehicle be intact?

Any notion that this would be easy was dashed at the first bend in the road. This was a previous bog, one we’d had problems negotiating on the way in.

“Well, it looks like we broke in our boots,” I said as the black water lapped at our knees. “I’m no longer afraid to get these guys wet.” My son agreed.

Conditions worsened as we continued. How did we get back here? How stupid of me… We soon approached a pool that appeared too deep to wade. I remembered water on the hood. A wide circumvention of the hole was undertaken. This was through tussock-type vegetation in a foot or so of standing water. Beneath were rotten logs, unseen and slippery under the black sheen. This was the perfect environment in which to break an ankle. At one point my son said he saw something slither away. I told him it was his imagination and to keep going, but my eyes were all for cottonmouths after that. Eventually, we were back on the track and new pools appeared; forgotten pools I had laughed and splashed my way through previously. They were fun no more. What had I been thinking?

“At least it’s a nice day,” I said aloud. It was true. It was mid-afternoon. The sun was shining. No breeze and about 60 degrees — a great day to go hunting. But instead, we were slip-sliding on submerged timber with numb feet, sweating the fate of my abandoned vehicle.

After a half-hour of slogging we looked back. “I can still see the truck,” the boy said. Yes, there it was, a disappointing white speck in the mud. Even though our pace was brisk, we were literally treading water.

By the time the guns were becoming heavy, the terrain dried out. Soon we spotted swirling buzzards. Ordinarily that’s an ominous sign. We knew what it meant.

“There’s the gut pile,” I commented. We were getting close. Rutted sand gave way to a hard washboard road and finally, after a little more than an hour’s trudge, we approached the ranger’s station. We were thirsty, beat, and our feet were cold and wet.

The ranger took one look at us and said: “Looks like you got stuck.” He said it so nonchalantly that the next line didn’t sink in right away: “I can’t help you.” I suppose I expected to hear that, then he went on: “But somebody will. Give it a few minutes.”

We needed a few minutes. We sat on the edge of the porch and I opened a water bottle I brought. My son took off his boots. I guess I thought the ranger would make a phone call or something. Maybe he knew of some secret towing service out here. We sure couldn’t find one. A few minutes went by. Still no action on his part. He was shooting the breeze with some campers. I stood and milled a bit, hoping to get his attention. No response. Maybe I needed to say something.

Then, through the gate appeared a hulking red SUV. Dogs barked from within. The driver greeted the ranger like a old friend. The ranger nodded to me, then asked the driver: “Think you can help these boys out?” It was just that simple.

Their names were Tom and Tom, a father and son, and they were out for an afternoon of wingshooting with their dogs. As we four glided effortlessly over the sodden roads, I apologized profusely for intruding on their hunt. I offered money for their trouble and I think that slightly offended them. “This won’t take long,” the elder Tom said. Tom the younger added, “We’ve all been there.”

Then, far ahead, there it was, a little white speck in the mud. “That your truck?”

“Yes,” I replied. We were slipping and splashing; the road was worsening. “How’d you ever get that thing in here?” young Tom asked. I wanted to say something like “Good sense is finite; idiocy has unlimited mileage,” but only managed “I don’t know.”

The tow strap was applied three times that day. Once in the initial mire, twice more in pockets we had roiled up with our traffic. Their vehicle was made for this element, ours wasn’t. The dogs were silent and patient, as was my son. We emerged on the main loop road covered in mud. My thanks were profuse. It had only taken a half hour. I asked Tom and Tom their last name and they declined — perhaps they sensed I wanted to send them a gift of some kind. They wanted neither publicity nor remuneration. “Pay it forward,” was the elder’s wage, and when I see the chance, I shall.

Hunters are not fishermen. Yes, you can be both, but they are different mindsets. In fishing, you can release your catch and then knock back a beer. Hunting is serious; there’s no such thing as kill and release, and alcohol is strictly verboten. Fishermen gab and joke while they cast. Hunters observe strict silence and pride themselves on their lack of presence. Fishermen brag and lie. Hunters don’t bother; theirs is a sad satisfaction, the knowledge that death begets life, and that “This ain’t no party/This ain’t no disco/This ain’t no foolin’ around.”

The ranger summed it up on our mud-streaked way out: “Hunters do things like this for people. They’re always willing to help.” So do many fishermen, I might add, but then there’s the guy that sees you catch a fish and plows right up next to you. Or the guy who leaves his catfish to die on the beach (ouch!). Or the fish hog who catches twice as many blues as he wants or needs and leaves them to rot in the public garbage can at the end of your street. To this day, I have never met an inconsiderate hunter.

So I thank you, Tom and Tom, for proliferating my faith in good people. And thanks to another Tom, my son, for being so mature and uncomplaining, for helping with all his strength and sharing his technology.

Three Toms, demonstrating the splendor of action.

(To read Part One – click here: http://thebeachsideresident.com/2010/02/this-happened-to-us-part-i/)

Duff Puddings The recent Christmas bonus season was rough at the RF Brookes pizza-ingredient factory in Wigston, England. Workers received only gift containers of pudding (“plum duffs”) with a use-by date of March 2009, but accompanied by a letter from management assuring them that food technicians had certified the product as safe to eat in January 2010. (After numerous employee complaints, the company apologized and offered fresh plum duffs.)

We Prefer Mimes The French performance artist Orlan made News of the Weird in 1993 when she underwent surgery in a New York City art gallery as part of a multiple-surgery transformation of her face according to five icons of Renaissance and post-Renaissance beauty (at that time, implanting small horns to simulate the bumpy forehead of Mona Lisa). During a Chicago show in December 1998, Orlan raised money for further operations by selling posters and videos of her surgeries and digitally enhanced portraits of her face incorporating features that ancient Mayans had found attractive but which are ugly in this society (huge noses, crossed-eyes). She also sold souvenir tubes of her liposuctioned fat.

The Sparrows And The Bees A team of researchers led by a University of Connecticut professor, writing recently in the ornithology journal The Auk, declared the local saltmarsh sparrow to be America’s most promiscuous bird, in that 95 percent of the females hook up with more than one male during a mating season. The likelihood that any two chicks in a nest had the same father was only 23 percent, and in one-third of the nests, all chicks had different fathers. The researchers hypothesized that the frequent flooding of Connecticut’s marshes destroys so many nests that non-choosy females have gained evolutionary advantage. (A wren in Australia and a parrot in Madagascar are said to be comparably promiscuous.)

Pandaphants In Thailand, the endangered status of crocodiles and elephants is largely ignored by the public, who are instead enthralled with the giant pandas and their cub on loan from China. (There is even a 24-hour cable TV “panda channel.”) At several of the country’s zoos, officials now regularly paint their crocodiles and elephants in panda colors (with harmlessly washable paint) to call attention to their plight. Even though the paint must be reapplied daily, “It’s impossible not to do it now,” said one croc handler for a December Wall Street Journal dispatch. “People expect it.”

The Old Bearded Dragon Lizard Barter Ploy In Morehead, KY, in December, two men, ages 44 and 18, were charged with theft for allegedly swiping an 18-inch-long bearded dragon lizard from the Eagles Landing Pet Hospital and trying, in two beverage stores, to exchange it for liquor. In other dumb criminal news, Daniel Gable, 61, was arrested for breaking and entering a neighbor’s apartment in Fargo, ND, in December. He had triggered the resident’s “burglar alarm,” which consisted of the stack of empty beer cans the resident places just inside his front door every night. Lastly, lawyer Christopher Carroll was charged with misdemeanor battery in December for forcefully belly-bumping lawyer Jonathan Carbary during a courthouse hallway argument in St. Charles Township, IL. Carroll said it was an accident: “We’re both obese, middle-aged men.”

White People In Turmoil April Gaede, who four years ago guided her teenage daughters, Lynx and Lamb (performing as “Prussian Blue”), to a brief music career singing neo-Nazi songs, announced a new project recently on the white nationalist Web site Stormfront.org. She offers a no-fee matchmaking service to fertile Aryans, hoping to encourage marriage and baby-making — to help white people keep up with rapidly procreating minorities. Also, Don “Moose” Lewis announced plans in January for a 12-city pro basketball league composed only of white players (natural-born U.S. citizens, whose parents are both Caucasian). Lewis denied any “racism,” explaining to the Augusta Chronicle that whites simply like “fundamental” basketball and not “street ball” (“flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch”).

Port Of Gall Only four days after the January earthquake hit Port-au-Prince, two Royal Caribbean cruise ships made a port call at a private enclave about 60 miles up Haiti’s coastline from ground zero, turning loose hundreds of frolickers for “jet ski rides, parasailing and rum cocktails delivered to their hammocks,” according to a report in London’s The Guardian. Haitian guards employed by the cruise line manned the resort’s 12-foot-high fences, but about a third of the passengers still declined to leave the ships, too upset by the unfolding disaster nearby to enjoy themselves. Royal Caribbean said it had made a large donation to the rescue effort and promised, also, to send proceeds from the port’s thriving craft stores.

Like many of your correspondents in the past, I’d like to use your column as a forum for a problem I feel has gone unaddressed for far too long in this area: mixed race relationships. My girlfriend, who I’ll call “Julie,” is a fantastically attractive and highly successful African- American woman and I’m a young, professional white male. I’ll admit that Julie is something exceptional — I do love her after all — but all that doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, because it doesn’t protect us from getting the evil eye every time we go out in public together. Unlike much of the rest of the country, where seeing a white man and a black woman (or vice versa) together is generally accepted and even praised, here in Brevard the story is quite different. In many ways, the Space Coast seems to be 40 years or more behind the times. Each time Julie and I go out around town, we either get bad vibes or strange stares. We’re often made to wait longer for tables at restaurants; sometimes we’re completely ignored. There have been more vocal examples of the public’s disapproval, too — shouts from passing vehicles and snide, barely whispered comments from fellow diners for instance. Can you please tell your readers to grow up and get with the 21st century program? We never have the same problems when we travel to other more “traditional” Southern outposts like Atlanta or Tallahassee. It seems that Jim Crow is alive and well right here in Brevard County.

“Color Blind”
Cape Canaveral

Thank you for addressing a very important issue, sir. I think all of our readers would do well to recognize the idiocy of criticizing loving, biracial relationships, regardless of the color or race of the persons involved in them. It’s important to remember that Love — in all its glory — makes no such petty distinction between color, ethnicity, race, religious beliefs, or political associations. It is not biracial relationships that are aberrant, but the attitude with which they’re often met. Love is Love, no matter what, and I for one support anyone who has the courage and strength to weather these unfortunate, ignorant storms. If it’s one thing Romeo hates, it is ignorance of all varieties. In light of that, I do take exception to your statement that Jim Crow is alive and well in Brevard County, and furthermore, I fail to see what would possess you to make such an outrageous claim in the context of your missive. I can understand disputing the deaths of icons like Elvis and Jim Morrison, but it is a well known, proven fact that Jim Crow perished in a crash in 1973. However, hits like “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown,” “Operator,” and “I Got A Name” will always live on in our memories.

Dear Mr. Pomodoro,

I have a big problem with my husband of 30 years, Ralph. Now when Ralph and I married we had an understanding that as devout, decent, practicing Catholics, all sexual activity would be for procreative purposes only and not for temporal, sinful pleasure. That understanding never seemed to bother Ralph before; we do have 11 children after all, so he should be reasonably happy. But now that the last of our chickens has flown the coop, Ralph has started getting more and more randy and perverted with me once the lights go out. Why, last week he even threw out the nightstand that separated our beds for these many years and has pushed our beds together for the sole purpose of tickling and touching me inappropriately it seems. I’ve almost never been angry with Ralph throughout our long and happy marriage, but lately I’ve been getting really down on him — and it’s getting us both down. What should I do?

“Maggie”
Indian Harbour Beach

Molly, with all due respect to your faith (I am a Catholic too, but not a CATHOLIC Catholic), I’m not surprised at your husband’s behavior. Sex is a part of human nature because it is pleasurable, not merely because it fulfills some abstract desire to further the species. Does everything God created have to have some practical purpose? Now that your children have left home, what better time to rediscover why the two of you fell in love in the first place. Was it only to have children? Surely you found each other attractive at some point. God will not smite you for having sex more than the 11 times you have or engaging in the practice merely for erogenous giggles. Especially at your time of life, I suggest throwing caution and your religious beliefs to the wind and getting busy. You may even find that it will enhance your religious experience and overall quality of life. You chide yourself for being down on your husband of late. I’d argue that you should be down on him more often! Boing!

Dear Romeo,

I’m a single, professional woman, 30-years-old, with a great, sexy body and a take-no-prisoners attitude. My high-profile job brings me into contact with hundreds of handsome, eligible men (some single, some married). I’m happy to use them for weekend getaways or month-long flings, but other than that, they really don’t interest me. Also, I suppose I have something about me that makes them want to marry me. I know I’m great in bed and have all kinds of great things going for me, but I still think that I’m too young to be getting married any time soon. Anyhow, this has been happening to me more and more lately. Am I giving off some kind of crazy pheromones or something? Here I am having an okay time with some guy and then all of a sudden he gets down on one knee and starts proposing to me! I know! Like, what? It’s really embarrassing to have to turn them down and I guess I kind of feel bad, but I have my whole life ahead of me. I mean, isn’t it the woman who’s supposed to be hungry for marriage all the time? What’s going on? Problem: right now I have two guys — Gregg and Brick — vying for my attention. And you know what? I kind of like it this time. They are both successful and hot and I’m getting kind of a thrill stringing them along to see how far they’ll go. They both want to marry me and know I’m not interested, but they’ve both said they won’t give up until I say yes. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I can’t help it. Any advice?

“Ginger”
Orlando

Amber, I have actually run into this problem many times before with similar female readers. Your situation is not as unique as it seems. I have come up with a handy metaphor for dealing with it too, and I have used it with great success. Imagine you are on a highway in your expensive Audi speeding along and yapping on the phone with the wind blowing through your luxuriant, highlighted tresses. There are two other cars ahead of you in the slow lane — let’s say they are Gregg and Brick — and as you pass them they notice a problem with your car that you are unable to see. They signal to you and even try to catch up with you, but you are going much too fast for them to reach you. They try mightily for several miles, but eventually give up. You see that you must slow down a little to enjoy life? Don’t be so afraid of commitment. You may find that Gregg or Brick are good catches. However, I can guess that your type will never slow down until it is too late. You will keep speeding along oblivious to love. But what is that in your rear view mirror? It is I, Romeo Pomodoro driving a sleek Lamborghini and gaining the advantage. Be careful I don’t overtake you from behind! Honk honk!

February 20, 2010

The Honorable Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

My name is Dan Reiter and I live in Cocoa Beach, Florida. We have a charming little town here, rich in history, culture, and scenery, but poor in most everything else. Once –- a half century ago –- the Mercury and Apollo missions launched from these sands to stir the hopes and dreams of the world. For a shining instant, we stood at the edge of human imagination, gazing out into a future bright and unknown. Sadly, those days have long since passed.

At the very heart of our town stands a building known as “The Glass Bank.” It is a curiosity of mid-century modern architecture with I.M. Pei-style curvatures and ranks of windows on all sides. It is a lonely monolith in the center of the city, towering high over the cabbage palms and low-lying roofs surrounding it. In its time, the top floor of the Glass Bank was home to Ramon’s Rainbow Room, where luminaries such as Gus Grissom, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., and Walter Cronkite sipped cocktails over the moonlit stillness of the Banana River.

In recent years, the Glass Bank, like Cocoa Beach itself, has fallen into disrepair. Hurricane Frances took out many of the windows, which remain boarded up to this day. The commercial tenants folded up shop long ago, skipped town, and the place has been abandoned now for over six years. The absentee owner of the building has allowed the façade to rot, and a thin layer of black mold festers over what stucco remains between the windows. In places, the raw steel bones of the structure show through gaping holes. This cracked and ragged edifice has become, unconsciously, the symbol of our city’s decimated property values. One look at this slouching giant is to see in material form the toll the recent recession has taken on all of us.

Our City Commissioners have tried to take measures to remedy the eyesore. Maximum fines and penalties have been levied upon the owner, who continues to amass a glut of code violations. Legal avenues have been explored as well, to no avail. Apparently, eminent domain can only be invoked when the values of the fines surpass the appraised value of the building. I am told this will come to pass in the summer of 2061, should the current pace continue. I spoke at length with the city superintendent about this issue, along with the mayor, two of our state senators, the clerk of the county court, and the proprietors of three local surf shops. The general consensus is that the best and cleanest resolution to the problem of the Glass Bank would be to bomb it into oblivion.

Therefore, I write to you now humbly requesting the use of an idle V-2 missile. If a V-2 is unavailable, similar tactical ballistic weaponry would be acceptable. If no missiles are readily obtainable for this purpose, I hope that you might allow me to propose another, less costly, alternative.

The current owner of the Glass Bank has stated that he would part with the historical building for a price of $5 million. Two years ago, the City of Cocoa Beach considered purchasing it for their city offices, fire department, and police headquarters. Contractors were called in to estimate the cost of repairs. They deemed that an additional $2 million would have to be spent to get the thing back to respectable shape. The total price tag of $7 million was only slightly out of range of the city’s budget. However, instead of trying to drum up the remaining $6.7 million, the deal was inexplicably shelved.

I would propose the following:

A Federal grant be issued to the City of Cocoa Beach to purchase and restore the historic Glass Bank building.

Green construction methods will be used in the reconstruction. Rooftop flora, solar windows, renewable materials, and the leading Florida green technologies will be implemented, and the process held up as an example to all builders as to what can be accomplished in the coming age of environmental responsibility.

