News of the Weird: April 2012
Issue 2, Volume 8, April 2012Filed Under: News of the Weird
Gentleman’s Excuse Last year, the Cape Town, South Africa, “gentlemen’s club” Mavericks began selling an Alibi line of fragrances designed for men who need excuses for coming home late. For example, as men come through the door, they could splash on “I Was Working Late” (to reek of coffee and cigarettes) or “My Car Broke Down” (evoking fuel, burned rubber and grease). Crappy Idea Like many cities, Taipei, Taiwan, has a dog-litter problem that has proved... [Read more...]
Inquire of Romeo: April 2012
Issue 2, Volume 8, April 2012Romeo Pomodoro
Filed Under: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, I’ve read with interest recent letters from other local outdoor enthusiasts featured in your column and am amazed, not so much by their love problems, but that they have mates at all! I myself am more of a loner — always have been — and prefer communing with nature solo. That is, up until this past November, when I turned 40. It’s maybe the result of getting older, but I find myself yearning to share my outdoor adventures with a member of the female sex. But unlike... [Read more...]
Horrorscopes: April 2012
Issue 2, Volume 8, April 2012Lance Stardancer
Filed Under: Horrorscopes
ARIES You’re a stubborn optimist in even the most hopeless situations. This attitude keeps you in good stead on an upcoming vacation. But give credit where it’s due. Thanks to expensive Rémy Martin, you feel on top of the world, even though you’re in a holding cell at the bottom of the Paris hotel in Las Vegas. TAURUS Life will throw you a fair share of curveballs later this month, but you have the skill to connect with them, knock them out of the park, and slide safely home. After... [Read more...]
Kim Vcelka of Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro
Issue 2, Volume 8, April 2012Paddy McDrinksey
Filed Under: Bartender of the Month
Kim Vcelka of Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro By Paddy McDrinksey I’ve not received many compliments in my life, but one of the most memorable came from Siobhan Slattery, a distant, raven-haired cousin I was sure I’d marry when I grew up. She once told me I looked like an older Dean Martin, and I can still feel the blush on my cheeks to this day. I was deeply moved by the comparison and became obsessed with all things Dean Martin. Have you ever tried to kick a half-deflated football through... [Read more...]
Cactus Connections
Issue 2, Volume 8, April 2012Rick LaClaire
Filed Under: Rick LaClaire
Cactus Connections By Rick LaClaire What better gift than a cactus? Okay, maybe a new car — or maybe even an old one. Or maybe just a toy car… Yeah, as a gift, cacti stink. And to think I once gave them. I should have known better. My very first experience with a cactus was somewhat tragic. I was in high school and had a buddy named Dale. Dale had the biggest record collection of all my friends and free time was frequently spent in his tiny bedroom, spinning vinyl. “Listen to this,”... [Read more...]
A Creature Called Man
Issue 2, Volume 8, April 2012David Sherman
Filed Under: David Sherman
A Creature Called Man By David Sherman Long ago there lived a creature called “Man,” a simple beast who did not think too highly of himself. The Earth, the Sky, the Sea, and the Sun, were all clearly more powerful, and those were just the things he could see. What horrors might lurk in the Darkness? So Man became afraid. It’s pretty much all he did in the early days: eat, sleep, and be afraid, with the odd trip behind a bush to “take a load off his mind.” In fact, the... [Read more...]
Horrorscopes: March 2012
Issue 1, Volume 8, March 2012Lance Stardancer
Filed Under: Horrorscopes
PISCES You look for clever ways to improve your efficiency on the job. There could be some new software or some other technical expertise you could introduce to the office, but you choose to attach a foil star to your laser pointer, don flowing purple robes, and insist that your coworkers call you “Merlin.” Needless to say, this doesn’t go over too well with the branch manager. ARIES If ever there were a month to devote to methodical or contemplative work, March is it. Several of... [Read more...]
Tom Frawley of Frawley’s Pub, Co. Clare, Ireland
Issue 1, Volume 8, March 2012Paddy McDrinksey
Filed Under: Bartender of the Month
Tom Frawley Forget “Bartender of the Month;” Tom Frawley, 91, the recently retired owner of the P. Frawley public house in Lahinch, Co. Clare, is our favorite bartender of all time. Though he probably couldn’t mix a margarita if he tried, Tom was the embodiment of all that is noble about the profession. He ran a tight ship with quiet authority (a fluorescent sign inside his pub read: “No Stag Parties Welcome Here”), was spry and attentive beyond his years (when he wasn’t... [Read more...]
Inquire of Romeo: March 2012
Issue 1, Volume 8, March 2012Romeo Pomodoro
Filed Under: Inquire of Romeo
Dear Romeo, My husband and I have an ongoing battle with the television remote. It’s gotten so bad that we had to make a chart and schedule possession of it on alternating days. I think John clicks too quickly through the channels, and he gets irritated with me because he says I linger too long on shows in the middle of commercial breaks. This might seem like the kind of minor spat all young couples have to deal with at some point in their marriage, but I’m of the opinion that it’s... [Read more...]
Oh, Rats!
Issue 1, Volume 8, March 2012Rick LaClaire
Filed Under: Local Scribes, Rick LaClaire
Oh, Rats! By Rick LaClaire Every parent’s nightmare: You’re at work. You’re busy, there are problems to solve, and you are totally engrossed in your daily quest for financial sustenance. The office phone rings. It’s for you. It’s the school nurse. Your child has head lice. Come on, who hasn’t been in that scenario? My boy supposedly had it twice, though I never found a nit. I’ve still got a supply of Nix and that hincty little comb (are you supposed to throw... [Read more...]
