FL WEIRD

Streets of Gold… or brown?
A woman in Englewood, FL who recently bought a new home presumably made all the right moves: along with signing closing papers on her new house, she also filed for a new driver’s license to make it seem more official. Though she did receive a license shipped to her new address, someone, somewhere else, got something terribly wrong as her license address read “Eat Ass St, Englewood, FL”. Upon further research we believe we’ve located the street… a few blocks south of Tramp Stamp Ln.

The Hand that Feeds You
A realtor in Naples, FL received a phone call in regards to an early lease break. Two tenants were reported to have gotten into a squabble over who had rights to a shared pet pup when things got heated. It turns out someone was one was viciously bitten during the disagreement! A pragmatic person would discern this as a clear answer as to who should have dominion of their beloved furball; most dogs wouldn’t bite their favorite human. Alas, this was not the case, for the bite… was human.

The Early Bird Gets the Worm.
Full of vigor and enthusiastic energy, a newly licensed realtor in Miami, FL showed up to his first house bright and early on a Monday morning, business card in hand, ready to seize the day. He knocked on the door, heart racing with anticipation, when the door opened he, without hesitation, reached out for a handshake. A FIRM handshake it was, as he was greeted by a man, but not just any man… a fully naked one. Introductions were made and awkward moments were had.

One Man’s Trash – Another Man’s Torture
A group of realtors in Central Florida were dispatched to a house owned by recently deceased occupants. As most of their family lived far away, the house remained full of the departed’s personal effects. The realtors found any and everything one would expect from a home unprepared for discerning visitors: furniture, dishes, clothing, and knots of snake skins in cabinets and attics, you know… THE NORM! It is safe to say the gaggle of professionals walked the remainder of the house in a large pack – every angle covered!

No More Nose Hairs
A realtor in Jacksonville FL, called for an expert to come inspect a house for sale, fearing there may be an intrusion of mold in some of the rooms. The inspector arrived while the realtor was on the phone, so she simply pointed in the direction of the problem. As she (the realtor) walked towards the inspector down the hallway, he began his rant, declaring, “Whatever that terrible stench is, is much more than a mold problem!” To which the realtor softly replied, “I’m so sorry, that was me.” Never trust a fart.

Open House at Bernie’s
While conducting a run-of-the-mill home inspection, a realtor in Orlando FL entered an owner’s garage space, only to find a body laying on the floor – not moving and covered in blood. Many things flashed through his head: the jovial sounds of the family selling inside, the dead body, the delicious snacks being shared by potential buyers, THE DEAD BODY. Immobilized by his findings, the owner who was following, though at a distance, approached and innocently introduced his professionally-molded mannequin for his job at Universal Studios. A stroke was narrowly averted.

Poseidon’s Throne
“The Devil is in the details”, right? An agent on the west coast of Florida certainly thought so as he posted a listing for an apartment with an ocean views. The unit was, by market standard, more than reasonably priced. Like a school of fish, buyers arrived in a horde, eager to have a look at this “steal of a price with ocean views of dolphins jumping through the waves”. The buyer-mob quickly became irate, declaring false advertising as there were no such views! The realtor encouraged them to follow him down the hallway, into a separated room and stated, “Just stand on the toilet and you will see the ocean!” He chummed the water, and the sharks had at him!

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