The City of Cocoa Beach, upon completing the construction of the building, will relocate its own offices to the first floor, and issue 20-year leases for the remainder of the units. A focus on green construction methods, space exploration, and alternative energy research would be promoted in the selection of tenants, who would occupy the space free of charge.

The boon to the local economy would be tremendous. As you know, the Space Coast has staggered under the weight of the housing crash; massive layoffs at Boeing, United Space Alliance, Northrop Grumman, ATK, and even NASA continue to cripple our workforce. With the purchase of the Glass Bank, engineering and construction jobs would be created immediately. Vibrant and educated labor personnel will be employed and remain within our community. Surrounding businesses will thrive. Our downtown area will be revitalized. The tourism industry would benefit. Brevard county, and all of Central Florida, will stand up and take notice of the building. Here, in the form of a single, remarkable structure, we have the opportunity for instant, tangible results in a land full of skeptics. And all this, for less than 1% of the cost of the high-speed rail! Think of the far-reaching implications. The restored Glass Bank will stand as an iconic symbol for a green future and a fresh, rejuvenated space program. Once again, our little seaside village has the opportunity to ignite the imaginations and hopes of Florida.

I am enclosing with this letter two photos of the Glass Bank. The first shows it as it appeared in the 1960s, during the apex of the Apollo missions. The second depicts the structure in its current state of decay.

I hope you will consider this unique proposition. The people of Cocoa Beach await your decision with the highest of hopes.

With deepest regards,
Dan Reiter

Enclosures (2)

* Note to the locals: this letter failed to mention the fact that the top two floors of the Glass Bank are currently occupied by an eccentric recluse, a man by the name of Frank Wolfe, who refuses to part with his property, and who has blocked in all the windows of his pied-a-terre. Ironically enough, Wolfe once served as city attorney during the “flush times” of the early ’60s. This trifling fact was either too unseemly, or else too unimportant to bother the President with — the reader is free to decide which.

Many years ago I read the great biographical work “Murrow: His Life and Times,” by A. M. Sperber. Since that time I have owned six copies — each had to be replaced because I kept giving them to journalism majors. Most of these students were specifically hoping for careers in broadcast journalism, and it was my hope that learning more about one of the first, and still the finest, broadcast journalists ever, might inspire them to focus their careers on the pursuit of the Truth rather than the Buck. Then someone turns on FOX News, and I wonder if there are enough books in the world.

Farce News, FIX News, FOX Noise, Vexed Views, Uncle Rupert’s Babbling Menagerie… I don’t care what you call it, just so long as you don’t call it broadcast journalism. Journalists are supposed to report the news, not fabricate it, yet every day that is what they do on FAUX News. Over 30% of Americans still believe Saddam Hussein was behind the attacks of 9/11. Why? It was never proven, in fact it has been fully disproven, but FOX News said it enough that they still believe it. Let’s just look at a few of their other greatest hits:

WMD’s in Iraq: Ran all the Bush White House photos long after they had been debunked. See, this is a satellite photo of a portable sarin gas lab. (No, that’s just a truck!) See, this aluminum tubing is for rockets to carry sarin gas or a dirty-bomb. (No, that’s for a chain link fence!) These papers show that Iraq was buying uranium from Niger. (No, the seals are wrong, the dates are wrong, and four of those people were dead or out of office at the time!)

Katrina: Without a doubt the worst failure of emergency infrastructure since Pompeii, yet they ran stories on how low it was for “the Liberal Media” to capitalize on pain and suffering by criticizing the Bush administration’s response. (Ted Williams has a faster response time, and he’s a frozen head in a jar!) They also ran stories on how the real blame lay with the Democrat Governor and the Democrat Mayor. (Granted, both idiots, but that doesn’t give Brownie’s FEMA a pass.)

Abu Ghraib: This one blew my mind. Do you know who the villain was there? The U.S. Soldier whose broke the story! Not only the villain, but called “traitorous” because her actions would inflame the enemy! I’ve got some non-FOX News for you: It inflamed ME! We used to be the good guys, or at least that’s what we told ourselves and our children. Now we’re one of those countries that tortures prisoners? Which brings us to…

Guantanamo: We hide prisoners away, many of them on the barest of evidence, and deny them any trial. Many of these are also Americans, locked up on suspicion alone, and denied their rights as citizens under the U.S. Constitution! And again we torture! FOX News gives us Jack Bauer stories and jokes about waterboarding. (We tried Japanese prison guards after WWII for waterboarding and shot them — for torture!)

Valerie Plame: An operative of the CIA is publicly outed during a time of war. FOX News trivializes the whole matter, calling her a “secretary.” Did it ever occur that every cover name she used, every fake office or company, every front of any sort associated with her travels were also now compromised, as were any other people also using those same fronts. That’s not just one agent, that’s dozens! Dozens of U.S. Intelligence operatives betrayed during a time of war as political payback? You don’t get a few years for that like Scooter Libby; you get a firing squad. (Mr. Cheney!)

Death Panels: I could go on for hours on the lies spouted on FOX during the Obama campaign, but my favorite is this one: The proposed Health Care Reform bill allows for end of life counseling, something proposed three years ago as a Medicare covered need by a Republican, which would include covering the costs of preparing living wills and durable power of attorney. A lobbyist for the healthcare industry calls it a “Death Panel.” Hell, even Sarah Palin can remember that! FOX News is still repeating — or I should say misreporting — that!

Sarah Palin: Since I just mentioned the Bumbling Bimbo from You Betcha, let’s wrap up with her. This is a woman everyone knew was unqualified for the office of Vice President. The woman thought Africa was a country! They had to explain to her that North Korea and South Korea were actually two separate countries rather than the top and bottom parts of one! How does an allegedly “fair and balanced” news channel handle the subject? They LOVE her! Anyone else who dared to suggest that Bimby wasn’t the sharpest spoon in the knife drawer… well, they’re just part of the Evil Left-Wing Media. The truly mind-numbing part of this one is that after her failed election bid, after recent books have only served to underscore the depths of her ignorance on all matters political, historical, and geographical, FOX News hires her! As (this would be funny, if it weren’t so sad) a POLITICAL COMMENTATOR!

There might be a young Murrow out there somewhere, but he’s damned sure not showing up on FOX News. Right down the line this company has spouted whatever distortions, half-truths, and outright lies the Bush administration fed them, and now they’re continuing the same effort for all Far Right-Wing Conservatives. They are the true American “Pravda,” and just as it was ironic that the name of the propaganda arm of the U.S.S.R. meant “Truth,” so it is now ironic that FOX News hails itself as “Fair and Balanced.”

They’ve never been fair, most of them are imbalanced, and that transparent party line tripe is NOT news. If their bi-polar buffoon Glans Beck wants something to cry about, how about this:

I miss my country. The one that didn’t TORTURE! And if their pet zealot, Pat Robertson, really wants to know who made a deal with the devil, maybe he should look closer to home. In numerology, there are three letters in the English alphabet that have a value of “6.” They would be the 6th letter, the 15th letter, and the 24th letter. That’s right, F-O-X equals 6-6-6!

Who’s made the deal with the devil now, Mr. Robertson?

Where was I when we ended last month? I do remember that I got a screaming headache taking about French wines. I hope to get through all of it in this issue so we can cover something more pleasant. French wines are spectacular, but the attitude? Not so much.

So let’s finish Bordeaux. In Médoc, in 1855, a consortium of growers, shippers and merchants judged all of the wines of the region in order of their quality, and the classification of the wines really hasn’t changed much in all that time.

Premier Cru is the top of the wine from Médoc, and is usually translated as “First Growth.” That doesn’t imply a number of consecutive growths, but it does mean that it comes from a first-quality vineyard. You will pay dearly for these wines. You may recognize their names: Château Latour, Château Lafite Rothschild, Château Mouton Rothschild, Château Margaux, and Château Haut-Brion

Deuxième Crus are second growths and are at the second level of quality. Many are still superb though, such as Château Léoville-Las Cases and Château Pichon-Longueville.

And so it goes from third-class and on down. Wines from the second to fifth class will sometimes read “Cru Classé” or “Grand Cru Classé,” indicating that they were rated somewhere within the original 1855 classification — a great distinction in itself.

Saint-Émilion is much easier to understand. All you need to remember is Premier Grand Cru (first great vineyards — the really great wine), Grand Cru Classé (great classified vineyards), and Grand Cru, in that order. Most of the wines of Saint-Émilion are merlot blends with a little cabernet franc.

Graves includes red and white wines. All you really have to remember as far as they’re concerned is Premier Grand Cru.

Pomerol is the smallest of the five Bordeaux districts and was never classified. However, one of the most famous wines in the world and most expensive, Château Petrus, comes from Pomerol. If anyone offers you a bottle, or even a sip, DON’T TURN IT DOWN!

Uninformed Sauternes and Barsac detractors think of Sauternes as a cheap cooking wine. Not so! A real Sauternes, that is one that actually comes from the Sauternes district of Bordeaux, is one of the finest and most interesting wines in the world.

Sauternes’ distinctive character comes from noble rot, a mold that grows on the grape when conditions are right, which doesn’t happen every year. That’s also why Sauternes can be very expensive.

Sauternes and Barsac are both made from a blend of Sémillon and Sauvignon Blanc. They are classified into three categories. Grand Premier Cru only has one, and that is Château d’Yquem. If you get a chance to taste this at least once in your lifetime, you will indeed be lucky. This wine needs 20 to 30 years in the bottle to reach its full potential. Premier Cru has 11 Sauternes in this category and Deuxième Cru has 12.

Our coverage of Bordeaux is complete now, but learning it isn’t easy.

Drinking a great Bordeaux is a treat few will have, so if you get the chance, don’t pass it up.

Next month we’ll begin with the Rhône region and move on from there.

Remember: life’s too short to drink lousy wine!

Ken Mageau is the owner of The Flying Corkscrew, purveyors of fine wine, beer, and cigars, located at 1877 S. Patrick Dr. in Indian Harbour Beach. Call (321) 773-8757, or visit www.brevardwines.com.

ARIES: People flock around you for your sunny disposition, but flee in droves from your frequent rainy periods. Your incontinence has ruined far too many of their couches.

TAURUS: There was a time when being called “cocksure” was considered a compliment, especially in the boxing ring. These days though, it’s seen as more of a detriment. Keep your fists up and quit trying to hug your adversaries all the time. It’s weird.

GEMINI: It’s three months into the New Year and you still haven’t made good on any of your resolutions. Lesser folks would shrug this failing off as nothing more than a minor misstep. But folks like you happen to adore smoking, drinking, and eating to excess. Go for it, you emphysemic, drunken fatty.

CANCER: God loves the person who rises above obstacles to become a purer soul. He hates, however, a smug bastard. I hear there are plenty of openings in the Church of Scientology for the likes of you.

LEO: If there’s a proverbial light at the end of every tunnel then you’re always the first to see it, lion. That figures though, what with you being in charge of the colonoscopy machine.

VIRGO: This St. Patrick’s Day I recommend staying inside and minding your own business. When you think about it, that shouldn’t be too hard, seeing as how you’re doing a four-year stretch in the clink for your behavior during last year’s St. Patrick’s Day festivities.

LIBRA: Travel is in the stars for you this year. Just imagine — the gothic grandeur of medieval Europe, the splendor of India, the majesty of the African plains! You manage to enjoy them all this month by tuning into the National Geographic Channel. God knows you salary at Domino’s would barely fill up your tank for a day trip to Winter Haven.

SCORPIO: Remember the good old days? No, I’m forgetting. Of course you don’t. You haven’t had a moderately good day since the honorable mention ribbon you won for your “All About the Rectum” report in your fourth grade science fair.

SAGITTARIUS: When the weather’s been as cold as it has this winter, it’s no surprise that you’ve had to resort to more creative measures to keep warm and toasty. Wearing a fishnet bodysuit under your workout gear, though, was bound to be poorly received in the YMCA changing room.

CAPRICORN: No one faults you for having a passionate hobby, but they might blanch a bit at your choice of collectibles. Your local library offers a venue for eccentric archivists like yourself, but there’s probably no place for your favorite “Hustler” clippings in their display case.

AQUARIUS: If I had $20 to spare, I’d bet it all on you finally finding a way out of your current rut. But I’d be doing that just be out of pity. Now if I had $1 million, I’d put the lot on you backsliding into your miserable funk. Then I’d be sitting pretty, wouldn’t I?

Towering above the Central California landscape, the mountain continues to be an active geological site. Best known as the tallest ski area in California, it is actually a gateway to outdoor adventures of all kind, throughout four distinct seasons. Centrally located no more than a seven-hour drive from almost every major city in the state, it is a highly popular weekend getaway.

In the summer adventurers come to hike, mountain bike, fish in the lakes and streams, and rock and mountain climb. Ski gondolas are converted to transportation for mountain bikers and hikers and shuttles are available to take hikers and campers into Yosemite and the John Muir Wilderness National Park as the weather warms up. When nearby Tioga Pass opens after the hot summer sun melts the winter snow pack, Yosemite becomes an enticing day trip. But a much closer and less crowded adventure awaits visitors to the John Muir Wilderness area, which covers 584,000 acres in the Sierra and Inyo National Forests.

The area, which gained 81,000 acres from the California Wilderness Act of 1984, extends along the crest of the Sierra Nevada from Mammoth Lakes southeastward for about 30 miles. It then splits around the borders of Kings Canyon National Park to the Crown Valley and Mt. Whitney regions. This is a land of snow-capped mountains dotted with hundreds of lakes, streams, and meadows. Elevations range from 4,000 to 14,496 feet at Mount Whitney and many peaks are above the 13,000-foot range. Lower elevation slopes are covered with stands of Jeffrey pine, incense cedar, white and red fir and lodgepole pine, while the barren higher spots are marked by granite and glacially-carved lakes.

The breathtaking Rainbow Falls and the geological formation known as Devil’s Postpile are just a few of the easy hikes within close reach of Mammoth, but other curiosities like Bodie Ghost Town and Mono Lake have proven equally popular. Bodie State Historic Park, a genuine California gold-mining ghost town, invites visitors down the original streets of a community that once boasted a population of nearly 10,000. The town, named for Waterman S. Body (William Bodey), who had discovered small amounts of gold in hills north of Mono Lake, hit pay dirt when an 1875 a mine cave-in revealed untold riches.

After the Standard Company purchased the mine 1877, people flocked to Bodie, transforming it from a sleepy backwater of a few dozen to a bone fide boomtown almost overnight. Only a small part of the town survives, and interiors of shops remain as they were left, many still stocked with goods. Designated as a National Historic Site and a State Historic Park in 1962, the remains of Bodie are being preserved in a state of “arrested decay.” Today, this once thriving mining camp is visited by tourists, howling winds, and, of course, an occasional ghost. Spectacular summer thunderstorms are common in the area and give visitors a good idea of the harsh conditions residents had to endure.

Nearby Bodie is Mono Lake, geologically one of the oldest lakes in the western hemisphere. Eerily beautiful, reflecting the snow-capped Sierras in its brilliant blue waters, Mono Lake is essentially an immense inland sea, filling a natural basin 695 square miles in size. Its most distinctive features are its tufa towers — mineral structures formed when freshwater springs bubble up through the alkaline waters of the lake. The lake’s salty water not only makes you float like a cork, but sustains trillions of brine shrimp, attracting millions of migratory birds in search of a feast. A paradise for birdwatchers and photographers, Mono Lake also provides hiking, kayaking, interpretive trails, and a peaceful haven for taking in nature in all its grandeur.
A host of other activities keep Mammoth a lively place all summer. Several pro mountain biking races, an incredible July 4th celebration, and an August Blues festival keep the summer fun sizzling in the downtown area, though fall may be the most beautiful time to visit Mammoth. The summer crowds have gone, and cottonwood, willow, and aspen trees explode into a myriad of autumn colors. Lakes and streams gush with fresh summer rains and melted snow pack, and the air is crystal clear, making for spectacular photography opportunities.

But it is the winter season that outdoor adventurers most associate with Mammoth. With an average of over 400 inches of annual snowfall, thousands of acres of incredible terrain from advanced expert to beginner, and an altitude that keeps the snow from melting well into the summer, Mammoth turns winter into a six month-plus season for snow sports. That equates to one of the longest ski seasons of any resort in the country. Twenty-eight state-of-the-art lifts and gondolas lift skiers to the most advanced peaks and a variety of runs for all skill levels (including seven terrain parks).

Mammoth Mountain is rated as a top destination by most well traveled skiers and snowboarders. From the top elevation of the ski resort at 11,053 feet, there are over 3,100 vertical feet of ski area and over 150 trails. Lift tickets can be expensive during peak season, but there are a variety of discounts available, including reduced lift tickets and vacation packages. While nearby June Mountain offers limited runs and a shorter season, it’s also a cheaper alternative if you’re looking for budget skiing during peak season. But the best deals are offered during my favorite time to visit Mammoth: spring. Cheaper lift tickets, warm, sunny weather, and slushy snow (which is better for less experienced skiers and snowboarders) add up to a great Spring Break at the resort.

There are a variety of other winter and spring activities available at Mammoth. For the vertically-challenged seeking a snowy adventure, escape to the serene tree-lined trails of Mammoth’s majestic Lakes Basin. Nineteen miles of freshly groomed skating, classic, and snowshoe trails await cross-country skiers and snowshoers of all abilities. With the beautiful backdrop of snow-covered peaks and the serene sounds of winter birds you can traverse the forest paths on the edge of glacial lakes. If speed is you your addiction, you may want to rent a snowmobile. Mammoth Snowmobile Adventures is the perfect outfitter for first-timers or seasoned experts. Experienced guides and top-of-the-line equipment grant you access to California’s greatest playground, including: thousands of acres of trails, pristine backcountry, spacious meadows, historic landmarks, and lush pine forests.

