by Juliet Pomodoro
I discovered the man I was seeing was married! He told me he was divorced. While dating, he never really had time for me to go and do things. He always said his kids were not to be trusted home alone. They are 18 and 16 years old. Fast forward eight months, and I’m sitting in a bar talking to a random stranger, and the guy I am seeing strolls in. My barstool buddy informed me the guy I was seeing is married. A few weeks later I get a random friend request on Instagram, and when I look, it’s his wife! How do I tell this guy we are over and that I know he’s married?
-Tammy, Queens, NY
Dear “Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire”,
Hindsight is 20/20, right? Details didn’t add up and you couldn’t place your finger on what, exactly, was giving you the willies. No one could blame you for falling for this man as I’m sure he was charming, but I WOULD blame you if you didn’t leave him behind like 1999. You don’t owe this man a thing. No explanation is necessary. “Ghosting “is a sport I would encourage you to entertain. You’re already more involved than you would like to be. I’m sure you’ve already spent a portion of your life you’ll never get back, looking at pictures of his wife and the life, I’m sure, he promised you. Nothing could be worse for the self-esteem. My advice: BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK. Pull yourself together, cut your hair, buy a Mercedes, get a nipple piercing, have meaningless sex, eat a whole bowl of queso in your bed – but don’t ever look back. If you are tempted, even in the slightest, ask Lot’s wife what happens when you look back. It ain’t pretty.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and I was wondering when is the right time to tell someone you love them? I don’t want to say it at the wrong time.
This is one of those questions too intricate and complex to answer completely. There are articles, books and studies devoted to this mere topic, and for good reason. Love is such an intense emotion it has been known to launch wars. Although I can’t answer this question for you completely, as I don’t know exactly how you feel, only you do, I caution you all the same. Those first few months of a new relationship, is the honeymoon phase. Everything is wonderful, emotions hard to contain. Nothing is wrong with your new person, they are absolutely perfect – perfect, I say! Inevitably, after time, the flaws will surface and you will be reminded of how imperfect people truly are. It’s after accepting the flaws and the quirks, that you can honestly determine if its love or lust. Ultimately, it’s a feeling, a moment, a nanosecond when your eyes lock, a rush of warmth flushes your cheeks… it is in that moment, you will know. Once you know, you know, you know? Don’t be afraid of love, be more afraid of never loving.
When my husband and I go for dinner we always end up arguing or disagreeing over what to get as an appetizer. This disagreement tends to lead into unpleasant meals together. I’d almost rather stay home. How can we make our meals more enjoyable?
Dear First World Problems,
There is nothing worse than watching a couple disagree over a meal. This is when I say, screw it, order your own appetizer. If finances are an issue, don’t order one at all, or go to Taco Bell and get EVERYTHING you want. Just because you are married, doesn’t mean you need to decide everything together. Make your meal more enjoyable by remembering you are privileged enough to eat out frequently with someone you have pledged life-long love to. Shove a fork in your mouth, worry less about trivial matters and indulge in decadent conversation instead.