A plethora of restaurants and accommodations await you in downtown Mammoth. From a Motel 6 to luxury condos for rent with a ski lift right outside your door, there is a place to stay for most any budget. Some of the popular bars and eateries provide venues for live bands and there always seem to be something going on into wee hours.

For more information on where to stay and what to do, visit the Official Mammoth websites:

www.visitmammoth.com/hotels

www.mammothmountain.com

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Born and raised on the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale, Monique moved to Melbourne five years ago, and now, at the young age of 26, she’s already spent more time on the water than many salts twice her age. A seasoned traveler and lifelong water worshipper, Monique prefers plunging headfirst into the ocean where others seem content to dip their toes into a mere fraction of its vastness.

Armed with an innate love of art and an enviable skill with a wide range of watersports — surfing, wakeboarding, wakeskating, freediving, and spearfishing — Monique has traveled extensively to feed an insatiable passion for her chosen muse. She’s traveled as a professional wakeboarder for competitions all over the world, to places like Australia, New Zealand, Japan, the Philippines, Europe, the Caribbean, and South and Central America, and recently worked as a first mate aboard a sport fishing boat that through the British Virgin Islands, the Dominican Republic, the Bahamas, and Cuba.

Wherever Monique goes, she’s always in search of new inspirations. “It is important for me to go deeply into life and not be content to skim merrily along on its surface,” she explains. “Traveling has expanded my horizons beyond the material aspects of life, such as clothing, fancy cars, and money. I love getting lost in different parts of the world.”

These voyages have also informed every facet of her artwork. Whether acrylic or oil paintings, welded steel sculptures, or delicate blown glass pieces, Monique’s all of creations bear the unmistakable impress of the sea. Time spent in the British Virgin Islands inspired her with its sublime scenery and brilliantly-hued tropical reefs. “The unbelievable sunsets and sunrises over looking the peaks of each island was breathtaking,” she recalls.

But one of her favorite trips was to Naga, an island in the Philippines where she competed in the women’s wakeboarding world championship and placed 7th out of 68 in the world. “I went on a tour to swim with whale sharks on a canoe-type boat with bamboo outriggers and an old crusty engine, one day,” Monique tells me. “The local guy steering the boat looked down in the water and yelled in his language to jump in. As I went underwater I saw an 80-foot whale shark gracefully swimming along the surface. I swam with it for about fifteen minutes and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.”

As a child, Monique was always interested crafts and started making her first pieces at the age of three. “My mom was always creative and buying my sister and I paints and other crafts to make at a very young age.” Taking her first art class in took my first art class in 11th grade, Monique learned the learned the basics of art and went on to attend WheatonArts in Millville, New Jersey where she first learned how to blow glass and took her certifications for welding. Using these skills, she’s made trophies for Bahamian and South Florida fishing tournaments and has completed large sculptures both in steel and in glass, which can be found in many public parks throughout the southern part of the state. The glass pieces she fashions today are generally freeform sea creatures, ones inspired by the stillness of the reefs she loves so much. Freediving and spearfishing lure her down in search of that stillness, but the pieces born out of those moments speak volumes about Monique’s artistic vision.

As for her paintings, Monique credits the variety of classes she took while at Wheaton. “I got the chance to apprentice under many amazing artists from around the country and learned a new technique on each painting I did. For me its all about layers of paint.” Amazingly, Monique doesn’t paint her subjects from photographs. Working from a dream/travel journal she adds to each day, she takes those sketches and transfers them to canvas. “It’s all out of my mind and the way I want to see them,” she admits.

She counts the elastic perception of Salvador Dali and M.C. Escher as strong influences, but she’s just as fond of famed aquatic artist Wyland. Whatever the reference point, each of Monique’s pieces is different and the time it takes to complete them varies greatly. “I’ve done a mural on a three-story building in four days from start to finish, but some canvas pieces take me a couple of weeks to complete.” Her personal favorite? “I did this painting with an underwater shot of a surfer getting barreled with his hand trailing in the wave. The colors were different shades of blues with the surfer’s shadow running through them.” Monique has just made a shirt emblazoned with this image for Indialantic’s famed Spectrum Surf Shop, which she owns with her fiancé, Benjamin. Apart from being one of a major influence on the east coast surf scene for over 30 years, Spectrum also serves as studio for Monique’s work.

Currently, Monique is in the process of designing her own line of screen-printed bikinis bearing her pieces, called Richter Bikinis, and is also developing her own clothing line. As far as the future goes, she hopes to organize more solo shows of her work while expanding both the gallery and surf shop. Now that she’s back home after a spate of recent overseas travel, Monique has also set to work on a new series of paintings. “I feel that my feet are planted on the ground and now I can be productive,” she says. “I live my life day by day with no regrets. If I ever fall down, I’ll get up and try again.”

You can see Monique Richter’s paintings at Spectrum Surf Shop, located at 130 Fifth Avenue in Indialantic. Call them at (321) 768-7873, or visit them online at www.spectrumsurfshop.com. Monique also has work on display at Pure Art in the Cayman Islands. She welcomes commissioned pieces — everything from indoor/outdoor murals and landscapes to portraits on canvas.

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Any current discussion of Haiti is bound to include mention of the recent earthquake and its impact on the nation’s long-beleaguered history.

But in interviewing Haitian-born Satellite Beach resident Lamothe Lormier, president of the Global Family, Inc., a non-profit whose aim is to construct an eye clinic in the Haitian countryside, we feared talk of the tragedy would overshadow his organization’s goals. What we soon learned, though, was that recent events only served to put the organization’s objectives in clearer perspective, imbuing them with deeper shades of resonance — and urgency.

It’s no secret that Haiti’s history has been fraught with misfortune and sorrow, but for Lormier — who possesses an exhaustive understanding of both his country and the world that has helped shape it — Haiti is much less a fated tragedy than a potential success story punctuated with missed opportunities. In this disaster, Lormier sees only the possibility for real change as opposed to the band-aids Haiti has so long been given, a trend he’s striven to reverse all his adult life.

Armed with an optimism that is as infectious as it is confounding (at least to our comparatively sheltered American minds), Lormier redefined our perceptions of civilization and contentment, and reminded us that in every tragedy hides the chance for redemption, recovery, and ultimately, triumph.

Describe The Global Family for our readers.
Working with medical teams all over Haiti for 20 years as a medical interpreter and consultant I was able to see firsthand the desperate need for health care, eye care in particular. There are 50 ophthalmologists and eye doctors for the entire country and 70% of the population can’t get access to them. Most of these doctors are in Port Au Prince. In general, we have 1 doctor for every 8,000 people. People who live in the countryside aren’t able to get any help at all. It’s been a long process, but focusing on eye care is what I wanted to do — to set up an eye clinic in an area where it would be of use to the people. So far, we’ve done a topographical survey and have purchased 12 acres of land in a place called Thiotte, southeast of Port Au Prince. We have worked with local people to build an access road to the site and are now concentrating on raising money for construction. There is still much to be done. I first had the idea was to build one six years ago, and it’s just two years ago that I started the organization as a 501 (c) (3) non-profit.

Why did you choose to focus on eye care specifically?
In my work, there were many people who came to us with eye problems of all kinds, but most of the time they were simply turned away. This always puzzled me. I saw this happen everywhere we went. One time, much later in my work, I was with a medical team who was equipped to do eye surgery and I was struck by the joy I saw in these people’s faces after their treatment. It was a joy I had never witnessed before. Some simply had cataracts. Before their surgery they were resigned to being blind. But seeing that joy — for me it was like a miracle. Experiences like those triggered my attention to eye care. Eyes are not the priority in Haiti, food is.

What is the next step for The Global Family?
We want to do things the right way, which means that we need an architect, civil engineers, and there are lab tests that need to be conducted to test the soil. Because of its lack of infrastructure, Haiti is very vulnerable and very fragile. The same hurricane that might go through the area will kill 5 people in Puerto Rico, 10 in the Dominican Republic, 5 people in Cuba, maybe 2 or 1 in the U.S., but perhaps 1,000 in Haiti. We must do it the right way, which mean that proper codes must be obeyed, and that costs money. There are seven phases in all for the clinic and we must go phase by phase. We need a surgery room, then perhaps a general treatment area, then a pharmacy. Currently, our greatest need is funding. There are many difficult phases ahead.

You live in Satellite Beach now. How did you come to be here?
I have worked with many organizations, but 10 years ago, I was working in a program called PTPA (the Parish Twinning Program of the Americas, a non-profit organization focused on creating lasting sister relationships between parishes in the U.S. and Canada and parishes in Haiti and elsewhere) in Haiti as a translator for a medical team. My wife Kim was then working as a pharmacist and missionary from Wisconsin on a team I was working with. We were spending a lot of money on phone calls and going back and forth for a long time and then decided to get married. We wanted to be somewhat close to Haiti, so we decided that our compromise spot would be this area. I’ve lived here now for six years. Kim and I have a daughter, Luci (4) and a son, Luca (2).

Where were you when the earthquake struck?
I was here. For the first three days I tried to make phone calls and couldn’t get through. You have nightmares about what may have happened to your loved ones. Eventually I was able to get through and found siblings, but I lost many close friends. I went back to Haiti most recently with a medical team on February 27 and stayed for eight days. I find that sometimes when you experience great emotion your reactions can be mute, silent. I was under a big shock for the entire time I was there. I don’t think I was prepared enough for what I saw. You think you can get used to such things, in a way, especially in adulthood, but it is still a big shock. Haiti was a bad state before, but I still can’t put the devastation into words. I was speechless for a long time.

It seems people in the rest of the world reacted to the disaster not so much with shock as with a feeling of weary frustration. The big questions being asked right now focus on what needs to change in Haiti. What do you think needs to change to mitigate the human toll of tragedies like this in the future?
It’s a difficult question. For over 200 years, Haiti has been suffering in one way or another. We have had chronic instabilities for so many years. Because I have been exposed to American and “western” culture I was able to see and understand how people lived in other parts of the world — their education, social programs, health care — and to go to Haiti once every two months as I’ve done since living here and to witness that contrast is something incredible. I have always hoped to see changes in Haiti — big changes. It’s painful to think that it will take an earthquake to bring change, but Haiti’s history figures into the current chaos, and I think we need to understand that before we move further. Haiti was the first black country to be independent in the western hemisphere. This is a country that has had 33 coups d’etat and 23 constitutions since it gained independence. This is a country that has had four U.S. interventions and three from the U.N. This is a country that is 98% deforested. Facts like these help put things in perspective. Everyone has been trying to help, but not, I think, in the right way. When you look at Japan and the Meiji Restoration era that began in the 19th century, you begin to see some different approaches, if not answers. Japan made an active choice to leave stagnation behind and opened themselves up to western ideas and civilization. And look at them now. Look at the Four Dragons of Asia — Hong Kong, Singapore, South Korea, and Taiwan. Almost 80 years ago, they were like Haiti. Right now, of course, people need food. They need emergency relief. But if you want to see a more advanced Haiti in 50 or 100 years, you must help Haiti as a whole, not just Port Au Prince. Educate the people and you will begin to see some change. You may not see a result in the short term. This recent chaos has opened a Pandora’s box of problems, hopefully so the world can see them as they are. The reason why the devastation is so great is that 80% of Haiti’s infrastructure was centered in “the Republic of Port Au Prince,” and not spread throughout the Republic of Haiti as a whole. Port Au Prince is home to all the universities, hospitals, administration — everything is centered in Port Au Prince. The countryside of Haiti, however, is another country. And the people who live in the countryside are essentially living in a big jail, so to speak. They are living without access to education, health care, and other important services. Hopefully, the world will see that. But simply throwing money at Haiti isn’t going to solve everything.

Why, in your opinion, has it been so difficult to set change in motion?
There are many outside factors that contribute to why Haiti is the way it is today. We defeated Napoleon’s army in 1804 and threw out the French to gain our independence. This was a big insult not only to France, but to western civilization as a whole. The French and other countries decided to punish Haiti by isolating and marginalizing her. Haiti had to pay a debt back to France from 1825-1946. It was $98 million at the time — it’s hard to put a number on what that translates into today. The Haitian people had to compensate their old masters, with a debt of independence. So that has had a huge effect. Apart from that, you have to understand that there are essentially two Haitis — you have some elite who speak French and practice Catholicism in Port Au Prince, and in the countryside, people who speak Creole and practice voodoo. There is a quote from Nietzsche that says that when you fight against a monster, you must be careful not to become a monster yourself. We fought so hard against French oppression and now we are just using those same tactics they used against our own people. People live like slaves in the shantytowns in the country, but you have a small group of people with all the wealth in Port Au Prince. They have the power over the brakes and the accelerator, and they’re using them the wrong way at the wrong times. It is a tool for oppression that education is given to a small group of people. When that happens, you have the educated saying “I deserve the wealth, or I deserve this or that,” while the others live like slaves. It is interesting to remember that when Pope John Paul II came to Haiti in 1983 he said: “Something has to change here — Il faut que quelquechose change ici.” Eight days later, the Haitian government changed the time zone.

There are a lot of long-held myths about Haiti that are still floating about in the rest of the world. Surely those must be conquered before any real change can begin. What are some you’d like to shatter?
Any time people here see Haiti I think that they always see it in a negative light — coups, riots, earthquakes, HIV, voodoo. What they might not understand is that there is also another Haiti. I can drive 8 hours outside of the city and there might be 100,000 people living in the countryside. But I won’t see a policeman the entire time. And there is no fighting, no sign of unrest. Almost zero crime. This is another civilization the world should see. Some might look around at the poverty and call it primitive, but I call it civilization. This is a different Haiti the world should know. I see it every time I’m in the countryside. When I see the people smiling the way they do with what little they have, it’s not fake, it’s real. Haiti will never be the same. But there are two things that can sometimes happen when you experience a trauma like that. The country can be like a phoenix and rise from the ashes with new ideas for change, or people can go back down. My hope is that they will rise. This is an opportunity for Haiti to come up with new paradigms. We feel sad, but we move on. It happened. It’s life. No matter how much we cry, tears will never bring our loved ones back to life. To honor their deaths, we must give every Haitian child the opportunity for an education. I’m sure that if we try to look at Haiti 100 years from now change may not seem possible. But nothing ever happens just through miracles. We cannot change what has happened, but we can change the present for a better future.

The Global Family, Inc. is a government-recognized 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization in the state of Florida dedicated to improve the quality of life of the Haitian people. The organization hopes to empower the underprivileged in the rural areas in Haiti by improving their lives through health care services in connection with medical missions. They hope to accomplish this mission through the construction of an eye clinic that will provide eye care services, minor surgeries, and community health care. To learn more and to donate, visit http://theglobalfamilyinc.org/, or send your tax deductible donations, in either check or money order form, made payable to Global Family, Inc. to: Global Family, Inc.; 870 Miramar AVE N (A1A), #1219; Indialantic, FL 32903. You can also donate online with your credit card. For more information, phone (321) 773-8306.

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On March 13, Lori Wilson Park will be transformed into an international tasting village as part of the inaugural Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival.

Conceived by Cocoa Beach attorney Tony Hernandez III, the Festival has been three years in the making, and the result of his, Event Manager Matt Gunter and countless others’ tireless work to help showcase the best and most eclectic selection of food Brevard has to offer while helping fill local food banks. As a core organizer, Hernandez could be said to have had a leg up in its development, thanks to his impressive track record as a philanthropist, respected community leader, erstwhile restaurateur and cook, and an avowed food and wine enthusiast who runs a successful law office while juggling several pet causes at the same time.

With all this on his proverbial plate, Hernandez, initially inspired by an encounter with a young penniless family in search of food, enlisted the help of Craig Technologies and SpaceCoast Living to bring the community and the area’s finest restaurants together to combat hunger throughout Brevard County.

Proceeds from this year’s Festival will benefit Project Hunger, a local, grassroots organization that facilitates the disbursement of food to the needy through County food banks. With every $1 the Festival raises, Project Hunger can purchase $9 worth of food for local food banks.

Based on current call volume, and surely influenced by the recent economic downturn, Brevard can expect a 63% increase in requests for referrals to food assistance agencies this year. An estimated 33,000 Brevard residents are considered “food insecure,” and of those people, an increasing number are more likely to spend their limited funds on food than on utilities, medical needs, and rents and mortgages.

But what’s more striking to Hernandez is the lack of complementary staples in local food bank stocks. “There’s always something missing,” he explains. “There never seemed to be sufficient food on hand. There would be cereal, but no milk — or peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. And much of it is just canned.” On top of that, Hernandez says, there was a distinct lack of fresh, nutritious food to help complete well-balanced family meals, which provide vital checks against illness and another of his pet peeves, obesity. “One out of every 7 families doesn’t have sufficient nutritious food for household meals. And then there’s the cost of food in general. It’s much easier for low-income families to buy cheap, fast food than to buy fresh alternatives.”

“The community is overwhelmed with this problem. We can’t depend on the State or Federal Government to help. We have to do it ourselves,” Hernandez says. “We as a community have to bear the burden. We’re talking about children and people here.”

With that admirable goal in mind, the Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival will gather an ethnically diverse collection of 13 of Brevard’s most renowned chefs to prepare food samples from their respective countries of origin, which will be paired with wines selected by discerning sommeliers. Seven local seafood restaurants will also participate in the Festival’s Tasting Village, along with baker Linda Lopez of Cape Canaveral’s Bald Strawberry Bakery. Visitors will be given a wine glass for the event as well as a voting ballot, with the results of their favorite creations to be tallied up at the day’s end.

Representing China will be Chef Michael Lee of Yen Yen in Cocoa Beach, while Chef Chai of Cocoa Beach’s Siam Orchid will prepare delicacies from Thailand. An interesting inclusion on the Asian roster is Chef Peter Lin, whose Chameleon Fusion Bistro in Melbourne has won rave reviews for its fusion of European and Pacific Rim flavors. India will be represented by Chef Anil Vadaparambil of Melbourne’s Taste of India. Widely regarded as Brevard’s finest and most authentic Indian restaurant, Taste of India is also highly regarded throughout central Florida for its respect for fresh ingredients, nutritious preparation, and delicately nuanced flavors.

The distinctive, sunny taste of Jamaica comes courtesy of Cape Canaveral’s own Chef Trevor Dixon of Trevor’s Blue Toucan. Though Trevor is adept with a number of international cuisines, he’s earned local fame with the curries, rich sauces, and jerked specialties of his hospitable homeland. An Italian surprise comes in the form of Chef Brano Kunik of Cocoa Beach’s Brano’s Italian Grill. Though a relative newcomer to the local dining scene, Brano’s has quickly gained loyalty for both its adherence to Italian tradition and its courage to push the community gently beyond its pizza and spaghetti comfort zone with items like Veal Ercolano and Eggplant Rolatini. Greek Chefs Zacharias Ligerakis and Nick Poulos will bring the Mediterranean flavors of Cocoa Beach’s Zachary’s Restaurant to the Tasting Village.

The Festival also offers attendants a unique opportunity to experience one of the area’s largely undiscovered gems, Palm Bay’s La Estancia de Luisa. Chefs Lara and Francisco Lara enjoy a devoted, almost secretive following for their traditional Colombian cooking. Representing Cuba is Chef Javier Gonzalez of Cape Canaveral’s Rubio’s Cuban Café and Brazilian Chef Boaz DaCosta will enlighten guests with selections from his Brasas Grill based in Cocoa Village. Another interesting choice is the Festival’s selection of Chef Marlene Khouri. Her Cedars Café specializes in healthy Lebanese and Mediterranean cuisine. Chef Klaus Krause of Izzy’s Bistro will appear on behalf of Germany, and America will have a spot in the Village thanks to Chefs Nancy and Stuart Bortons of Malabar’s Yellow Dog Café.

In light of one of our community’s most defining geographical features, no local wine and food celebration would be complete without a strong showing of some of the area’s best seafood restaurants. Look for Chef Tomislad Saronja of The Surf; Chef Kevin Keller of The Fat Snook; Chefs Garry Bracken and Matt Calowell of Fishlips Waterfront Bar & Grill; Chef Jason Tavenier of Gregory’s Steak & Seafood Grill; Chef Clen Dunham of The Lobster Shanty; Chef Rick James of Rusty’s Seafood & Oyster Bar, and Chef Mark Stewart of Atlantic Ocean Grille.

After the International Tasting Village, which will run from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., the Festival will continue with live music from local band MoGeetz from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., followed by an award ceremony for the best food of the day. Amidst all this, guests can enjoy food vendors (including a fusion ice cream booth) separate from the Tasting Village; an ongoing interactive “Wine 101″ class; booths with high-end handcrafted silver jewelry, accessories, and cosmetics; a tap-equipped beer truck courtesy of the Florida Beer Company; giveaways and raffles; sand sculpture artisans, and a mid-day solo acoustic performance by Cocoa Beach’s own Jamming Joe. The day is capped off by a performance from Three Dog Night from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.

Hernandez hopes this will be the first of many such Festivals to be bound together by a new theme each year. But for now, he has his sights set firmly on improving the lives of needy families with this important inaugural event. “We have to take responsibility and show what we can do as a community to tackle the hunger problem.”

The Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival takes place March 13 from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. at Lori Wilson Park in Cocoa Beach, about 1 and 1/2 miles south of S.R. 520. Tickets are $75 and are available for purchase through Ticket Web (www.ticketweb.com), a link for which is also supplied on the Festival’s website: www.cocoabeachwinefooodfestival.com. Due to the nature of the Festival, attendants should be 21 years of age or older. Free Park & Ride Service will be provided from three parking locations: on 520 just west of Sunrise Diner, at Alan Shepard Park at the east end of 520, and at Sidney Fischer Park on the east side of A1A in the central beach area. Visitors will be dropped off at the Cocoa Beach Hilton parking lot, located at 1550 N. Atlantic Ave. Local hotels will also be offering overnight stay specials for the event. Check the Festival website for details.

The City of Cocoa is putting on two community events this month: The Spring Craft Fair March 6-7 in downtown Cocoa Village, and a Spring Praise Fest Concert from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. in Riverfront Park. To find out more, visit www.cocoafl.com.

Beginning Friday, March 5, the Cape Canaveral Recreation Department will be hosting “Friday Fest” on the first Friday of every month. Activities will include a variety of food vendors, an assortment of novelty and craft vendors, children’s activities, including bounce houses, a giant slide and a rock climbing wall, and live entertainment along with beer and wine. The fun will take place on Taylor Avenue between A1A and Pointsetta Avenue from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Also, Opening Day Ceremonies for the Space Coast Little League are scheduled for Saturday, March 6 at 10 a.m. at the Cape Canaveral Ball Fields. To find out more, visit www.cityofcapecanaveral.org or call the Parks and Recreation Department at 868-1226.

On Tuesday, March 2, at 6 p.m., Cocoa Beach Mayor Skip Beeler will host a Town Hall Meeting at the Cocoa Beach Country Club. Mayor Beeler will present a briefing on the state of the City and will answer the public’s questions. Free refreshments will be served.

Trained AARP volunteers will be on hand at the Cocoa Beach Public Library on weekdays to offer tax preparation assistance from until April 15. Hours will be Monday, Thursday, and Friday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and Tuesday and Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Also, Brevard County Commissioner Chuck Nelson, who represents District 2, has scheduled his “Open House” for Friday, March 5 from 10 a.m. to Noon at the Library. Other Cocoa Beach Library events for March: “People in Print” presents mystery writer Kay Williamson on Monday, March 1 at 2 p.m. in the Jane von Thron Room. She will be signing her newest novel, “The Mysterious Woman on the Train,” which deals with ADC (After Death Communication), a phenomenon she has personally experienced. Enjoy an informative presentation entitled “Inshore and Backcountry Fishing” with Capt. Shawn Foster on Tuesday, March 2 at 6 p.m. Capt. Foster is a U.S. Coast Guard approved Captain. Learn about tackle, lures, and techniques from this professional fishing guide. The Friends of the Library Travel Film Series concludes this month with films on the first and third Wednesdays at 7 p.m. March 3: Ireland; March 17: Thailand. Look forward to a “Double Header Sunday” on March 14 with bestselling author Randy Wayne White at 1 p.m. Randy will be on hand to autograph and discuss his latest Doc Ford Novel “Deep Shadow.” Copies will be on sale for $25.95. Also, enjoy Music on a Sunday Afternoon with Acoustic Alliance at 3 p.m., one hour later than usual. The group will play swing and gypsy jazz. The music program welcomes back Good Time’N on Sunday, March 21 at 2 p.m. Enjoy Bluegrass, Folk and Pop Music. Florida author Tom Lowe, whose writing style has been compared to John D. MacDonald, will have a book signing on Wednesday, March 31 at 6 p.m. He will introduce his second mystery, “The 24th Letter,” featuring retired investigator Sean O’Brien. Copies will be available for purchase. Lastly, kids can look forward to an Easter Puppet Show on Tuesday, March 30 at 6:30 p.m. The Library is located at 550 N. Brevard Ave. in Cocoa Beach. Call 868-1104 or visit www.cocoabeachpubliclibrary.org.

Satellite Beach is sponsoring Go Go Green!, an event based around recycling, reducing, and reusing on Saturday, March 13. The event will be held in the parking lot of the DRS Community Center at 1089 S Patrick Dr. in Satellite Beach from 8 a.m. to 12 Noon. The folks at the Satellite Beach Recreation Department have been long time advocates of recycling and this is the first of what will be a number of annual events. The day will offer a silent Auction of City Surplus property held in conjunction with a rummage sale, and will see loads of educational opportunities on recycling by Waste Management. Support local reuse efforts and bring your used eyeglasses to be collected by SB Lions Club; coffee mugs to serve soup at Daily Bread; baseball caps for a mission trip Guatemala; cell phones for Phone for Soldiers; wall calendars with pictures and greeting cards for local crafters and classes. Donate your old blankets, towels or sheets for injured wildlife. You can also bring your used batteries for recycling and Astro Too of Melbourne will be on location to take old electronics. People can bring their used bars of soap (not liquid) for collection by Global Soap. They will be sent to their plant where it’s boiled down for sanitation and reformed into larger bars and donated to areas of need. Please be reminded that this event is NOT a hazardous waste roundup. Things like pesticides, paints, etc. will NOT be collected. Refreshments and food will be sold by SB’s Police Athletic League for a nominal fee. For more information, contact Recreation Programmer Louise Stevenson at 773-6458.

Satellite Beach’s David R. Schechter Community Center events for March: 3/25: Community for a Lifetime Seminars at 12:30 p.m. The City of Satellite Beach has been moving forward with the State of Florida initiative, “Communities for a Lifetime” for our elder residents. The City, in conjunction with Wuesthoff Health System, is providing a series of lectures by local experts. The programs are open to all seniors and other adults. Held in the DRS Meeting Room. Free, but please RSVP to 773-6458. A light lunch is provided. 3/13: Whole City Garage Sale and City Surplus Silent Auction from 8 a.m. to 12 Noon. City surplus will be on display and sold via a silent auction. Clubs and organizations who wish to reserve a space in the DRS Parking lot to sell items to benefit their club functions, can contact 773-6458 for event details. This is a great event for groups to join who are trying to earn money for their Relay for Life cause. If you want to sell from your home, call 773-6458 and provide your garage sale location and they will distribute a master “Whole City Garage Sale” flyer listing your home location prior to and day of the event. 3/27: Samsons Island Open House from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Explore the island’s trails in hopes of seeing some of the abundant wildlife and stay for a light picnic lunch. Demonstrations will be ongoing, and visitors can view or participate in river seining, exotic and native plant identification, primitive camping, wildlife exhibits, and bird watching programs. Visitors are welcome to bring their fishing pole, binoculars for bird watching and camera for nature photography. To reserve boat transportation, call 773-6458 and to schedule transport time from the SB Fire Dept. dock. Location: 1390 S. Patrick Dr. in Satellite Beach. 3/31: Anglers for Conservation meeting from 12 Noon to 2 p.m. Cost: $20 per class. The group will be conducting a two-hour intermediate fishing class, geared toward both kids and adults who are interested in improving their skills in knot tying, spin casting, rigging plastic baits, and handling and using shrimp and finger mullet for bait all while becoming a more conservation-minded angler. All tackle (soft plastic baits, hook, weights, rattles, and fishing line) is included in the class cost and can be taken home after the class. Location: the DRS Community Center. The Community Center is located at 1089 S. Patrick Dr. in Satellite Beach. Call 773-6458 for more information, or visit www.satellitebeach.org.

Registration underway for Melbourne’s Citizens Academy. Registrations are being accepted for participation in a Citizen’s Academy to be offered by the City of Melbourne at the Melbourne Auditorium from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. over three evenings, March 16, 24, and 25. There is no cost to participants and a light dinner is to be provided each evening. The registration deadline is March 8. The academy is designed to foster citizen involvement in the community and to provide a wealth of information about city government with speakers and activities that include a K-9 demonstration, a fire truck display, and a simulation of the City’s water treatment process. Topics include the fundamentals of local government, information about municipal services and resources, and insights into opportunities for citizen involvement in city government. Those interested in joining the academy should contact the City Clerk’s Office at 608-7220 or send an e-mail message to cityclerk@melbourneflorida.org with information including names, addresses, and telephone numbers of all persons who would like to attend.

Melbourne’s Henegar Center will be presenting a Red Carpet Production of “The Producers” this month. Performances will be held on March 5 through 28 on Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. and on Sundays at 2 p.m. Tickets are $22 for adults and $20 for seniors (there is a $2 service charge for each ticket). Call the Henegar box office at 723-8698 or visit www.henegar.org for more details. The Henegar Center for the Arts is located at 625 E. New Haven Ave. in downtown Melbourne.

BUSINESS

Welcome the Happy Healthy Human organic raw vegan cafe to Indian Harbour Beach. The cafe, located at 1869 S. Patrick Dr., offers a wide range of smoothies, soups and salads, healthy treats and desserts, a choice of five meal platters served with salad, and revolving daily menu specials. Their hours of operation are Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Tuesdays (their produce box day) from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m., and Saturdays from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. HHH also provides catering and party services as well as delivery within their area. To find out more, call 779-0077, or log on to: www.happyhealthyhuman.com.

Cape Canaveral has a new pizza joint in the form of Rocco’s New Jersey Boardwalk Pizza Express. They’re located at 7000 N. Atlantic Ave., 1.5 miles north of Ron Jon’s. Tracy and Micky Giokas serve up all your Italian favorites every day from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Call 784-3433 for more details.

At long last, The Music Rooms are open at 7095 Turner Rd. in Rockledge. The Music Rooms offer the ultimate acoustically engineered, climate controlled practice rooms designed for the serious musician with monthly or yearly leases available. They are large and can accommodate a wide range of instruments and musical styles, and are ideal for practicing, jamming, recording or teaching. They are also kept under 24/7 security camera surveillance and give room specific access control. To learn more, call Carl at 777-5936, or visit www.brevardmusicrooms.com.

EVENTS

March 13 sees the inaugural Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival held from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. in Lori Wilson Park. The festival will feature an international Tasting Village comprised of over 20 local chefs preparing dishes from their respective countries to be paired with some specially selected wines. Enjoy live music from Three Dog Nigh and MoGeetz, food vendors, a beer truck, raffles, local artisans, a “Wine 101″ class, and much more. Tickets are $75 and are available for purchase through Ticket Web (www.ticketweb.com), a link for which is also supplied on the Festival’s website: www.cocoabeachwinefooodfestival.com. Find out more in this issue’s Restaurant section.

Mark your calendars for the 48th Easter Surf Fest to be held April 2-3 at the Cocoa Beach Pier. Check next month’s issue for more details.

Get ready for the Cocoa Beach Pier’s annual Reggae Beach Splash on March 27. Look forward to performances by UB40’s Ali Campbell, Maxi Priest, Julian Marley, and the Supervillians. Tickets are on sale now at the Pier and through Ticketmaster. To learn more, check this issue’s Local Amp section or visit www.cocoabeachpier.com.

Join students from Cocoa Beach High School on Friday, March 12 for An Evening of the Arts. The event, to be held in the CBHS auditorium, will feature performances and exhibitions by students, and Indian Harbour Beach’s Taste of Thai will host a pre-show light dinner available for purchase from 5:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. in the school cafeteria. Desserts will be provided by Perkins Bakery. Visual art exhibitions begin at 6 p.m. and performing arts begin at 7:15 p.m. Admission is $5; $10 for dinner. Tickets may be purchased at the door or reserved through the Rotary Interact Club. Email them at cocoabeachinteract@gmail.com for ticket locations. Evening attire is suggested.

Local Artist Jane Hodges, Ph.D., will be the Guest Speaker at the Cocoa Beach Women’s Club Meeting on March 4. The public is invited to attend this event at the Cocoa Beach Country Club. Jane will be displaying her international photographs and will begin speaking at 11:30 a.m., following a “meet and greet” at 9:30 a.m. and the business meeting at 10 a.m. For more information, please contact Julia George at 868-7393 or email cbwcjuliageorge@yahoo.com.

The advisory board and co-directors of Breast Friends of Florida will be holding their first annual “Joy for Life” luncheon on Friday, March 19 from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Crown Plaza Hotel in Indialantic. Reservations are available by calling Kristi at 729-9559 or by emailing conniecooke@breastfriends.com or sherrypalmer@breastfriends.com. Each year more than 200,000 American women learn they have cancer. This is an unwelcome “sisterhood,” but they find strength in the numbers and the sisterhood. Breast Friends was founded in Oregon in 2000 by co-founders Becky Olson and Sharon Heiflen. Both had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Breast Friends mission: “Until a cure is found… is to provide emotional support for women dealing with the trauma of cancer… one friend at a time.” Breast Friends of Florida, an affiliate of the national non-profit, was founded in July 2009 by breast cancer survivors Connie Chiles-Cooke and Sherry Palmer. Sherry and Connie met while receiving chemotherapy together and as a result a friendship was forged which resulted in the desire to assist other women through their diagnoses and treatments. For more information on Breast Friends visit the national website at: www.breastfriends.com. Click on “Resources,” “Florida,” and then the affiliate site.

The Brevard Art Museum presents “Navel Gazing: Artists Visions of Florida” through April 11. Sixteen artists were selected for this national juried exhibition, and eight Florida artists and eight artists from outside the state were selected to reconstitute existing ideas or make fresh-squeezed interpretations of Florida. “Navel Gazing” is sponsored in part through a $25,000 award for the Culture Builds Florida grant by the State of Florida, Department of State, Division of Cultural Affairs, the Florida Arts Council, and the National Endowment for the Arts. Also this month, the Brevard Art Museum celebrates its 20th anniversary of the Annual Brevard County Student Art exhibition. Culled from art programs throughout the county’s public and private schools, this exhibition celebrates the creative talents of students and the teachers who guide them. Teachers selected 10 works of art from their school. The Museum provides a high profile, prestigious venue for the multitude of talented youth in the county. The student exhibition runs through March 14 in conjunction with the “Navel Gazing” exhibition. Local favorite Rich Abrahams will perform at the Brevard Art Museum on Friday, March 5 at 5:30. Enjoy some delightful piano jazz in their galleries. Jazz Fridays are the first Friday of each month from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. Admission is $10 and Museum members are free. Tours of the Museum are offered Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and take approximately one hour. Tours cost $2 per student and chaperones are admitted free of charge at a ratio of one adult to six children. Tours must be scheduled at least two weeks in advance. To schedule a tour, please call the Museum at 242-0737. The Brevard Art Museum is located in the heart of the Eau Gallie Arts Disctrict, at 1463 Highland Ave. Call 242-0737, or go to: www.brevardartmuseum.org.

On March 5, the Eau Gallie Arts District will hold its monthly First Friday Art Walk Event from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. Art studios, galleries, shops, boutiques and restaurants in the Eau Gallie Arts District will remain open late for a free gallery walk featuring: exhibition openings, artisans, demonstrations, refreshments, and live-music. In conjunction with First Friday Art Walk, EGAD will host the National Art Honor Society of Holy Trinity Episcopal Academy’s third annual “Empty Bowls” fundraising event in Eau Gallie Square. Attendees of the event will be served a cup of soup and bread in handmade ceramic bowls in exchange for a cash donation of $10 to help provide support for the South Brevard Sharing Center and Candlelighters of Brevard. Attendees will keep the bowl that they selected as a reminder of the meal’s purpose to raise awareness about the issues of hunger in our community. First Friday Art Walk is free and open to the public. The “Empty Bowls” event will begin at 5 p.m. in Eau Gallie Square on Highland Avenue. The X-Band will provide musical entertainment.

Eau Gallie’s Fifth Avenue Art Gallery invites you to view Donne Bitner’s “Painting by Discovery,” a collection of mixed media works of acrylic, pastel and graphite. Works begin with Bitner layering thin washes of acrylic, watercolor and gesso on paper, canvas, or wood. Initially there is no definite image in mind with Bitner following a more intuitive approach, resulting in magnificent surprises so unlike their beginning. Oil pastel, charcoal, and graphite add texture and line to the surface. Interesting shapes come from stamps, stencils, textured paper, and wood blocks. This is truly painting by discovery and will be exhibited in the Gallery throughout the month of March. Come join them at the opening reception on Eau Gallie’s First Friday Art Walk on March 5th, from 5:30 to 8:00 p.m. Talk with Donne, see her artwork and enjoy light refreshments with wine.  The reception is free and open to the public. Afterwards continue your stroll down the street to enjoy dinner and other shops, galleries as well as the museum in beautiful Eau Gallie. The gallery is located in the Eau Gallie Arts District of Melbourne, across the street from the Brevard Museum of Art at 1470 Highland Ave. Call 259-8261 or visit them www.fifthavenueartgallery.com.

Eau Gallie’s historic Rossetter House and Museum will host a Murder Mystery Tour called “Time Traveler” Sunday, March 21. From 1 to 4 p.m., the Rossetter House is the scene of the crime and you play the sleuth in this “Clue”-based game tour. Use the clues to figure out the murderer. Guess right and enter the drawing for the grand prize. Tours begin every half hour. Call 254-9855 for reservations. Admission is $7.50 per person, $12 per family. The House will also host an “Egg Hunt With Easter Bunny & Friends” on Saturday, April 3, from 10:30 a.m. to 11: 30 a.m. Wear your Easter bonnet and bring your basket to hunt for eggs on the Rossetter grounds. Can you find the Golden Egg? The morning will feature candy, prizes and loads of fun. Parents should bring their cameras for children’s pictures with the Easter Bunny in his Garden Gazebo. Free for children ages 2-12. The Historic Rossetter House Museum is located at 1320 Highland Ave. in the Eau Gallie Arts District of Melbourne. Call 254-9855, or visit www.rossetterhousemuseum.org.

The Art Gallery Viera and The Home Center are proud to present “Digital Directions,” a digital workshop for artists by digital artist Jerry Hanzl on Saturday, March 6. Participants will learn all of the skills a working artist needs to compete in today’s digital world. Featured artist Jerry Hanzl will cover techniques on using the digital camera to capture subjects and photograph artwork; using the file system in Windows to save and locate images; and using Photoshop for color correction, resizing, and print preparation. Join the fun and informative workshop and get answers to all your questions from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Cost is $75 and pre-registration is required. The maximum class size is 20 participants. For more information, contact Jerry at 633-4075. The Art Gallery of Viera is a Fine Art Gallery and Educational Center, offering a wide variety of mediums and day and evening classes. Classes are added often, so visit their web site at www.artgalleryofviera.com. They are located in the Home Center, Suite 135, 5410 Murrell Road, in Viera.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Wynfield’s Sports Bar in Satellite Beach hosted a benefit for Haiti on February 21, 2010, which raised $1,700. The benefit was planned by Amy Pastorius of Sharp 5 Entertainment and included performances by the ever-generous Pat Travers, Mary Pastorius, Over the Void, and Johnny Shameless Project. Thank you to everyone for coming out to support a great cause with great music. Special thanks to Russ Kellum for giving his time and hard work.

Art Scholarship Available: The Melbourne Art Festival will award one $1,500 scholarship to a graduating senior or alumnus from a Brevard County high school (or home-schooled senior). Applicants will be judged on the basis of his/her artistic and academic abilities, as well as performance, character, and extracurricular activities. The application is downloadable at www.melbournearts.org and must be completed and submitted to the Melbourne Art Festival office, together with all required supporting documentation, by Friday, March 19. Incomplete or late applications will NOT be considered. Inquiries should be made to info@melbournearts.org or by calling 722-1964.

WEGO Ministries (Worldwide Evangelical Gospel Outreach), a not-for-profit ministry, has started a Food Outreach Ministry. Bags of ready-to-eat foods will be handed out to the homeless and others in need between 2 p.m. and 4 p.m., Monday through Friday at their office, located at 163 Minutemen Cswy. in Cocoa Beach. Monetary donations for this outreach ministry may be sent to WEGO Ministries: P.O. Box 320735, Cocoa Beach, FL 32932. For more information, please contact Coordinator Shenna Wilson (Coordinator) 536-4201 or the WEGO office at 799-9445.

It’s not the difficulty of getting my hands on all the extra chairs so much as the astronomical cost of putting on the shindig. I’m trying to cut corners wherever I can, but I stand firmly in my belief that paper plates are definitely the way to go, and the planet be damned. And then there’s the bathroom situation.

But where I’m really stymied is in putting together the menu. The People seem to enjoy wings, so I’ll get plenty of those, but what kind of sauces to go with them? You have to keep it reasonable. But I’m sure that as many millions as there are out there who like ranch dressing there are just as many, if not more, who prefer bleu cheese. Or is it “blue”? Should I put out some spicy Thai sauce, or would that be seen as too “ethnic”? Mustard sauces go well with wings, but what mustard to use? My recipe calls for Grey Poupon, but again, you don’t want to come across as being to elitist. I think I’ll go with a more populist, “regular American Joe” kind of mustard brand. French’s? Ah, well. I guess you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. This is going to cost me a fortune in condiments.

Alright, so screw the wings. That way I might save on paper towels and napkins. Burgers then? No. Then you get in to the whole “rare, medium, medium rare” thing and I don’t even think my hibachi is big enough. And I almost forgot about all the vegetarians. Wait… Everybody likes pizza! That’s not too ethnic, right? Okay, so toppings. I hate anchovies, but I don’t want to disappoint those who do. Thin crust or deep dish? Chicago or New York style? What? There’s a St. Louis style?

How do I group everyone? Do I just let them make themselves comfortable and wander around? Where should I seat the Republicans? At the children’s table? No, I should probably keep them away from the children. What if the Gays decide to get in the pool? What if the Jews start monopolizing the stereo? And what kind of music do The People like anyway? Country? Rap? What would the Mormons think? What will The People want to talk about? Will everyone get along or will they ruin the evening by arguing? Maybe I shouldn’t serve alcohol. What should I ask The People to wear? Should I allow bare midriffs? Burqas? Should I ask Tea Party members to check their flintlocks at the door? I’d hate to offend.

And where will The People park? I’ll have to ask Ted to move his old Chevy into Bill’s driveway for a few hours. But Bill’s got a Yankees bumper sticker on his F-150 and Ted’s from Boston. Plus, Ted’s Calvin is taking a leak and Bill’s is praying at the foot of a cross. Maybe I should encourage everyone to use public transportation. Come to think of it, I don’t even have a handicapped ramp.

You can see what a bind I’m in.

There’s no pleasing some people.

The Editor.

Paolo Conte

Often described as Italy’s answer to Tom Waits, Paolo Conte, while similarly eccentric and oddly charismatic, bears nothing more than a passing tonal resemblance to the gruff bohemian icon. Conte’s weathered voice supplies plenty of broody mood, but his real charm lies in the way he can shift from style to style — cabaret; Neapolitan folk; jazz; French chanson, and tango — without sounding hackneyed. Whether you know Italian (or French, Spanish or Portuguese, for that matter) or not makes no difference; the force of Conte springs from his deeply emotive expressivity, and the way he effortlessly assumes the identities of the lovelorn characters in his songs. If ever there were an argument for pure emotion’s ability to transcend linguistic barriers, Reveries is it. A collection of some of Conte’s strongest tunes culled from his long career, Reveries is a great introduction to a true master. Give it a spin for a romantic evening; keep it as guidebook for the many dalliances to come. — T. Bennison

Madeleine Peyroux
Dreamland
Atlantic, 1996

Some people see the release of cover albums to be signs of weakness in an artist, but I beg to differ. Madeleine Peyroux has the voice of a pretty little bird, and her ability to cover artists ranging from Patsy Cline (“Walking After Midnight”), Frank Sinatra (“I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter”), Bessie Smith (“Lovesick Blues”) and Edith Piaf (“La Vie En Rose””) on Dreamland shows a great range of both musical inspiration and technical ability. Also, I tend to think that when an artist covers on older tune that they should bring something new to the table, and on that count Peyroux doesn’t disappoint — everything she touches becomes her own. Critics have called her the “21st Century Billie Holiday,” and I can’t help but agree. Her voice has a twist in it that flows through every song — from blues to ballads — and she carries the tune as much as she does the story of how she feels about what she’s paying homage to. Her cover of Billie Holiday’s “Getting Some (Fun Out of Life)” is the perfect V-Day song: “When we want to love, we love/When we want to kiss, we kiss/ With a little petting, we’re getting some fun out of life… Maybe we do the right thing, maybe we do the wrong/But when we want to sing, we sing/When we want to dance, we dance…” Dreamland is a tour of love, French, jazz, folk and of course, dancing. — V. Bormann

Sade
The Best of Sade
Sony, 1994

There’s nothing that isn’t sexy about Sade, and if you’re looking for some mood-making music on V-Day, this album won’t steer you wrong. From the smoky “No Ordinary Love” to a rhythmic “The Sweetest Taboo,” Sade’s sultry voice was made for slow dancing in the dark. “Your Love Is King” is a mid-’80s staple and “Smooth Operator” will remind you of what they play on cruise ships after all the kids have gone to bed. Mixing smooth jazz, R&B, and island flavor, The Best of Sade will help you through the main course and then well into dessert. If you’re lucky, it will help steam up the windows later. Her cover of “Please Send Me Someone To Love” calls back to the jazz standards that have inspired her artistry and shows fans that her signature vocal effects are as voluptuous as they are versatile. Enjoy Sade with someone who gives you the “Kiss of Life.” Just don’t forget to blow out the candles. — V. Bormann

Roxy Music
Avalon
Virgin, 1982

The make-out album of the ’80s only grows sexier as the years progress. Smoothed over with atmospheric soundscapes (courtesy of a budding Brian Eno) and tempered with sultry shades of saxophone, the achingly fragile Avalon remains the definitive soundtrack of the New Romantic movement, which sprung up in response to the comparative nihilism of punk just a few short years before. The songs are a bit on the melancholic side (“Take A Chance With Me;” “True To Life”), but when beautifully crooned by Bryan Ferry — he of the immaculately tailored suits and expertly tousled hair — the sentiment is immaterial. This is the sound of yearning, heartbreak, and fulfillment wrapped up in timeless elegance. If the opening, gasping strains of “More Than This” don’t get the juices flowing, nothing will. Make that the make-out album of all time. — T. Bennison

At age eleven I was given a gift which lasted ten years, a subscription to Outdoor Life magazine. Within were a wealth of stellar outdoor writers:  Ray Bergman, Byron Dalrymple, Joe Brooks, Jack O’Conner, Stu Apte… I only wish I could be among their number. Their stories were more than entertainment, they were inspiration.

Wintertime was a house-bound time in Northern New York, but that monthly arrival of global bloodsport transported me to lands warm and unknown: Florida for tarpon on a fly, Africa for Cape Buffalo, and Mexico for bass. And in the heat of summer, just the opposite. Alaska for caribou… Grizzly in the high mountains…

Even the ads were enjoyable. In the back were page after page of hunting and fishing lodges, listed by state and province. Replete with photos of the bag, these little thumbnails of exotica were the stuff of outdoor dreams. Ah, but the coolest thing about Outdoor Life was a full-page comic strip called “This Happened To Me!”

I love comics. Always have, still do. I started with Popeye and Donald Duck. Then came serious DC stuff like Superman and Batman. It finally culminated with the Marvel brand; super-sophisticated art starring Captain America, Sergeant Fury (and his Howling Commandos), The Fantastic Four and Daredevil. Anything drawn, anything with word balloons and visual onomatopoeia like BAM and BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA and KA-BLOOEY — that stuff just drew me in. And so it was with “This Happened To Me!”

Trampled by hippos! Elephants amok! Snakebit! Quicksand! You name it, it happened to somebody, and there were the cartoons to prove it. Hey, if they made a comic about it, it must be true. They solicited entries and I tried many times. In my long and not-so-illustrious career as an outdoorsman I’ve certainly had a few scrapes. But somehow, squashing a toad barefoot or digging redworms out of day-old cow pies didn’t rate. Comparatively, my outdoor life was tamer than the outdoor lives of others. That was, until last week…

It is December as I write this; hunting season. As my readership (hi, Mom!) may recall, my teenage son and I began hunting together last year. On six glorious occasions we invaded select local Wildlife Management Areas, finally returning victorious. In other words, we shot one squirrel. Three times. And we ate it. And it was good.

We had a lot of rain this fall. Not like Tropical Storm Fay last year, but it came late and stayed long. The ranger at the gate put it aptly: “It’s wet back there. But you’ll find that out.” So we were warned, but figured the savvy we’d earned the previous season gave us license to ford any quagmire these boonies could pitch. Boy, were we wrong. We were not twenty minutes into this season’s first foray and found ourselves hopelessly ensnared in a veritable tar pit, deep in the boondocks, miles from any form of salvation.

How could this happen? I drive a truck and I know these backroads. We drove them weekly last season. Always got through. And what about all those years in Buffalo, Rochester, and Watertown when I drove in slush and slop and never got stuck — and that was in those dinosaur V-8 Lead Sleds with bald tires and three inches of clearance! I drive a truck fer chrissakes! Well, I soon learned my “truck” was little more than a glorified golf cart when “it’s wet back there.”

It was my fault. We’d had a couple of “wows” in some big puddles and I was feeling pretty invincible. A bit of a sideslip, some black water over the hood, mud on the mirror… We’re hunters, kid, nothing can keep us from the killing fields. Then, whump. We bottomed out. Hard.

Reverse, that’s what you do. It always worked in snow. Rock it out. Reverse, drive, reverse, drive… Rock it out.

Or dig it in.

I dug it in. Ba-a-a-ad…

We pushed for awhile, entirely in vain. I crammed sticks under the tires to gain traction. That didn’t work. My son, brave soul, even began to dig with his bare hands. No gain. The vehicle’s frame was resting on the mound between the tracks, wheels spinning. Well, one wheel anyway… It was then I realized “rear wheel drive” means “one wheel drive.” While the passenger side spun madly, the driver’s side was still. I also noticed water swirling around a stick I had planted. This water was moving; we were mired in a creek or spring of sorts. Meanwhile, the black goo was seeping into the cab and truck bed.

The boy produced his cell phone and attempted to reach the ranger station. Surely, ours was not a unique situation. Hunters must get stuck back here every season, right? The ranger would know whom to contact. After dialing the numbers on the map and on my license, enduring several long holds and line switches, it was not to be. Those numbers are unlisted.

“The Yellow Pages,” my boy said. “I’ve got the the Yellow Pages on my phone, I think.”

I’ve never been a fan of cellphones. I find them a nuisance. But standing in that cold black water, looking around and seeing no sign of humanity except for a sinking Ford Ranger, I was beginning to appreciate them. “Look up towing services,” I said.

He stabbed the device with his fingers a few times, tilted it, stabbed again, sighed and said “Not enough bars.”

“But you just made a call.”

“I can call,” he qualified, “but I can’t seem to get the Yellow Pages.”

My mind swirled. Why did Superman only exist in the comics? Boy, could we use him now. Even Batman would be a blessing, and he didn’t have any superpowers. Okay, no Superman, no Batman, no ranger, no Yellow Pages… Who ya gonna call?

“Hi, honey. Guess where we are?” I tried to sound cheerful.

“Guess where I am?” She replied.

“I asked you first… Okay, we’re stuck. We’re stuck way out in the boonies and we need some phone numbers from the Yellow Pages. I mean, like, we’re REALLY stuck. We need a tow.”

“Well I’m at the mall. There are no telephone books here.”

“Oh yes there are! There has to be a phone booth.”

“Phone booths went out with Superman,” she stated. Then I heard a phrase we would hear several times that day: “I can’t help you.”

I can’t help you. The four loneliest words in the English language.

The cab floor was now covered with mud and it was creeping farther into the bed. Ammo, cooler, jackets and guns were now at risk. I was worried about the guns most; mud is definitely a no-no with them. I opened the hatch and pulled them out. They were still in their cases, and I laid them on a patch of high ground. The ammo would be okay; it was in a waterproof box. The cooler, likewise. Our jackets, well, they would need laundering. As a last whim I also rescued a roll of toilet paper — you never knew when that might come in handy. I could feel something boiling within my guts already.

“Dad! I found the Yellow Pages!” Yes! Thank you, Alexander Graham Cell… “Dad! What city?”

I then remembered that many years ago I made a set of signs for a towing company. Why not them? “Hey, try Acme Towing.” Of course Acme Towing is not the real name, but you’ll soon realize no towing company needs the endorsement I’m about to give.

“Dad! Here they are. Talk to ‘em.” A sweet Southern voice greeted me. I felt relieved. “Do you guys work out in the boondocks?” I began.

“Lordy, I didn’t know there were any boondocks left! We work anywhere, sugar.”

“Well, uh, we need a tow. Bad. We’re out at the wildlife management area. Road Two. When you pull in, the ranger will give you a map.”

The upshot was $75 and mileage. I had a credit card, and as I watched my truck slowly sinking in the mire, money was no object. “Forty minutes,” she said at last. What a relief. It was all that easy.

“We’ve got forty minutes,” I told my son. “Let’s load up and see if we can find some squirrels.”

Guns and ammo were uncased. “Don’t go far. We don’t want to miss our tow.” Not to worry. Scarcely were we loaded when the cellphone rang. “It’s them, Dad.” I took the phone.

“Ah’m so sorry. I can’t help you. Our boys don’t go out there. We sold our four-wheeler years ago.”

“What? You said — ”

“And we tried Joe’s — he’s got one. But he don’t go out there neither, sugar. He just don’t want to. I can’t help you. Sorry…” Click. Suddenly that toilet paper was looking mighty important.

“We have to walk, Dad.”

My boy was right. But even if we did make it to the ranger station (which could take who knows how long) could he help us? Would we be taking a long, wet walk for nothing? Did I just lose my truck? Oh Superman, where are you?

Learn the answers to these and many other of life’s questions in “This Happened To Us!” Part II.

The Stephan Michael Connection

The Stephan Michael Connection combine the sounds of soul and funk with the lyrics of familiar classics — sweet soul music and funky dance tunes from Otis Redding, Wilson Pickett, Marvin Gaye, James Brown, and Sam and Dave to the soulful rock n’ roll of Van Morrison, J. Geils, Bill Withers, and Billy Preston. They wanted to call themselves the Cluster Funks but thought their mothers might object.

Growing up in the Detroit area, it’s easy to see how vocalist and harmonica player Stephan Michael keeps being pulled back to his roots of ’70s soul and funk, and the whole Motown, Stax, and Hi Records style is where he’s most at home. Dubbed “The Voice” in many music publications, he’s been placed in the ranks with greats such as Dio (for his power) and Jack Bruce (for his soul).  Drummer George Wilson relocated to Central Florida from Connecticut, where he gained extensive playing experience from rock to jazz, and he’s one of the most power groove-oriented drummers you’re likely to witness. Locally, George has played with Killer Dudes, The Groove Monsters, One of a Kind Ron Jon Band, Rory Pastorius, Don’t Quit your Day Job, and Michael Leasure. If that weren’t enough, George works by day at 89.5, WFIT radio as an Underwriting Executive.

Guitarist Johnnie Cable brings a multitude of experience to the band, having performed with and opened for acts as diverse as Bo Diddley, Charlie Daniels, Billy Preston, Lee Greenwood, Eddie Rabbit, The Grass Roots, and the Coasters before returning to his home on the Space Coast. Johnnie delivers the top level of musicianship that The Stephan Michael Connection is known for. Originally from Hollywood, California, Caesar D. grew up playing sax on funk and soul music as well as all styles of music. A seasoned studio musician, Caesar spent most of his musical career in the L.A. area. Keyboardist Jay Yerkes has been playing keyboards in working bands for almost 40 years, and has appeared played with or opened for such names as Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys, The Rascals, Gary US Bonds, and Johnny Thunder. Together, the Stephan Michael Connection make one helluva noise — don’t miss them live.

The Stephan Michael Connection plays Lou’s Blues (3191 N. A1A in Indialantic; 779-2299) on Friday, February 12. Visit the Connection online at www.stephanmichaelconnection.com.

Nancy Kelly’s vocal style is a study in phrasing, style and swing. She’s both old school and new. She’s experienced, yet her delivery and ideas are fresh. She can take a song and turn it up or down, and leave you believing that it was meant to be exactly that way. It takes great jazz chops to do that, and Kelly’s are superb. She has earned many awards and enlisted fans from around the globe.

Nancy began her musical career with piano lessons at age four in her hometown of Rochester, New York. She continued her music studies to include clarinet, drama and dance. When she enrolled at the Eastman School of Music, she decided to concentrate on voice. At 16, she formed a combo and performed at clubs around Rochester. In the early ’70s, she joined a rock band as lead singer and went on tour of the East Coast and the Midwest. Enjoying the freedom to improvise, she gravitated to jazz, forming her own group shortly thereafter.

As a jazz artist, she’s performed on the West Coast, in the Far East, and Europe. She performs regularly in New York City at the most prestigious clubs: The Blue Note, Birdland, and Dizzy’s Coca Cola club at Lincoln Center. She has appeared at numerous jazz festivals and has sung with various symphony orchestras around the country. Nancy was twice named “Best Female Jazz Vocalist” in the Down Beat Readers’ Poll, and she’s recorded four CDs, the most recent being Well Alright, with guest tenor saxophonist Houston Person.

Nancy continues to dazzle audiences with her take-no-prisoners, back-to-the-roots swinging style. In a market where wispy voices and shallow emotions abound, Ms. Kelly is a breath of fresh air — or should we say smoky air; she takes us back to the time when jazz — and that includes vocal jazz — was an authentic expression of real emotion.

Catch Nancy Kelly at Heidi’s Jazz Club (7 N. Orlando Ave. in downtown Cocoa Beach; 783-4559) on February 5 and 6. Tickets are $15; contact Heidi’s for purchase information. Visit Nancy Kelly online at www.nancykelly.com.

DAMION SUOMI and PALEFACE

As dedicated Resident readers should already know, Cocoa Beach-based singer/songwriter Damion Suomi crafts elegant, drink-fueled lamentations and explosive, midtempo rockers with one ear cocked toward the dusty world of alternative country and the other bent toward the Irish tradition.

Suomi spent a number of years filling time in various local bands before striking out on his own, and his eponymous debut album, a collection of tunes that were “birthed from pubs, drinks, and relationships,” was released on the P Is for Panda label in early 2009. Now fresh on the heels of his excellent three-song EP Needs More Water, which was released this past December, Suomi is playing tirelessly throughout the area and around Central Florida.

When he stands before you on a slightly elevated stage, you’ll find yourself wondering where exactly you heard these songs before. There’s just something that familiar about them — as if they’d always been inside you; you just hadn’t heard them actually sung before. Suomi says his songs are “a mix of hope and despair.” If you’ve ever fell on aged whisky to help you sort things out, then Suomi will be your preacher. And if you’ve ever held onto your friends and lovers like stolen money, then recordings will be your holy book to keep at your side. It will remind you to smile when sadness comes crashing in, because you have to have them both to live.

Appearing for select dates this month with Suomi and his band the Minor Prophets (made up of Ian and Gavin Little and David Fountain) is Paleface, a founding member of NYC’s Antifolk movement. More than a decade since his last major label release and collapse from alcohol abuse, Paleface is currently touring in support of his Ramseur Records full-length debut, The Show Is On The Road. Soon after it was released in April of 2009, the album landed on the CMJ top 200 charts and PASTE Magazine featured Paleface as “Band Of The Week.”

The Show Is On The Road is an intimate, 11-song diary that transcends genres with its ingenious lyrics and deceptively unassuming style – just Paleface on acoustic guitar and harmonica, his girlfriend Monica “Mo” Samalot on drums and backing vocals, and special performances by friends including The Avett Brothers. The album is a farewell love letter to his longtime home of New York City, and an embrace of his new life in the South and on the road with darling “Mo.” Paleface was discovered at an NYC open mic in 1990 by Danny Fields (The Stooges, The Ramones, MC5) and soon became the first Antifolk (NYC Neofolk) artist signed to major labels (Sire and Polydor), followed by college radio hits and national tours with the likes of Billy Bragg and The Breeders.

While hanging around the Lower East Side with his then roommate and close pal Beck, Paleface became a major influence on Beck’s early work. After touring with The Breeders, Paleface collapsed and nearly died from alcohol. Following a long recovery and cleansing he returned to the Antifolk scene and befriended a new breed of artists (The Moldy Peaches, Regina Spektor, and Langhorne Slim among others).  Paleface became a major source of influence and inspiration to many of them, including the Avett Brothers to whose records he often contributes. Since his reappearance, he’s been charming audiences from coast to coast with his dynamic performances, honest and refreshing lyrics, and his raw yet full sound.

Damion Suomi and the Minor Prophets and Paleface perform this February 19 with musicians Lauris Vidal and Andy Zipf at the Shamrock Room in Cocoa Village (105 Harrison Ave.; 634-5555). The musical contingent will also appear together at Wills Pub in Orlando 2/17; Durty Nelly’s in Gainesville 2/18, and at the New World Brewery in Tampa on 2/20. Visit Damion Suomi online at www.damionsuomi.com, and check out Paleface at www.palefaceonline.com.

CAN’T HANG

Can’t Hang has “It” — that indescribable quality that draws people in.

“It” could be the tight rhythm section, the booming bass, the unique, punky-dub guitars, or the reggae-infused songs noted for their smooth vocals and catchy melodies, but the four-piece have an ability to turn any crowd of boring sitters into dancing fans.

Made up of vocalist Luke Mysko, guitarist Steve Lynch, bassist Rob Eisenhut, and drummer Alex Crowley, Can’t Hang have toured the country numerous times in their 10-year career, sold over 25,000 CDs (without the benefit of label support) and over 50,000 downloads, and have played everything from house parties to huge concerts and festivals. The Maryland-based group have supported such nationally and internationally-recognized acts as Blondie, Ziggy, Stephen and Damian Marley, The Wailers, Barrington Levy, Toots and the Maytals, Steel Pulse, Fishbone, Pepper, Long Beach Short Bus, Busta Rhymes, Inner Circle, Yellowman, Jimmies Chicken Shack, Authority Zero, The Toasters, and Jah Works.

The quartet are currently in regular rotation on all of Baltimore’s top radio stations, and recently made an appearance on the beloved “Noise in the Basement” compilation CD and they’re set to appear at Cocoa Beach’s Chili Club on March 6.

Can’t Hang play the Chili Pepper Club — 142 N. Atlantic Ave. in downtown Cocoa Beach — on Saturday, March 6. To find out more about the band, view photos, and hear song samples, visit www.canthang.com or www.myspace.com/canthang.

Ben Wilson

“Easy Listening,” within the parlance of music criticism, is usually invoked with snobbish derision and aimed at the unchallenging, watered-down compositions of John Tesh or Yanni. It has however become a legitimate genre unto itself, one in which several honest musicians have flourished. Local singer/songwriter and guitarist Ben Wilson isn’t one of their ilk, at least not in the strictest sense, but his latest CD, Strange Dogs, could definitely be called “Easy Listening,” even though it’s wholly free of the style’s dumbly followed directives.

With the lyrical insightfulness of a James Taylor or Jackson Browne and equipped with Jim Croce’s receptive ear for a hook, Wilson makes few diversionary demands of his listeners, the better to allow his soothing vision to unfold. But the result isn’t so much anesthetizing as it is calming, and the relative lack of fretboard fireworks draws attention to both his poetic lyrics and finely crafted songs as a whole.

The music world, now more than ever it seems, is crowded with desperate alpha personalities, those who value shock and pointless noise over content. Refreshingly, Wilson strums away in the darkened corner of the room, playing for those who are rewarded for their patience with some stellar original tunes. Track 1, “I’m So Crazy,” comes wrapped in the warmth and catchiness of a treasured ’70s television theme adorned with some decidedly contemporary personal insights as a colorful ribbon. The rest of the album is no less pleasing, bouncing jauntily as it does between the sun-drenched, low-key reggae of “It Came To Me In A Dream” and the vintage, Grateful Dead-like arrangement of “Moonlight In The Middle.”

The “easy listening,” then, comes in the form of looseness rather than diluted vision. Ben Wilson is clearly a thoughtful and very talented artist, and it shows throughout Strange Dogs, an album that deserves attention far beyond the limits of its local scope.

Visit Ben Wilson online at www.benwilsonmusic.com. Ben plays on Friday, February 12 at the Shamrock Room, 105 Harrison Ave. in Cocoa Village. Call 64-5555 for more details. Ben will also perform as part of the Love Haiti Benefit Concert on February 6 from 4 p.m. till? at the Space Station in the Clarion Hotel, 260 E. Merritt Island Causeway, Merritt Island. 100% of all proceeds from the concert will go directly to aid the Haitian people via the Harris Rosen Foundation. Check this issue’s “Word On The Street” section for details on the event.

PISCES: I foresee a big party in your future. There will be many of your close friends and family in attendance. Everyone will laugh and have a great time and you will be spoken of very highly by all. I’m just letting you know because you won’t be able to hear anything from inside the casket.

ARIES: This would be a good time to warn you about the inevitable pains you’ll encounter this month, but I don’t want to be the one to ruin your Spring Break.

TAURUS: Travel seems to be the prominent focus of your immediate future. Pack lightly and bring some antibiotics and your insurance card.

GEMINI: When you get some good news this month it will be in the form of an unexpected government check. Unfortunately, the bad news will come in the form of a 6′3″ prostitute from Belize named “Hermilla” and a weeklong case of the runs.

CANCER: Things have taken a turn for the best at the workplace due to your ability to show the boss you have what it takes — big balls of brass and a glare that would make a Nazi cringe. I would only recommend not wearing too short of a skirt from now on.

LEO: When a lion is caged, it becomes angry and impatient because it desires the freedom to roam and hunt as it was born to do. But this month, when you’re caged for drunk and disorderly conduct, you cower in the corner and quietly weep, praying you don’t awaken your cellmate again. And that makes your new friend rather grumpy.

VIRGO: Too much fun in the sun can be a bad thing. Guzzling Jägermeister and playing volleyball takes a turn for the worse when you jump into the surf and promptly drown.

LIBRA: Put aside your cynicism and bad attitude and you’ll find you’re much happier being ignorant and spiteful.

SCORPIO: To err is human. It’s even more human to lie and try acting like it never happened. Unfortunately, your error will show up when you get your test results back from your local free clinic.

SAGITTARIUS: With your future teetering on the edge of disaster, it would be in your best interests to immerse yourself in one of those giant bins of plastic, colored balls and stay there until May.

CAPRICORN: This month you will have a clear picture of the world around you and a stiff breeze in your face. Enjoy it while it lasts, because it’s due to your parachute failing to open. But don’t worry, the fall will not kill you. It will be the sudden stop at the end.

After a surf session a couple of weeks ago, I ran into Dr. Lance Maki and his tandem surfing partner, Jacqueline Remrey. We talked about training and balance on a surfboard, especially with two people on the same board. Jacqueline brought out her new Indoflo board, the latest advancement in surfing-related exercise equipment. It uses an inflatable cushion as a balancing point versus the standard cylindrical rolling log.

An old Indo Board has been exhibited in the Kelly Slater display at the Cocoa Beach Surf Museum, proving even surfing exercise equipment evolves and has a history. Back in the mid ’70s, Melbourne Beach local Hunter Joslin first developed the Indo Board. This was really an era when the technical aspects of surfing were beginning to be developed. These technical developments also included how the body worked in unison with the surfboard. I remember transverse abdominus and external oblique exercises as a grom. They were such big words. I didn’t know where to begin to develop them. The term “six-pack” came around, and then the “core” concept used nowadays. With each new term, came new exercise routines to help the surfer develop the physical side of the sport of surfing.

Yoga on the beach, though still popular, has given way to pilates and other types of resistance exercises. Former World Surfing Champion Tom Carroll trains using yoga. Professional surfer Taylor Knox uses core training exercises with an inflatable ball, a progression of the yoga movements into developing pilates movements. Advanced balancing techniques beyond the sagittal plane limitations of the original Indo Board can be used to enhance your ability to push the limits while surfing.

The continued advancements in surfboard design will also push the physical side of the sport of surfing. So new arenas of physical development will open up. The great thing about surfing is that you can surf any technical style your heart desires, chillin’ relaxed style or full-out aggro. Some things are for sure: winter is nearly over, the water is warming up, and lineups will soon be full again.

Start that surfing exercise program now, you just might create the newest rage. Not to mention, the hurricane swells are almost upon us.

The Cocoa Beach Surf Museum is located at 1475 North Atlantic Ave. (A1A) in Cocoa Beach. Visit www.cocoabeachsurfmuseum.org or call 258-8217 to learn more. They hold monthly volunteer meeting on the first Wednesday of each Month. Join them!

As partial as I am to my old tried-and-true haunts, I always get a thrill out of discovering new watering holes and barkeeps.

They take me back to that first sip of sweet elixir I enjoyed in my youth and that wonderful sense of newness and discovery. Back in old Killkilly, it was the practice for every infant to down a small nip of whiskey every day until they got their sea legs beneath them. I remember it like it was yesterday, but my legs feel like it’s been 45 years…

Imagine the look of extreme pleasure that brightened me gob when I heard that a new bar — the Thirsty Lizard — had just opened on the site of the old Declan’s in Satellite Beach. Even more wonderful was the kindly attentiveness proffered by bottle-handler Darrin Langley, one of the most highly-skilled and easy going tapsters we’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Originally from Dayton, OH, Darrin has lived in the area for 2-1/2 years, and when he’s not working, he loves to surf and fish for pompano with cut clams.

Though he’s only been bartending since his relocation to Brevard, he settles into the task as if to the manner born.

I’ll have another one please, Darrin — and have one for yerself on us.

fWhat’s the best thing about bartending?
Interacting with everyone and hearing their stories — no matter how embellished the tales are!

What’s your least favorite part of the job?
Serving people who don’t know what they want — undecided drinkers.

What quality do you most admire in a customer?
Politeness. It’s simple, but a trait that seems to have been lost. For instance, I get a lot of bar-knockers and people who want to yell out their drinks.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed whilst tending bar?
I found a kitten in here a few weeks ago behind a table. One of the patrons took it home with him.

What’s the weirdest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?
Some guy at the end of the night wanted the five strongest alcohols put together, and he drank it with no problem… It was Wild turkey, tequila, Bombay Sapphire, and a few more…

Where do you like to sit on the other side of the bar?
I’m usually parked here at the Golden Tee (it’s video crack) or the touchscreen.

Did you have a New Year’s resolution?
Yes, to quit smoking — and it didn’t work out so well.

If you owned your own bar, what would you call it and what would it be like?
I’d call it “Darrin’s” and we would play punk rock.  It would be located beachside or maybe in Cincinnati.

If you could serve any celebrity, living or dead, whom would it be and what would you serve them?
Hunter S. Thompson. I heard he liked Singapore Slings.

Where is your dream destination?
New Zealand or maybe England/Europe for a football fight. Or the World Cup in South Africa…

Any parting words of wisdom?
“Don’t ask what it is, just shut up and drink it.”

The Thirsty Lizard is located at 1132 Hwy. A1A in Satellite Beach. Formerly Declan’s Pub, the Lizard — home of the $1.50 PBR tall boys — is now under new ownership, and features Happy Hour 7 days a week from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., and lasts all day on Sunday and Monday with $2 wells and domestics. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday sees Ladies Night (with 2-4-1 wells, drafts, and wine) from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. Every Monday night is S.I.N. night with $1 PBRs and $2 shots, and every Tuesday sees live music or a DJ spinning tunes. Each Wednesday hosts Open Mic and each Thursday features bingo with an attitude, a raffle, and loads of prizes. The smoking friendly Lizard is open every day from Noon to 2 a.m., and has a pool table, jukebox, ATM, and Golden Tee. Join them for their Super Bowl Party on February 7 and check this issue’s calendar section for their live music lineup, which goes down every Friday and Saturday night.

February 25-28 sees the City of Cocoa’s Space Coast Mardi Gras, with a street parade and party set for Saturday evening, February 27. The festivities, held in historic downtown Cocoa Village and Riverfront Park. Expect food and beverage vendors, live entertainment, and loads of fun. To learn more, call 639-EXPO, ext. 11, or visit www.spacecoastmardigras.com.

The City of Cape Canaveral will be conducting their annual sea oats planting project on Saturday, February 13 at 9 a.m. at Cherie Down Park. Volunteers are needed to help plant 7,500 sea oats along the beach to further beautify and stabilize the Atlantic Ocean dune. Planting supplies will be provided by the City, and food and beverages will be available at the Park after completion of the planting activities. Help support this important community project. If you have any questions, please contact the Public Works Department at 868-1240.

Beginning Friday March 5, the Cape Canaveral Recreation Department will be hosting “Friday Fest” on the first Friday of every month. Activities will include a variety of food vendors, an assortment of novelty and craft vendors, children’s activities, including bounce houses, a giant slide and a rock climbing wall, and live entertainment along with beer and wine. The fun will take place on Taylor Avenue between A1A and Pointsettia Avenue from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. To find out more, visit www.cityofcapecanaveral.org.

The Cape Canaveral Library will be offering a five-week Beginning Memoir Writing Workshop this month. This workshop is designed to help the novice writer mine their life experiences for the “gold” that makes for an entertaining and enlightening collection of memoirs. The focus of the course is learning to tell your vast life story in small, enjoyable steps. A memoir is a wonderful keepsake for family and friends, and the process of writing an autobiography often sparks self-rediscovery through therapeutic backward reflection. Workshop participants can expect to receive: motivation, guidance, and feedback from the instructor to help conquer self-doubt and apprehension. This is a five-week course that will meet at the Cape Canaveral Library from 10 a.m. to 12 Noon each Thursday on: February 4, 11, 18, 25 and March 4. The cost is $7 per person, per class, which includes all instructional material. Writing experience and expert grammar skills are not necessary. Registration for the workshop is not necessary, but appreciated. Please sign up at the reference desk at the Cape Canaveral Library or call 868-1101.

The City of Cocoa Beach is looking for volunteers who have ideas on how to gather and preserve the City’s history. An organizational meeting is planned for early February (time, date and location to be determined) where volunteers can meet, hear some presentations on what other entities are doing, and express their ideas on how they should go about preserving the City’s history. Interested volunteers can obtain an application to become a member of the “Resident Historian Program” by sending an e-mail to the City Clerk’s Office at cityclerk@cityofcocoabeach.com, or for more information, please call (321) 868-3235.

Also in Cocoa Beach news, the City’s new “Red Light Camera” system will become operational on Monday, February 1, at the intersection of Fischer Park and A1A (just north of Publix and east of Wendy’s Restaurant). The red light cameras will undergo a 60-day trial period wherein red-light-runners and/or those who fail to completely come to a stop before turning right into the Fischer Park access roadway will receive a “warning notice.” On Friday, April 2, the red-light camera system will “go live” and all violators will be subject to paying a $150 fine.

Trained AARP volunteers will be on hand at the Cocoa Beach Public Library weekdays to offer tax preparation assistance from February 1 until April 15. Hours will be Monday, Thursday, and Friday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and Tuesday and Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Other Cocoa Beach Library events for February: “People in Print” welcomes back popular Florida mystery writer Tim Dorsey who will speak about the writing process and sign books on Wednesday, February 3 at 2 p.m. His latest novel, “Gator a Go-go,” is the 12th in the “Serge Storms Series,” and will be available for purchase at the event. Dorsey is the author of “Florida Roadkill,” “Orange Crush,” “Atomic Lobster,” and other novels, all set in Florida. “People in Print” will also present author Lee Boyland on Thursday, February 4 at 1 p.m., who will discuss and sign “America Reborn,” the third novel in the “Clash of Civilizations Trilogy,” which includes “The Rings of Allah” and “Behold, An Ashen Horse.” Copies will be available for $20 or the entire trilogy for $50. “Music on a Sunday Afternoon” welcomes back the unlikely duo of former Homicide Detective and author Marshall Frank and retired Medical Examiner Jay Barnhard, who make up the Dick-Doc Duo, on Sunday, February 7 at 2 p.m. Revel in some light entertainment, humor and good music featuring Gypsy, Tango, Broadway Show Tunes, Movie themes, ethnic and classical music played on guitar and piano. Double Header Sunday — Valentine’s Day — February 14: Alex Berenson will autograph his latest thriller, “The Midnight House,” at noon. As a reporter for The New York Times, Alex Berenson has covered topics ranging from the occupation of Iraq to the flooding of New Orleans. A 1994 graduate of Yale University, with degrees in history and economics, he lives in New York City. “The Faithful Spy” won the 2007 Edgar Award for best first novel. Copies will be available for $25.95. Also on February 14, “Music on a Sunday Afternoon” presents pianist extraordinaire Marty Rosenberg at 2 p.m. Marty will present “Musical Valentines from American Composers from the Movies and Broadway Theater.” James Grippando will be the featured author at the annual Friends of the Library Book & Author Luncheon on Saturday, February 27 at 11:30 a.m. at International Palms Resort, formerly Holiday Inn Cocoa Beach Oceanside. Grippando is a best-selling author of 16 novels in as many years, including the critically acclaimed “Jack Swyteck” series. His latest novel, “Money to Burn,” is a thriller ripped from the headlines in which the author explores a world in which the destruction of financial institutions and the people who run them can occur in a matter of hours — perhaps even minutes. Copies of “Money to Burn,” which will be released by Harper Collins on February 23, will be available for $25.99. Tickets are available at the Cocoa Beach Public Library for $20 per person with a choice of chicken marsala or a vegetarian entrée. Call 868-1104 for information. The Library is located at 550 N. Brevard Ave. in Cocoa Beach. For more information on these and other events, call 868-1104 or visit www.cocoabeachpubliclibrary.org.

Cocoa Beach’s Freedom 7 Senior Center present its 4th Annual Hot Night in the City, Friday, February 19 from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Expect the presentation of the “8 over 80″ Awards, meant to honor eight people over 80 years old who have affected their community in postive ways. Your $15 ticket price will include light, warm food, one drink (soft or hard), live music by Delgado, a silent auction, a 50-50 raffle, and more. Tickets are available now at the Freedom 7 Senior Community Center, BunJava Coffee, Ann Lia Gift Shop, Cocoa Beach Health & Fitness, Simply Delicious Cafe & Bakery, Juice & Java, and the Cocoa Beach Area Chamber of Commerce. The event will be held inside the auditorium at the Cocoa Beach Country Club, 5000 Tom Warriner Blvd. in Cocoa Beach. Call 783-9505 for more details or check out www.freedom7seniors.org.

Cocoa Beach’s Surfside Players present an “Anti-Valentine” this month in the form of “Boy Gets Girl.” Set to run February 12-21, the Second Stage production tells the story of Theresa Bedell, a successful reporter in New York who loves her work and the life she has made for herself. A relationship with a man would complete the picture, so she agrees to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. Tony is attractive and funny, but Theresa isn’t sure, and after a second date she’s convinced they have nothing in common and sees no point in continuing the relationship. Tony, though, thinks otherwise. What at first seems like persistence on his part grows into obsession, and Theresa’s annoyance with Tony turns to terror as he begins to threaten her and those around her. Ultimately, Theresa must fight to save herself from being erased by Tony’s actions — actions which call into question the assumptions at the very heart of romantic pursuit. Performances are for two weekends, February 12-21, Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 2 p.m. As part of Surfside’s “Second Stage” series, it is recommended for mature audiences only. All tickets are $10. For reservations, call 783-3127. The Surfside Playhouse is located on the corner of Brevard Avenue and Fifth Street South in Cocoa Beach. Visit their website at www.surfsideplayers.com.

Satellite Beach’s David R. Schechter Community Center will be hosting a “Hob Nob Q&A with County Commissioner Mary Bolin” on Thursday, February 25. One of a series of planned seminars for seniors, the talk will take place at 12:30 in the DRS Meeting Room. The DRS Community Center is located at 1089 S. Patrick Drive in Satellite Beach. The Center is open Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Call 773-6458 or visit www.satellitebeach.org.

The Eau Gallie Arts District (EGAD) will kick-off the 2010 First Friday Art Walk Season on Friday, February 5 at 5:30 p.m. New to FFAW in 2010 will be artisans in Eau Gallie Square with art for viewing and for sale. In addition, EGAD will host the Space Coast Firefighters’ Challenge Chili Cook-Off. Eight fire stations from around central and south Brevard will be participating along with area “celebrity judges.” In addition, the public will also have an opportunity to sample each station’s chili and cast votes for a “People’s Choice Award.” From 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. all art studios, galleries, shops, boutiques and restaurants in the Eau Gallie Arts District will remain open late for a free gallery-walk featuring: exhibition openings, artisans, demonstrations, refreshments, and live-music. The Chili Cook-off judging will begin at 6 p.m. in Eau Gallie Square on Highland Avenue. The Buck Barefoot Band will provide musical entertainment for the event, and the Brevard Art Museum’s Jazz Friday will feature the Right Brothers Band. Jazz Friday is free for Museum Members and $10 for non-members; other First Friday events are free. Log onto www.eaugallieartsdistrict.com.

Eau Gallie’s historic Rossetter House will host a “Ghost Tour” of the dwelling on Friday, February 5 at 5:30 p.m. In October 2008, a team of psychics toured the Rossetter House, the Roesch House, and the Houston Family Cemetery. Join the Rossetter folks for an exciting tour where they will share with you the “impressions” psychics said they received on this historic property. Tour is approximately 60 minuntes; cost is $7.50 per person. Call for reservations — 254-9855. Also at the house at 2 p.m. on Sunday, February 14, you can enjoy a Victorian Valentines’ Day Tea. Make your own Victorian Valentine, wear your finest Victorian Hat, and join them for an afternoon of tea in the garden and croquet on the lawn or an old-fashioned game of bingo. Cost is $15 per person and includes a house tour. Call 254-9855 for reservations. The Historic Rossetter House Museum & Gardens is located at 1320 Highland Ave. in the Eau Gallie district of Melbourne.

Enjoy three local ethnic festivals this month — Italian Festa, India Fest, and the Annual Greek Festival. The Italian Festa takes place February 5-7 at the Wickham Park Pavilion (2500 Parkway Dr.; Melbourne). The event is sponsored by the Florida Federation of Italian American Clubs. For more information, call (772) 237-5100, or visit www.ffiac.com. India Fest will be held Saturday, February 13 and Sunday, February 14 at the Wickham Park Pavilion (3845 N. Wickham Rd.; Melbourne). Enjoy colorful costumes, music, dancing, vendors, children’s activities and delicious food and drink. Lastly, the popular Greek Festival will take place at St. Katherine Greek Orthodox Church (5965 N. Wickham Rd.; Melbourne) 2/26-2/28. To find out more, call 254-1045, or visit www.saint-katherine.org.

BUSINESS

Cocoa Village welcomes its newest addition to the restaurant scene, The Vault Martini Lounge & Restaurant, located at 114 Harrison St. in the heart of the Village. The Vault offers a wide range of appetizers (like wings, dips, pizzas, and calamari); salads; sandwiches; steak, seafood, and veal entrees, and a nine pasta dishes. They also have a special lunch menu, which features wraps, kabobs, salads, fish and chips, and a gyro platter. Dine in or take out. Call 305-5991 to find out more.

Another addition to Cocoa Village is Soups & Stews by Lea, which offers breakfast, lunch, and dinner in a cafe-style setting. Located at 313 Delannoy Ave., Lea offers free delivery (within their range) 7 days a week. Expect an impressively refined variety of soups (like Italian wedding and lobster bisque), and stews and chilis, along with a rotating cast of four more soup specials per day. But while soups and stews are their specialty (there are too many in their repertoire to count), they also offer a paella dinner special; an authentic, Mediterranean-inspired tapas menu; 7 kinds of salad (including a prosciutto and caramelized pear salad); house-baked empanadas; 10 types of sandwiches; a breakfast menu; desserts, coffee drinks, and a selection of wine and beer. They also host live music on Friday evenings. Call ahead for pick up or delivery — 504-4004, or check them out online at www.soupsandstewsbylea.com.

The Flying Corkscrew’s next tasting is set for Friday, February 12 from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Meet Alberto Scarani, master winemaker from the Ca’ Montebello Winery in Cigognola, Italy, who will be pouring a fantastic selection of wines. This is a free event and Ken and Marilyn will be offering special prices on all of Alberto’s wines. On February 26, the Corkscrew will host Dana Lennon of FHI Imports of Merritt Island. She’ll be pouring some spectacular wines from around the globe. Again from 6 to 8:30 p.m., another free event with special pricing on their wines. Don’t forget the Corkscrew’s month-long special on Douglas Hill wines — Cabernet, Merlot, and Chardonnay for $6.99 a bottle. (At this price, no case discount.) The Corkscrew also has a rack of sale wines, accessories, hats, wine and beer shirts, wine glasses, carafes, and cigar accessories at a 25% discount. The Flying Corkscrew is located at 1877 S. Patrick Dr. in Indian Harbour Beach. Call 773-8757, or log on to www.brevardwines.com.

East Coast Coffee has just released its entertainment lineup for February. 2/6: Just Blue; 2/13: Shep Gold Saturday; 2/20: Grumpy Al; 2/27: Mark Nathan. East Coast Coffee is located at 258 E. Eeau Gallie Blvd. in Indian Harbour Beach. Check them out online at www.eccoffee.com, or call 610-4745.

Clear your calendar, book a hotel room, find a pet-sitter, and arrange for a liver transplant, because Coaster’s Pub will be the Belgian Beer Magnet in Florida from Friday, February 26 to Sunday, February 28. This three-day beer event will feature 35 taps of Belgian Beer and lots of specially-priced bottles. Since most of the beers are rare and high-octane, the plan right now is to serve the most of the draught beer in 8 oz. wine glasses rather than full servings to allow you to try more different beers and styles, according to their website. This promises to be the most extensive lineup of Belgian beer taps Florida has ever seen. But don’t expect an outdoor street party; they’re simply taking their pub and restaurant, equipped with 35 taps, a capable kitchen, and room for an acoustic guitarist, and offering area beer geeks a three-day slice of heaven. Come Thirsty. Leave Safely. For more details, call 799-BREW, or visit  www.coastersbrewpub.com where you’ll find updated developments and a growing list of beers to expect. Coaster’s Brew Pub & Restaurant is located at 971A E. Eau Gallie Blvd.

EVENTS

The Convention & Visitors Bureau is getting ready for their 25th Annual Chowder Cook-Off on Friday, February 5 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Pre-sale tickets are $15; regular admission tickets are $20. The event is open to the public and will host approximately 1,200 people. This is a great opportunity to sample food from local restaurants and bars and hotels while supporting your local community. There will be a silent auction, featuring packages from local shops, attractions, restaurants and more. Pre-sale tickets are available at www.visitcocoabeach.com, at the Cocoa Beach Area Chamber of Commerce (400 Fortenberry Road, Merritt Island), the Tourist Information Center (8501 Astronaut Blvd. in Cape Canaveral), the Brevard Zoo (8225 Wickham Rd., Melbourne), Conch Key Grill and Tiki Bar (6533 US Hwy. 1, Rockledge), and Crest Cleaners and Laundry (all nine Brevard Locations). Admission includes sample tastings of all chowders and twists, a cash bar, silent auction, drawings, live entertainment by hayfire and tons of fun. For more info, call 784-6444, or go to www.visitcocoabeach.com.

The Cocoa Beach Citizen’s League will have a luncheon meeting on Thursday, February 5 at the Cocoa Beach Country Club (5000 Tom Warriner Blvd.). At this event, the League will announce the person to be honored as Citizen of the Year. There will be other items on the agenda as well. For more information, call 783-7192 or 783-8389.

“Love Haiti,” a benefit concert for victims of the recent disaster, is being planned for Saturday, February 6 from 4 p.m. till? at the Space Station (at the Clarion Hotel, Merritt Island — 260 E. Merritt Island Cswy.). Join “Java” John, host of  “On the Flipside” on Tropic Wave Radio (www.tropicwaveradio.net), and “An Acoustic Record” on WFIT  (89.5 FM); Larry Hoppen, lead singer of the multi-million record selling band Orleans; the Ashley Gang; Jeff and Josh Pinkham,; Old Friends in the Way (an acoustic Grateful Dead tribute band), and singer/songwriter Ben Wilson. $15 suggested donation at the door. 100% of all the proceeds from the door and raffle will go directly to aid the Haitian people through the Harris Rosen Foundation.

Titusville Coin Show: February 13, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. in the Searstown Mall, 3550 S. Washington Ave. in Titusville. Dealers present to appraise or purchase coins, scrap gold/silver, paper money, gold, jewelry, and exonumia. Contact Kevin Seymour at 386-427-8927 for more information.

The Florida Artisans invite everyone to their February Art Show on Saturday, 2/20. The free event will be held at the International Palms Resort (former the Holiday Inn Cocoa Beach) from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. This show will feature some of the Space Coast’s most talented artists and their works, including original paintings, sculpture, pottery, jewelry, wooden bowls, and more. The group will be exhibiting in the Dolphin Ballroom, so come “rain or shine.” The Palms Resort is located at 1300 N. Atlantic Ave. (A1A) in Cocoa Beach. For more information, call Joe with the Florida Artisans at 292-0514. You can also check them out online at www.floridaartisan.com.

The Brevard Achievement Center will be hosting its 5th Annual “Evening of Coffee & Chocolate” fundraiser on Saturday, February 27. Presented by Southern Janitor, the event will be held from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. at the Space Coast Convention Center/Holiday Inn Express at SR 520 and I-95 in Cocoa. Proceeds will provide programs and services for persons with disabilities in Brevard County. For more details, visit www.bacbrevard.com.

“Java” John Goldacker is back on February 27 with another great music event at the Space Station (Merritt Island Clarion Hotel) — A Spaced Odyssey, a musical tribute to Jerry Garcia. From 2 p.m. to midnight, the 7th installment of this very popular local tribute to the late Jerry Garcia makes its long awaited return. Born of an idea by co-creators (“Java” John and “Grateful” Dave Grooms) to pay tribute to the Grateful Dead frontman, Jerry Daze began in the fall of 1999 at Java John and Jen’s Kool Beanz Coffeehouse. The very successful event ran three years before Kool Beanz closed. The event was so popular that fans clamored for more. The event continued on in different venues for the next three years with the same excitement and success and is now back after a five-year hiatus. This year the event welcomes many new faces, and a very special treat with Ed Munson and Toni Brown joining the fun. For 20 years Toni was publisher and editor of Relix magazine, an eclectic music journal focused on the Deadhead community and “intelligent music alternatives.” She sold the magazine to focus on her music career, and this year published “RELIX: The Book!” a beautiful chronicle of her time with the famed magazine. Enjoy live music by Dave & The DeadBeats; New Gravity; Old Friends in the Way; Ungrateful Buskers; BluesGotUs; Patti & Frank; Bluesboro Band, and more (bands subject to change). The evening will also feature the ever-popular “Terrapin Station Wagon Liquid-Light Show.” Tickets are $10 at the door. Since almost everyone has been affected by a family member with cancer, proceeds from the event and raffle will go to the Susan G. Komen Foundation For The Cure. For more details, contact Java John at javahnagila@hotmail.com

The Brevard Art Museum presents “Navel Gazing: Artists Visions of Florida” through April 11. Sixteen artists were selected for this national juried exhibition, and eight Florida artists and eight artists from outside the state were selected to reconstitute existing ideas or make fresh-squeezed interpretations of Florida. Navel Gazing is sponsored in part through a $25,000 award for the Culture Builds Florida grant by the State of Florida, Department of State, Division of Cultural Affairs, the Florida Arts Council, and the National Endowment for the Arts. Also in BAM news, Museum School Classes begin this week. Call 254-7782 for more information. Upcoming workshops: Everything Painting with Jerry Lanham, February 13-14 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.; Lorna Meaden Porcelain and Inspiring Surfaces, February 6-7 from 9 a.m to 4 p.m.; “Make Your Own Dinnerware” Party — in just three classes, you will make a complete place setting. Great fun for a group of friends, Red Hats, family, and more. Held Saturday, February 13: 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.; Saturday, February 27: 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.; Saturday, March 13: 1 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. Visit the Brevard Art Museum School Studio Gift Shop, located in the Renee Foosaner Education Center at the corner of Highland and St. Clair. All work is handmade by teachers and advanced students, and includes one-of-a-kind sculptures, ceramic pieces of all kinds, paintings, jewelry, and fused glass. For more information call 254-7782. Lastly, the Right Bros. Band, featuring Nick Chirico will perform at the Brevard Art Museum on Friday, February 5 at 5:30 p.m. in the Museum galleries. Jazz fridays are the first Friday of each month. Admission is $10 and Museum members are free. The Brevard Art Museum is located in the heart of the Eau Gallie Arts Disctrict, at 1463 Highland Ave. Call 242-0737 or go to www.brevardartmuseum.org.

Mark your calendars: The Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival will be held March 13 at Lori Wilson Park in Cocoa Beach. This year, proceeds will benefit Brevard County Project Hunger by stocking local food banks. With every $1 the Festival raises, they’ll purchase $9 of food. This year’s theme is International Flavors. Visitors will sample gourmet delights paired with fine wines from around the world as more than 20 local chefs represent their respective countries by with selections of ethnic foods. In addition, they’ll have a seafood category, showcasing some of the best seafood restaurants in Brevard County. The perfect day will end with a sunset concert featuring Three Dog Night. Tickets are currently on sale at www.ticketweb.com. To find out more, visit www.cocoabeachwinefoodfestival.com.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

The American Cancer Society is in the process of recruiting teams and volunteers to participate in and help plan the 2010 Relay For Life of Cocoa Beach and Cape Canaveral –- a unique community event that allows individuals from all walks of life to join in the fight against cancer. The next meeting is on Tuesday, February 9th from 6:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at Cape Canaveral Hospital, Conference Room B. Anyone interested in being a part of the upcoming Relay For Life event is invited to attend. Many volunteers and teams are needed to make the 2010 Relay For Life a success. All the money raised goes to their mission of saving lives through research, advocacy, patient services, and education. For more information about Relay For Life, volunteering, forming a team, sponsorship or underwriting opportunities, please call Anne at 433-3109 ext. 109, or go to www.relayforlife.org/cocoabeachfl to register your team online. Check back with the Resident for more details as they unfold.

Drum Classes in Cocoa Village: The start of a new year is often very challenging and stressful for our bodies, our minds, our wellbeing, and our happiness. Group drumming is a fun and exciting way to offset the effects of stress and can lead to positive biological changes. In this drumming class led by Fred Goodnight, participants will explore basic hand and stick techniques and learn basic rhythms from Africa and Brazil as well as urban application. All ages and levels are welcome. There will be a few percussion instruments to loan, but please bring a drum if you have one. This will be an ongoing class every Tuesday throughout the coming year. The cost is $10 and classes are held at Nature’s Spirit, 405 Florida Avenue in Cocoa Village from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. each Tuesday evening. For directions or information about Nature’s Spirit, contact Doreen at 632-1221. For information about the class, contact Fred Goodnight at (330) 232-1827.

When we interviewed January’s Boardrider of the Month, it was clear that Jessica Williams is an accomplished surfer. What we later learned is that her cat is as well! (By cat standards, anyway…)

Chloe, a year-and-a-half old Siamese Himalayan mix, lives a more adventurous life than many people I know. She has spent half of her life living on a sailboat at various locations along the Banana and Indian Rivers and includes camping on the infamous Thousand Islands with her favorite people. When the waters are warm enough, you can often spot Chloe riding the nose of one of Jessica’s many surfboards as the two paddle through the waterways taking in the natural beauty of Cocoa Beach’s mangroves.

Chloe and Jessica have been together since she was just a tiny kitten and both share a unique bond. Like mother, like daughter, Chloe enjoys strolls along the beach with her mom and stays right by her side whether on or off leash. At home, she loves attention, but has suffered a bit of cabin fever during the cold winter months. Like most of the hip locals, this cool cat prefers to spend her time outdoors.

Even in the chilly waters, Chloe seemed pleased to be demonstrating her board skills.

We look forward to seeing more of her on the waters by summer.

Here are some sweet treats for February, Resident readers!

My friend Carol Allenbaugh makes this fabulous fudge for holidays and special occasions. It is so amazingly creamy and melts in your mouth.

Here’s a little quote that I found for Valentine’s Day I thought you might like:

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.” — Dr.Wayne Dyer

Carol’s Fudge Recipe
• 2/3 cup cocoa
• 3 cups sugar
• Dash of salt
• 1-1/2 cup milk
• 1/4 cup peanut butter
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

Combine dry ingredients then stir in milk. Bring mixture to a boil on medium heat, stirring constantly. Slowly boil to 234 degrees or the the soft-ball stage. Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter and vanilla then let cool to 110 degrees. Beat mixture until it loses its gloss and spread in a buttered pan. Cool in a sink of ice water. Makes about 3 dozen squares.

Hazelnut or Almond Halva
• 1-1/2 cups ground hazelnuts or almonds
• 1-1/2 cups milk
• 1-1/2 cups brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons of butter

Mix ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat. Adjust heat to a rolling boil for 15 minutes and stir occasionally until the mixture thickens and liquid evaporates. When the mixture begins to form a single mass, put it into a buttered pan to cool. Cut into pieces when it has cooled top and topped with a sprinkle of chopped nuts. (You can also use it as a cake topping before it cools completely.)

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

Spread the love!

(And Happy Valentine’s Day to my soulpopie, Jimi!)

At least that’s how the self-taught Merritt Island artist sees it. “I truly believe that whatever talent I have comes from God,” he tells me. “In many ways, He’s been pushing me to paint throughout my whole life. I think that 90% of it is Him and the other 10% of it is just me getting up in the morning to pick up my brushes.”

Sibert says this with a curious mixture of steely confidence and disarming humility, a trait he might share with his creative idol, Michelangelo. And though he’s quick to invoke both the Italian master and the Supreme Being as prime artistic inspirations, Sibert is no wide-eyed holy roller. Because as willing as he is to attribute his success to divine intervention, he’s also just as indebted to some very earthly instigators for his relatively late and very impressive appearance on the local art scene.

Born in Virginia and raised in California until the age of 16, Sibert moved to Brevard in 1988. By the time of his relocation, he’d already dabbled in sketching, recalling that one of his first pictures had potential as soon as he’d finished it. “But the more I refined it and worked on it,” he adds, “the better it looked. I worked on it some more and it looked really, really good. After that, my pictures just started to get better the more I worked on them. I knew I had something right from the beginning.”

With very little formal training, apart from some rudimentary high school art classes he did passably well in, Sibert abandoned art for more reliable work — and steadier paychecks. “Around the ages of 18 and 19, I stopped caring as much about art. I never thought I’d be able to make anything out of it. I didn’t see much of a future in it at the time.” As a result, he says he still has a modest collection of “name tags and hairnets” to prove that other more traditional occupational options didn’t offer much else in the way of financial stability.

After working on and off for his extended family’s construction business, Sibert, at the behest of his wife Lisa (an accomplished artist in her own right), took up his pens, pencils, and brushes just four years ago for another stab at his heart’s passion. “Before that, I’d sketched from time to time and would often see striking images in my dreams. Whenever I put pen to paper I was amazed that I hadn’t lost it. I was in the middle of doing a picture of Superman and I remember thinking that if anyone can make any money out of doing art, I’m going to find a way to do it.”

Sibert’s first formal personal challenge was a painstaking acrylic amalgam of some 23 different frogs, culled from various photos cut from magazines. “I really just wanted to see what I could do if I got serious about painting,” he remembers. “The first frog came out impressively, but both my wife and I thought that it may have been some kind of fluke. ‘Keep going,’ Lisa told me. ‘If the rest of the frogs look that good, then you’ve definitely got it.’” Seeking still more confirmation, Sibert approached two artists in booths at the Space Coast Art Festival in Cocoa Beach back in 2005 for their advice.

“I figured I needed to get some guidance from someone in the business; someone who’d made it work for them,” Sibert recounts. “I went up to one of the best I’d seen that day and asked him if it was really his full-time job. He told me he’d put four kids through college with his paintings and encouraged me based on the work I showed him.” The second artist wasn’t quite as encouraging, but still offered Sibert a grain of hope. “He gave me some really solid, sound advice, but told me not to quit my day job.” But after adding that he’d only made about $125,000 during the prior year, Sibert didn’t need much more convincing. He’d heard enough to make the leap into art full time. “‘Sign me up,’ I remember thinking.”

Since his re-induction into the art world, Sibert seems to be making up for lost time. Within four short years, he’s amassed a huge portfolio of canvases, murals, sign work, drawing, sketches, and interior design pieces.

And while their number is impressive, considering the short time it’s taken him to produce them, even more startling is the diversity of their visionary subject matter. Comic book-inspired imagery holds some sway, but each is matched by an even larger number of inventive abstracts, impressionistic studies, still lifes, portraits, and works of uncanny photorealism.

Still though, Sibert is always ready to deflate any perceived pretensions in his work. “I don’t consider myself so much of an artist as much as a human Xerox machine,” he says. “Real art is in the beauty God has already created. I just try to mirror it.”

When he’s not busy building up his portfolio and increasing his output at an alarming rate, Sibert is busy setting higher and more demanding goals for himself. “If I haven’t painted it yet,” he avows, “I will.”

You can see some of Jessie Sibert’s art online at: www.sibertart.com. He’s also available for commissioned work, including murals and signs. Contact him by calling (321) 987-6107 or by emailing jessiesibert@yahoo.com.

Surfrider Foundation, Cocoa Beach Chapter
By John Hearin
surfrider.cocoabeach@gmail.com
www.surfrider.org/cocoabeach/

The Cocoa Beach Chapter of the Surfrider Foundation has joined a statewide coalition of political, business, and environmental organizations to oppose oil drilling off the Florida Coast. We feel that the risk to our beaches and waters does not justify the benefits claimed by the oil lobby and that the money and effort would be better spent developing clean, sustainable energy sources for our state. The City Commissions of Cape Canaveral, Cocoa Beach, and Titusville have all adopted resolutions against oil drilling. We will be seeking resolutions from the Cocoa and Rockledge commissions as well.

Surfrider will participate in the statewide “Hands Across the Sand” program on February 13. The purpose of the program is to demonstrate to the media and state politicians that the residents of Florida oppose oil drilling in our state waters. We encourage everyone who opposes oil drilling off our coast to come out to Lori Wilson Park at 1 p.m. on February 13 to join hands and send a strong message to our lawmakers in Tallahassee. For more information about the event, go to: www.handsacrossthesand.com.

Engineers from the Jacksonville Branch of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers have graciously volunteered to make a presentation on beach nourishment to the Cocoa Beach Surfrider Chapter. This will be an informal meeting wherein they will explain the process and answer questions. The meeting will be held at the Cocoa Beach City Hall on Wednesday, February 3, from 6 to 8 p.m. The meeting is open to the public and all interested residents are encouraged to attend.
Upcoming Surfrider events:

February 3: Corps of Engineers Presentation on Beach Nourishment, 6 to 8 p.m., Cocoa Beach City Hall

February 13: “Hands Across the Sand” to oppose oil drilling, Lori Wilson Park, 1 p.m.

February 16: Dune Planting Workday with Hard Rock Cafe, 3 to 5 p.m., location TBA

February 16: Monthly meeting, 6 p.m. at the Cocoa Beach Surf Museum in the Ron Jon’s Annex

Whether you surf, body board, swim, fish, bike, walk or just enjoy a clean healthy beach, please consider joining the Surfrider Foundation. We hold regular meetings on the third Tuesday of every month at 6 p.m. in the Cocoa Beach Surf Museum located at the Ron Jon Watersports Building , 4275 North Atlantic Ave., Cocoa Beach. Hope to see you there.